Today In 'Pro Athletes Are Mortal Too': Dexter McCluster Broke His Arm Looking For His Cell Phone

SI- Over the weekend, the Chargers announced that running back Dexter McCluster would miss the remainder of the season due to a fractured forearm that he sustained in a luggage accident at home. On Monday, McCluster went into detail about the incident, which happened because he didn’t know where his phone was.

According to McCluster, he was searching for his phone when a suitcase fell on his arm.

“I was looking for my phone at the house,” McCluster explained to reporters, “and my wife, she packed a bag. She came down from Tennessee. So when I moved (the suitcase), I yanked it, and I didn’t realize there was something in there. I felt a sharp pain in my wrist. … I yanked it out of the way, and luck of the draw.”

He said that his fingers turned blue and purple.



The only explanation I have for this is that professional athletes weren't built to withstand the wear and tear of being a normal, average, everyday klutz. Almost like their bodies are so used to absorbing abuse when putting themselves at risk of getting concussed by 300 pound men that move like people half their size that they become completely vulnerable when they don't have to worry about monstrous, genetic freaks breathing down their neck. It genuinely feels like they flick of the 'off' switch on their internal security system whenever they leave the gridiron. 

Me and you? We do stupid shit every single day. Slam our hands in doors. Walk into shit. Stub our toes. Drop our phone and have to awkwardly jam our hand down under our car seat - while driving, of course - to get it. However, when's the last time you literally broke a bone doing something you were glad no one else was around to see? I know I never have and I have done A LOT of shit where I had to look around to make sure I was alone after. It's almost like life is our football field. As if every jackass with half-assed motor skills built up a tolerance to doing things that causes themselves pain. Dexter McCluster tries to avoid tackles, but is physically prepared to handle recreational violence at the hands of other superhuman men when it inevitably comes. Every run-of-the-mill idiot is walking around treating inanimate objects like would be tacklers that are a threat to their health, but is physically prepared to handle the brunt of falling on their face after getting tripped by a blitzing last step.

You know how sometimes you try to tell a story, but it's literally too stupid to be conveyable to another human being? That's how Dexter McCluster's explanation of his injury reads to me. Unfortunately, he's not used to having to tell such tales so his recovery requires a cast when ours usually just requires a lack of shame and an admittance of our obvious lack of athleticism.