A Couple High School Basketball Coaches In Oklahoma Were Fired For Using A School Bus To Make A Beer Run
TheComeback- Two high school basketball coaches in Tishomingo, Oklahoma have been fired from Tishomingo High School after using a school bus to go buy alcohol.
The two men purchased beer during an out-of-town trip with the team, according to KFOR: “It sort of just disappointed us all,” basketball player Kyle Miller told reporters.
The team was at a basketball camp at Connors State College in nearby Warner, Oklahoma, about two and a half hours from home. While there, the beer run took place at a local convenience store.
What the coaches did was completely wrong, but they were smart enough to not bring minors along for the ride with them.
“We noticed that the school bus was gone but he had told us to stay in our dorms and so we proceeded to do that and we just didn’t find anything out until the next day,” Miller said.
If the players didn’t know where the coaches were going and the coaches didn’t bring anyone along, how exactly did Tishomingo High School officials find out? According to KXII, someone who worked at the convenience store reported the coaches to officials at Connors State.
“We were pretty upset because we paid money out of pocket to go to that camp, because we had to stay for three nights and we had to end up leaving on the second day,” Miller said.
Ahhh, the casual reminder that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Slightly weird that it took a bunch of grown men hijacking a school bus to cruise for some booze when they were supposed to be watching over minors for me to truly appreciate that semi-nonsensical saying, but - hey - here we are I suppose.
The fact of the matter is that sometimes you just need beer, and it's during those times when you'll do literally anything to get it. I would think that a (hypocritical) high schooler like Kyle Miller would understand that as he has surely benefited from plenty of fake ID's and unlocked liquor cabinets, but such is the selfishness of our youth. Little assholes can't just look in the mirror, picture themselves 20 years older, and equally as desperate for alcohol. Just too in their own world to realize that social anxiety that can only be cured by substance abuse isn't something that you grow out of. In fact, I could argue that the only people more in need of beer than awkward teenagers that are trying to touch each other's privates is school officials that just completed a day of making sure that the stupid children of others didn't die.
Now, they probably should have parked their predominantly scholastic mode of transportation around the corner to avoid a visual that surely looked like kids lying in wait of their questionable supervision while taking up half a liquor store parking lot, but that's not the point. The point is that feeling compelled to do what it takes to guarantee yourself a well deserved drink is a desire as natural as the one that's ultimately responsible for the bitchy, ungrateful kids that were tasked with staying out of trouble for 15 minutes. And If you ask me, these coaches didn't need some snitch ass, bitch ass of a liquor store clerk to take time away from selling eventual DUI's in Podunk County, Oklahoma to insert himself in that all-too-prevelant process.
Old White Baseball Commentator Thinks It Should Be Illegal For Foreign, Non-White Baseball Players To Use A Translator
I know that Jerry Remy sounds like an out-of-touch idiot for wanting to legislate the ways in which foreign players get more accustomed to playing on the professional level in a completely different country. I know that the Red Sox color commentator's opinion sounds like a manifestation of the antiquated, unaccepting attitudes of the elderly people in charge of a sport that essentially considers "the right way" and "the white way" to be synonymous. Still - while I am inclined to shame his subliminally prejudice line of thinking - I would rather take it one step further. Fuck eliminating translators who aide in the communication between teammates that ultimately benefits the actual game play. That type of institutional bias is too small time. Why not just go all the way with it and re-segregate the league?
I know that sounds harsh, but just take a second to think about it. If there is anything that will teach the old guard that the MLB should be doing anything and everything to cater to minorities it would be watching the type of bush league baseball that would be played without minorities. Take all the latino players off the Phillies for one week, and see if Mike Schmidt is still hesitant to build around one as the centerpiece of the lineup solely because his brand of English is maybe 10% as broken as the rules and regulations governing a dying sport. Imagine Jerry Remy missing out on the opportunity to call the career of the next 'Big Papi' because his Dominican successor wasn't as quick learning the intricacies of English? Let's see if he's so quick to summon his white privilege in hopes of shortening the occasional mound visit by a couple of seconds if he's not careful what he wishes for and it costs him the privilege to watch the most athletically superior of ball players.
Obviously I am being completely facetious. However, at this point I'm not sure there is anything - other than the death of every old, stubborn asshole that glorifies the days in which Babe Ruth was knocking some schmuck named Chad around the neighborhood - that could help to make baseball more progressive. I do know that the sport isn't exactly growing in the states, so maybe the actual move is to make Spanish the official dialect of the diamond. I suppose that doesn't exactly help Masahiro Tanaka. However, there probably wouldn't be too many announcers lightening the blow of saying "learn it or leave it" by using a transparent term like "baseball language" in an effort to disparage a guy for his inability to completely adapt to a new culture if those announcers were no longer old, white, and repressed.
A Nebraska Youth Soccer Tournament Disqualified A Team Because They Didn't Believe One Of Their Players Was A Girl
WOWT- Mili Hernandez is 8 years-old. She loves soccer - and her short haircut. Mili told WOWT 6 News: "When my hair starts to grow I put it short because I've always had short hair. I didn't like my hair long."
Mili plays soccer for Omaha's Azzuri Cachorros girls club team. She's so good that she plays on the 11 year-old roster even though she's 8. Her father, Gerardo Hernandez, couldn't be more proud. He told WOWT 6 News: "It's what she likes. It's what she always wants to do - play soccer."
This weekend Mili helped lead her team to the final day of the Springfield Soccer Club girls tournament. However, before taking the field on Sunday, Mili and her team were suddenly disqualified. Springfield soccer organizers insisted Mili was a boy.
Mili added: "Just because I look like a boy doesn't mean I am a boy. They don't have a reason to kick the whole club out."
Mili's family claims they showed her insurance card to tournament organizers in an effort to prove she's a girl. It wasn't enough.
Mili's brother, Cruz Hernandez, told WOWT 6 News: "They didn't want to listen. They said the president made his decision and there wasn't any changing that."
Middle America, for the loss! I suppose assuming that more...um...understanding regions of the country aren't capable of mistaking a short haired girl as a boy based on looks alone is a dangerous proposition. However, being presented with official documentation and responding by essentially saying "uhh, we know the difference between boys and girls, idiots!" just seems very characteristic of the type of person walking around town with a piece of straw sticking from their mouth.
Like, if this happened in the Northeast then some organizer easily would have let a 'Jawanna Man' situation take place just to avoid being taken to task over gender generalizations. If this had happened in California the tournament officials would have been like "you are whatever you say/think/or believe you are". In Nebraska, on the other hand, even children have to check all the stereotypical boxes of their birth sex or not even a government issued identification can save them from being put in a gender specific box. I don't mean to say that every person whose residence is commonly flown over doesn't realize that every little girl isn't running around with hair half way down her back while wearing a shin-length dress, but it's certainly a viewpoint that is more likely to be held in the heartland.
I'm No Jeopardy Aficionado, But If You Make Yourself A Suspect While Playing Then You're Probably Doing It Wrong
Welp, that's one way to go from sweating out questions under the bright lights of one of the most prestigious gameshows to sweating out questions under the brighter, much hotter lights of an interrogation room. I know our boy Tom just accidentally induced verbal vomiting in the name of timeliness. Still, it's probably not wise to imply that you have absolutely no idea how statutory rape works when you have the look of someone who hasn't not shown up to a stranger's house with a 6-pack of wine coolers, a blindfold, and a coil of roping. Poor guy isn't the first person to sound stupid while answering in the form of a question, but he very well might be the person to sound guilty while answering in the form of a question. Christ, Chris Hanson probably thought he was tuning in to take a break from putting sexual predators behind bars, and instead a goddamn amber alert made his ears shoot up as it interrupted the show that he uses for mental exercise.
Credit to Alex Trebek for not letting that thoughtless retort sit on air like stale fart, but there is nothing he could have done to completely mask the lasting stench of perceptual pedophilia. That one is going to stick with Tom for awhile, and it probably should. If only so he doesn't go around assuming there's anything common about lawlessly bedding middle schoolers under the belief that they are old enough to definitively say "yes" or "no".
There Appears To Be Some Very Insecure Men Out There Who Are Outraged That 'Wonder Woman' Is Having An All-Female Screening
NYPost- A gender-based “injustice” involving the new “Wonder Woman” flick has some DC Comics fans crying foul.
Fanboys are livid they weren’t invited to a women-only screening of the superhero movie at Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas.
Alamo Drafthouse announced its “No Guys Allowed” screening on Wednesday night, a week ahead of the highly anticipated film’s release. The theater added that everyone from venue staff to projectionists to culinary staff would be female — and outraged internet trolls immediately swarmed.
Mike Canales asked whether the company would host men-only screenings of “Man of Steel,” “The Terminator,” “Escape From New York,” or “Demolition Man.” Bradley Lucio claimed hypocrisy, asking: “Could you imagine the anger and outrage from the liberal staff of Alamo if Trump held an all male screening at the White House or even if another theatre did an all-male screening?!”
“Have you ever hosted a men’s only showing of any film?” wondered Bill Fairbrother on Facebook.
Sexist? SEXIST!?! Clearly this select group of socially awkward misfits has never been trivialized before, because you know what would really be sexist? If men were forced to watch a movie that starred a stinky, smelly girl and her super cootie powers as the lead. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good fictitious tale of heroism, but making the superhero a woman? I am glad this is an all-female screening, because - as someone whose gender provides them the brawn and bravery necessary to battle intergalactic beings - I simply would rather not have my ability to suspend disbelief shattered by a member of the fairer sex somehow saving the day.
I'll never claim that my movie viewership has standards but I'll be damned if it doesn't have double standards, so let's just say there's a reason that I have never wondered why a woman wasn't cast in a cape. I honestly can't believe there are men out there making themselves look stupid by fighting against the inherent injustices faced by nerdy white males, because I'm perfectly content only viewing screenings that feature ladies in the supporting roles in which they belong. While a bunch of needle-dicked dorks are out picketing the plight of having a penis, I think I'll just stay in and watch Mrs. Cleaver serve up a family dinner in the only costume I'm interested in seeing even the most wonderful of woman wear...an apron.
In all seriousness, you really have to be some kind of tone deaf asshole to make your delayed viewing of a sci-fi film into some societal issue that's plaguing the privileged. Never mind the hypocrisy necessary to claim hypocrisy, because if merely having to wait a day to see a 'Marvel' movie has you ready to die on the hill that men are being marginalized then you're too little of a bitch to board the ride through the glass ceiling to the cinematic empowerment of women.
P.S. I love me some Turtle, but this response is nothing short of brilliant....
The company’s social media team replied: “We’ve never done showings where you had to be a man to get in, but we *did* show the ‘Entourage’ movie a few years ago.”
FoxBusiness- Pro golfer Tiger Woods disclosed to the Jupiter Police Department a variety of prescription drugs that he may have taken after he was arrested for a DUI while asleep at the wheel of his car.
In the probable cause affidavit, first obtained by The Palm Beach Post, Woods said he has prescriptions for four drugs, Soloxex, Vicodin and Torix. He also listed an anti-inflammatory drug Vioxx, but noted he had not taken the drug in over a year. Vioxx, which was manufactured by Merck (NYSE:MRK), was pulled off the market nearly 13 years ago after allegedly being linked to cardiovascular issues.
Whew, here I was thinking that Tiger Woods knew the danger he could have been to other drivers when he got behind the wheel, but nope - he just had an inexplicably bad reaction to a handful of pills that undoubtedly resembled the prescription equivalent of a mixed bag of Skittles. What a relief that it wasn't alcohol that was that was to blame! Those gosh darn side effects. You just never know when they are going to creep up and bite you in the ass at the worst possible time. Especially when there's three (maybe 4, but who is counting?) different lists of them that could come into play to counteract each other. I mean, seriously....who would have guessed that taking multiple painkillers would leave someone woozy and at risk of an untimely nap?
Jeez, now that I know that Tiger Woods didn't negligently wash down his drug cocktail with a beer I almost sort of feel bad for him. He's not a criminal that knowingly swallowed a pharmacy before hopping in what basically amounted to a high velocity death contraption. He's just a victim of modern medicine and the problems that result when you try to talk advantage of everything it has to offer....at the same damn time. Poor guy. There better be some doctor out there that loses it's license after such a gross act of treating an adult like responsible adult. Someone needs to admit fault, and I'll be damned if it should be the guy that left the house looking like he either got repeatedly hit over the head with a bottle of one of the only substances not in his system or fell victim to another golf club.
A Cop Sued His Department After Finding Out He Was 18% Black And Becoming The Target Of Racist Jokes
TheGrio- A white police officer in Michigan took a genetic test through Ancestry.com in December and was surprised to learn that 18 percent of his ancestral DNA traced back to Africa. However, his colleagues in the police department and even at the city level didn’t seem to take the news of his ancestry well.
According to a suit filed on behalf of Cleon Brown, officers in the Hastings Police Department whispered “Black Lives Matter” as they passed him, and the chief referred to him as “Kunte,” after the character in Alex Haley’s novel “Roots: The Saga of an American Family.”
“There was an instance where my client was talking to the mayor, and the mayor ― upon learning that my client was 18 percent African-American ― proceeded to tell him a racist joke” using a racial slur, Brown’s attorney, Karie Boylan, told CBS Detroit.
Additionally, the Christmas tree in the office was decorated with different Santa Claus figurines, each named after the different officers on the force. The one for Brown was black, with “18%” written on the beard.
Brown has since filed a federal civil rights lawsuit for $500,000 and is also calling for better racial sensitivity training for the officers.
In responding to the suit, the City of Hastings claimed that it was Brown himself who kept bringing up his heritage and making inappropriate jokes about it, according to WOOD-TV. The officer involved in the Santa incident has apologized to Brown, and the city claims that the chief told the officers that further jokes about Brown’s heritage would not be tolerated.
If this isn't symbolic of the luck that African Americans tend to have with the police then I don't know what the hell is. The first minority that has a legitimate opportunity to get one over on law enforcement and hold them accountable for what sounds like institutional racism isssss...82% white. Someone could finally get paid reparations for the racial profiling that is prevalent in an oft-crooked profession, and that person isssss...some dude that has never been pulled over not knowing what he did wrong. Those in positions of authority might have to pay for the n-bombs and 'Roots' references used in the office and the recipient isssss....some asshole that unquestionably found that type of discrimination hilarious until he realized he could monetize it.
If I were a black person I would be jumping up and down screaming "it's just not fucking fair!" after reading this story. All they asked for is the indictment of one or two cops out of the handful that shot and killed unarmed African Americans so they could get a little peace of mind, and what did they get instead? Potentially a 6 figure payout to some dude who - at his blackest - could casually walk down a suburban street in the middle of the night and not automatically be deemed the lead suspect in a yet-to-be-reported crime. Casual racism is finally brought to justice, and the white man still walks away richer. Never mind the percentages and his skin color, do you know how I know this guy couldn't possibly be more caucasian? He immediately tried to extort what little blackness he did have for all it was worth.
P.S. Cleon Brown? CLEON BROWN?! That had to be a post-ancestry test name change, right?
Three Masked Illinois Football Players Were Caught Robbing An Apartment After Apparently Forgetting They Are Football Players
DrSaturday- Three Illinois football players were arrested on Wednesday on charges of home invasion and armed robbery after an alleged incident at a school dormitory.
Darta Lee, Zarrian Holcombe and Howard Watkins were all booked throughout Wednesday morning at Champaign County Jail, according to online records. All three are set to be arraigned at 1:30 p.m. CT on Thursday.
Champaign police Lt. Dave Shaffer told the (Champaign) News-Gazette that the incident appeared to be a “stupid plan” that went wrong once the victim recognized the voice of one of the players.
From the newspaper:
“Three individuals entered an apartment masked and the victim recognized one of them by voice,” Shaffer said. “He pulled his mask off and tried to make light of the situation. One of them produced what we now know to be fake firearm and demanded cash.”
I would love to play the contrarian here, but it's tough not to agree with the Police Lieutenant in saying this was - indeed - a stupid plan. Three football players thinking that they could rob the apartment of someone that knew at least one of them well enough to be like "Darta? That you bro?" when he said "give me all your money now" is - objectively speaking - not smart. Continuing to carry out the theft after your accomplice unveils his not-so-secret identity is - without question - actually dumb. That said, I can't help but think that quick and easy voice recognition wasn't even the most mind-numbing aspect of this attempted robbery.
Consider this - Darta Lee is 6'3, 300 pounds, Zarrian Holcombe is 6'6, 220 pounds, and Howard Watkins is 6'5, 280 pounds. Who the fuck did they think they were fooling with ski masks? I admittedly haven't visited the University of Illinois, but something tells me that trio tends to stick out around campus. I'm honestly shocked that the victim had to hear them speak before putting the pieces together. I bet the guy that they tried to stick up could recognize them from afar while they are running around the practice field in full pads and helmets, so why the hell would a thin piece of black cloth over their faces throw him off their scent? You know how people say that the kid that matures faster than his peers "doesn't know his own strength"? Well, it's very clear that these three stooges don't know their own damn size, because I'm almost positive that they gave themselves away the second they had to duck through the doorway they kicked open.
CFT- In a statement released via Twitter on Friday, Jay Paterno confirmed that he had been elected to serve on Penn State’s board of trustees. The Centre Daily Times reports he was the top vote-getter in elections and was one of three people elected to the nine seats on the board reserved for alumni.
Paterno is a former quarterback for the Nittany Lions and later coached under his father Joe Paterno, the school’s legendary but tarnished coach. Both were shown the door by the school’s board back in 2012 following revelations in the Jerry Sandusky child sexual abuse scandal.
The election of Jay Paterno is bound to open up more wounds at the school as he’s been an outspoken critic about how the school has handled his father’s legacy and what he did or did not know about Sandusky over the years. It’s even more interesting because the younger Paterno has been involved in several lawsuits against the school over the years as fallout from the matter as well.
At this point there is almost nothing - short of opening an under-15 nudist colony next to their practice field - that Penn State could do to honor the memory of a long time enabler of child molestation that would surprise me. The fact that his son was elected to the Board of Trustees for a university whose predatory grounds his father used to protect was about as shocking as the fact that he was certain enough of his daddy's "innocence" to take excessive legal action against that very same university. The seemingly unanimous decision to ignore the obvious conflict of interest (never mind marginalize the mental and physical harm his legacy indirectly did to dozens upon dozens of kids) is as tone deaf as it gets, but - in fairness - Penn State has never given any inclination that they keep their ear to the streets. Need proof of that?
Look no further than Jay Paterno posting his acceptance letter on social media as though it were something that was going to be met with anything other than outrage. This fucking guy acted like he was addressing his proud constituents when all he was doing was throwing himself on the mercy of the most ruthless of courts - the court of online opinion. I suppose you could make the argument that he trying to get out ahead of the backlash by announcing it before it eventually came out anyway, but I hesitate to give anyone from that campus-wide cult any sort of benefit of the doubt. That "thank you" note reads like the person who wrote it thought he was going to step away from the metaphorical mic to a chorus of applause. I know that Penn State and the Paterno family will never quite "get" the magnitude of their negligence, but - for Christ's sake - is it too much to ask them not to be negligent to the moral code of literally everyone else in the world?
I know this is a dangerous thing to request given their history, but lie to me Penn State. Just fucking lie to me. Add the face of everything that is wrong with your university to your Board of Trustees internally. FaceTime him in when there's a decision that needs botching. It's not like you haven't been able to keep far more incriminating secrets in the past. I've honestly become so desensitized to the school-wide stupidity that the thing that bothered me the most about this news was that Jay Paterno - himself - delivered it like it was a goddamn State Of The Union.
A Brazilian Soccer Player Was Arrested On The Field For Kidnapping And Extorting A 67 Year Old Woman
TheComeback-You would think someone wanted on four arrest warrants would keep a low profile. But Brazilian soccer player Marlon Nataneal de Lima Alexandre decided to keep on playing for Sapucaiense in the Campeonato Gaúcho Second Division.
During a match on Wednesday, police showed up while Lima was sitting on the reserve bench, promptly cuffing him and taking him into custody.
According to Gaúcha, a local news outlet, Lima allegedly participated in a violent kidnapping of a 67-year-old woman in October. The perpetrators held her at gunpoint outside a mall and then spent about $1,400 on her credit cards.
Police had trouble tracking down Lima until they learned he played for Sapucaiense. Club president José Luis Rech Cristianetti said he was unaware of Lima’s past and called the arrest “a sad surprise,” according to Gaúcha.
You know what, I'm glad this guy got cuffed on the field in front of everyone. Obviously he deserved it after racking up his 4th different arrest warrant by kidnapping a grandmother, but that's not even the point. The point is that a regular, behind-the-scenes jailing wouldn't have been nearly shameful enough for someone that couldn't even properly extort a 67 year old woman for $1,400.
They should have pulled his pants down at mid-field and let Ms. Daisy walk out with her wooden spoon to give him one whack on the bum for each dollar stolen. Marlon Nataneal de Lima Alexandre (say that 5 times fast) deserved all that embarrassment and then some. The only thing more pathetic than kidnapping a senior citizen - for what has to be considered chump change relative to the crime - is not even having the decency to do it well. Do you know how much intimidation you have to lack for an old lady to walk straight down to la estacion de policia after having a semi-professional backup soccer player hold a gun to her head? All of it. All the intimidation.
These idiots tried to pick the low hanging fruit and still bit of more than they could chew. How are you going to threaten the life of someone whose a few years away from needing help crossing the street and still not be able to keep her goddamn mouth shut? Not only is that a ringing endorsement of how fearless women are while shopping is at stake, but it's an indictment of the scare tactics of the saddest kidnappers of all time who still got busted after having the gall to push aside a women's AARP card to empty her bank account.
A Couple Kentucky Students Got Caught Trying To Steal An Exam From A Professor's Office By Climbing Through The Air Ducts
Kentucky- The odds were long, but a couple of University of Kentucky students decided it was worth the risk to climb through the ceiling ducts to a teacher’s office to steal a statistics exam.
Unfortunately for them, the teacher is a night owl.
According to UK Police, UK statistics instructor John Cain had been working late in his third floor office in the Multidisciplinary Science Building on Rose Street on Tuesday night. About midnight, he left to get something to eat. When he returned about 1:30 a.m., he tried to unlock the door, but it was blocked by something.
“He yelled out that he was calling the police and then the door swung open and two young men ran down the hallway,” recounted UK spokesman Jay Blanton.
Shortly after police arrived, one of the students returned and confessed. Henry Lynch II, a 21-year-old junior majoring in biosystems engineering, gave police an earful, including that he’d climbed through the building’s air ducts to the ceiling above Cain’s office and dropped down into the room, then unlocked the door and let in his friend, sophomore Troy Kiphuth, 21, who was not in Cain’s class.
Lynch also told them he had already tried to steal the exam earlier that evening around 6 p.m., but couldn’t find it. And, he said, it wasn’t the first time: Earlier in the semester, he’d successfully stolen another exam from Cain’s office, but he assured officers that he had not shared the answers with other students.
If there's one thing my father taught me growing up it's that working smart is just as important as working hard - if not more so. So while I appreciate the effort that this kid put in just to pass a college class, I must question the level of thought he put into it.
Seriously, it makes total sense that the object of his desire was a statistics exam, because - statistically speaking - there is a whole hell of a lot more that can go wrong trying to drop through your professor's ceiling like a member of the SWAT team than there is in - oh, I don't know - writing some formulas down on a cheat sheet? This kid couldn't even do the math necessary to limit his chances of getting caught cheating in 'Statistics', so he damn sure wasn't a cram session away from passing the exam without a copy of it. I'm not so sure that the rate of success when breaking and entering like you watched 'Die Hard' one too many times was included in the testable material, but if it was then Henry Lynch definitely would have gotten that question wrong no matter how many times he looked over it in advance.
If you had any doubts that this kid's analytical skills were too hopeless to improve by studying then just take a gander at the one problem he tried solving. Didn't get the exam, confessed to multiple crimes, and threw his all-too-generous accomplice who had nothing to gain in the first place right under the bus. Of course he needed an extra night to find a common denominator, this kid doesn't have a fraction of common sense.
eBay- This is the REAL DEAL !!! Aaron Hernandez’ infamous silver Toyota 4-runner. As seen in the New York Times, we’re auctioning off this piece of Patriots football memorabilia. This Toyota was given to Hernandez to drive by Fox Toyota in East Providence Rhode Island, for guest appearances, and signings at the dealership, as he was rising to stardom as a tight-end tandem with Rob Gronkowski. This is the 4-runner Boston Police had been searching for in connection with a shooting outside a boston nightclub. The vehicle was found in Hernandez, uncles garage in Bristol Rhode Island, and brought to Boston Police departments impound yard, where it has been until last week. The Toyota is just the way it came from the impound yard, and still has the black soot on the map lights, and sunroof switch where the police dusted for finger prints !! The SUV has 53,000 miles on the odometer, and runs great !! The winner of the auction will also receive a framed jersey autographed, by Hernandez himself. Nows your chance to own this infamous piece of famous football memorabilia !!
All due respect to those that prematurely left us by hook, crook, or bed sheet, but it is quite the time to be alive! Not only is a deceased psychopath's former means of transportation allegedly available on the open market, but there's 60(!) bids on it! I'm obviously skeptical as to whether or not that is actually Aaron Hernandez' car, but the truth of the matter is that this story is just as ridiculous regardless.
Consider this. Not only did a person - suspiciously named "Buddy" - believe a reliable SUV with manageable mileage would be more valuable if it was known to be an incriminating piece of evidence in a murder trial that returned a guilty verdict. Not only did he think that a framed jersey signed by a tight end turned homicidal maniac was a hell of a pot sweetener. But he's probably going to end up being right on both counts!
There's some crazy son of a bitch that currently has over $16,000 (and rapidly rising) invested in a goddamn murder mobile that I can't imagine they plan on using to get their kids to soccer. You damn sure aren't driving that thing around without being haunted by it's felonious past so - other than sticking a certificate of authenticity in the windshield and using it as a lawn ornament to scare away any and all neighbors/potential intruders - I can't think of one single use for that 4Runner. Hell, I doubt the people that didn't think twice before bidding can either. There are undoubtedly multiple suitors that saw the eerie soot on the interior of a decade old Toyota and thought "I don't know why, but I need to own this manslaughter machine". If that's not an indictment of society as a whole then the fact that someone's going to be let down by losing out on the opportunity to hang murderous memorabilia - complete with an elementary autograph - in their living room certainly is.
You ever been sitting online at a fast-food sub shop waiting to give your order, and come to the realization that you could never possibly do what the people behind the counter are doing? I know I have, and it's not because I'm not intelligent enough to slice turkey or stack cheese. Hell, it's not even because I would piss down my leg if a customer pointed a pistol at me to get more than his money's worth of extra meat.
I couldn't sling sandos at a Jimmy John's because it takes a certain type of person to cater to everyone's overly specific preferences while constructing their goddamned meal. That type of person is one with mental fortitude. The first time someone told me to remake their sub because they only wanted a little bit of mayo I would be out the door and my apron would be in the dumpster. That's not the case for this kid. He's been hardened by his servitude. There's literally no inconvenience he hasn't been dealt by working at a glorified Subway. You think threatening the life of someone who dies inside every time he has to "run" to the back to get more C-quality roast beef is going to intimidate them? Come on now. He's basically been doing time. There's not a damn thing that guy could have done to him that he hasn't already thought about doing to himself. Sure, he'll empty the register on the off-chance there's actually a bullet in that gun and in the unlikely scenario that the guy holding it is willing to put one between his eyes. Just don't expect him to put any more pep in his step for an unruly customer, because he's got far too much experience taking shit from people to put forth extra effort.
Jake Butt Appropriately Got A 'Charmin' Endorsement, Which Is Sneaky One Of The Best Sponsorships Ever
I can't sit here and tell you that a toilet paper sponsorship is the most glamorous luxury a soon to be professional athlete has been privy to. I'm sure that deep down Jake Butt is a little disappointed that the best he could do prior to the NFL Draft was get a company to present him a decade's worth of ass wipes. Free is free, but - in terms of excitement - he probably wouldn't have had to fake it as much if a truck pulled up with a bed full of sneakers or some other materialistic thing that isn't used to absorb shit. I don't need to undersell the value of a clean asshole, but I am sure that Jake Butt is looking forward to playing his way into an endorsement deal that isn't solely predicated on having a last name that makes even the most grown man giggle.
That said, there will never, ever again come a time when Jake Butt is sitting on a toilet, frantically looking around, and thinking about how he would literally give anything for a roll of toilet paper. That post-poop, "you don't know what you got until it's gone" realization will no longer be a concern for the former Michigan tight end, and that peace of mind can't possibly be overstated. He would probably trade a 'Charmin' endorsement for something cooler like 'Nike', but there's no doubt that he would regret that transaction the first time his cheeks fell asleep on cold, unforgiving porcelain as he shamefully looked down at his socks or up at the shower. The best way to "Enjoy The Go" is to never have to worry about dreading it.
Oh man, to be a fly on whatever shit that guy was selling. I don't know what was more obnoxious, the "we've known each other for years" shoulder punch or the egregiously close talking. What I do know is that guy sleezed his way into those court side seats. There's not a doubt in mind thats someone else's money paid for that ticket. Maybe I shouldn't be judging a book by it's cover, but the over-the-top mannerisms of the dude in the non-matching blazer with the slicked back hair gave quite the predictable context to what was seen on the surface.
I don't know what the topic of conversation was, but Devonta Freeman seemed way too entertained by the snake who I wouldn't even let show me a used car. Truthfully, I'm glad he never made eye contact with the guy who was one more exaggerated laugh from sitting on his lap, because I'm pretty sure his eyes possess some evil enchantment that makes people trust him with their finances. He's like Medusa except one look at him inevitably turns your bank account to stone. As if having some outgoing asshole incessantly babble into your ear for the entirety of a playoff game wasn't bad enough, Devonta Freeman had to humor the type of chatterbox that doesn't shut the fuck up until he talks his way into your wallet.
P.S. Totally possible that that is Devonta Freeman's agent, and - in that case - everything I said still stands. Perhaps more so.
NYDailyNews- A Sarasota Open match between Frances Tiafoe and Mitchell Krueger was interrupted multiple times on Tuesday night due to a couple in a nearby house having very loud sex.
To their credit, Tiafor and Krueger did not seem fazed by the extra-curricular activities the neighbors were partaking in.
Krueger joking hit a tennis ball in the direction of the sex noises at one point and when the volume hit an embarrassingly high level, Tiafor, 19, yelled: “It can’t be that good!”
Poor guys. Seriously, you have to feel bad for Frances Tiafoe and Mitchell Krueger here. I haven't the slightest idea how good they actually are at tennis, but I do know it must be mighty hard to work your way up the ranks so that you're no longer competing in venues that potentially share public beaches with porn shoots. They are professionals who should be able to perform under non-optimal conditions, but it still can't be easy to showcase the entirety of your talent while listening to some vocally gifted broad attempt to ease the insecurities of her boyfriend.
There's a reason that the most prestigious of tennis tournaments will drag you into the bowels of the stadium and break your fingers like you were running just a litttttle too hot on the blackjack table if you so much as cough from the back row during a Serena serve. That's probably because it's an unnecessarily high brow sport, but I would imagine it also has something to do with it being very hard to concentrate when the all-too-respectful silence is broken. I can't even begin to comprehend the level of difficulty when it's broken by some couple that sounds like they are fucking in the sixth row.
Hell, it may have been respectful if they were fucking in the 6th row. At least then they would get tagged with a sweet label like "exhibitionists" instead of just being the type of obnoxious assholes that take their moaning and groaning to a completely unnatural decibel level just to prove to as many people as possible how much sex they have. Speaking as someone who had a college roommate whose girlfriend thought the final game of beer pong was the best time to test the acoustics of his bedroom, it sucks to be reminded of how insignificant your match is by people that would rather shamelessly hump alongside it than watch it.
My First Reaction To Watching This Video Of A Negligent Security Guard At A Soccer Match was Undoubtedly The Wrong One
I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. I hate when light gets shed on the rear end of my ass backwards priorities. That, however, doesn't mean I don't think it makes me a better man to admit when I am wrong, and my initial reaction to this video was as wrong as I have ever been.
When I watched this "security guard" give thee ole' matador defense to a bunch of soccer hooligans my first thought was "how come I'm never lucky enough to run into this guy?". Obviously, I should want to avoid the last line of protection that's most likely to let someone enter a public domain with a goddamn bazooka strapped inside their pant leg, but the irrationally impatient fan in me loves how quickly his line is moving. I'm undoubtedly more susceptible to getting stabbed inside the venue he's working, but I'll be damned if I am not able to order one more beer at the bar and still make inside for the start of the game he's working. If you give me some time to think about it then I have no problem admitting how dangerous this is, but in the moment I probably would have given this guy a tip if he casually waved his hands in my general direction and expedited me through to the ticket taker. This dude definitely needs to be fired, but ask me when I'm 25th in line 30 seconds before the scheduled puck drop and I might be willing to write him a letter of recommendation. Safety's first, but my personal convenience is such a close second that sometimes it's temporarily surpasses it.
A.J. McCarron Is Giving Back To The Japanese Culture By Opening Up A Restaurant Called 'AJian Sushi' In Alabama
CrimsonWhite- “You walk into our fast-casual atmosphere and you’ll design your own roll every time,” said Pete Zimmer, co-owner and main operator of Ajian Sushi. “At the hit of a button we’ll have white or brown rice, and from there you’ll pick your proteins, vegetables, toppings and sauces for close to $8 a roll.”
After spending 30 years in the restaurant business, Zimmer hopes to offer both the usual and unusual rolls one might expect from a classic sushi bistro. Ajian Sushi will maintain the traditional proteins like smoked salmon and spicy tuna, but will also provide options like the flamin’ hot Cheeto roll, peanut butter and jelly roll and the banana and Nutella roll for more daring customers.
“We’re going to do a lot of fun stuff,” Zimmer said. “We’ll have seasonal fruits and vegetables, different sides and salads, a lot of house-made drinks like lavender lemonade and agave gingerade and maybe even a dessert roll made of fruit roll-ups, rice krispy treats and licorice.”
I think there are two things that are going to save A.J. McCarron from receiving a dose of shit for turning his white ass name into a racial pun and then inexplicably attaching it to his business venture.
First and foremost, this restaurant is in the Alabama and I'm not sure that the fine folks of Tuscaloosa would ever give raw fish a legitimate chance unless they were under the assumption that it was rolled in support of the Tide. You don't have to like his strategy in doing so, but the Bengals backup is unquestionably spreading the Japanese culture - or a complete abortion of it, anyway - to a region of the country that still doesn't understand why they can't use the term "orientals".
Secondly, casual, cultural appropriation just isn't considered all that egregious when Asians are at the ass end of it. It's sad, but true. Can you imagine the backlash if A.J. McCarron tried to interject his fucking initials into the name of any other ethnicity that was not his own in order to profit off it? You think 'AJ's Blackfrican McCarron Grill' is going off without a hitch? How about 'MexiCarron's Burrito Palace'? The only reason Arabic people would come on down to 'The AJindian Curry Kingdom' is to picket and protest a rednecked quarterback's attempt at stealing their spice.
I personally believe it's hilarious that A.J. McCarron is going to be the co-owner of a "Japanese restaurant" that makes a complete and total mockery of the culture by fusing drunk white people food with a proud culinary art. The fact that they took the letters 'A' and 'J', wrote them as "Asian" as possible, flipped them on their side, and tried to pretend it's an authentic logo legitimately made me laugh out loud. I just think we can all agree that this would be seen as far more offensive if it came at the expense of a nationality that's a litttttttle more marginalized.
United Airlines Overbooked A Flight, So Naturally They Proceeded To Forcefully Drag A Passenger Off Of It
I think we have to give a little credit to United here. Anyone that has an extensive history of traveling should know that you are barely privy to the most basic of human rights while flying. I'm not saying it's okay for a company to have a paying customer dragged out of his seat like a whiny kid in the candy aisle after they failed - in spectacular fashion - to handle their inherently greedy overbooking process prior to boarding. I am just saying that I am glad that finally one airline was shamelessly candid about how little they give a shit about their passengers lives and/or general well being. There's something to be said for being forthright, and United letting an innocent doctor who wanted to get back to his practice in a timely fashion get assaulted due to their own goddamn negligence is just that.
That said, can we agree that the victim here was actively complicit in how bad of a visual this ended up being? I too would have put up a huge stink if I was sitting comfortably in my seat and was told I had to get off the flight....until multiple police officers were standing over me. Once I was staring into an arsenal worth of barrels belonging to some bouncer-looking motherfuckers' guns I would have been halfway to the terminal with my carry-on in tow. That situational awareness would have netted me a whole hell of a lot less money than what this dude is inevitably going to pocket, but at least it would have saved me a complete and thorough emasculation. I'd be the sucker that begrudgingly left after a expletive-ridden argument that would probably make me look like the guilty one when captured on video, but at least I wouldn't be the sucker that starred in a viral video as the grown man shrieking like a school girl.
The point is, this confrontation was ending one way - and one way only - once that poor Asian guy was "randomly" selected for looking like a pushover, and it was with him de-boarding. Obviously it's inexcusable to (inadvertently) beat the consciousness out of him and haul him down the aisle like a caveman returning with the family dinner. However, it's just as inexcusable for him to think that a "no" accompanied with a rational explanation was enough to save him from the harsh reality of being massively inconvenienced by others' stupidity while traveling. It's admittedly a tough way to learn that lesson, but I'm sure he'll sleep well once the settlement goes through. Assuming, of course, that's something he's encouraged to do while recovering from the concussion he sustained from that arm rest.
P.S. Everyone can spare me with "I am boycotting United!" nonsense. That stand will be over the next time the cheapest seat is on a United flight. You know it, I know it, and that lady who was extremely outraged, but not quite enough to offer up her own seat knows it.
Need Help Understanding The Syria Situation? Allow This CNN Analyst To Use Kentucky Basketball To Explain...
This comparison was a lot of things. Forced. Unnecessary. Random. I think we can all agree that a semantically convenient jab at the questionable way in which one particular university chooses to build their basketball program was not at all helpful in letting the loyal viewers of CNN know that the missile attack on Syria isn't going to be an isolated incident. In fact, if I know anything about the people that happened to be tuning in at the time then the reference was more confusing than it was explanatory.
That being said, I found it absolutely hilarious for all those ridiculous reasons. With Donald Trump having officially decided to start making proactive decisions that are as hypocritical (not wrong, per se) as the shit he spews on social media, can't we all benefit from a reason to laugh? I don't know if Major General James "Spider" Marks is a diehard Louisville fan or if John Calipari took a run at his wife in a past life, but if there was a team to make the butt of your poorly timed joke than it's Kentucky and if there's a poor time to do it then it's when the entire country could use some comic relief. Sure, he downplayed the severity of international warfare just as much as he underestimated the intelligence of his audience, but he brought some entertainment value to what could potentially be a scary situation and I - for one - appreciate his efforts in doing so.