 MyNews13- Spectrum Sports has learned that a Florida Gators player implicated running back Jordan Scarlett and wide receiver Rick Wells into an ongoing investigation of a misuse of school issued funds.
According to a source, the Gators player named both Scarlett and Wells to the University of Florida Police Department. The Gators will now be without 10 players for Saturday’s opener, but that number could rise. A source tells Spectrum Sports more players will be suspended in the future due to their involvement in the ongoing UFPD investigation. The source says that their involvement in the alleged misconduct is the reason both will be suspended for Saturday’s season opener against Michigan. Head coach Jim McElwain confirmed Wednesday the two players will not travel to Arlington, Texas, but did not specifically address the reason for their suspension. McElwain says he wasn’t made aware of Scarlett and Wells involvement until Wednesday afternoon. Scarlett led UF in rushing last year, totaling 889 yards and six touchdowns. He was expected to start this week. On August 13, seven players, including top wide receiver Antonio Callaway were suspended. Multiple reports link the seven suspensions to a misuse of school issued funds. --------- Geez, what a sad state of affairs in Gainesville. It's almost as Jim McElwain has lost control of his locker room or something. I mean, can you believe he's got an unnamed player snitching on his own damn teammate just days before the start of their season? And to the cops, no less?! I suppose you could argue that the more significant issue is that nine players thought they were slick enough to use scholarship money for their side hustle. However, it's that one loose lipped bastard that apparently didn't realize that there's no statue of limitations on justice that I'm worried about. The fact that he didn't even think about waiting until Northern Colorado was coming to town to get that guilt off conscience tells me all I need to know about Jim McElwain's crappy painting of the big picture. Just days prior to starting a redshirt freshman at quarterback in a season opening game against a Jim Harbaugh-led team with a rugged defense, and he can't even stop the 75% of his roster that isn't suspended from implicating their starting running back to law enforcement without consulting him first?! Talk about a program in peril. It's one thing to roster a bunch of idiots who are dumb enough to think they've completely outsmarted the system. That actually seems pretty par for the course in the SEC. It's a far bigger indictment of your program when those who have a stake in it are pulling the proverbial chair out from underneath each other without even looking at a magnetized schedule first.
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Some NFL Executives Are Now Using RG3's Unemployment To Rationalize Colin Kaepernick's Unemployment8/31/2017  MMQB:
Executive 1: “It’s not something we discussed, so to talk about reasoning, we’re talking hypotheticals. … Certainly he’s good enough to be a backup. … But we have a good No. 2, a guy that fits our system that we have familiarity with. He’s here for the same reason that [Dolphins coach] Adam Gase goes back to [Jay] Cutler. We know exactly what we’re going to get from the guy. Physically, Kaepernick’s more talented, but familiarity with a backup at that position, knowing exactly what you’re going to get, is more important than the ‘wow’ factor. … It’s like with [Robert Griffin III]; you had him playing a certain way, and he was a hell of a player. But as soon as defenses figured out what they were, and a specific way to play them, that’s where they had to be able to start to win from the pocket. If you can’t do that in this league, it’s tough.” Executive 2: “From our end, it never got down to [going to the owner]. To me, the protests, all that, it wasn’t even a factor for us. It was the ability to fit within our offense. He doesn’t throw the ball great, he’s more of an on-the-move, zone-read type of quarterback. He needs to be in a specific system. For us, it was a system thing. What he does well is totally outside what most teams do. And so here’s my question: I understand the Kaepernick deal, why it’s news, but nobody’s talking about RG3? I know since it’s Kaepernick, it’s what sells, but the problem that RG3 has getting a job is the same as Kaepernick for a lot of teams.” Executive 3: “I don’t like the guy as a player. I don’t think he can play. I didn’t think he could play at Reno, I don’t think he can play now. … You don’t think if he was a good player, 20 teams would be lining up? … He’s inaccurate, inconsistent reading defenses. He needs everything to be perfect around him, and he needs to run a certain offense. When he was rolling, they had an unbelievable defense and a great running game with an amazing offensive line. Everything was perfect. And you consider that, why isn’t there a debate about RG3? He just wasn’t a consideration.” ------ Honestly, I'm shocked it took us until now to hear this one. After all, the best way to prove something isn't remotely racially motivated is to argue that all black, mobile quarterbacks are basically exactly the same. Never mind stats. Forget injury history. Context and circumstances are irrelevant when adopting the the polar opposite of the "You white? You Ben Affleck" approach to justifying the unemployment of a guy that had a 4:1 touchdown to interception ratio for a team that primarily employed skill position players that belong in the CFL. Colin Kaepernick decided to take a knee on behalf of the rights of an entire race while RG3 is probably afraid to take a knee out of fear that he might fracture it, but you can deny that they are both fast, African American quarterbacks and thus comparable by every significant metric other than on-field performance and resume. Now admittedly, one has quietly handled becoming the target of a divided nation of football fans with class while the other couldn't get regulated to a backup role without getting pouty and punting footballs to himself on the practice field. Unfortunately, having a wildly superior level of leadership capabilities and mental toughness doesn't matter as much as having an shared inclination to play outside the pocket. In all seriousness, score one for the "he's being blackballed" brigade. I have heard one single person make mention of RG-fucking-3's immature ass, and then all the sudden THREE different executives mention when while being interviewed for the same damn article? I don't think that all NFL owners are in some secret group text spitballing rationalizations, but this distinct line of parallel thinking is the type of thing that might appear out of absolutely nowhere if they were. Something to think about. 
First and foremost, let's just get this out of the way because everyone is thinking it... Watching black people react to a magic trick will never cease to be just as awe-inspiring as the actual magic trick they are reacting to. You can keep your cute cat videos and unfortunate taps to the testicles, because if I want to go down a YouTube rabbit hole full of must-watch entertainment then I'm looking for the type of black magic that summons spirits that are anything but evil. It truly provides a joy as simple as watching out-of-shape white people fight. More importantly, a 7th round pick is all it took to get Jon Dorenbos? A 7th round pick?!? Never mind the fact that he's a 37 year old long snapper, because I haven't seen a Saints' roster bond like that in ages! Granted, that's because I don't have a hidden camera catching every single interaction in the team facilities that isn't a sleight of hand that's all-but-guarantee to make the more melanin-sufficent members of the team lose their ever-loving minds, but that's besides the point. Sean Payton's trade happy ass probably would have gone as far up the draft board at a 5th rounder if he knew Jon Dorenbos had what it took to hype up even the flattest of locker rooms by cleverly picking it's card. Now, he could pull a rabbit out of a goddamn hat and the Saints might still finish 7-9, but you can't tell me that this team wasn't lacking the enthusiasm I just saw in that video the last couple of seasons. Hell, if he makes it through the season without being hurdled I might just think about thrusting him into the MVP conversation. Le'Veon Bell Is Now In A Rap Beef With Teammate Bud Dupree As He Holds Out For A Long Term Deal8/31/2017 
Initial diss by Bud Dupree: Le'Veon Bell's response:
Bud Dupree's response:
For the most, I'm pretty sure this is all in good fun. After all, what's a couple mildly derogatory bars between buddies? I'm not exactly sure that Le'Veon Bell was laughing when Bud Dupree's punchline undercut his importance in the offense, but I also don't think a lighthearted rap beef is going to cause some massive divide in the locker room. Simply put, this offense vs. defense battle isn't exactly as irreparably detrimental to the Steelers' team chemistry as the infamous east coast vs. west coast battle was to the livelihood of hip hop. I do, however, take umbrage with the fact that the only people that should have Le'Veon Bell's back in his extremely one-sided contract negotiation are the people who are publicly pressuring him to get back on the field. It's one thing for management or fans to not understand where an athlete is coming from when he demands a long term monetary guaranteed when his line of work lends itself to career crippling injuries, but his own teammates? They should know that you risk getting stuck in a rotten situation when you're a running back with a loose expiration date at the age of 30. Now, Le'Veon Bell might want to see a neurologist and get himself checked out for that CTE stuff if that '17' refers to the amount of millions he's looking for per season. The NFL should take precaution and mail '26' another drug test, because he may have dabbled in a different kind of green if he thinks that even the most "savage" player at a position as replaceable as running back is worthy of that type of money. Still, I find it insanely disingenuous that Antonio Brown, who not-so-coincidentally just received 17 million per over a four year extension, is the one filming freestyles aimed at shaming a teammate into a precarious situation that lacks long term security. The Steelers' wide receiver has made it pretty clear he has absolutely no filter when it comes to differentiating what should stay in-house. However, if he were anywhere near as self aware as he is shifty then he'd realize that even the most delusional of NFLers need to stick together when (often fruitlessly) attempting to force the greedy hands of those that exploit them physically and financially. 
As hilarious as it is that Kent State is still trying to fill their roster with unrecognized talent mere hours before they head down to college football country and take on the reigning National Champions, I also kind of respect the move. Other, more prestigious programs might be too proud to admit that their current receiving core couldn't catch a cold in the middle of allergy season. Not the Flashes. They are literally ready to plug in any abnormally large human being with a passing interest in football on their offensive line to serve as nothing more than a speed bump that could mildly decrease the quickness with which their quarterback gets run over. There is something to be said for a small school exhausting all their options in terms of campus-wide recruitment, even if doing so four nights before the season opener on the most unforgiving of turf seems a wee bit belated. I guess my only question here is whether or not they should have been so specific in their random, online cold call for supremely skilled students. Apparently they are depleted at wideout and offensive line, but if you're desperate enough to be putting out an APB on undiscovered athletes 96 hours before your season starts on the road in hostile territory then you probably shouldn't be putting those undiscovered athletes in a box. Hell, maybe there's an aspiring cornerback out there that just needs a practice or two to find out that his hands are too good to be wasted on defense. It's not likely that there is some former high school nose tackle that packed on a quick freshman 15 while hitting the cafe 5 times a day during orientation week and would be better suited to block instead of shed blocks at the collegiate level. However, if there is then he's certainly not putting his bargain basement beer down thinking he's a suitable candidate to be the backup right guard. Are these Kent State coaches actual coaches at all? The "ATH" designation exists for a reason, and it's to get the most talent possible in the building before deciding where to put it. Especially when that talent is undoubtedly hard to come by throughout the half-drunk student body of a non-state 'state' school. If nothing else, that walk-on invite should have been all-encompassing so that it could be played off as a PR stunt when it inevitably produces diminishing returns. Instead it will be seen as a filtered call to arms that serves as the social media equivalent of a neon bar sign that publicly highlights your team's flaws. Nick Kyrgios Vehemently Denied That He Swore After He Blatantly Cursed At Himself On The Court8/30/2017 
I hate to break it to everyone that is going to automatically call Nick Kyrgios a liar, but he's absolutely, 100% right in passionately denying that he swore. I mean, I may read lips at a 4th grade level, but - since I already knew what "fuck" looked like heading into 3rd - I can definitively say that was indeed a "fuck". Unfortunately for all of you assholes tsk-tsking from under your high hats, a curse can't be recognized as voluntary without a target. Like, of course the most polarizing player in tennis doesn't believe that he used profanity. He's a jackass, not a psychopath. You know what type of people can recall every explicit conversation they have ever had with themselves purely out of frustration? The type of people you genuinely should be keeping a close eye (and ear) on when a crowd is present, because their mirrors would have called the police on them ages ago if they had the capability. I don't know all that much about Nick Kyrgios but I do know that he's not shy about owning the fact that he's kind of a prick. Why would someone that admits to being a prick refuse to admit that he used an obscenity that has audibly come out of the mouth of everyone that has ever picked up a racket? I'll tell you why, because he genuinely doesn't believe that he did. Plus - unless you play for the Kansas City Royals - a "fuck" should be irrelevant hearsay that is without consequence when it's shared between you and your hand.  TSN- Johnny Manziel worked out last week in Buffalo before a contingent of Hamilton Tiger-Cats coaches and front-office personnel, TSN has learned.
But the former Heisman Trophy winner will not be coming north anytime soon. The Ticats put Manziel through a series of physical and medical tests during their bye week on Aug. 23 and 24, coming away convinced he’s not ready to resume his professional career. “Too many red flags,” said one source. ----- Just stop for one second and think about the series of events that took place here... The Hamilton Tiger-Cats invited a quarterback who is not even four years removed from being a first round pick in the NFL draft to come try out for their winless CFL team, and decided to go with a "thanks, but no thanks" due to "too many red flags". That - in itself - would have been a scathing enough indictment of (the talent formerly known as) Johnny Football as a person and a professional, but it doesn't stop there. What happened next? Glad you asked... Well, that very same organization almost immediately sat down with a coach whose first instinct was to victim blame teenage girls that were sexually assaulted on his watch and determined that he, of alllllll people, was significantly more hirable. Now obviously Art Briles - with all his felonious flaws - is a better coach than Johnny Manziel is a quarterback. Still, the fact remains that the internet had the former enabler of gang rape back on the unemployment line by sundown and the Hamilton Tiger-Cats still had less strikes against him than the former Heisman Trophy winner. Perhaps it's not fair to act like it's an apples-to-apples comparison, but - since the timeline damn near has them passing each other in the hall - I think it's safe to say they were measured on the same moral compass. All you have to do is take a quick look in Art Briles' cold, dead eyes to see a minesweeping amount of red flags, so only Johnny (and likely his dealer) knows what type of shit he was on that forced an organization that proved to be ethically ambiguous to refuse him his last crack at a career in football. To be a worse candidate for employment than the guy that turned a college campus into an non-consensual, pro bono brothel? That's truly rock bottom, re-defined.  BustedCoverage- The Seattle Mist pounded the LA Temptation 28-13 last week to win the LFL’s Western Conference Championship and advance to the Legends Cup, but don’t let that score fool you — it wasn’t all fun and games out there. Not when Seattle hothead head coach Chris Michaelson is around dropping F bombs and demanding perfection. His Mist were up 20-6 at half, but you wouldn’t know it after watching the guy berate his team for not looking for the ball on offense and burying the QB. It’s become quite the apparent the guy only has one gear... After giving myself a second to process a rage-fueled tirade that appeared to be a projection of Chris Michaelson's personal problems at home or in his actual workplace, I must say that I don't find this remotely surprising. Sure, there were some times throughout that long winded diatribe - that went position by position in chastising the entirety of a roster that was currently up by multiple touchdowns - in which I wondered what he was so fucking mad about... ...Then I realized that he probably likes it better when his team is losing. You think a lunatic that is that passionate about football wants to be coaching a group of girls in booty shorts? All due respect to the proud members of the 'LFL' that could probably put me in a shock-induced coma with nothing more than a cold shoulder, but they can't possibly believe that the man who appears to be testing the limits of his heart is happy to be there. Chris Michaelson shows up to that "stadium" in front of tens-of-tens of fans every week just looking for a reason to get pissed off. Down 14? Up 14? What's the difference? The head coach of the Seattle Mist is going to find some sort of justification - no matter how illogical - to vent the frustrations that he has with own inability to work in a league whose popularity isn't more closely tied to a bare midriff than Ezekiel Elliott's. Of course he has no qualms with essentially telling his team to go fuck themselves when they are halfway to the Legends Cup. He'd sell that cup to the nearest pawn shop if it afforded him the chance to coach at a level competitive enough to condone him telling his players to make sure their opponent is forced to stop mid-game to hold a funeral service. 
Well, well, well...would you look at that? All the Tampa Bay Rays organization had to do was offer up a safe building to play some ball in, and they come away looking like their front office values their place among the MLB community above all else. Never mind that a vast majority of said front office probably wasn't in attendance because the actual occupants of the stadium were on the road in Kansas City. Doesn't matter that they may not have had a choice in the matter after the league set it up. All it took was a video montage for a displaced visiting team, a moment of silence, and some proceeds going to help those whose lives have been uprooted, and the Tampa Bay Rays walk away looking like a selfless franchise! Oh well, it's not like the Texas Rangers could have known how easy it would be to navigate an unfortunate situation without making themselves look like money hungry assholes. I'm sure in the moment it felt right to make the underwater city of Houston take their home games on the road, even if it meant acting as the pariah by responding to a request to switch series in such a socially awkward fashion that it would make Jerry Seinfeld want to bury his face in Kesha's hair. In fairness, who would have guessed that even appearing to sacrifice your own best interests while opening your doors for those in need would be so widely praised? Sigggggh, it's really a damn shame that Texas Rangers' management missed out on suuuuuuch an inconspicuous opportunity to look like decent human beings. But hey - look on the bright side - at least they didn't miss out on the all-important revenue stream that they'll get from three home games that will be played well after their team has mathematically eliminated from the postseason! J.J. Watt Has Raised Over 5 Million Dollars For Hurricane Harvey Relief Since Sunday Afternoon8/30/2017 
Here is where the cynics - much like myself - have to become painfully aware of spiteful our feet taste. That's not to say that J.J. Watt's actions in front of a camera aren't at least half as contrived as they appear. It's not to say that donning the proverbial cape as football's 'Captain America' whenever people are watching isn't at least partly a calculated way of enhancing how he's perceived by fans. I still think the 'Mr. Perfect' jig is drastically overdone and largely cringeworthy. However, when it's that potentially manipulated reputation that allows him to raise FIVE MILLION DOLLARS IN LESS THAN THREE DAYS for a desperate city with which his connection was originally just professional then all the forced photo-ops and overtly public acts of philanthropy become totally worth it. I'm sure people wouldn't hesitate to donate money to a good cause led by a professional athlete regardless. But when said professional athlete comes across as the NFL-equivalent of 'Superman' whose only kryptonite is a natural disaster that's destroying the region that he's wholeheartedly embraced then it undoubtedly encourages more charitable endeavors. So yeah, maybe it's time for us eternal pessimists to lay off the dude who goes above and beyond - albeit often in a nauseating way - to paint himself as a nice guy whose genuinely only interested in the good of others. It's certainly not difficult to find peers of his that have done worse. J.J. Watt probably isn't as flawless as he'd like you to believe, but if the belief that he is was responsible for raising even one more dollar for those whose lives are currently in shambles then it's impossible to argue that he should change his ways. Simply put, I can't help but tip my cap and do my part to hit that next milestone. Contribute below... YouCaring.com/JJWatt 
TMZ- The Royals exec was talking to the media about pitcher Danny Duffy's DUI -- when he was asked if there were "educational protocols" in place to help keep other players out of trouble.
That's when Moore revealed team programs to educate players about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and porn. "We talk about pornography and the effects of what that does to the minds of players and the distractions ... And how that leads to abuse of -- domestic abuse -- to abuse of women." Moore said the team also discusses how porn impacts relationships. Moore says the goal is to help his players become better people -- husbands, brothers, teammates. -------- I guess that settles that. Here I was thinking that baseball's entertainment value was being neutered by old, repressed white men and their antiquated, overly traditionalist values, and...well...according to Dayton Moore I have actually never been more right about anything in my entire fucking life. In fact, this level of accuracy is so foreign to me that I can't even remember the twists and turns we took down the path that led from drinking and driving to jerking off and beating your wife. Is the Royals GM some sort of evil genius that managed to make a connection so goddamned absurd that we instantly forgot that Danny Duffy's drunk ass fell asleep waiting for some french fries? Is he literally so clogged up with cum that he can't answer a laughably unrelated question without referring to the porn that he encourages his players to also avoid at all costs? I don't know what the hell the goal of that answer was, but I genuinely think we should be concerned about the safety of Dayton Moore's loved ones if he truly believes that emptying the tank is the root cause of spousal abuse. I felt like I was sitting around the poker table listening to Steve Carell's character describe a boob as a bag of sand while trying to wrap my brain around that response. Is it possible that the 50 year old General Manager of a professional baseball team has never enlisted some professional help while rubbing one out? If he has, does the result not immediately clear his head of everything but a little harmless self loathing? Has the clubhouse really been brainwashed by this asinine line of thinking? Could I have snapped the Kansas City Royals out of their 43 inning scoreless streak days ago if I just quickly flashed see POV assplay up on their projection screen? What's a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?!? Ahhhh, I have so many questions!!! I guess if I were to sum it up with one I would ask if the whole point of that press conference was to get me to ask myself all the other ones while completely ignoring that one of Dayton Moore's starting pitchers was so inebriated behind the wheel that he couldn't drive-thru something that is literally built for convenience? If not, then what exactly was the point of comparing the actual dangers of mind-altering substance abuse to the fictitious dangers of using visual aides for mind-clearing genital abuse? I may not have any of those answers, but I did come away from what oddly became a public condemnation of technologically enhanced masturbation with a slightly better understanding of something. And that is the underlying inhibitions that ultimately encourage grown men to hurl dangerous projectiles at the heads of other grown men when they exude even the tiniest bit of arousal or excitement on the baseball diamond. 
Let that ten hour tenure serve as a lesson to the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and any other football team that considers hiring a disgraced coach that enabled a criminal culture of violence, rape, and general lawlessness on a university campus. That lesson is: If you're too corrupt for college football in the South then you are literally too corrupt for any type of employment in sports. I don't know why a CFL team thought that a name that has become synonymous with widespread sexual misconduct would be a wise addition to the club. If the question is "how did a semi-professional organization find themselves blindsided by the type of unbearable backlash one should OBVIOUSLY expect after hiring Satan himself?" then your guess at an answer is as good as mine. That said, hopefully the instant tidal wave of criticism that ended Art Briles' tenure in Hamilton before the ink even dried on a contract that might as well have been a deal with the devil will turn off other moronic franchises from overlooking a resume of group rape just to add a little more firepower to their offense. I can't definitively say we will never see Art Briles on another sideline, because...well...I'm incapable of erasing the unforgivable aspects of sports' history that make the following tweet possible. I can, however, say it's a lot less likely after a team (unfortunately not all-that-shockingly) said "well, maybe..." and was met with a collective "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!?".
It's not particularly funny that Kansas City Royals' pitcher, Danny Duffy, was arrested last night for a DUI after passing out in the Burger King drive-thru. There is nothing inherently hilarious about endangering the lives of others by getting behind the wheel after drinking so much that you can't even keep your eyes open long enough for your chicken nuggets to finish frying. That said, the the visual of a professional athlete crying to coax civilians into taking the fall for him after being absolutely conked while trying to have it his way, combined with the fact that the Royals haven't scored a single run in 43 consecutive innings was basically begging for one-liners that bordered on the offensive. That's where a tweeter that forgot to switch away from the 'Fox 4 News' account he contributes to comes in....
— Kyle Coffey (@kylecoffey11) August 29, 2017 You know, this person is probably going to lose their job for tweeting out something that is wildly inappropriate considering the handle that it came from, but there is bright side to this. At least the joke that he was so anxious to get off before he forgot the punchline that he didn't check what he was logged in under will see more eyes now. I wouldn't consider it a tweet that was so funny that it needed multiple hashtags, but the person who crafted it was obviously pretty proud of it. To each his own, as they say. The soon-to-be unemployed dude behind the keyboard might be searching for work very shortly, but you can't say he hasn't found his 15 minutes of fame. Even if everyone that doesn't have an underdeveloped sense of humor would more accurately refer to them as 15 minutes of shame. Update: Turns out it was an anchor who apparently has enough job security to not care whether or not his over-the-top jokes are all that funny before sending them out to the entirety of the internet. I'm honestly more disappointed in the fact that someone with a blue check fell so short of the mark in reaching for laughs then the fact that they reached for laughs on the company account. In my eyes, distasteful becomes unforgivable when it lacks this much wit...
Wait just a gosh darned minute here. Do you mean to me that a 27 year old power puncher in the prime of his boxing career would have been better equipped to take out an unorthodox MMA fighter in a more timely fashion that the 40 year old, formerly retired boxer that prides himself on defense and is just there for a massive payday? Well, that's certainly something I never considered when watching a fight between two money hungry, race baiting assholes that don't even participate in the same sport! Who would have thought that massive differences in age, style, and time away from the sport could have such an effect on the outcome of an athletic competition? I get that Oscar De La Hoya is just trying to pump the tires of one of the only remaining stars in his sport while putting a fight that could have only been of detriment to said sport in the rearview. Still, it's probably best he just let go of his age-old beef with Floyd Mayweather, refuse to acknowledge last Saturday's circus, and stick to discussing a fight that doesn't have to pander to society's current racial discomfort to sell PPV's. Comparing the timing of Canelo's hypothetical TKO to that of Floyd's actual TKO only stands to further exacerbate the myth that Conor McGregor is a professional boxer. It would be like feeling it necessary to passionately argue that Kevin Durant would shutout Kevin Harvick in a game of 1-on-1 after watching the NASCAR driver nearly beat Dikembe Mutombo in a promotional free throw contest. It's a waste of words that can only justifies the legitimacy of what was simply a pure, unadulterated spectacle. Oregon State Called A Play Using 'Crying Jordan' And Immediately Proceeded To Turn The Ball Over8/29/2017 
Just who in the hell does Oregon State think they are? I'm all for incorporating some popular culture (no matter how nauseatingly outdated it might be) into college sports, but we are talking about a team that was starting on the road while coming off a 4-8 season. What in the world made them think they had what it takes to play chicken with the internet gods by putting themselves at risk of becoming a meme at the hands of a meme that is synonymous with abject failure? Fumbling away the 'Crying Jordan' play was nothing more than an ironic coincidence, but has the Beavers offensive coordinator ever heard of that thing people call an "omen"? Considering his team wasn't even favored against Colorado State, it might not have been the greatest idea to bust a visual representation of embarrassment to alert his team of a play that had the potential to end in complete embarrassment. Not saying it inspired his receiver to drop the ball, but it definitely inspired the internet to take notice and make fun of how goddamn awful Oregon State has become when he did. The Saints Traded A 7th Round Pick To The Eagles To Bring 'The Magic Man' In At Long Snapper8/29/2017 
Look, I'm not superstitious enough to think that a player who has been aptly nicknamed 'The Magic Man' is somehow going to mysteriously effect the outcome of football games with his ability to do clever card tricks. That said, I'm also not going to act like employing someone who is capable of wizardry is going to hurt a team that is a season removed from finding multiple, mind boggling ways to piss away football games. I know that the Saints traded for Jon Dorenbos because he's a trusted long snapper, and their starter at that largely unrecognized position was hobbling around in a walking boot just weeks before the start of a crucial season. However, after witnessing losses that caused me to slap myself to prove what I was just watched was actually real life, I would have been completely fine with Sean Payton coming to the mic and saying "we traded for Jon Dorenbos with the hope that his mastery of the unknown can reverse whatever hex has this fucking team finishing 7-9 regardless of circumstance". Hell, a 7th round pick that probably wouldn't make the roster two years from now anyway almost seems like a bargain price to pay for a guy that might be able to bewitch this team into believing in itself. To disagree with that premise, you'd have to have actively forgotten how haunting some of those losses were. Not only that, but you'd have to have actively forgotten that one of them was the result of a long snapper (that doesn't have a command of the unseen) getting hurdled in a fashion that allowed for a game losing 2 point reversion...
....so yeah, call me crazy, but I'll take 'The Magic Man' at that cheap of a cost. 
I completely understand the idea of not doing other organizations any favors in a business as cutthroat as professional sports, but I think it can be universally agreed upon that this is taking that concept above and beyond social acceptability. Ultimately, it falls on the league to relocate around natural disasters, but trying to leverage another MLB President for three of his home games when his city is under the sea is as heartless and cold blooded as it gets. Playing off a defense of your own revenue as a defense of your fans' financial commitments is just disgustingly disingenuous. Especially when you consider that every Rangers' fan with a soul would have gladly changed around their schedule to show up to games played one month earlier - when their team was still technically (albeit barely) in contention, mind you - if it meant doing a solid for a struggling neighboring city that was dealing with a hell of a lot more than being 15 games back in the division. At the end of the day, it's not the Texas Rangers' professional responsibility to sacrifice even one single ticket sale, but - since it's quite obviously their moral responsibility - they probably should have known that they were going to end up looking like cruel, insensitive dickheads by refusing to do so. When you poo-poo the idea of undergoing a minor inconvenience on behalf of those undergoing a major catastrophe then you deserve every ounce of backlash that comes your way. Simply agreeing to switch series would have been the easiest positive PR that an organization has ever received, and instead they intentionally pitted themselves against the most sympathetic of parties by claiming "unfairness" in the face of a drowning region that's too distraught and destroyed to give a shit about a first pitch. They temporarily switched the focus of a tragedy that took lives, families, friends, and/or homes to fucking baseball, and the Texas Rangers are shocked that people are pissed off and responding emotionally? 
Peter King to Jay Cutler: “Did you practice doing TV much this offseason before coming back?” Cutler: “I mean, I’d be lying if I said I did.” (h/t MMQB) -------- They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have, and I am supposed to be surprised that this guy didn't spend the summer suited up in his mirror tirelessly working on his vocal exercises? This is admittedly easier for me to say as someone that's never had to root for Jay Cutler after having the fate of my franchise placed on his unpredictable rocket arm, but I think you almost have to respect how little he gives a shit at this point. Having a job in professional sports is supposed to be a privilege, but it's not his fault that he keeps being given those privileges when he hasn't so much as cracked a smile at the prospect of keeping them. At this point, the guy who fell ass backwards into starting for the Miami Dolphins is basically 'The Godfather' of being gifted unearned contracts. You think his career is for sure dead, and he ends up with multiple lucrative offers that he can't refuse. That might not seem "fair" to quarterbacks who's busted their tail all offseason just to get passed over for the guy that responded to "are you in game shape?" with "I'm a quarterback, I don't need to be in shape". The cages of analysts and commentators that have spent years trying to perfect the craft of educating and entertaining a live audience might be rattled by having their spot taken by a guy who was chilling with his ass out instead of prepping with his tongue out. However, they certainly can't act like Jay Cutler was the one causing a disturbance by trying to break his way into the profession. Jay Cutler's promise has always begun and ended at showing up. I guess I would have to read the small print, but if there was some guarantee of preparation then I'm almost certain that Jay Cutler flipped past that page without a second thought. Pretty sure the American dream is to get to the point in life where you no longer have to apply for jobs you don't want, because jobs you don't want are trying to convince you to take them. Far be it for me to criticize the dude that appeared to have no problem turning both cheeks to professional football until professional football decided to monetarily massage them to the tune of hundreds of thousands - and eventually millions - of dollars. It's literally due to little to no effort of his own that he ended up in a position that ever single one of us would deem enviable - the position to not give one single fuck whether you keep that position. Kevin Durant Bet Bill Simmons That LeBron James Would Spend The Rest Of His Career In Cleveland8/28/2017  Durant: I personally always said he was staying. I told him this. That’s me. I feel like he’s going to end it in Cleveland. That’s his crib now. He run it and he gonna turn it into something mega when he’s done. He’s going to do something.
Simmons: What do you want to bet on this? I’m saying L.A. Durant: I’ll bet Fat Sal’s. Simmons: I’m in. I’m betting L.A. Durant: You’re staying on L.A.? Fat Sal’s combo meal. He’s staying in Cleveland. I’ve got him staying in Cleveland. Simmons: I think the Lakers thing makes a lot of sense. (h/t Uproxx) ------- I don't want to overstate how stupid this bet is on Kevin Durant's part for a couple reasons.... First of all, it would be silly to criticize two people with multi-million dollar net worths wagering more calories than pennies. More importantly, it would be disingenuous to all the people coming off a weekend in which they wasted significant sums of money gambling on a partially trained MMA fighter to outbox someone whose now made a billion by flawlessly making the best punchers in the world look silly. All in all, setting a truck full of Fat Sal's sandwiches on fire couldn't compare to the downright appalling financial irresponsibility that took place in Las Vegas this weekend. That being said, it's impossible to be so confident that LeBron James is staying in Cleveland for the rest of his career that you'd commit even a single cheat meal to it. We are talking about one of the most calculated superstars in sports history. Like, let's say you were naive enough to think nothing of his decision to repeatedly play on short term deals that leave his future flexible and/or his refusal to verbally commit to Cleveland beyond this year. You'd STILL have to be crazy to invest even one single bite of gluttony in the off-chance that Dan Gilbert doesn't say something incredibly stupid over the next year that causes irreparable damage to a already contentious relationship that was likely coming to an end regardless. Obviously it's not as costly, but this bet is as winnable as JPP putting a death grip on a lit M-80 and banking on it being a dud, because fireworks are damn near guaranteed to go off all over the place in Cleveland next offseason. I don't know if that's going to land the fuse lighter in Los Angeles, but I certainly wouldn't be willing to put one single ounce of sustenance on him staying in a tumultuous relationship with an organization that's preemptively started planning for his departure. 
I don't want to make it seem like disagree with the Bengals' decision to support their unhinged lunatic of a linebacker in his appeal of what is - in a vacuum - probably a pretty excessive 5 game suspension. After all, they really have no choice. Despite being such a clear and present danger to the health of his peers that even his own teammates aren't completely safe, Vontaze Burfict is a very good player. Though recent history tells a much different tale, I would imagine that Marvin Lewis is eventually going to have to pay for being behind the wheel during the entirety of the decade that Cincinnati's championship aspirations have been stuck spinning in the mud of mediocrity. I don't know whether or not this is that season. I would assume, however, that the head coach whose innate ability to avoid the hot seat clearly hasn't rubbed off on players that can't seem to avoid being put in the NFL equivalent of timeout would want even the reddest of hands on deck in case it is. I certainly wouldn't want to be held responsible for trying to argue that Vontaze Burfict's high hit on a defenseless receiver was legal, but - since they condoned his asinine actions for this long - I would actually encourage the Bengals to stand by this appeal until it proves completely futile. The crazy thing is that this hit just may have technically been legal, but - keeping in mind who threw it - it's blatantly obvious that the intent was anything but. The NFL will never come out and say as much publicly, but turning a relatively run-of-the-mill 15 yard penalty into a 5 game suspension has to be considered a 'Lifetime Achievement Award' in douchebaggery, and dare I say that the perfect candidate will be sitting at home with the "prize"? If you think about it, Roger Goodell already missed the boat on this one, and he'll be damned if he's going to let the same scapegoat get away without being made an example of again. Christ, the Commish could have bought himself at least a month free of addressing CTE studies if he just put Vontaze Burfict in NFL purgatory after the first dozen times he tried to behead somebody. At this point, a 5 game suspension is really just the culmination of a bunch of .2 game suspensions for every fucked up thing that the culprit has ever done on a football field. We are talking about a guy that stands out as the most psychotic individual in a league whose participation requires you to have very little regard for the prolonged health of the human body. I'm not trying to retroactively penalize players, but - in this case - I have more sympathy for the boy that cried wolf than the goddamn deviant that claimed innocence. |
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