Today In Women's Sports: A College Softball Player Tried To Steal Second…And A Mouthful Of The Preceding Base Path

At least she's safe. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #SCNotTop10 pic.twitter.com/TjA7GJfLkN

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) April 5, 2017

​I don’t like doing this. I’m as strong of an advocate of women's sports as one can possibly be without actually investing any time or electricity into watching them, so it pains me to treat this blooper as if it’s an indictment of proud female athletes everywhere. I swear I generally try to give ladies that compete on a high level the benefit of the doubt, but the only benefit this video provides is pure, unadulterated hilarity beyond a shadow of a doubt.

I’m sorry, but in all my years of yawning through six hour Major League baseball games, I have never seen a man bite the dust so hard that it would make 'Queen' feel guilty for glorifying such behavior. I don’t care if the infield was wet or not, because the infield would have to be a swimming pool to make sense of the aided face-first dive that appeared reminiscent of someone launching themselves off the side of a boat.

I remember a few years back the New York Jets brought in  Yankees' Manager Joe Girardi to teach then quarterback Mark Sanchez how to safely slide without breaking his face on a teammate's buttocks. I'm pretty sure Madison Carter’s form would drive Joe Girardi right to the bottom of the bottle. Seriously, if he was tasked with turning this broad into a competent base runner he would need a desk full of mini wine spritzers that would make your average grade school teacher look like she had her drinking under control. Watching that completely uncontested play (for the record, that’s the most criminally underrated aspect of this clip) unfold was like watching an infant try to run before he/she learns how to properly walk, but the result of a student-athlete giving herself a charlie horse of her cheekbone while under no duress whatsoever was exponentially funnier than infantile clumsiness.