Somehow The Person With The Puck On His Stick Wasn't Solely Responsible For The Worst Breakaway Ever
Shockingly, it's not for the player that turned a breakaway that spanned half the damn rink and a quarter of the period into an egregious display of prudence that almost assuredly left Iowa Wild fans in need of a cold shower, but I do have one question here.
That question is "where were you on that one, dipshit?", and it's directed at the trailer that did everything in his power to seem powerless in his outright attempt to leave his teammate looking stupid. Like, did 44's wheels get stuck in a mud puddle at his own blue line? Did he have something other than the sure goal he would have scored on his mind when he decided to make the announcer sound like a jackass for confidently declaring it a 2-on-0?
Sure, in retrospect, Luke Kunin (the Minnesota Wild's 2016 first round pick) should have been a little selfish and proved his worth to the NHL club by beating an AHL-caliber goalie instead of going with the untried and untrue technique of boring him out of position. However, if we are going to make a dead XBox controller comparison then it is much more fitting of the guy who coasted his way out of two step lead in the race to backdoor only to let the puck hit his lifeless stick and flub off into the corner when he got there five seconds too late. Other than the back checking defenseman, this video doesn't really make anyone look good, but it's the guy whose lack of urgency made it seem like he was camera shy that really enhanced the bad.
Anthony Barr (The Player Whose Hit Injured Aaron Rodgers) Received A Less Than Pleasant Parcel From A Packers Fan
Well - in fairness - this random, irrational, hate-filled SOB does have a point. I mean, Anthony Barr didn't have to continue to play through to the whistle and make sure that the most dangerous quarterback outside the pocket didn't make him look stupid with a juke or a pump fake. He could have sparred Aaron Rodgers' shoulder the brunt of what would be considered a routine hit if it were delivered to anyone else on the field by letting up and ignoring the violent, inhumane nature of a profession that could just as easily be taken away from him if he starts showing compassion on the job.
Personally? I would have steered clear of wishing a life threatening injury - by way of a reference that stopped by topical about 35 years ago - on a linebacker that did nothing more than back his line in a way that would have been considered "pussy shit" during the playing days of Darryl Stingley (RIP), but let's not let Anthony Barr completely off the hook here. If he wanted to jeopardize his career by taking a split second to worry about that of someone that's both much more prosperous and protected then he could have coddled and swaddled a vulnerable opponent instead of viciously tackling him during a game of tackle football.
Sure, some might consider it a little presumptuous that one disgruntled fan penned a death threat on behalf of the entirety of the Green Bay Packers organization. However, if there's a fan that I want speaking for a franchise then it's the type of bastard that's courteous enough to censor the word "shit" when trying to spell a severed spine into fruition.
"Find your zone and just stay f—ing locked in. The media is going to ask you what I told you right now. Tell them nothing. Just be aggressive every single day.
It’s white noise to you. That’s all it is. Alright? Let’s go."
I know what you're asking yourself, and the answer is yes - I do see the irony (i.e hypocrisy) in making LeBron's relatively ordinary pep talk newsworthy when the thesis of it was that the media turns the relatively ordinary into headlines.
That said, it's not LeBron's insistence to stay focused, be aggressive, and block out distractions that I care to discuss, but rather the insistence that that overly typical advice stay classified. Like, we had to use the stalker-esque software of Harriet The Spy to unveil the most empty of inspirational speeches? It's cool that LeBron wanted to privately share words of encouragement with a younger player that deals with a familiar amount of scrutiny, but treating those words like they were National Security codes seems a bit excessive. Honestly, "tell them nothing" is the type of command you expect to hear muttered into the ear of a hostage who has a six-shooter jammed into their spine, not spoken by a savvy vet to a struggling rook from under the cloak of a decidedly non-soundproof jersey.
Don't believe me? Just look at the blank, wide-eyed stare of Lonzo Ball as LeBron basically whispered sweet, suggestive nothings into his ear. That's the appearance of a guy whose listening far too intently considering the subject matter. I bet he walked away from that interaction feeling the same way you or I feel when a friend tells a story that they so drastically oversold that it appears to end on the crappiest of cliffhangers. Considering I was left saying "wait, that's it?", I can only imagine the 20 year old who had to verbally agree not to disclose his high school-level consultation felt the same.
Of course, if LeBron really wanted it to stay a secret then he would have delivered his all-important message somewhere other than the middle of a professional basketball court in front of tens of thousands of people with easily accessible means of technology, but - as we know - he subscribes to the "pics or it didn't happen" philosophy.
There's Apparently Plenty Of Sexual Harassment Taking Place At ESPN, But This Text Exchange With John Buccigross Ain't It
BostonGlobe- But others are speaking openly. In her complaint, Adrienne Lawrence describes a toxic environment at ESPN headquarters where men make unwanted sexual and romantic advances under the guise of networking or mentoring, and “mark” women as their own by spreading false rumors about sexual relationships with female employees.
Lawrence accused John Buccigross, a longtime SportsCenter anchor whom she viewed as a mentor, of sending unsolicited shirtless photographs of himself and calling her “dollface,” “#dreamgirl,” and “#longlegs” in messages from 2016 reviewed by the Globe. Lawrence said she tried to remain cordial in the messages but at one point responded: “You need to wear clothes, sir.”
When rumors spread that the two were in a relationship, Lawrence repeatedly complained to company officials and was advised by a supervisor to drop the matter, according to the complaint.
Lawrence said ESPN retaliated against her by reducing her on-air shifts and ultimately denying her a permanent position. The other fellow, a male, received a job offer. The Globe interviewed three former employees whom Lawrence had confided in at the time about her treatment and confirmed her account.
Buccigross, roughly two decades older than Lawrence, acknowledged sending the photos but denied starting any rumors that the two were in a relationship.
“I considered Adrienne to be a friend,” Buccigross said in a statement to the Globe. “I’m sorry if anything I did or said offended Adrienne. It certainly wasn’t my intent.”
I'm not going to lie, when you put it in print that accusation paints quite the inflammatory picture. Doll face? Long legs? Dream girl? Half naked pictures that were met with the text message equivalent of a finger wag? Not looking great for John Buccigross in his off-hours exchange with a female co-worker twenty years his junior. That is, until you see them in...wait, what's that thing we always tend to ignore because it gets in the way of a good story? Ahhhh, that's right, context...
....and with all the good that has come with women finally feeling empowered enough to out the perverts they encounter in the workplace, the bad of timely attempts to capitalize on how quick we have become to accept these allegations as fact was sure to follow. Admittedly, a couple innocent men having to wash themselves off after having their reputation dragged through the dirt is a small price to pay as the collateral damage for unveiling decades of marginalization by way of menacing misogyny. Still, now - more than ever before - we should force ourselves to examine these things on a case-by-case basis.
In this case, the most problematic point of contact was this (strategically omitted by ESPN) selfie...
...thaaaaaat (refer back to the text exchange) was immediately met with a request to hang out. I'm no expert on sexual harassment, but I don't think victims of it repeatedly engage their assailant in hopes of meeting them privately to wash down home-cooked Italian specialities with an alcohol of their choice. I don't know if John Buccigross was actually in pursuit of Adrienne Lawrence, but if he was then the trail of amorous breadcrumbs she left is at least partially to blame. As far as I am concerned, the only creepy thing that the then 50 year old anchor is guilty of doing is texting like the 50 year old man that he was at the time. So if inter-company flirting is frowned upon then you can slap the sad face emoji on both of their records, but there was absolutely nothing one-sidedly sexual about an exchange that featured far too many winky faces to be assumed completely professional in nature.
Now, these screenshots don't serve as a defense of the company that potentially wiped themselves clean of only the female minority when it looked as though two of their employees might be shitting where they ate, but they are undoubtedly an exoneration of John Buccigross as some sort of manipulative sexual deviant. I feel like that's a pretty fucking important distinction that wasn't even remotely made by the accuser in this article. Especially since the article continued on to trivialize the trials and tribulations of a pregnant woman who worked through a miscarriage on-air only to be laid off hours before returning from a subsequent, successful attempt at child birth by lumping them in some cutesy, well-received, back-and-forth banter...
Shortly after Mike McQuade took over as vice president of SportsCenter in 2014, he questioned Walsh’s commitment because she also worked for The Fantasy Show during the football season. Walsh, who had recently signed a multi-year contract and helped host an opening for ESPN’s new digital center, was shocked that her new boss was raising concerns, according to three former employees briefed on the matter at the time.
Walsh was so worried about her job that she decided not to call in sick when she started bleeding from a miscarriage during a work trip to Alabama. Instead, she went to the studio and anchored the show. She described the on-air miscarriage in an Instagram post on Mother’s Day this past year, but Walsh told the Globe she could not comment because she is still under contract.
Former employees said that Walsh was upset that McQuade did not respond to an e-mail she wrote from the hospital about the miscarriage, and she was soon sent back to the same Alabama set where she had miscarried.
After Walsh raised concerns about her treatment, she was told the matter had been investigated and was handled properly even though she was never interviewed, according to the former employees. Shortly after, Walsh was assigned to fewer shows, a move that she viewed as retaliation for speaking up, according to the employees.
Walsh eventually conceived again and talked to human resources before she went on maternity leave to get assurances her position was safe. But days before she planned to return from maternity leave this past April, ESPN notified her that she was part of the layoffs.
Warren Sapp Keeps Posting A Picture Of A Vibrator On Twitter To Prove That Gifting One To A Co-Worker Isn't Sexual Harassment
Welp, that clears that up. One (unofficial) exoneration down, and it's next man up on the NFL Network's roster of former athletes in heat. Still a long way to go to prove that their wasn't a company-wide epidemic of unprompted dick exposure, but at we've taken a step in the right direction by coming to the conclusion that the gifting of a sex toy to a female co-worker in a professional setting actually has not one single thing to do with sex.
In fact, if you think it's sexual harassment to give a woman that you are contractually obligated to interact with daily a battery powered pleasure stick despite your relationship being entirely platonic then it's probably you that is the pervert. If you can't see that on your own, then let the man who does his Christmas shopping at the Hustler store provide a little visual aide (that couldn't possibly stand to make things worse) to really...ahem...hammer home the lesson...
Now do you see how stupid it is to assume that a piece of electronic equipment whose purchase includes a interchangeable "massager" for increased clitoral stimulation is a present that's sexual in nature?
Good...but just in case you forget...
When judging by the consistency of his argument, it's tough to argue that he doesn't offer a compelling point. If you completely ignore it's primary usage then the Womanizer 2Go does have some aesthetic appeal. Since there's absolutely nothing in his past that would lead us to believe that he's a deviant who is exponentially more generous with his finances when he thinks sex might on the table, can't we just give Warren Sapp the benefit of the doubt here? Who's to say that it wasn't the fancy case that drew him to it as opposed to the idea that it would be making contact with an unconquered vagina? If repetition is the key to learning then no one should remain wary of the appropriateness of passing out non-sexual sex toys in the workplace after Warren Sapp's tweet storm.
LBS- In an interview with the “Really Big Show” on WKNR 850 Thursday, Dorsey was highly critical of former Browns executive vice president Sashi Brown and his analytics-driven front office staff.
“You know what? You’ve got to get a guy like that (Hue Jackson) players,” Dorsey said, as transcribed by Mary Kay Cabot of Cleveland.com. “And you know what? I’ll come straight out with it. The guys who were here before, that system, they didn’t get real players.”
The Browns wen’t 1-27 during Brown’s time running the football operations department, and Dorsey essentially said that had nothing to do with bad luck.
“As Bill Parcells would always say, ‘you are your record’ and you know what? There it is, so that’s the truth-teller in this thing,” Dorsey said. “And I’m going to do my darnedest to get Hue (Jackson) players. And that’s all I can ask for, and that’s all I’m going to do. I like the man.”
Well, that'll make for an...uhh...interesting workplace environment. Nothing more awkward than the old "we're going to go in a different direction" announcement when that direction is actually just due north of far as fuck away from you and just about all of your co-workers. I mean - regardless of their organization's long standing history of dysfunction - I don't think the players of a team that has won a grand total of one game in last two years thought they were free of blame. Just saying, there's probably a smoother way to kick off your tenure as an executive than by publicly prefacing an Office Space-esque house cleaning. The Browns roster could likely benefit from a little tough love since they've turned losing into a goddamn art form, but "nice to meet you, what exactly is it that you do here annnnd when is the soonest you can start doing it elsewhere?" seems a tad harsh.
John Dorsey could have at least pretended his players had some semblance of job security for the rest of the season. After all, their jobs do require them to repeatedly bash skulls with other freak athletes for a non-guaranteed contract once a week. It would only make sense to save the "we don't value you as a person enough to keep our criticisms of you as a player private" speech for the exit meeting. If not out of respect for them than out of an undying need to lure more talented players (who probably don't take kindly to the idea of a boss openly demeaning the "realness" of their peers) to a franchise that almost had to be built on top of the graveyard where optimism was buried...
USAToday- A month ago, when Jeremy Kerley was suspended for violating the NFL’s policy on performance-enhancing drugs, he issued a statement denying wrongdoing. “I fully intend to investigate this matter until I am able to figure out what caused the positive test,” the statement, issued on Nov. 6, said in part.
But Kerley didn’t have many answers Wednesday as he returned to practice from his suspension.
“I didn’t have time to investigate it,” Kerley said. “It is what it is. We’re back now.”
Kerley reiterated what he wrote in the statement: that he didn’t “knowingly” take any banned substance.
But when Kerley was asked how the banned substance got into his body, things took a strange turn.
“I don’t know,” Kerley said. “There’s a lot of ghosts around here. Ghost put it in there. You know, the ghost of Christmas past? … I don’t know.”
Here's the thing about dumb questions, they generally get dumb answers.
Now, I'm no expert on all forms of artificial strength, but I'd imagine that there's only two ways that substances of that nature make their way into the body of a professional athlete. Either they are knowingly put there to enhance performance, or they are ingested via negligence.
Since neither of those explanations behooves the already lost cause of the Jets' wide receiver, I am actually glad he decided to point an unfriendly finger at Casper. Not only did he give the reporter the story that he was desperately digging for by way of nauseatingly receptive question, but - in blaming the unseen - he made himself look no more at fault than everyone already assumed he was anyway. I don't know if Jeremy Kerley intentionally took something to make him run faster and jump higher, but - by accusing a hypothetical entity that can't be put on the proverbial stand - he technically isn't guilty of being a liar. I suppose it doesn't really matter seeing as he was just answering to time already served, but if I have learned anything from mob movies it's that a dead eyewitness can always be used as scapegoat.
That, right there, is the reason why Devils' fans were on the fence about a move that basically had to be made for the future of the franchise. I know that this SnapChat was probably the result of Adam Henrique keeping a closer eye on the class of his new division, and I'm inclined to think he was at least mildly pandering to the fans who miss him. Still, the fact that he felt it appropriate to let the general public know he still retains even a slight interest in the Devils success is why the prospect of him playing for a team that's not the Devils was fairly difficult to accept at first.
Let's be real, outside of having a undeniable connection with both fans and franchise alike, there's no reason that Adam Henrique should be anything less than ecstatic about his present and future, as opposed to sentimental about his past. Not only is he now living in sunny Southern California, but he's doing so as a guy whose been on a point per game tear since his arrival on a roster that's a couple weeks of recovery away from turning things around. I still think it was a smart, necessary trade from the Devils' perspective, but if it had to be judged solely from the results thus far than Ray Shero would be on the ass end of it. I obviously expect that to change as Sami Vantanen becomes more accustomed to his new role, but Adam Henrique is doing everything possible to make the move look like a mistake.
For that reason, it would be totally understandable if he harbored resentment for the organization that shipped him out of town after he helping lead them through one of the more trying times in their history. Instead, he's got his feet up as he's rooting on the boys that he used to share a locker room with. That says everything you need to know about how much he enjoyed being a New Jersey Devil, so excuse me while I incessantly blink while trying to convince myself that I'm not crying...YOU'RE CRYING!!!
Marcus Mariota (And His Mom) Thought His Postgame Press Conference Was "Rude" Enough To Warrant An Apology
“Real quick, I want to say I am sorry for the way handled the press conference,” Mariota said at the start of his media availability. “I know not everybody that was there is here. But I was rude and inappropriate, and I just want to say I apologize for it.
“It’s funny, because I got an earful from my mom. That’s how I was raised and I appreciate you guys for understanding.” - Marcus Mariota (h/t TitansOnline)
Oh, the horror! The poor feelings of that room full of media, just battered and beaten by the short, succinct, matter of fact acceptance of responsibility from a quarterback who just lost a hard fought game in which 300 pound behemoths were trying rest atop his chest on a play-by-play basis. How will they ever recover from the slightly less than affable attitude displayed by a professional athlete who was coming off one of his lowest moments as such?! I hope to God there are no double doors in the Tennessee Titans facilities, because that level of rudeness is characteristic of the type of social misfit that thinks one "thank you" suffices. Do the players have their own parking lot? I shudder to think of the irreparable damage that could be done to Marcus Mariota's relationship with those that cover him if he didn't concede the right of way to a beat reporter after failing to check his blind spot out of frustration. I suppose an apology that makes the attending media frantically look around at each other like they totally missed something is a step in the right direction, but who knows if things will every be the same between them again after such a mildly irritable outburst.
In all seriousness, is it possible that Marcus Mariota just turned "overly polite" into a legitimate criticism of an NFL quarterback? Clearly he was raised right, but thinking anything less than being the most perfect of gentleman is an unnecessarily volatile response to a 7 point performance that put their playoff hopes in peril is just wrong. There's no doubt that the Titans' quarterback is more a congenial man than myself, but - in my estimation - that press conference was closer to "I haven't had my morning coffee yet" pissed off than "I just fucking lost to Blaine Gabbert" pissed off. Let's just say this, Mrs. Mariota is a far better mother than she is a motivator, so perhaps her book of manners would be better as dinner table reading. If only because the person who says "sorry" when there couldn't be less of a need for one isn't someone you want to share an elevator with, never mind an NFL locker room.
Behold, a clip that perfectly encompasses the endless array of mindless entertainment that is the internet. Unfortunately, I don't have anything interesting to add here. I don't why they were on their knees and I don't particularly care enough to find out, nor do I truly grasp how each and every fiber of their bodies was perfectly synchronized as they slowly helped themselves up.
That said, I've spent the last 5 and half minutes watching Brent Seabrook and Nick Bjugstad repeatedly using their sticks to leverage themselves off the ice in complete unison like they were wired by the same engineer in Westworld. Therefore, I don't feel like ending this post right about here would have it lacking in content. So enjoy, even if you don't completely understand why you can't...stop...watching.
A Broadcaster Who Interviewed For 'The NFL Network' Revealed A Fairly Cringeworthy Question She Was Asked In the Process
Welp, you can add that to the long list of things that people should never, ever do in a professional setting.
Now, it's not exactly as damning as sending unprompted pictures of your genitals to a co-worker...or cutting out the technological middle man and just pulling your junk out when the mere presence of a woman makes your pants a wee bit tighter...or grabbing asses/breasts like a toddler that lacks all forms of coordination and understanding...or wrapping trunk-sized dildos for the 'White Elephant' exchange at the office...or talking to females that are in a professional setting as if they are far a more lascivious type of "pro"...or texting 'come' with a 'U' like you refined your one-sided sexting tactics in an AOL chatroom...or basically engaging in any of the other brothel-esque behavior that was allegedly taking place at the NFL Network.
Still, referring to just about any group of people as "them" is a look so bad that even the people that originally came up with the practice hide themselves under white hoods. In this case, "them" happened to be loosely translated as "one of those there hooker ladies that values having both a career and a family", but - realistically - it could have just as easily been used to describe any demographic other than old and white in a derogatory manner.
This may come as a surprise to the head of the NFL Network's talent agency that may or may not have given about a dozen sexual predators a stamp of approval, but there's more tender ways to ask about the potential availability of a prospective female employee than by examining her crotch and wondering out loud if it's currently doing side work in the baby making business.
Now, more than ever, we really have to spell these things out for those in power so here's a little vocab lesson for anyone conducting interviews, when T...H...E...M is directed towards any sort of minority it can concluded that there is nothing 'pro' about that noun.
In Refusing To Tell The Media His Favorite Movie, Jim Caldwell Turned A Pointless Question Into A Relevant One
Uh. what? I couldn't be less sure how this question came up seeing as the Detroit Lions have no shortage of far more pressing issues than their head coach's favorite cinematic experience. However, now that the emotionless shell of a human finally (::audible gasp::) expressed what could be seen as a vulnerability, it's literally the only one I need answered.
We all have our guilty pleasures, but think about how indebted you have to be to one particular flick that you're clearly embarrassed by that you flat out refuse to throw out the name of literally any other movie just to quickly move past thee most harmless of interrogation. Between the somewhat psychotic inability to manage a pointless conversation without making it weird and the empty, sociopathic stare that's always plastered across his face, I'm not inclined to rule out Jim Caldwell having the entirety of the Saw series saved on his DVR for somber Sunday night viewing.
Like, what kind of fucking skeletons does he have packed into the potentially X-rated DVD cases laying in a dusty cardboard box in the outreaches of his closet that he couldn't pull one fittingly boring answer off the top of his head? Maybe I'm looking too much into the most attention drawing of deflections, but if you were on a first date and (presumed) nice lady across from you told you she "didn't care to share" her favorite movie out of fear of being "misunderstood" then you'd assume you were in for a night of kinky sex, certain death, or both. Whatever the case may be, there would be no second date and you might even go as far as blocking her number out of fear that she's partial to Swimfan.
If were being completely honest, that answer was the probably just the result of Jim Caldwell having zero entertainment interests outside game tape and being ridiculousness incapable of thinking on his feet in the same way that has his team marred in mediocrity. Regardless, while I don't think Siskel and Ebert (RIP) would be successful on the sidelines, having a coach that can't fill out a fucking Facebook profile without getting red flagged is suspicious enough to consider it an indictment of his
ability to relate to just about anyone with a personality.
I know that the LA Kings basically made popular the idea of being "edgy" on social media, but - as kids these days tend to say - this one did not age well. And really, how could they have expected it to? Of all the things they have over the Devils, they went with the star power angle? And they chose the guy who's having a bounce back season after his organization has done everything short of leaving him on the curb of Sunset Boulevard during trash pickup in trying to rid themselves of his contract the last two years? Credit to the Kings' former captain for all that he's accomplished throughout his career, but - when it comes to selling tickets - I'd rather pay the price of admission to get a glimpse of Charlie Brown's field goal prowess than Dustin Brown's veteran leadership.
The Kings have obviously had an unbelievable season prior to last night, but if they think "heavy" teams built on physicality and veteran savvy are what puts asses in the seats then they should turn the Staples Center into a retirement home. We are no more than 5 years removed from the Los Angeles winning the most absolute of bragging rights over New Jersey, and instead their social media team tried to convince us (and themselves) that - outside of the occasional Jonathan Quick tantrum - their team is actually an entertaining watch?
I'd say that attempted burn backfired, but they put their face to the flame and all Taylor Hall had to do was provide the gasoline...
Usually I'd take this moment to critique the effort of a top defensive pairing that got split down the middle quicker than the check after a horribly dutch date, but making other high-priced players look look like cheap knockoffs is just what superstars do. Anyone who has watched even a period of Devils' hockey this year knows that Taylor Hall has been exactly that from the first drop of the pick this season, and his penchant for looking peerless was on full display last night. As has become a bit of a foregone conclusion, he - yet again - stood out as far and away the most dominant player on the ice and that's no small feat against the top team in the Western Conference.
Now, that feat is exponentially smaller then the Devils' staying afloat without him in the lineup, so all breaths will be held until the entirety of the prognosis on his knee becomes available. However, need not look further than some unknown scrub needing to stick his leg out to slow down a lineup that was showcasing the best side of it's bipolarity for proof that the Prudential Center is no longer in need opponents to provide the entertainment...
I don't know why it took a weekend in which the Devils literally turned over four points to divisional opponents for them to come out with one of their most complete performances of the season. Regardless, down to Nico Hischier and Jesper Bratt biting at the ankles of the guy that compromised the unstoppability of their line combination, last night's skin-on-skin spanking of a team that mustered only 17 shots while playing catch up in a futile attempt to extend their 8 game winning streak was about as thorough a reminders of how good this team can be when they don't play defenseless...
Let's hope that Taylor Hall's knee cooperates fairly quickly, because - with Kyle Palmieri's return looking imminent - they'd be even more dangerous with him than they are completely and totally fucked without him.
Jose Canseco Offered His Thoughts On Sexual Assault And, Wouldn't You Know It, It Ended Poorly For Him
Jose Canseco's mind dump on molestation:
The response from his (now former) employer:
NBC Sports California immediately issued a statement addressing Canseco's remarks:
"Jose Canseco is no longer an employee with NBC Sports California," the network said in a press release, according to ESPN. "His agreement with us ended after the 2017 season. We certainly don't agree with his comments, which do not reflect the values of our network or our team partner."
The response from his former team:
Jose Canseco's response to the response:
“If people can’t take a joke, that’s ridiculous," Canseco sent Susan Slusser of the San Francisco Chronicle in a text message. "What I’m saying really has no meaning. Those tweets don’t even make any sense, they’re a bunch of riddles.”
Oddly enough, the most surprising thing about this situation is that prior to yesterday afternoon Jose Canseco still had two entities that retained a close enough affiliation with him to have to distance themselves when he inevitably did or said something mind numbingly stupid. Like, I know he was just a former player hired to sit on a panel and spew a thing or two from an athlete's perspective every once in awhile, but the fact that he was able to get that gig after publishing a written history of why he's not to be trusted as a co-worker really calls into question NBC Sports California's vetting process. Were taking about a known steroid user that pulled back the curtain to expose everyone else that was sticking a needle in their ass. So yeah, probably not the type of guy to let whatever semblance of a professional reputation he had left stand in the way of his undying need to stir up an attention-seeking shit storm.
And look, I'm not going to try to decipher a bunch of tweets that trivialize sexual assault by making it sound like it's nothing more than some sort of fetish by way of completely disjointed logic. Instead, I am going to 'stand up' for the memory of Yogi Berra and the type of comedy he made famous by renouncing said disjointed logic as a "riddle". I suppose I'm not surprised that Jose Canseco thinks the only defining characteristic of a riddle is that it makes no sense whatsoever since the circuits of his brain are far too short to truly be teased. In that sense, I actually feel bad that he's spent his whole life walking around feigning fake laughter whenever wit flew over his head quicker than the fastball Roger Clemens has been dying to throw at his temple.
Of course, that sympathy flew out the window after I reminded myself that he chose forced full frontal (and the like) as the subject matter for his first (and hopefully last) painful foray into the world of internet joke making. Still, if you re-read those tweets in succession then it becomes pretty disheartening that he stole Jerry Seinfeld's "what's the deal with all these..." schtick just to attach it to senseless bragging about how many women wouldn't take no for an answer from a meathead whose testicles were harder to find than his point. Some might say these "opinions" were artificially enhanced in an effort for them to perform better statistically on the internet. Whatever the case may be, it was only a matter of time before Jose Canseco ended up unemployed. I just hopelessly hope that his immediate shit-canning served as a life lesson in teaching him that he was put on this planet to be laughed at...not with.
Alexander Radulov "Tripped" Over The Blue Line Before Helping The Stars Deke Past The Rangers In The Shootout
I suppose it was a fair assumption that Alexander Radulov wasn't the type to sacrifice everything it took to win after his first NHL stint all-but-ended with an unceremonious benching for (allegedly) fleeing a dry island to wet his whistle with his homeland's most potent export the night before a Western Conference Finals game. Still, it's good to see he's (literally) down to do whatever possible to flip the script on that narrative.
Assuming he wasn't just drunk again, that fall was 100% intentional and boy would it have been super fucking embarrassing if it came just prior to get stoned by a sieve of a backup like Ondrej Pavolec. Now, I'd still turn into an overly strict parent if Alexander Radulov were around any unlocked liquor cabinets while the Stanley Cup was on the line, but selling out to throw a goalie off his scent during a gimmicky tie-breaker? That's not just a step in the right right direction, it's a (mis)step that not every player would be willing to take.
More often than not a lack of expectations is the key to success, and - in that quick, fleeting moment of incompetence - not one player on the Rangers thought of Radulov as the highly-skilled Russian winger that he is. If nothing else, setting himself up to become the butt of the joke had the opposing goaltender quicker to his knees when he followed it up with a display of stick handling that wasn't exactly characteristic of the type of player who is prone to a toe pick. He might clutch to the bottle like it contains his lifeblood but he's not obsessive about people thinking he's coordinated, and apparently that counts for at least one point in the standings.
The NFL Determined That Michael Bennett Was Going For The Ball When He Dove At A Lineman's Knees While The Clock Was Running Out
TheBigLead- Adam Schefter appeared on NFL Live, and in trying to pass along the state-sponsored league explanation for why there were no suspensions, said “they [the NFL] determined that Michael Bennett was really diving for the football, not at the knees of a Jaguars player.”
Look, there's nothing I enjoy more than unveiling the inconsistent results of whatever 'Wheel Of Misfortune' the NFL blindly spins to determine supplementary discipline. Unfortunately, I just can't question a thought process that absolutely can not and should not be misconstrued as a motive in this case.
After all, it's pretty clear - to me anyway - that Michael Bennett was just trying to force a fumble on a play in which the entire point is to not run a play. I know it's tough to tell that he was swiping at the snap since his body was turned completely away from it, but nothing lulls your opponent into a false sense that the ball is secure for the half a second it's live than by unexpectedly rolling up into his knee caps. You might think it was a cheap shot that was the direct result of frustration, and unnecessarily violent in a way that is not inherent to the sport of football, but - come on - this is Michael Bennett we are talking about. He would never let his actions run contrary to his past words in making himself look like a self-insinuated "little bitch"...
Plus, why shouldn't we believe the all-knowing eye of the NFL? It's not like the league has something to gain from failing to penalize an excessively dangerous hit that appeared to be nothing more than the type of intent to injure that they been steadfast in trying to remove from the game. I can't think of one single reason why they would defend the character of a guy who appeared to instigate the messiest of scenes with the dirtiest of plays in a fashion that didn't look defensible....
In A Flawless Display Of Self Deprecating Humor, 'NBC Sports Chicago' Referred To Bobby Portis And Nikola Mirotic As A "1-2 Punch"
Perfect. Just perfect. Enough of an overused figure of speech in sports to fit a graphic used by the social media team of a broadcast network, but - outside of one anomaly of a rare winning night - not anywhere near applicable to the players featured to be seen as anything other than a (wait for it) punchline. The Bulls are admittedly an awful team, but even they aren't shitty enough to consider Bobby Portis and Nikola Mirotic a true "1-2 punch" in any way that doesn't have '1' standing over the mildly conscious body of '2' with a sore fist.
That's why you simply have to appreciate that the station with the unfortunate responsibility of making bad basketball available for regional consumption decided to lean in to the lousiness by delivering a jab and taking the response on the chin better than the 6'10 Spaniard with a flaring temper that clashes mightily with his fragile jaw. If your programming is predominantly going to be depressing then you have to do whatever possible to keep things loose. That's a lesson the Chicago Bulls locker room failed to learn, and thus became one that NBC Sports Chicago was able to use in laughing at themselves.
Arizona State's Media Relations Director Owes His Daughter $500 After Betting They Wouldn't Beat Kansas While On Vacation Over The Summer
Well, son of a bitch. As if having to parent your way around the more pressing issues presented by advancements made in technology and the youth's obsession with it wasn't goddamn difficult enough, now you can't even haphazardly throw out random, hyperbolic wagers without getting caught on video? You spend all your time worrying about your son or daughter getting themselves baited into some online scam or careless catfishing, and it turns out they are just using the WiFi to take preemptive measures in extorting their own bloodline?!?
I mean, Doug Tammaro is the Sun Devils' Media Relations Director so he, better than anybody, should know that there's no statue of limitations to keep you safe from your own words in 2017. Still, reminders don't get more cutthroat than his own daughter catching him in a moment of frivolous financial weakness after a couple glasses (bottles?) of vacation vino. I'm all for kids pulling a fast one over on their elders. However, taking advantage of a drunk dad while he's on foreign soil and off the professional and parental clock simply has to strain the familial bond in a way that can be fixed by him feeding his college-aged kid Christmas Eve shots and making her commit to playing Santa the following morning. However amusing that might be, it still won't make up a shopping spree that should serve as a lesson to never bet against your own team.
ESPN Did Such A Good Job Previewing 'The Outback Bowl' That They Even Talked About A Team That's Not In It
And here we have a mistake that she might say is emblematic of the multiple issues regarding sports and the way they are covered, Seriously, if having the 'Worldwide Leader' do a deep dive on the intricacies of a non-existent matchup isn't the biggest indictment of how many goddamn bowl games there are then it's only because it's a bigger indictment of how much dead air time there is to fill.
Now, me personally, I could have watched the entirety of that segment and not even close close to realizing that it was based on a hypothetical game, so I have no problem being spoon fed complete bullshit that is the direct result of what some ungrateful fans might consider "too much" college football. If mindless television didn't exist then neither would ESPN or The Outback Bowl, so I'm all-in if they want to go on and breakdown Southeastern Iowa Tech Vs. Middle Maine State in the Whatchamacallit 'What If...' Bowl. After all, they essentially did just that by mistakenly giving Mississippi State their shine and I needed someone else to point out to me why it was problematic.
Serious question, would you rather be the person that just got caught on camera in a city street stepping in dog shit thus eliciting an And 1-esque reaction from a relatively large crowd, or be a part of that crowd who is likely spending hours out in the cold only to spend $500 on a pair of shoes whose quality is on par with Payless?
In almost every case I would say it's more humiliating to get broadcasted on the internet while soiled in another living thing's excrement, but - depending on what the dog in question had for breakfast - I honestly think I'd rather leave "muddy" footprints in my wake as I walk all the way home smelling like a public bathroom than out myself as that much of a sucker.
I actually respect LaVar Ball's ability to sell insanely overpriced sneakers with no one other than all three of his exceedingly uninspiring children as spokespeople. Unfortunately, shoes can be cleaned free of animal feces, but a credit card statement can't be completely expunged of half a stack worth of bullshit. I wouldn't want to be in the crap-encrusted flats of the lady that drew the laughter of a couple dozen raucous teens, but if Lonzo keeps chucking treys with the accuracy of a drunk kid in a food court then this video might damn well age better for her (and her shoes) than it does from them (and theirs).