3 Reasons Why John Hynes Will Make A Fantastic Head Coach For The New Jersey Devils

1) His name is John. Nothing like a solid, abrupt first name to show people you mean business. No hidden missing H's or long drawn out pronunciations. No frills. Just like a head coach should be. Short, succinct, and straight to the point. 

2) He's bald. Bald people get a bad rap in this world. If I were to start a business? All bald people. Hair? Ain't nobody got time for that. He has a professional hockey team to coach. He can't be concerning himself with trivial things like combs and hair gel. Add those 10 minutes a day that people spend doing their hair up and they have pretty much already cost themselves a shot at a Stanley Cup. It's just basic math as far as I am concerned. John Hynes is a wake up and go kind of man. Probably has a 'Go-gort' and eats it on the way to the office every morning. No time for meals. No time for hair. All the time in the world for winning.

3) He proved himself in the AHL. John Hynes doesn't take anything for granted. He worked hard for this opportunity. He's a humble man. A humble man that was able to turn young players into one of the most successful AHL franchises. The Devils can't possibly get older, so he fits right in with the youth movement. The kids got to get their feet wet and there's no one better to make sure they don't miss behind the ears than someone who has spent the last 5 years crafting the NHL's youth.

What's that you say? The last bald coach from the AHL that was named John was the worst coach in New Jersey Devils franchise history? Exception, not the rule. Even more reason to hire Hynes. What are the chances such a brilliantly calculated move fails twice?