Full disclosure, picking on Jason Witten for leaning on the non-ironic use of Michael Scott-isms and a laundry list of half-accurate preconceived notions to fumble his way through the Monday Night Football broadcast has become such commonplace that I almost feel like a bully in joining in. I'm not entirely sure how that's possible, as someone who is being generously compensated for a high-profile gig despite having no business being offered it in the first place isn't what anyone would consider a sympathetic figure. Therefore, I can't help up think it's a credit to his incompetence that I feel more inclined to pity him than pile on. That being said, the juxtaposition of the Rams and Chiefs putting on the type of football fireworks show that required some sports' enthusiasts to cover their boner with a binder like they were in middle school again and the background noise of the type of conversation that makes you want to vigorously tweet about the stupidity of strangers is just too much to resist. Simply put, Jason Witten announcing a back-and-forth game in which 100+ points were scored in a vast variety of fashions is like hiring someone with a aggressive case of Tourettes to officiate your wedding. As bad for them as you feel, you'd feel even worse in letting their unfortunate and uncontrollable inability to communicate interrupt such an otherwise perfect event. Now, my viewing experience wasn't compromised, as - over the course of the last ten weeks - I've become immune to the nonsensical noise that accompanies the NFL's early week escape. Still, in any worldly context, it's tough to find a bigger disparity in awesomeness, excitement, and all around good fun than was taking place on that field and what was being verbally vomited in the booth. No offense to Jason Witten, of course, but it was like watching a live-action art show with a tone-deaf third grader practicing the saxophone for the first time as the "symphony", and I can't help but think that both the artists and those that truly appreciate them deserve better.
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