On second thought, maybe this video isn't THAT bad. I don't want to jump to any conclusions and be overly nit-picky. After all, we do tend to exaggerate Lane Kiffin's failures because he's a loathsome, abhorrent human being, so let's at least try to be objective here for a minute.
If you just ignore that he looks like he's packed 3-4 pounds onto his face alone since being dishonorably discharged from his team following a playoff win, no longer appears to have any differentiation between his neck and chin, is covered in a thin film of sweat that looks like it has been resonating for a couple days, has squinted eyes reminiscent of someone that was just dragged out into the sunlight for the first time since being holed up in a windowless dive bar for the last 36 hours, is wearing an uneven shirt that I imagine was plucked fresh from the team store and pulled over his head to replace the one he dropped in the bushes as he jumped out of a housewife's window half dressed to sprint away from an enraged husband, and said the word "exciting" with the least amount of excitement of anyone who has ever used it with the intent of evoking excitement then...then...then....
Okay, never mind. This is brutal. Although, it does have background music that sounds like it was the score for some 1980's video game and who loves that Nintendo nostalgia more than 18 year old kids that were 15 years from being conceived when Mario started devouring magic mushrooms!? I can't say whether or not this video will be enough to get a bunch of mediocre recruits to ignore the booze on Lane Kiffin's breath and the pungent smell of age-inappropriate sex wafting throughout his office while they sign their future away to a coach that's not going to be there by the time they are sophomores, but - it's C-USA - so it's worth the most halfhearted of shots I suppose.
You May Think The Saints' Wideouts Can't Possibly Get Any Better, But Don't Mention That To Curtis Johnson
For clarification purposes, Curtis Johnson was the New Orleans Saints wide receivers' coach from 2006-2011. I'm sure you know what that means, but let me enlighten you in case your brain is already in the midst of that offseason fog. You see, 2009 happens to fall within that time span and it also happens to be a year in which a receiving core that was made up a previously slippery-fingered 2nd round pick (Devery Henderson), the latest of 7th round picks (Marques Colston), and an undrafted free agent (Lance Moore) manned the outside on a Super Bowl Championship offense.
Pretty awesome, right? But wait, it gets better. Remember 2011? You know, the year Drew Brees lit the goddamn league on fire, was robbed on an MVP, and was about 2-3 stupid Gregg Williams all-out blitzes away from heading to an NFC Championship Game in the SuperDome? In case your short term memory is shot, the guy who was helping to orchestrate that passing game was none other than that very same Curtis Johnson. Yup, the one who just signed on to come back to the place where he made his mark and this time he's being blessed with the youngest, most dynamic trio of pass catchers in the entire NFL.
I know, I can't believe it either. It took Michael Thomas no more than one year to prove his potential is limitless, Brandin Cooks is coming off back-to-back 1,000 yard seasons, and Willie Snead managed to turn in a second consecutive campaign in which he was one more big game away from hitting the very same milestone. That cast of talent in now going to be under the tutelage of a man who helped to put a ring on the finger of the slightly lesser (all due respect) players that came before them. Obviously I certainly wouldn't say that having inexperienced or under-coached weapons is what hindered the Saints' this year, but it sure is nice to know that they once again employ the man that has proven - time and time again - that he can get the most out of those weapons. It might be truly frightening for other teams to find out what that happens to be, but I'm getting goddamn giddy just thinking about it. Out with the old and in with the older, because if there is any assistant who it hurt to lose throughout the years it was Curtis Johnson and I would venture to guess he's coming back to prove the first stint was no fluke.
TMZ- Drew Brees is getting some HUGE support for his possible political career -- with one of Louisiana's most powerful politicians offering to chair Drew's campaign in the state.
We spoke with U.S. House of Representatives member Dr. Ralph Abraham -- who's been serving the 5th district of Louisiana since 2015 -- and he LOVES that Drew is considering a career in Washington after his playing days are over.
"Drew Brees led the Saints to a Super Bowl win; he can lead our nation to prosperity," Abraham told TMZ Sports in a statement.
"I’ll even chair his campaign in the 24 parishes I represent."
He added, "In all seriousness, I don’t know what Drew’s politics are, but it doesn’t matter. He’s demonstrated incredible character and class in New Orleans, and the world of politics could use a lot more folks like that."
Perfect! A beloved ambassador to New Orleans and an absolute Godsend to Saints' fans - who had very little to remember fondly before he came along - potentially venturing into the political realm post retirement? What could possibly go wrong!?! It's not like throwing on a stiff suit, overly primed dress shoes, and an appropriately colored tie has ever turned an endearing public figure into a polarizing lightning rod before. I bet making him pick a side and speak definitively on important societal issues that have multiple moving parts will do wonders for his already stellar reputation. If there's one thing I know about politics it's that all it takes is one good man who would be the first of his kind (in this case, a former pro football player) to come along and change everyone's perception of them for the better. I can't hardly wait to get Drew Brees' name on that ballet so that there will no longer be divide as to how people view him professionally!
In all seriousness, I think I speak for the entire city of New Orleans by telling Ralph Abraham "thanks, but no thanks". I honestly don't care if Drew Brees' body has given out on him in four years and he makes the best man for a job that will more than likely be fucked six ways to Sunday by 2020, because I don't want to be put in a position where I ever have to disagree with him. More accurately, I don't want to be put in a position where I have to go around waving obnoxious signs at rallies while blindly defending everything he supports. Make no mistake, if Drew steps out of pocket and runs for office then I will be blocking downfield every step of the way. Literally the last thing I want to do is become invested in the type of nauseating banter I have been avoiding at family gatherings since I became old enough to realize it turns grown men into completely irrational infants. So what do you say? Can we maybe stop filling a future Hall Of Famer's head with bureaucratic dreams and let him focus on turning 'Jimmy Johns' into something that's lightly more edible than 'Subway' when he eventually hangs up his cleats?
I Don't Think Grayson Allen Tripped This Dude, But It's Impossible To Give Him The Benefit Of The Doubt
I'm trying. I swear I'm trying. I hate Grayson Allen just as much as I hate reiterating the same crap about Grayson Allen and piling on the the dose of shit he's undoubtedly getting from other media outlets. That's why when I heard that there was another potential trip out there I watched it with the hope that I could take the contrarian viewpoint, but - as is always the case - he made that impossible.
And I don't mean that I can't give him the benefit of the doubt in the sense that he's college basketball's preeminent douchebag who clearly hasn't learned from his mistakes and thus doesn't deserve it. I mean I can't give him the benefit of the doubt because he's the most deliberate cocksucker to ever step foot on a court. Christ on the cross, if Duke is such a high level University then how come they can't find someone to teach an uber-talented kid some sleight of hand? At this point I think asking him to stay discipline with his limbs is like telling your child not to touch a hot stove as you turn your back and leave the room, but how has he not developed at least a little bit of craftiness. It's seem like a physical impossibility that someone could have so much practice only to get less obvious with their extracurricular bullshit.
Truth to be told, I don't even think he tripped this dude. It certainly looked like a flop to me, but you'd flop too if that bratty asshole - whose idle feet are known to be the Blue Devil's workshop - needlessly stomped down at your legs for no reason whatsoever. At some point someone is going to have to fabricate a Tourette's diagnosis for this Grayson Allen, because - assuming their wasn't a goddamn tarantula crawling across the court - that would be the only explanation for slamming his foot down when there was no other intention present. Now, from my limited knowledge of the college basketball rule book that seemingly changes from year to year, startling your opponent to the ground isn't illegal. That said, it's not exactly something that was anywhere near discrete enough for me to come to the defense of it just to be different.
Rick Carlisle; Eternally optimistic - yet brutally honest - head coach that's trying to focus on the bright spots of an unbelievably underwhelming year, or a disappointed fan that's trying to convince himself (or herself) that there's still a reason to keep watching until the completion of a hopeless season. It's pretty obviously the first one, but you can bet your ass that the entirety of the Mavericks' fanbase was just given the words that they have been desperately searching for to defend their team's futility.
"Shitty, yet underrated" might sound contradictory in theory, but it's an important distinction to make within a sports landscape that increasingly has trouble identifying teams and players as anything other than the best or the worst. The Mavericks stink worse than the most elderly of prolonged bathroom visits, but they have stunk their way to wins in four of their last five including victories over San Antonio and Cleveland. That's got to count for something, and when your record is 18-30 and you're staring up in the standings at New Orleans and Sacramento it counts for the temporary addition of the word "underrated" to your crappy team's season long narrative.
As someone who is a fan of multiple struggling teams with upside, it's nice to finally see a person with a championship pedigree and the respect of his peers put their stamp of overall on the concept of being simultaneously bad and disrespected. Even if it does have him recreating this scene at his next press conference...
Look, tin foil caps don't suit what little style I do have and I enjoy a solid nap so staying woke all the time simply isn't an option, but this "diss track" is far too much mutually beneficial for me to think it's anything other than a conspiracy.
Maybe saying this is the best thing that could happen to Skip Bayless is a bit strong, but having the best running back in football acknowledge someone who literally feeds off negativity can only help that person. Anytime someone takes Skip Bayless seriously enough to pay attention to him it's another win in his column, so getting someone to dedicate a fully produced song to him is the essentially the outspoken idiot's equivalent of hitting the Game 7 buzzer beater he'll forever criticize LeBron for passing up. I know that, you know that, and - if you listen to the lyrics - the person that wasted his time making this track knows that.
That's why there's no other explanation for this other than Le'Veon Bell wanting to further promote his rap career by insulting the most hated man in sports and Skip Bayless agreeing to be the target because it creates an endless amount of content for a dying show. Go back and listen to the song again real quick. That was about as cookie cutter as it gets when it comes to criticizing someone whose gotten caught in no shortage of lies. A Jerry Jones jab? A San Antonio Spurs punch? Even the title was about as lame as the artist's groin in the AFC title game. Either 'Juice' is a whack ass rapper that didn't bother to do his research prior to recording, or he's in cahoots with the buffoon he just went half speed with on wax. I'm choosing to believe the latter, because the alternative is that Le'Veon Bell needs to take a break until something dope hits him. Fuck it, let him take the mic home with him...
Wait, is that really an acceptable answer? I'm going to need some clarification here, because if this is an appropriate diagnosis of the Executive Order that has every airport worth it's salt looking like the outside of a 'Walmart' on Black Friday then I think I'm going to adopt it as my own as well. Honestly, I have been pretty mum on how I feel about the Muslim ban because my elementary understanding of it merely rivals that of the fucking world leader that put it in place. That's why I am going to assume that the Toronto Raptors guard was asked about it for a reason, and that reason is that he's the foremost authority on the legitimacy of asinine, unforeseen political endeavors that compromise the freedoms by which this country was built on. It might not be the most intricate or educational of opinion, but - considering I know nothing of the vetting process that's taking place with incoming refugees - I'm regulated to keeping simple and it simply doesn't get anymore to the point than "it's bullshit". Thank you, Kyle Lowry. My potty mouth was lost for words and you blessed me with the unalienable right to express my displeasure in expletive form when the unalienable rights of others somehow became alienated by an asshole who is so perpetually intoxicated with power that he makes Johnny Manziel's six hour stints of sobriety look impressive.
I'm on record saying that I thought LeBron James demanding more help just because his team hit a rough patch in the regular season was completely disingenuous. I didn't hesitate to say it seemed counterintuitive to condemn the entirety of a locker room and the front office that put it together when they helped him win a legacy defining championship just a little over 6 months ago. I felt like Jay-Z as I listened to him to him rant and bitch like the petulant child he has proven to be off the court, because he was dropping a bunch of fucks for dramatic effect like it wasn't "all good just a week ago".
That's why this full on public evisceration of someone that agreed with my sentiment puts me in a tough spot. Subjectively speaking, I like Charles Barkley a whole hell of a lot more than LeBron James, but - objectively speaking - the latter didn't say anything that was untrue. Did it come off as holier than thou? A little bit. Did he cap his damnation with a sign off so cringeworthy that it made Clint Eastwood's eyes roll back to the 1950's when he was twirling pistols on his pointer fingers as he kicked in the saloon doors of every local watering hole in the wild, wild west? ABSOLUTELY. However, I have to give credit where credit is due, because - for potentially the first time in his life - LeBron James was forthright. I don't know why it came at the expense of a talking head who intentionally goes over-the-top in search of laughs when so many others have been hyper-critical of him in the past, but just because the target seems arbitrary doesn't mean the message is any less pointed.
For the first time I can remember, LeBron James made no attempt to be subtle. There was nothing passive about that aggression. I'm sure I'll regret saying this because they are undoubtedly on the horizon, but there were no subtweets. No veiled shots that he can summon ambiguity to casually backtrack from. The 'King' of duplicity stopped beating around the bush and got all up in that ass. I still don't like the dumbass rant that this whole story stemmed from, but LeBron James deciding to put someone's name in his mouth instead of - yet again - hiding behind subliminal messages like a rapper who is scared to pick up the mic and battle is a step in the right direction. I'm not sure likability resides in that direction, but a little more respect for him as something other than an otherworldly basketball player certainly does.
TMZ- It's officially over for Mike Vick ... and the NFL star is going out with a massive party.
The 36-year-old quarterback is set to host his "official retirement party" at Grooves of Houston nightclub during Super Bowl weekend, a rep for Headliner Market Group tells TMZ Sports.
Vick had a pretty stellar NFL career since entering the league in 2001 when the ATL Falcons took him with the #1 overall pick. He also played for the Eagles, Jets and Steelers.
Just last week, Vick did a radio interview and said he could still play in the NFL and considered himself better than any backup QB in the league.
Well, it looks like Michael Vick is finally putting himself out to pasture. The running quarterback by which all running quarterbacks that came after him foolishly tried to model themselves is finally putting down his cleats without a fight. Man, if only he had that much respect for the dogs that savagely battled to their death in his backyard.
Sorry, I didn't even want to go down the canine killing road, but I felt like it deserved at least one sarcastic mention in an article about a once superhuman talent that had potentially the oddest career trajectory in NFL history.
Seriously, doesn't it seem like Michael Vick has been out of the NFL for a decade? I distinctly remember watching him make a start (that had a horrific end) for the Steelers last year, yet it somehow feels like I was in high school since the last time we were privy to the previously unmatched athleticism of the real Michael Vick. You could easily convince me that the dude that's just been popping around the league for the last few seasons casually playing a quarter here and a half there before re-injuring himself by refusing to slide in the face of a oncoming defender is just a stunt double. Maybe I considered him retired when he couldn't even win the starting job over Geno Smith, but something about Michael Vick throwing a retirement party in 2017 seems extremely belated to me. I guess one night of celebratory, pre-Super Bowl debauchery is easier to stomach than the excessive retirement tours that the MLB has come to know and love, but that doesn't mean that this shindig feels like it would have been more timely if it were held before his "co-host" followed serve on a prison sentence. Even the guy with a goddamn ice cream cone tatted on his face had to be like "are you sure about this?" when he got a call from Michael Vick to throw a highfalutin funeral for a career that lived longer than anyone's memory serves.
P.S. 2002. Yes, two-thousand-and-TWO. Which was apparently lonnnnng before the invention of high definition television...
Ironically enough, the main reason (among a host of others) that I have never gone naked streaking at a sporting event is the same reason that I never felt the urge to become a hurdler. They both seem like activities that lend themselves to high levels of eventual, inevitable embarrassment.
That's why I can't help but think this guy miscalculated his odds when he decided to dart dick-out across the entirety of a soccer field before trying to propel himself over a barrier that he was about 10 less beers, the loss of 35-40 pounds, and about 2-3 dozen track meets away from being prepared for. I don't want to tell the guy how to live his life, but I also don't think he needs me to now that his manhood undoubtedly feels like less of one while he recovers from the charlie horse developing on his ass cheek after he got laid out by an inanimate object. I understand the risk of speaking for someone that felt it was a good idea to dress up in his birthday suit and haul his shriveled up balls across a longer-than-it-looks field of play, but I don't think it is something you do twice.
Maybe I have more faith in humanity than most, but I would hope that being led out onto the street with your hands held behind your back thus calling more attention to your drunken micropenis would deter future acts of hilarious indecency. Nothing is ever going to stop inebriated white guys' endless search for attention, but I'm going out on a limb and saying that laying in painful wait of security guards that were less effective than a 2 foot high wall while having the sun shine all over the least forgiving parts of your body was enough to put an end to this inebriated white guy's search for attention.
"Of Course Having Snoop Dogg DJ The Skills Competition Is A Good Idea, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?!"
Do you mean to tell me that the NHL tried to shamelessly pander to casual fans that may or may not be more likely to tune into the NBA All Star Game and it almost immediately blew up right in their stupid faces? That doesn't sound right. Ignoring a blatantly obvious dilemma only to see it come to fruition mere seconds into a nationally broadcasted, league-wide showcase that's part of a centennial celebration doesn't sound like something that would happen to Gary Bettman. No sir, not MY commissioner!
Look, you won't get me to tell you it was a bad idea to have a world-renowned user of recreational drugs DJ an event that the NHL - for some reason - considers far more important than it actually is. That's not only because I'm a fan of the D-O-Double-G, but also because I love getting a laugh at the expense of a league that is run by old, out-of-touch white dudes whose attempts at being "hip" begin and end at booking popular black guys whose music they are apparently unfamiliar with. Seriously, that set went about as smoothly as...well...the liberal use of the word "nigga" in a song being played in front of thousands of hockey fans. So you can certainly say that it should have come with a 'Parental Advisory' warning. Just don't dare say that it was anything less than objectively hilarious when the bass had barely made it's way to the 300's and the word "mothafuckin" was already resonating through the bowels of a building that was housing legendary athletes that would rather dance through countless defenders than even consider jumping the generational gap.
Snoop Dogg certainly transcends his musical genre so I'm sure a vast majority of the crowd knew what they were getting into when they saw "that guy from the Comedy Central roasts" take the stage. Still, booking a rapper whose discography includes the album 'Doggystyle' and the hit song 'Bitch Please' and not realizing the inherent problems that may cause is such a perfect representation of how lost NHL executives are when it comes to effectively marketing themselves. Bringing in Snoop Dogg without the most common understanding that his greatest hits feature enough expletives to draw the ire of Don Cherry faster than a finger up his wazoo was so dangerously minded that it would make Roger Goodell feel good about his ability to relate publicly. The juxtaposition of the DoggFather thoughtlessly nodding his head to one of his profanity laced bangers to the group of wealthy men sitting in a luxury box simultaneously having an aneurysm is so over-the-top absurd that it's only comparable to a classic scene in a movie that used Jon Lovitz to parody Michelle Pfeiffer...
P.S. Exactly the type of apology I would expect from Snoop Dogg after he got on stage and did exactly what Snoop Dogg is supposed to do when he gets on a stage....
The haters will argue that all Taylor Hall managed to do was be the only back-to-back All Star that got traded from one winning division in a meaningless, gimmicky tournament no one cares about to another winning division in the subsequent meaningless, gimmicky tournament no one cares about. To those people I say, history is history so don't be salty that your team's representative wasn't the biggest "difference maker" in the NHL's desperate attempt to get people to care about their sport during their annual, celebratory weekend work stoppage. Facts are facts, and the New Jersey Devils' newest star is the only player in the entire league that's coming off consecutive titles.
Crazy when you really think about it. Seems like just yesterday the kid was getting moved for what has turned out to be the Devils' only hope defensively, and he's already a two time champion. Just when you think a stunning offseason move hasn't fully paid it's dividends, the player it netted you is coming home with a $100K worth of winnings and a proven championship pedigree. Granted, they aren't winnings that are going to result in any banners being raised to the rafters of the Prudential Center, but such is the rebuilding process. Everyone knows that having one of the faces of your franchise reign supreme in a lighthearted 3-on-3 tournament in which the participants are only playing at half speed is one of the main building blocks by which the foundation of successful organizations are built.
And you know what, even if it isn't...it's still pretty nice to see a Devils' player smiling in a championship photo. At least we now know that Taylor Hall is notoriously and victoriously photogenic. Wouldn't want him getting caught with one eye open when he's laying next to the Stanley Cup in three lonnnnnnnnng years.
TFW you have to stop hanging out with some of the most accomplished players in NHL history and catch a flight back to the bottom of the Eastern Conference....
My takeaway from the Pro Bowl is potentially the most loathsome start to any sentence in the history of organized (or disorganized, for that matter) words. Trying to make declarations about a player after their performance in a game they only accepted an invite to because it came with an all-expenses-paid vacation is nothing short of stupid. Seriously, I hate myself for watching even a second of football that was so pointless that it makes a Brock Osweiler five step drop on 3rd and long seem hopeful by comparison, so it really pains me to waste time talking about specific plays from it.
That said, the specific plays in question support a thought process that so was evident in past games that actually did count that it ultimately got a transcendent talent traded out of an offense in which he was on pace to go down as one of the prolific tight ends (or wide receivers, depending who you ask) of all time. Jimmy Graham letting a hit that was probably a little higher and harder than it needed to be* get so far in his head that the next time he crossed the middle he gifted a game ending interception on a ball that a man of his skill set could catch in his sleep is sadly a series of events that is all too reminiscent to Saints fans. I was the victim of nostalgia earlier in the weekend when this picture struck me right in all my feels and started giving me both rational and irrational illusions of what could have been....
Between that and watching him regain his propensity for the spectacular in Seattle this year, I admittedly did start to miss the best dunker in Saints' history a little bit. However, Jimmy Graham's on-field fit in response to physicality and subsequent drop reminded me that the Saints didn't just move him because they really needed a reliable, veteran center. They moved him because he too often lost the mental battle against players that had no business intimidating him given his physical stature. The Pro Bowl means less than nothing, but that doesn't mean it didn't give us a retrospective glimpse into the rationale of both parties involved in the Jimmy Graham trade nearly two years after it shocked the sports world. He took part in a game that features the best players in the world so he's still almost unfairly talented, but the biggest hole in his game was on full display whether or not the result counted last night.
*Given the fact that every hit that takes place during a meaningless game is completely unnecessary.
FTW- According to Ravens safety Eric Weddle, Von Miller went on a seven-minute rant during Pro Bowl week about how Rivers is one of the league’s best passers…
“I’ll give you guys a really inside story. It happened two nights ago. We were all hanging out at the bar. It was me, Philip, Bobby Wagner, Von Miller, Harrison Smith and a couple other guys. And Von comes up — and we’re just talking about games and experiences — and Von goes on this seven-minute dissertation of how much he loves, respects and admires Philip and thinks he’s one of the best quarterbacks in this league.
“And he goes off and says, ‘Look who he played with and [he still] beat us!’ He’s just like, ‘That guy right there is amazing.’
“Honestly to players, players know, like, players know you come here, and you could have a couple games … but they know how good you are. Really, at the bottom line, who you play with, what you’re playing with, the team, the scheme — they know. So it was a perfect example of one of the best players in this league — [one of] the greatest people — was literally talking to Phil and telling him how much he thinks he’s the best quarterback in the league. And he was really being honest about it. It was awesome just to see that.”
I got to be honest, I don't even know why I consider this newsworthy. In fact, it probably isn't. It really shouldn't come as much of a surprise that one great player in a league full of great players has a massive amount of respect for another great player whose failures are - at the very least - partially conjecture.
That said, it's hard to keep your ears from perking up when the word "dissertation" gets thrown around in reference to the thoughts of a professional athlete. Especially when they are directed at someone who definitely doesn't get the credit he deserves. Anyone that watched a Chargers game this year knows that their 5-11 record doesn't accurately portray the abilities of the man they have under center. I know I am guilty of it as well, but it's nice to take a break from the "Philip Rivers has twice as many children as memorable playoff performances" jokes and acknowledge that the other FIFTY-TWO men on his roster might need to shoulder some of that blame.
Ignoring facts in lieu of circumstantial evidence to support overblown narratives is approximately half the fun of following football, but sometimes we need to reminded of exactly what we are doing in the process. There's no better person to provide us with the realization that Philip Rivers is actually like reallllly good at what he does than the man whose paid handsomely to line up across from him and attempt to leave an outline of his body in the dirt. No one has more of a reason to be overly critical of a quarterback than the defensive end on a division rival so maybe the Chargers signal caller is a little more than the sum of his losses. I'm not sure I would agree so profoundly with that sentiment that I could give you an entire thesis on the legitimacy of it, but I'm certainly not going to argue with the sack master himself.
P.S. I love that even while giving the most selfless of praise to an opponent, Von Miller still managed to pat himself on the back by acting like beating a 9-7 Broncos team is the equivalent of raising enough children for your family to field an entire side of the ball....
‘Look who he played with and [he still] beat us!’ He’s just like, ‘That guy right there is amazing.’
So THIS is why thousands of us dragged luggage nearly 2 miles to get to LAX, but still missed our flights. Fortunately, a 7 hour wait for the next flight to Houston won't affect me that much, but my heart sank for the elderly and parents with small children who did their best to walk all that way but had no chance of making their flights. I love witnessing people exercise their right to protest! But it saddened me to see the joy on their faces knowing that they were successful in disrupting so many people's travel plans. Yes, immigrants were affected by this as well. Brilliant. ??
If you can't at least mildly sympathize with Sage Steele here then you are flat out lying to yourself. I think I speak for those with at least an ounce of self awareness when I say that being inconvenienced while traveling is the one thing that will you turn you into your worst, most dehumanizing version of self. Seriously, if I have to drive more than two levels up in the airport parking garage the thoughts that go through my head are far concerning than the unlawful detainment of innocent immigrants. If I put myself in Sage Steele's shoes then I can promise you that there wouldn't have been a single moment in my life that I would have given less of a fuck about refugees than I did as I lugged bags around on a journey that sounds vaguely similar to my great-grandfather's snowy uphill hike to and from elementary school.
What I can't support is her putting a voice to the narcissistic, self-important bullshit that our collective brain begins to process when it's forced to wait in an obnoxiously long security line. I'm not here to criticize anyone for their homicidal thoughts as the "gatekeeper" gets on the mic and announces yet another delay, but I am here to chastise anyone that keeps a public record of their stupidity in those situations. I'm probably giving Sage Steele too much credit her, but one would hope she'd look back at that Instagram post and realize that it could be summed up with a caption of "I know the lives of people must less fortunate than myself are at risk, but...". I mean, any rational person could see how dumb it is to attach an American flag to some self centered rant against people exercising a right that is inherently American to fight against a process that couldn't be anymore unAmerican. Unfortunately, rationality is outside the realm of possibility when you've learned that you've missed a flight.
So don't let the children and elderly that were undoubtedly walking alongside her fool you, because the "inspiration" for this post wasn't the hardships that people other than herself had to face. I simply can't take her seriously when she's using other immigrants and their insanely untimely travel plans to enhance her selfish narrative. Her heart didn't sink for a goddamn soul, because the type of person that lets their (completely understandable) frustration speak for them on the internet is one that is temporarily without compassion. We've all been there so I'm not going to crucify her for having an inhumane lack of perspective. I will, however, crucify her for failing to put her head down, her headphones in, and silently trudging through it like every other schmuck who has fallen victim to a crappy airport experience without trying to justify being an egotistical asshole online.
Oh well, at least she's never proven that she's a hypocrite or anything...
C.J. McCollum Took Exception To Chandler Parsons Taking Exception To The Blazers Twitter Mocking His Airball
What an odd, odd world we have come to live in. Just think about it this way. Some nameless dude sitting behind a desk tasked with using social media to engage a fan base just incited a twitter beef between two professionals - who would have no other reason to dislike each other - with literally thee most harmless of jokes. A player who is comically underperforming a ghastly new contract during the rare instances in which he is actually healthy enough to fulfill it is taking pot shots at entire franchises because they made fun of a play that gets mocked relentlessly from the playground on up.
I don't know why we would get "technical" in a childish online argument that was accidentally started by the blatantly sarcastic internet representative of a basketball team, but - if we were to - then Chandler Parsons is absolutely correct. Averaging SIX points a game while spending more than half of a season in which you're earning TWENTY TWO MILLION DOLLARS wearing street clothes is pretty damn close to having a lucrative profession based on a bunch of ping pong balls miraculously popping up in your favor.
Unfortunately for him, that also makes him the pro athlete equivalent of the rich kid that goes around school bragging about the value of the trust fund he did next to nothing to earn. I don't mean to be crass, but with his laundry list of failures it might be a good time to learn how to at least laugh at the most obvious of them. That would certainly make him a more sympathetic figure than sounding like the douchiest of bags whose best friend is his bank account in a contentious back-and-forth that loosely translates to this...
TrailBlazers: Ha! Sick shot bro.
Parsons: Whatever, your team sucks!
McCollum: Not as much as you and your knees, scoreboard!
Parsons: Shut up jerk, I'm richer than you!
I'll be the first one to say it, the New Jersey Devils - as currently constructed - are not a good hockey team. Now, the truth is I'm only the first person to say it because literally everyone else who has been watching as two different backup goaltenders were unquestionably their best players in back-to-back games didn't think it was necessary to waste the words. Still, the fact that I am admitting they are flawed should not be overlooked while I try to argue they aren't as flawed as they've looked at times.
Make no mistake, the talent on defense is a terrible way to start a sentence because it implies that there's not such an eye-opening scarcity of it that it makes Mexico's clean water supply look fruitful. That doesn't mean I don't think that borderline NHL defenseman aren't capable of playing more focused hockey than they did in the following clips...
I don't mean to give the benefit of the doubt to a couple of guys who proved less than 24 hours ago that they don't deserve it. That said, I have no choice but to believe that a veteran like Kyle Quincey didn't stay in the league this long by rocketing passes into the shinguard of the most dangerous player in the entire NHL when he had literally the entire rink at his disposal. I know Jon Merrill's education at Michigan was cut short but something tells me a coach or two notified him that passing the puck to a covered teammate in front of his own net on the penalty kill is not conducive to winning.
The Devils aren't losing because they don't have enough skill to walk on water, they are losing because they look like they need the help of fucking swimmies to stay afloat in the shallow end. We're talking about turning the most elementary of basics into easily avoidable chances against. Mistakes that would make the balding coach of a Pee-Wee team rip a clump of his rapidly thinning hair out. Complete failures to uphold the principles of Day 1, "daddy still ties my skates for me" lessons. The first two goals against last night were so unforgivably stupid that they made the defense that stared at Lars Eller from afar like they just found out he was 'Patient Zero' while he potted the third goal look fundamentally sound by comparison, and - in a completely masochistic way - that's just flat out impressive.
The fact of the matter is that the Devils played a fairly good brand of hockey throughout the first period. Hell, going by their meager standards they likely had an entire game's worth of scoring opportunities through the first 20 minutes. It just didn't make a damn difference because of two inexcusable gaffs that are simply suicidal against a team that's markedly more skilled.
I repeat, I don't think the Devils are good by any metric. I just think it's literally impossible for a professional hockey team to be as bad as the decision making that led to the two goal hole they stood an ankle biter's chance of climbing out of. I truly believe that with the way the two guys below are playing they don't even have to be all that much better to appear average, but they do have to be a hell of a lot smarter...
Drew Brees' Kid Rocking Odell Beckham's Gear At The Pro Bowl Is Proof There's No Right Way To Parent
This may come as huge surprise to everyone, but Drew Brees' is a far better person than I am. Go ahead, pick your jaws up off the floor. I have readily accepted that I'll never be half the man that New Orleans Quarterback/Citywide Ambassador is so you should too. That's why I'm just going to go ahead and say what the leader in the 'Father Of The Year' race would never dare utter - it's impossible to raise children the right way.
Think about it. Drew Brees is the consummate professional. If there ever were a true personification of the term "leader" it would be him. He's supremely talent, yet insanely hard working. He's rarely - if ever - received the help he deserves on the defensive side of ball, but when it comes to pointing fingers he only directs them at the mirror. If there's an athlete you would want as a role model for your child it would be Drew Brees...and Drew Brees' child is trying his damnedest to emulate the NFL's biggest infant.
I can just picture this kid in the backyard dropping half the passes that his future 'Hall Of Fame' father feeds him because he refuses to use two hands. I can almost hear him saying, "yeah dad, I know you have five 5,000 yard seasons, a Super Bowl trophy, and the respect of each and everyone of your peers, but you don't have a blonde mohawk and an up-and-down love affair with an inanimate object."
I promise you I'm not trying to paint Odell Beckham as some sort of egomaniacal monster that is setting a terrible example for the youth of tomorrow by being a narcissistic attention whore of a human being. I do, however, think he is the type of teammate that would make his biggest fan's dad consider giving up football to go full time at Jimmy John's. I just can't see someone as passionate as the Saints' quarterback standing around drooling out the side of his mouth like Eli Manning when the Giants star receiver goes from 'lightning in a bottle' to a 'shit storm in a field goal net'. Odell Beckham is, quite literally, the Anti-Drew Brees and not even the most loving, attentive, hard working, successful parent could help his son see that. There's no shortage of reasons I shouldn't be procreating, but the inability to let it slide when people close to me don't hate the same things I do has just been added to the list.
I Love That Conor McGregor Tried To Smack A Cell Phone Out Of A Fan's Hands While He Was SnapChatting
I know this may sound like blasphemy to some, but I am not a Conor McGregor fan boy. I appreciate what he does in the octagon and I respect the hell out of the fact that he never, ever stops chirping, but there are certainly times in which I feel like his actions are - for lack of a better term - overacted (as seen here).
I say all that just to make it clear that my opinion of the person that tried to swat a presumptuous fan's celly into the next county has no bearing on how I feel about his decision to do so. You see, I absolutely love Conor McGregor's attempt at committing 'Apple' abuse against a kid who ran up on a UFC fighter like he was in an exhibit at the goddamn zoo. It's not that I feel all that bad for celebrities that are always in the public eye, because - generally speaking - they are compensated pretty well for it. However, if you shove a phone in their face before even waiting for an answer as to whether or not it's okay to do so then you deserve to soil yourself when they try to put your smartphone in the cemetery plot next to Steve Jobs.
I, for one, wish this happened more often. We should give everyone with even an ounce of star power the right to destroy any personal property that is put within their arm's reach without their approval. If you want to get your SnapChat game poppin' at the expense of someone else's privacy then you should have to risk something in return and there is no more appropriate thing to risk than the safety of the device that serves as your connection to the billions upon billions of strangers that you are trying desperately to impress. The fact that this kid still thinks he did "nothing" when Conor McGregor didn't even have to budge from his driver's seat to make contact with something that was streaming him into the cloud without his consent is the reason why we need more people out there slap-boxing smartphones. I don't fancy myself some kind of self loathing millennial, but the mental image of a bunch of entitled shitheads waiting on a long ass line at Verizon does bring a smile to my face.
Lie to me Enes, LIE TO ME! I don't care how bad the pain is, because when it is caused by an inanimate object that is designed to provide enough padding for the weight of a whole human ass it has absolutely has to be ignored until further notice. I genuinely believe that the only thing more selfish than a professional athlete somehow breaking his forearm in such an asinine, inexplicable way is a professional athlete not doing everything in his power to convince his teammates, his coaches, and their fans that he actually did it in a mildly appreciable manner. I honestly think I could do a better job justifying this injury if he immediately "had to go to the bathroom" and "tripped" on "a wet spot" while trying to hustle back to the bench in a timely fashion.
Shit, if he really wanted to keep his reputation in tact then he would have put on his big boy face, went back in the game, and taken a charge that "broke" his already broken forearm. How the hell is Westbrook supposed to respect Kanter when Russell finished an entire NBA game with a goddamn dent in the side of his face but Enes can't summon the will power to fake an existing injury?
To say that a person who battles for boards with some of the most physically imposing people on the planet can't possibly be so brittle that his bones can't withstand the impact of a folding chair built for comfort is apparently untrue. To say that a person who battles for boards with some of the most physically imposing people on the planet needs to show some toughness and keep a straight face until the time is right to fabricate a believable fall, however, is a fact that we all should have learned after Amare Stoudemire got one-punch-knocked out of the lineup by a fire extinguisher.