Jimmy Butler Heard About It From Dwyane Wade After Getting A Bit Froggish In Gabrielle Union's IG Comments
I'm 96% sure this was all in jest, as Jimmy Butler and Dwyane Wade are former teammates whose friendship was strengthened by getting the hell out of Chicago. That doesn't make publicly salivating over another man's gorgeous wife any less of a no-no, but nothing short of an unsolicited dick pic is breaking the type of bond formed by two grown men who sing K-Ci & JoJo together...
That said, for those of you whose platonic relationships aren't reinforced by belting out 90's R&B ballads, I warn you not to try what Jimmy Butler did at home. To be safe, I'd steer clear of commenting on the appearance of your friends' wives and girlfriends on the internet all together. However, if you absolutely must, then stick to harmless, non-sexualized terms like "pretty" that can't be read into and definitely, definitely do not post them under pictures in which their nipples look to be slicing clear through your computer screen.
In fairness, "WELL DAMN" is just about the only fitting comment to leave on that picture of Gabrielle Union presumably air-drying after a dip in Dwyane's cold tub. Unfortunately, similar phrasing is also fit to catch you an all-time ass-whooping at the BBQ if the person hosting it doesn't see you as close to him just like his mother, father, sister, or brother.
NYPost- NBA journeyman J.J. Redick claims he freaked after seeing a woman apparently being caged under a blanket in the back of his car service in Manhattan, prompting him to jump out and call cops.
Redick shared the story on his “The J.J. Redick Podcast” on Thursday, saying it happened Wednesday after he had done a photo shoot for the fashion line Mr. Porter.
The former Duke University and current Philadelphia 76ers guard said he was with his wife, Chelsea, and sister-in-law Kylee as they got into the Cadillac Escalade livery cab arranged by Mr. Porter.
As they motored through Manhattan, Kylee became “pale as a ghost” because she said someone was in the vehicle’s back storage area, according to Redick.
They demand the driver pull over, saying they saw a child or small woman in back, according to the hoopster. The driver then sped off, leaving Redick and his party on the sidewalk.
Redick, 34, said he called the NYPD.
The player later called the car service to complain — and was told the driver had been disciplined for bringing along another passenger in the front seat, according to Redick. There was no mention of any woman in the trunk, he said.
“So, possible scenarios here: I think best-case for everyone involved is that maybe his sister or his cousin, or maybe a girlfriend or wife needed a ride across town and they didn’t want to pay for an Uber or taxi. That’s probably best-case scenario,” Redick speculated.
“And then from there you can go darker. This is not funny, but child abduction, human trafficking. Like, Chelsea’s dead serious texting me today and she’s like, ‘I’m calling the FBI tip line and I’m opening a claim. This is serious.’ I don’t know what to make of it. It definitely was not a dog. I will say that. It was a human being in the back seat of his car, under a blanket in some sort of box or cage. That’s my story.”
I'll tell you what, there's not all that many things that could get me to change my "sit down and shut up" approach to using ridesharing services, but I think that potentially being seen as an accomplice to human trafficking is on the short list of social infractions that could get me to begrudgingly start up a dialogue. I've always maintained that it's none of my business what my affordable and conveniently contracted chauffeurs keep in their car, but an unlawfully imprisoned man, woman, or child might just challenge that theory, as it seems like a pretty big problem to bring to work with you. If J.J. Redick knew his mode of transportation was going to have him at risk of running into people being treated as rabid animals regardless, he might have opted to take the subway where riding along to such a thing wouldn't make him a witness to a felony. Therefore, the least his driver could have done was offered him an undoubtedly unsatisfactory explanation for the jailed stranger clanging around under a blanket in the back seat.
I don't go less than 5-stars often, but making me remove both headphones is at least a 2-star penalty, whereas turning me into the lifeguard in an Uber Pool is at least a 1-star deduction. Assuming the Sixers' guard and his lady were offered Aquafina's upon entry, that's a 2-star experience at best, and seeing as there was no mention of a water dish in the back, that's the furthest thing from a safe assumption.
Did The Timberwolves Pass On Steph Curry Because He Wouldn't Be Able To Golf Enough For His Liking In Minnesota? Maybe Yes, Definitely No.
CBSSports- Curry went seventh overall in that draft, behind back-to-back point-guard picks by the Wolves -- Ricky Rubio at No. 5 and Jonny Flynn at No. 6. And now, years later, the three-point specialist has revealed a story he once heard about why then-Minnesota executive David Kahn opted to steer clear of Curry despite two opportunities to take him.
"I don't know if that ever came out -- that's a story," Curry said on The Bill Simmons Podcast this week. "Everybody knows how much I love golf -- play it in my spare time and whatnot ... I think the word on the street was that he [Kahn] didn't draft me because, in Minnesota, it's cold and I wouldn't be able to play as much golf, so I would have been miserable."
First things first, there is exactly a zero percent chance that this "story" has even a hint of truth to it. A tongue-in-cheek "explanation" for the stupidity required to select Jonny Flynn ahead of Steph Curry that somewhere along the line morphed into something that could be loosely defined as a rumor? Probably. A legit reason as to why the Timberwolves ended up passing on a player who beat the odds to become one of the best shooters in league history, as well as the valedictorian of the new school of scoring point guards, to select someone who played in as many NBA seasons as the player he was picked in front of has NBA Finals? No f'n chance.
The thought of a President of Basketball Operations looking at a prospective lottery pick like he were a potential client in trying to cater to his love of golf is abjectly preposterous. Yet somehow, it's matched in ridiculousness by the idea that said President of Basketball Operations would be left with anything other than a cold, barren prospect pool if he was intent on filling it only with people that are at their happiest during the depressing dead of winter in the middle of Minneapolis. Plus, as if this weren't an absurd enough theory as is, believing in it would require you to think that sports' executives genuinely give a damn if their players are well-rounded individuals with outside interests and an optimistic view on life.
Hell, if David Kahn had altered the course of history by selecting Steph Curry, I'm willing to bet he'd have been more likely to have been caught flooding the greens at the local links than booking tee times for the prepubescent looking kid whose development as a basketball player was tied directly to his job security. If anything, not having immediate, year-round access to his favorite hobby would have been a plus in Steph Curry's pros column, as it would have forced him into shooting J's in a snow covered gym during his down time throughout the season. That's far more preferable to a General Manager than his most promising player having a fulfilling life away from basketball. Therefore, we're just going to have to continue blaming organizational incompetence, because - seeing as we're talking about the NBA Draft and not divorce court - it's certainly not golf's fault.
The NCAA Is (Finally) Allowing Basketball Players To Be Represented By Agents And Return To School If They Happen To Go Undrafted
Wait, wait, wait...not so fast! Before I go ahead and celebrate the NCAA's long overdue and unspoken admission that there is a booming business behind "amateur" sports, I must know...has anyone taken Mark Emmert's temperature? At the very least, he should have been offered a Snickers before signing off on an idea that makes far too much sense. You know, on the off-chance that was too hungry to be his shamelessly greedy, hypocritical self.
Don't get me wrong, I wholeheartedly appreciate that the student-athletes will finally get the well-deserved opportunity to explore which half of that label best suits their immediate future before deciding on it, but I can't help but wonder why the change in what was presumed to be a cold, dark hole where their heart was supposed to be. The fact that the agents in question must be NCAA-certified probably explain$ a lot, but nearly enough for me to understand a suspiciously simple decision that's been obvious as long as it has been ignored.
This is just out of character in the sense that it shows a semblance of character within an organization that, at long last, is throwing a shekel of sensibility the way of those that allow them to make money hand over fist. This is probably only a come-to-Jesus moment for the NCAA because they figured out a way to take a little off the top of the collection plate. However, at least now they having something other than the (highly ineffective) ruse that college sports are more about the people playing them to get off their chest when they somehow avoid burning as they step into the confessional booth.
Thirteen UNC Football Players Have Been Suspended A Game For Selling The Sneakers They Got As Part Of Their Sponsorship, As If That Wasn't A Foregone Conclusion
I honestly don't feel the need to post the entirety of the story, because the following tweet from an NBA player is all the proof you need that the end result of giving broke student athletes sneakers that are worth exponentially more as an asset than they are as a compliment to their wardrobe was inevitable...
I'm assuming they didn't get to keep their earnings, but had it been a option to take a one game suspension in exchange for the money to be made off of a limited edition pair of Jumpman's then I bet at least half of them would have done it anyway. I guess we're not even keeping up the illusion that education matters in college sports anymore, because - from a business perspective - it would have been financially irresponsible not to.
I refuse to even consider this some sort of scandal, because - as far as I can tell - half the fun in owning a pair of Jordan's is seeing the absurd amounts of cash to be pocketed off flipping them. All these kids did was what any self-respecting sneakerhead would do, and we're going to treat them like culprits? Why? Because the braintrust of North Carolina's football team didn't understand the true allure of their sponsorship?
On the top of the list of things that 18-22 year olds know about Michael Jordan, #1 is that shoes bearing his likeness are worth infinitely more than they are to the school refusing to pay them to play a sport as dangerous as football, and #2 is that he once wept in public. Excuse my french, but no shit they sold the free shoes given to them by an internet meme when doing so could pay off a lease on a car if they found the right sucker.
In A Show Of Complete Selflessness, Jason Kidd Said He Would Gladly Take Over As Head Coach Of The Warriors If Steve Kerr Stepped Aside
"One day, I’ll come back and hopefully coach in the Bay Area. This has always been home. And so hopefully maybe in high school, maybe in college. Or maybe if Steve Kerr ever decides to stop coaching, I can maybe help out with the Warriors one day." - Jason Kidd (h/t NBCS)
In a word, heroic. His health is an ongoing struggle, so while Steve Kerr's back seemed to have held up fairly admirably as he coached his way to his third championship in four seasons, you just never know when the pain could become unbearable and force him into an early retirement.
That's why it must be such a relief for the Warriors to find out that Jason Kidd has so charitably offered his services as the fallback option for a position that would otherwise be so difficult to fill. With Luke Walton no longer around to loosely supervise a superstar-studded team that was without the mind of it's mentor present for the first half of the most winningest season in NBA history, I was fearful that Golden State would be left directionless with nowhere to turn for a replacement if their fearless leader were to be forced from the sidelines. The Lord works in mysterious ways, so it must have been the Messiah himself that encouraged a young, promising team like the Milwaukee Bucks to can a candidate as flawless as Jason Kidd so that Warriors wouldn't be left completely suitor-less if misfortune happened to strike their bench. Golden State was one awful and uncomfortable night of twisting and turning away from having to depend on nothing more than their unprecedented level of talent and a rock solid organizational hierarchy in continuing their winning ways. Can you imagine the horror? Thank god Jason Kidd came along as another security blanket, for the Warriors were surely cowered under theirs at the thought of having to survive the complete hypothetical loss of Steve Kerr.
In all seriousness, the end of that quote reads as if Steve Kerr would literally have to be completely out of the picture forever to Jason Kidd to do so much as "help out" the Warriors, which tells you just about everything you need to know about Jason Kidd as a coach.
Kevin Durant Has Reportedly Discovered Himself Since Joining The Warriors, Which Begs Some Questions...
Okay fine, so I lied. There's really only one question I have for Kevin Durant, and it's which "me" is he referring to here? The low-key, mild-mannered "phony" (his word, not mine) that managed to find his thin skin pierced by Oklahoma City's extremely forgiving media on multiple occasions appears to have lived on through a number of outspoken internet alias. Would that make his "real" self the guy that exercised his right to make one of the most diabolical departures in NBA history, hasn't stopped talking about how he doesn't give a damn about what anyone thinks about it since, and most recently told C.J. McCollum that the Blazers' championship aspirations are basically that of a newborn puppy trying to hop atop a bunk bed? That doesn't totally jive, so maybe this a 'Me, Myself, and KD' situation, in which he recognizes both his bi-polar personalities as distinctly separate but equal parts of his eternally emotional makeup?
Personally, I would argue that it's neither, and that even feeling the need to text some second-rate media member to proclaim how comfortable you are in your own skin is evidence that you're still making alterations to it to see what best suits you. After all, nothing speaks to someone's insecurity like them literally speaking to their own security out of absolutely nowhere.
As I see it, it would make a whole lot of sense for Kevin Durant to still be doing some soul searching as a public figure in his 20's who semi-recently underwent a huge life change that he somehow, someway didn't foresee making him the lankiest of lightning rods for criticism. It's probably pretty tough to reach the peak of your profession twice and have both patrons and peers alike stare at you like you've failed them, so he'd be totally justified in partaking in however much adjusting of the mirror he needs to properly self-reflect. But hey, if he says he's officially found himself in the form of the schizophrenic superstar who goes back and forth between playing the villain and playing the victim then who the hell am I to argue with him, or any of his anonymously active social media accounts?
An Arizona Fan Is Facing Up To 12 Years In Prison For Impersonating An Employee Of A Bar In Wisconsin To Alter Their Cable Package So He Could Watch The Game While In Town
WiscNews- The finance manager of an Illinois car dealership has been accused of pretending to be a Lake Delton restaurant employee in phone calls with a cable company.
His aim, police say, was to change the restaurant’s cable package so he could watch a basketball game when he visited the area for the weekend.
Sauk County prosecutors have charged 51-year-old Kevin M. Cayton of Arlington Heights, Illinois, with felony identity theft for financial gain and unauthorized use of an entity’s identifying information. Each charge carries a maximum six-year prison sentence.
Lake Delton police began investigating in February after the business manager at Buffalo Phil’s noticed a significant increase in the restaurant’s cable bill and contacted authorities, according to the criminal complaint.
The officer eventually obtained 11 phone calls that were recorded by the cable provider, Charter Spectrum, in December.
In the calls, a man who identified himself as Pat Barkley asked to add the Pac-12 channel to the restaurant’s cable package. He mentioned wanting to watch an Arizona Wildcats basketball game later that week.
In one of the recordings, the caller allegedly stepped away from the phone and spoke with someone else in the background, saying “Hey it’s Kevin.” In another call, police say, someone can be overheard purchasing a vehicle in the background and explaining that they work a second job at a health care facility in Illinois.
Through social media, the officer learned that Cayton was a finance manager at the dealership, and the only employee named “Kevin.” The officer also contacted Lake Delton hotels, and found that Cayton had checked in at one of them in late December.
Social media posts also helped establish Cayton’s visit to Lake Delton in late December, police say, and that he is an Arizona Wildcats fan.
Shame. Shame, shame, shame, and I direct it not at the Wildcats' fan who - while definitely a criminal - had the fidelity, foresight, and follow through to do whatever it took to watch his team play while out of town. Rather, I shake my head slowly at the sports bar for bringing felony charges against the type of psychotically devoted patron that keeps the sufficiently simple business model of booze+buffalo wings+college basketball timelessly profitable.
Look, I get it. Stealing someone's identity for any reason whatsoever is a pretty big no-no, but if we can't believe that our barkeeps will judge the intent of our actions ahead of their consequences then who can we trust to appreciate our lack of rational thought in regards to sports?! It takes a certain breed of fan to find the idea of watching a game other than the one he/she is emotionally invested to be so unsettling that they do the single most aggravating thing imaginable by contacting the idiots at the cable company ad nauseam. I'd be willing to bet it's the same breed whose ass leaves an imprint when last call has them cashing out a sizable bill before stumbling from their barstool at Buffalo Phil's. Therefore, it would have been nice if the victims just tipped their cowboy hats to the type of outlaw who keeps those saloon doors-a-swingin' well into the night, as opposed to potentially putting him behind bars for monetary damages that were merely fitting of a misdemeanor.
Now, if I had to offer a word of advice to Kevin Cayton I might suggest exploring avenues other than identity fraud en route to watching an out-of-market college basketball game at your nearest convenience. Still, I think we can all admit he made an otherwise praiseworthy amount of head way in making sure that all he'd have to worry about is the head on his draft beer going away once we sauntered in seconds before tip-off. If nothing else, he took the phrase "I just want to watch the damn game" to a whole new level, even if it was one that was quite obviously punishable by law.
Stemming From Their Scuffle During The NBA Finals, Tristan Thompson Reportedly Punched An Apologetic Draymond Green At An ESPY's Afterparty
I would typically consider it childish and immature for one grown man to ignore his celebratory surroundings and chose to punch another grown man in the face while he was in the process of swallowing his pride and trying to make peace for something that happened during a game that took place months ago. Unfortunately, there is nothing typical about earned this assault was.
Warriors' fans might disagree from atop their bandwagon, but - no matter how much you appreciate all that he brings to the game of basketball - I legitimately don't think there's any way to view Draymond Green getting punched in the face as anything other than a long time coming. It doesn't matter if it happened at the club, in a tub, on the court, or in a fort, because not even Dr. Seuss could've conjured up more obvious rhymes and reasons than Tristan Thompson had for trying to hand out the longest of overdue ass whoopings.
The NBA's preeminent antagonist has built up bad will amongst the best players in basketball at such an alarming rate that he's probably still a couple dozen cold clocks short of receiving his relative retribution. I can't even say it's been one kick, crotch shot, or disrespectful taunt at a time, because that would discount the likelihood of the professional pest delivering two shots below the belt simultaneously.
Of course, being an annoying asshole is basically in Draymond's job description and he's damn good at that job, but every occupation has its hazards. When that occupation has you going out of your way to show up another man and call out the entire fiber of his competitive being by way of a public outlet on multiple occasions, not even apologizing for it off the clock can (nor should, for that matter) save you from getting punched in the the face by the pride of a human hazard.
You'd think someone who can't stop claiming he's really with the shits would realize they don't get wiped clean once you leave the safety of an NBA court...
The Ball Tipped Off At The WNBA All-Star Game, And No One Had Any Idea Which Way They Were Supposed To Be Going
I'm not going to treat ten of the best female basketball players on the planet not knowing which way to go one second after the tip-off of a game in which they compete professionally as an indictment of women's sports as a whole. It's undoubtedly an awful look for a proud but unpopular league that could use a hell of a lot more good ones, but I'm not going to make more of one laughable display of confusion than necessary.
Now, that's partially because I pity how easy of a target the WNBA made itself during the very first possession of their annual talent showcase, but it's also because I recognize how terribly unwatchable All-Star Games are across all sports, regardless of the gender participating. It may have been due to a collective lack of focus that the center who tipped the ball forward in the first place had to completely reverse course, for the second time in about six seconds, to fail miserably in trying to save an embarrassing sequence with an unsightly lay-up attempt. However, if I know anything about gimmicky games in which the winner goes home entirely unaccomplished it's that caring is hugely frowned upon.
Being so emotionally uninterested that you start off not knowing which end of the court you are even on is somewhat inexcusable, but it's only a more egregious example of the same type of apathy that has the NBA, NFL, and NHL constantly tinkering with their respective All-Star Games. The only way to "lose" a competition in which not competing to the best of your abilities is a sign of belonging is to be the loser that tries too hard. Therefore, while the WNBA kicked things off with a level of play that could make a 2nd grader's basketball IQ seem like that of LeBron James, it could actually be argued that they kicked things off with the quintessential All-Star effort. Hopefully that makes them feel better about becoming the butt of some pretty obvious jokes that will unfortunately-but-undoubtedly vary in degrees of sexism.
DeMar DeRozan Doesn't Seem Too Keen On Making His Breakup With Masai Ujiri Anything Close To An Amicable One
Even for someone that defended DeMar DeRozan's human right to feel feelings in wake of his somewhat callous split from the city he spent the last nine years proudly calling home, this feels like a bit much. I'm not often one to side with management, but - based solely on that line of questioning - you'd think that Masai Ujiri lied to the face of his franchise about having an extensive affair with his girlfriend, not trading him to a perennial contender to be coached by one of the best minds in all of basketball. I think every millennial can relate to the need to cut the chord completely - a la the blocking of numbers and the unfollowing of social media accounts - but I'm starting to think that DeRozan is one more visit to Drake's house away from putting out an album titled DeMarvin's Room.
Like, I get it. He's upset, but - in my experience - a couple weeks, months, or years down the line he's probably going to look back on this level of resentment with regret. It might still seem devastating, but it's not that serious. Masai Ujiri might have broken his heart, but he didn't retain half his max salary in the divorce. We all handle breakups with differing degrees of adolescence and this is a reminder that we're all lucky that the falling out of most of them aren't on display for the world to see. Still, when they are of the professional variety there has to be at least a rudimentary understanding that business is business.
Again, I stand by him being pissed off about how things went down, but the "never talk to me again" tone seems a bit misplaced considering that being traded is an inherent risk associated with the extreme lucrative profession of his choosing. I could be wrong, but - as the Raptors almost assuredly have a tear-jerking tribute in store - time is more than likely going to help heal this fractured relationship. When/if it does, DeMar DeRozan might look back and laugh at just how in his feelings he was in the aftermath of what could easily end up being positive change in his career path.
Due To A Relatively Ruthless Guest Appearance On His Podcast, Kevin Durant Found Himself In An Online Beef With C.J. McCollum
The discussion (which doesn't seem anywhere near as confrontational as the transcript):
The online aftermath:
In a lot of ways, this is the perfect representation of NBA beef in 2018. Nothing said by Kevin Duration in that podcast snippet was false, but just laughing off how insulting it was to the person hosting said podcast was a perfect example of the aggressive passiveness that has come to govern face-to-face confrontations in professional basketball. Yet, if Petty Crocker had a favorite play, it just might be C.J. McCollum letting his frustration bake until he was afforded the safety of his online kitchen before putting the icing on that "cupcake"-esque jabs.
Now, let me be clear, I think both players look extremely dumb for rehashing an overdone argument that's only more annoying than it is ancient at this point. That being said, as has become a bi-monthly occurrence in the offseason, Kevin Durant learned a valuable lesson in responding to his critics. That lesson was, of course, don't tell another grown man to get out of his feelings when you're constantly up to your next in your own.
C.J. McCollum's over-the-top example was probably uncalled for, but you throw the first stone from the glass house in which you spend your free time arguing with teenage meme makers and you aren't risking a mere crack in your siding in return, but rather a full-blown shattering of the insecure estate in which you take up residence. The unflattering portrayal of a back-to-back NBA Finals MVP as both a traitor and a coward was definitely type slick, but can't consider C.J. McCollum a "snake" without accept responsibility for intentionally shaking his rattle. The Blazers' guard probably should have done it into the mic, as that would've made for an incredible listen, but there's no innocent victim in this squabble of star athletes acting like 7th grade girls.
To put it both simply and quite obviously, Kevin Durant isn't built for the back-and forth. Therefore, it's probably in his best interest to avoid doing the podcast equivalent of patting an NBA All-Star on the head before telling him to go play outside and stop worrying about the grown folks' business. The biggest issue with KD going to Golden State has always been that playing the bad guy isn't in his DNA. That doesn't mean he was wrong in punching down, but it does mean that he wasn't ready for the reactionary upper-cut after failing to acknowledge that he up and left a somewhat similar situation in OKC...
DeMar DeRozan Still Feels Some Type Of Way About How His Trade From The Raptors Went Down, Which Is Fair Despite Not Being All That Foul
The truth is, there is nothing wrong with DeMar DeRozan feeling as though he was wronged. To think otherwise you'd have to be complete sociopath, as it would require a complete unfamiliarity with how long-term relationships work, be they personal or professional. The NBA is a business, and a cutthroat one at that. Still, not being able to see why the face of a franchise wouldn't take kindly to being misled to his face by said franchise just prior to a decision that altered his life requires an abjectly inhumane view on the type of high-level competition that both encourages and thrives off of emotional investments. The virtues of loyalty are fundamentally impractical to uphold in professional sports, but that doesn't mean they aren't celebrated ad nauseam by those that are most likely to ignore them when push comes to shove.
Unfortunately, while agreeing that Masai Ujiri and the Toronto Raptors handled the break-up poorly, it's important to note that it would have been impossible to handle it perfectly. Midnight phone calls are inherently disrespectful so one that's meant to deliver devastatingly unexpected news was particularly poorly timed. However, was there really any truly "respectful" way to tell DeMar DeRozan he was being traded for a malcontent on an expiring contract because the organization under which he worked his ass off to grow exponentially as both a player and team leader came to the conclusion that he just wasn't good enough?
Considering the phone in question belonged to someone who embraced an underrated city more so than any star player that came before him, that call would have been shock to the system no matter how, why, or when it was received. I suppose it would be nice if he were given some indication that it might be coming, but what wouldn't have been nice is trying to smooth things over in training camp had the best player on the roster felt unwanted by a potential trade that never went through.
In seeing things from DeMar DeRozan's perspective, I'm inclined to agree that the Raptors went about things the wrong way. The problem is that, in seeing things from a neutral perspective, it becomes pretty damn difficult to think up the right way to cut a tie that was pulled as tightly as the one that bonded DeMar DeRozan and the city of Toronto for the last nine years. For that reason, I'm not so sure it's blame that should be directed at Masai Ujiri, as much as it is the type of resentment that results from almost all instances in which one party is essentially telling another that they can do better. That band-aid getting ripped off was going to sting regardless, even if the wounded person wishes it was done differently in retrospect.
Kevin Love Just Got Paid By The Cavaliers, And There Is No One More Deserving Of Being Their Last Glimmer Of Hope
From the Cavaliers' perspective, I hate this deal. As evidenced by him repeatedly falling (or more accurately, being pushed) onto the sword that pierces Cleveland's logo over the last four years, Kevin Love is the consummate team guy. However, at this point of his career, I fail to see how he's more valuable to an organization that should be looking to hit the reset button than a contending organization looking to add a talented and trusted All-Star who has proven he can excel with and without the ball in his hands. Simply put, as selfless as he was in sacrificing his stats and turning over his touches to LeBron James, a 30 year old Kevin Love isn't taking a team much of anywhere as it's best player. At less than the max, his contract is far from untradeable, but shipping him off sooner rather than later for as many assets as possible was probably the play here.
Now, with Dan Gilbert being a massive dumbass who has long been saved from his franchise drifting into a well-deserved depressing state by one LeBron James, I don't particularly care that the Cavaliers are going to stagnantly suck for the foreseeable future. It's just worth noting that that's what they committed themselves to by paying big money to someone who is better off as a second or third scoring option on a successful team.
From Kevin Love's perspective, on the other hand, I love this deal. I know he probably just decided to stay because he's comfortable in Cleveland, but I can't think of one single player who is more deserving of the right to do whatever the hell he wants as the provider of good stats on a bad team than the guy that's spent the last 4 seasons as a wildly underutilized whipping boy. With all he went through as the proverbial punching bag for an Eastern Conference powerhouse, I'm glad he secured a much more elusive bag. Choosing to potentially bookend his career with another extended stay in NBA obscurity actually makes a lot of sense for someone with anxiety issues who probably aged like the damn President while not even being able to conceal a damn cough without getting blamed for literally all the drama taking place in the King's castle.
Considering it was Kevin Love's defense against one of the most un-guardable players in NBA history that helped guarantee the eternal validation of a ring on his finger, he should just rain threes and cash checks while flipping the script on a franchise that treated him like a goddamn extra since his arrival. Kevin is finally going to feel the Love, even if it's only because Cavaliers' fans have been left with nowhere else to direct it for the time being.
Yet Another LeBron James' Mural Was Defaced, And Why Exactly Are They Still Being Crafted In The First Place?
I don't want this to sound like a defense of the ungrateful assholes lurking in the shadows waiting to deface the likeness of the most talented basketball player of all time who did nothing more than willingly chose to join a franchise that, history notwithstanding, couldn't be less deserving of said talents. If you feel so strongly about Kobe Bryant's legacy as a Laker that you take to the vandalization of art in its honor then your sports' fandom might legitimately be in need of a lobotomy. Especially since the foreshadowing of the fortuitous future that you can't bear to witness, for whatever terribly idiotic reason, is mere months away from coming to fruition regardless of much money you waste at Home Depot.
That being said, it's not some sort of secret that Kobe Bryant's resume is so far beyond reproach in Los Angeles due, almost solely, to how much the most front-running fanbase in all of sports cherishes winning. LeBron's 3-6 record in the NBA Finals is wildly overblown as a knock against him, but it's certainly not a surprise that the city of superficial celebrity typically treats the showing of locally-sourced rings as a right of passage. All due respect to the amazing artists, who wasted no time in crafting two intricate and awesome murals, but had they let LeBron actually put on a Lakers' jersey before painting a larger-than-life size version of him in one than we are probably talking about a much lower probability of having their work almost instantly go to waste.
Sports' fans in general are fickle beasts, but those that reside in Los Angeles in particular take that mindset to egregiously entitled lengths with their undying loyalty to victory above all else. One game-winning fadeaway that tops off a 40+ point triple-double and the Kobe getting the most consideration will be the $90 slab of beef they order in celebration of their team's return to NBA relevance. I understand an artist's urge to paint the King on his new throne given that the magnitude of his arrival surely makes for a hell of a muse, but how many times we need to see property destroyed before taking the hint that the City Of Angels, as a whole, won't stop demonizing LeBron until his presence starts paying actual dividends? I might disagree with the close-mindedness of the approach, but - considering it's turned a flawed player and person into some sort of guiltless Godsend - it would be foolish to continue clearing Benjamin Moore's stock of purple and gold paint while ignoring that it exists.
Kawhi Leonard Took His First Picture As A Member Of The Toronto Raptors, And He Seemed Ambiguous To Be There
Far be it for me, a human being, to remain skeptical of the results from a computer generated app that scientifically goes but skin deep in breaking down one's emotional makeup, but I think that's exactly I'm going to have to do in questioning this Reddit user's findings regarding Kawhi Leonard's attempt at a smile...
Don't get me wrong, based only on the picture I'd say 38% happy is pretty close to accurate. In my opinion, the 60% neutral can probably be split into 30% lifeless and 30% concerned about the gun pointed at him from behind the camera, but all-in-all it's not the worst educated guess at the silent sulker's state of satisfaction.
I just have one question. How are we to know that whatever program was more than likely being run to update the emotional range of this semi-self-conscious robot had finished uploading at the time of this picture being taken? That grin looks like it belongs to someone, or something, that's still trying to reteach itself how to grin after a thorough wiping of its memory and therefore I'm quite certain this was snapped mid-buffer of his sterilization of all things San Antonio. Had they given him five more minutes to reconfigure himself, who knows what type of expression we'd be left presumptuously dissecting?!? It could have been anything from his lips actually curling to portray genuine excitement (though doubtful) to smoke billowing out of his ears as his alarm started blaring while an error message reading "unauthorized access to mild gratification" scrolled across his sternum. The showing of teeth leads me to believe that the upper 30th percentile of joy is spot on, but the blankness of the stare leads me to believe that's just his factory setting while his uncle tries to figure out how to re-download irreparable resentment into his repertoire.
I guess we'll find out more when the season starts, and that guess will probably prove incorrect if this past offseason is any indication. Simply put, I know no more about Kawhi Leonard's emotional state now than I did before I spent far too much time squinting at a picture of someone who, upon 276th look, might have been delivered straight from Madame Tussauds' Wax Museum to the gym of a franchise that was desperate to make it seem like they didn't trade for the expiring contract of an insatiable superstar.
Dwight Howard Dropped An All-Time Dwight Howard Quote In Talking About His Career, And By That I Mean It Was A Painful Attempt At Coming Off As Funny
Sorry to go all "Gregg Popovich", but I'm going to need an immediate timeout here...
::steps outside and takes deep breathe of freedom::
Okay, we're good now. I just need to remind myself what it was like to not be trapped in the torture chamber that was that a Dwight Howard quote that was as cringeworthy as it was exasperating. Seriously, having never been waterboarded the following might be presumptuous, but enduring that eardrum pun-ishing answer had to be the closest thing to the audible equivalent. By the time he let the room know he was joking, thirty full seconds into the joke, I was honestly wondering whether or not I was going to come out on the other side of it with all my senses in tact. Had a screwdriver been within arm's reach, I'm no so sure I wouldn't be Googling the intricacies of lip-reading, for the undeserved laughter that filled that room of reporters and saturated the ego of the sociopath speaking vanished what little hope I had for the news' breakers in the Nation's Capital. The overdone clap that followed the longest 52 seconds of my life was somehow the most disingenuous #FakeNews to come out of Washington in the last year, and that includes every single optimistic soundbite about Dwight Howard's fit in a locker room whose fuse is already on ticking time following the introductory press conference.
The most enigmatic man in basketball is already going above and beyond in trying (and, in the opinion of every person with a sense of humor that exceeds the 3rd grade level, failing) to make himself seem likable. If history is any indication, that means it's probable his entirety transparent "see, it's everyone else's fault I got bad rap at every single stop along my career path!" schtick will have already drove John up the Wall by Week 2 of the regular season, never mind Year 2 of the most dimwitted contracts ever designed.
A DMV IN Ohio Is Using A Picture Of LeBron In A Lakers Uniform To Make Sure People Don't Smile While Getting The Picture Taken For Their License
My first thought upon seeing this was that the people that are running the show at this particular DMV are the worst of the worst, and - for that reason alone - I actually respect them leaning into their irredeemable reputation with a move that's as on-brand as it is off-color to the Cavaliers' faithful. Make no mistake, pandering to the scorned sports' fans of a city is liable to bring the absolute worst out of them, and to that I say...when in Rome.
The sight of LeBron in Lakers colors might fittingly leave it's target audience with the type of horrified expression you'd expect of someone that unexpectedly walked in on a recent ex sleeping with the hot moron up the street while collecting his/her belongings. Therefore, it remains to be seen how effective it will be in resulting in an emotionally void appearance that would make Kawhi Leonard proud (if he were physically capable of such a feeling). However, what it will undoubtedly be effective in is getting Cleveland's most impassioned diehards to hate their lives just a little more than usually, which I imagine is at least 40% of why the DMV is the joy-draining black hole of despair that it is in the first place.
Might as well get all of your frustrations out of your system while undergoing the most depressing, dehumanizing experience know to man, woman, or poorly-parented child. Hell, I say they go all-in and slap a Hue Jackson FatHead on the wall so that the long, long overdue walk to the car feels even more like escaping hell on Earth.
The Lakers Are Excited About Giving LeBron A Look At Center, And I Can't Wait To See What Kind Of Look They Receive In Return
BR- As currently constructed, the Lakers have plenty of guards and wings but are a bit light at center with JaVale McGee the only free-agency addition at the position. Ivica Zubac and rookie Moritz Wagner will need to show they're ready for regular roles.
Nothing about that trio should inspire confidence. Instead, the Lakers' best and only choice may be to deploy James as a small-ball center.
"We may not see this on day one, but the coaching staff is eager to see our version of the [Warriors'] Death Lineup with Lonzo [Ball], Josh Hart, Brandon Ingram, [Kyle] Kuzma and LeBron," a second Lakers executive said.
I guess I can't act surprised. It took the Los Angeles Lakers all of one single afternoon of getting proactively counterproductive to leave everyone feeling underwhelmed about their addition of thee most impactful free agent in NBA history. Therefore, I had no reason to think they weren't capable of trying him out at a position that's even more strenuous than the one he's been stubborn to playing in the past. After no more than a few hours of them smashing blockheads into round holes in their lineup, it was obvious that leaving LeBron in the hands of the Lakers was like gifting a MacBook to an infant. So, the fact that they appear ready to do the equivalent of drooling all over themselves while aimlessly mashing at all the wrong keys of an otherwise versatile "toy" is a pretty fitting sign that they don't even realize that they aren't mature enough to play with it properly.
Look, I'd never discount LeBron. If only because he's still the best player on the floor at any given time, there probably be is a way to craft a successive small-ball lineup around him at the 5. The question is whether or not I have confidence in the team that made Lance Stephenson a free agency priority in the year 2018 to completely reinvent one of the most innovative lineups in NBA history, and the answer is...well...stomach busting laughter.
If LeBron is going to be "conserving energy" from the same position in which a relentless defender like Draymond Green is used to completely disrupt offenses then the Lakers would need to take the current perogatovies of 'the death lineup' to one of Los Angeles' finest plastic surgeons for a facelift if it had any hopes of resembling a pretty brand of basketball. I suppose with enough trial and error it could potentially work, so it's got to be a huge relief that the player they plan on playing out of position has such an extensive track record of open-mindedness and patience when it comes to coaching...just ask the guy in the picture above!
UPDATE: Never mind, the Lakers TOTALLY know what they are doing!
Bob Ryan, Of 'Around The Horn' Fame, Took Such A Harsh Dig At Dwight Howard That Even I Feel Compelled To Stop The Fight
I actually think the most fitting thing about this hyperbolical jab at Dwight Howard is that it came out of absolutely nowhere during a rare calm of a sports news cycle that is an otherwise unrelenting storm. Unless I missed him trying obnoxiously hard to be charming at the ESPY's or something, a well-respected journalist was given next to no reason to go as far as to say he'd rather risk his life in a handicapped death match than share a starting five with a future HOFer. That leads me to believe that the explanation behind that personal attack is as simple as Bob Ryan becoming aggravated by the mere utterance of Dwight Howard's name or the unexpected sight of his face. There aren't many public figures that don't even have to do anything wrong, right, or indifferent to illicit a visceral reaction from those that find them to be abhorrent humans beings, but the double-double disease possesses a smile that's more quick to induce an allergic-like reaction than cat hair.
All that being said, I have to disagree with Bob Ryan here. I mean, this is just a gross mischaracterization of who Dwight Howard is. He might make you want to hop atop a stepping stool to punch him in the face on sight, but it takes at least two weeks for him to disrupt team chemistry and infect the entirety of the locker room. If it were a seven-game series for my life then I'd have to heavily weigh the pros and cons, but a single game? Hell, I might even throw him the ball on the block during the first (inevitably wasted) possession to buy myself a couple hours of goodwill with a guy whose presence typically ages as poorly as the cheesiness of his grin. The invite to join the rest of the squad for postgame beers to celebrate the continuation of my life would get "lost in the mail", but I've had positive interactions with sociopaths that lasted far longer than 4 quarters and lived to tell the tale.