http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2250473-lebron-james-says-return-to-cavs-is-one-of-the-biggest-sporting-events-ever

Hey, he said it, not me. Apparently, last night's Cavaliers/Knicks game was one of the biggest sports events ever. Stats don't lie. LeBron went 5-15 and walked out of his HOME opener with a loss. That's a choke job if I have ever seen one. Must be the colors. LeBron just can't walk the talk or fulfill his big boy shoes in front of his peers in Akron. Maybe that's why he left. I mean, I was convinced it was just the first game of the season, against a lowly Knicks team. If the first game is that important, I can't imagine the emphasis on the next 81. Is the season just over now? Generally speaking, the biggest sporting events take place in the playoffs. Was this a win or go home situation?

Don't get me wrong. I want LeBron to win in Cleveland as much as the next guy. The city deserves it. I don't hope he wins for himself. Or Kevin Love. Or Kyrie Irving. I hope he wins for the Cleveland fans. Cleveland is basically the sports equivalent of Detroit. It's the doldrums. Cleveland has been bankrupt of a winner for years. So yes, I hope LeBron is able to change that. However, don't try to sell me on how he is some sort of savior. The reason Cleveland has to be built from the ashes up is because LeBron, himself, burnt it to the ground with his move to Miami. Don't feed me how this is some cinderella story. LeBron left the city in shambles when he went to play with his boy toys Bosh and Wade. Now that he is back he is a hero? When your ex-girlfriend comes crawling back after she realizes what she did was wrong is she a hero? I didn't think so.

I love how the excuses for last night's performance are piling up. Stephen A. Smith said he was exhausted mentally from meetings all day. You think anyone gives a flying fuck? Maybe stop taking meeting and interviews and focus on basketball. That's your job title after all. I heard one sports reporter say they saw LeBron hyperventilating prior to the game. I don't think the blow job that the entire sports media has been giving him for the last week is hyperventilation worthy. You can't flood our televisions with the image of James return to Akron then blame his return to Akron for his performance. That's not how it works. I already know I'm going to hear it all year, but maybe don't toot the horn yourself LeBron. A game against the Knicks in October is not the biggest sporting event ever, no matter how hard you try to convince us.

No, that's not an exaggeration. It has been every second of 600 days. Quite honestly, felt like 600 months. It has cause me to age well beyond my years. When people ask me about my hairline, I can simply show them this stat. When I die at 46 I will have the Devils' lack of creativity to blame. Of course it was Josefson. Of course the tying goal was scored by Ryder. There aren't two other players on the team that have that have shorter fuses when it comes to my temper. Finally get a shootout win, and I have to eat my words on both of them. For the time being anyway.

Regardless of the outcome, which is truly all that matters in this situation, the game itself was beyond awful. The two points the Devils absolutely did not earn last night make up for the countless points they earned but did not receive in the last 600 days. A shootout win was the only way to leave Newark happy last night. If they had lucked their way into a 2-1 regulation win in the final minutes I still would have been furious at the pathetic nature of their play. However, all is forgotten. The three periods of elementary hockey I watched are water under the bridge. Shootout champions! Or something like that….

Let's get the negatives out of the way…

Bryce Salvador. 
Cannot catch a pass on his backhand, move it to his forehand and get the puck out of the zone. I take that back. Maybe he can do it. He certainly cannot do it in under 3 seconds. I watched it happen about 45 times last night. Pretty sure it resulted in 46 turnovers. Thank God Deboer finally sat him down in the 3rd. I'd rather play Seversen 40 minutes a night then watch Bryce try to figure out which way is up with the puck in his skates. 

Czeched Out. 
That's the only way I can describe the play of Marek Zidlicky and Patrik Elias the last few games. Elias looks like he has never seen a puck before. He looks like a gorilla trying to disarm a bomb. It's equal parts intriguing and frustrating.  I don't know why anyone thought it would be smart to put him in for the shootout. He has been doing the same backhand move where he doesn't lift the puck for almost a decade now. I swear he is going senile. His shootout percentage would be 75% if he could lift a backhand 12 inches off the ice.

I know Zidlicky is getting up there in age and his bed time is getting earlier and earlier. Someone better lace the smelling salts with some blow, because he has been falling asleep on the ice. The lone Jets' goal is evidence of that. I can accept the risk/reward that comes with Zids' play, but maybe acknowledge that there are two ends to the ice.

Clowe
Clowe looked like he just woke up from a 3 day bender. He had so many turnovers last night that I expected him to come out for the 3rd period in a Jets jersey, Winnipeg or New York. You know that type of hungover where you have limited motor skills? That was Ryan Clowe last night, just giving away pucks like they were condoms at the clinic.

However, last night was all about positives. I'm only half convinced I'm not dreaming. I'm supposed to believe that we won a shootout AND Ryder beat someone with speed. Let me digest one thing at a time. Excellent move by JoJo, and I would be remised if I didn't mention how well he has been playing of late. Welcomed change of pace from Tootoo.

Whatever. Win ugly. Win often. Just Win Baby!!!

Have you been a victim of football fraud? Have you been bamboozled by a faux Superman? Would you rather have Clark Kent at quarterback? Does your signal caller look like Floyd Mayweather trying to read a defense? Did you not heed my warnings? Cam Newton reminds me of a Gucci bag you buy on Canal St. Looks great from the outside, but it's the inside that isn't up to par. Oh, the nice Indian man selling designer bags on the corner didn't give you a receipt? No returns. No refunds. No buybacks. You can keep your poorly composed quarterback. 

I told you. I told Cam. One false step and Junya Galette was putting him in a body bag. While Scam may still be standing upright, you may consider this the eulogy of his dignity. His pride is in some morgue somewhere waiting to be identified. They are still trying to wipe the cleat prints off of it. Cameron Jordan and 'The Beard' were all over Newton like flies on shit. That analogy is almost too literal. Scam was shit personified last night. When the pass rush wasn't putting him on his back (where he belongs) he was firing passes 30 feet over his receivers' heads. Did anyone tell him that he can throw to people other than Kelvin Benjamin?

Speaking of Kelvin, did anyone tell him that the combine is over? That looked like some 4.61 speed to me. Is he saving up the good stuff for when they play in NOLA? Bet he regrets tanking the forty to play with Scam now. Benjamin is 6'6 and could barely get a finger on most of those passes. Bold strategy attacking #28. Didn't anyone tell you that's the 'No Fly Zone'? You haven't earned those wings yet Benjy. In fact, last night it looked like those wings got clipped. Keenan Lewis was so far in Benjamin's head that the one time he got bored with covering him, he dropped a touchdown pass.

As for Drew Brees, he was COD. Cash on delivery baby. The final score was 28-10 and should have been 42-10. If not for two freakish turnovers on the first 2 drives, the Saints' starters could have been scratching their balls on the bench by the 3rd quarter. I tried to tell people. No one wanted to listen. Mark Ingram is the truth. I'm not sure what obstacles Ingram encountered in his youth, but I am pretty sure he is still trying to run over, around and through them. He runs like he is mad at the world. You give him the carries and he will get you the yards, and probably put a few people in the hospital. Keep riding that bull hot, because he is the secret to the Saints' success. Jimmy is back. Ya know, as long as he doesn't break his neck headbutting benches. Seemed he was in pretty good health when he hurdled a lunging Roman Harper like he was a third grader (still love ya Harp).

If that is the pass rush the Saints intend on marching out on the field the rest of the year then I better start planning the parade. The defense looks revived. Making tackles. Causing turnovers. It is exactly what we thought we would be getting when the season opened. There was even a Patrick Robinson sighting! I almost felt bad for Scam Newton on the sack fumble. There was only one way that play was going to end. I'm pretty sure I saw Galette foaming from the mouth pre-snap.

Three home games coming up, and this team is back where it belongs. In first place in the NFC South. They are what you would consider a 'good' .500. Let's rinse the jerseys off and repeat the same performance next week. There is meaningful football to be played in January.

DeAngelo Williams. The leaky faucet. The only running back those gotten more yards out of his mouth than his legs. How's that foot taste? Ice up son.

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/man-kills-roommate-gets-haircut/820998/

EliteDaily- A Florida man was arrested at a barber shop when police say he decided to get a haircut after killing his roommate (pictured above) and having sex with her corpse.


There is one thing that is necessary for every big event in life. Whether it be class pictures, prom, a wedding, a mug shot, or even your planned death. That thing is a haircut. Think about it. Everytime you really want to be at your best looking there is always a haircut on the agenda. If my game plan is to commit a crime and then have the cops kill me, I would want my flow to be in tip top shape. Can't die looking like a bum.


Also, a fresh cut always makes you feel better, regardless of the situation. Well I would consider murdering and subsequently having sex with your dead roommate a good enough reason for a little 'pick me up'. Probably not feeling so hot after that. I know I sometimes get that regrettable feeling post intercourse and I have sex with LIVING human beings. Can only imagine that feeling being heightened by some necrophilia. Pretty sure that's considered a mistake 100% of the time.

Some people will argue that if he wanted a haircut he should have gotten one before all the murder and rape. I would agree with them. However, when's the last time you committed either of those crimes? I would imagine there's a lot on the mind in that situation. Some things become easily forgettable. That's why there are walk-in barbers, sometimes you forget to make an appointment.

I think what were overlooking is that this kid may have an undiagnosed case of dyslexia. Which chain of events makes more sense? Murder/sex/haircut or haircut/sex/murder? I think I am going to give this kid the benefit of the doubt and say he read his 'to-do' list backwards. The biggest take away here is if you really need to rape and murder someone, get the haircut before. Priorities.

Holy.Shit. Someone help! Are we just going to let this guy, literally and figuratively, die right before our eyes on national television? If he was on the Apollo the music would have started 10 seconds into his nerve filled diatribe. They would have had to bring in a forklift to remove him from the stage instead of the hook. This is supposed to be a World Series celebration and were just going to let a guy have a mild heart attack right in the middle of it? For Christ sake, the guy is breathing like an asthmatic woman in labor. His back sweat could fill Lake Minnetonka during a drought. He's about 90 seconds from looking like Chris Christie eating hot wings in a sauna. 

Is this the most elaborate fat joke in history? "Sure Chevy guy, you can present the trophy. The ceremony is on the 4th floor and there is no elevator, it starts in 2 minutes." I think Chevy actually has to shoulder most of the blame on this. You have to know this ginormous individual is already going to garner a significant amount of attention just from his presence. You have to keep his speech short and sweet. Have him say congratulations and point at a truck. The fucking guy barely knows his own name and you have him up there stuttering through an ill timed promo.

"It combines class leading, and winning, ya know, technology and stuff." Come on man. Clearly public speaking isn't your strong suit, but you can do better than that. Make a self depreciating fat joke. Those are always worth a laugh. Plus it would have gave you a chance to read what was actually on your notecard. 99% of people don't know shit about the inner workings of cars. The dealership asked me if I had a 4 or 6 cylinder and I stared back at the guy like he had 6 heads. You could have replaced 'and stuff' with literally anything else. It didn't even have to be a real thing. Just spit out a word you overheard in a meeting once or something. Regardless, I hopefully someone got this guy a bottle of water and a cold compress. I'd rather not think that I witnessed a man's last living breath. 

Annnnnd just because…...

http://deadspin.com/cowboys-rb-joseph-randle-cracked-jokes-in-jail-asked-f-1652772787

DeadSpin- Cowboys running back Joseph Randle was booked in Frisco County Jail after he allegedly stole cologne and underwear from a Dillard's earlier this month. Watching surveillance footage from the jail, Randle was oddly relaxed about the arrest, making jokes and offering an officer $100 for a massage.

You know, we hear all this talk about how females in the workplace are treated unfairly. How women receive less pay for the exact same jobs men do. We talk about how it should be equal opportunity and there should be no glass ceiling. Well, guess what ladies. Life isn't fair. Take this story for instance. You think a male officer is getting offered $100 to rub the back of a professional athlete? If I had a badge I would do that in a heartbeat. Is that frowned upon during booking? I have no shame. Cry me a river, you have lower annual salaries. You also have people like Randle making up the difference in earning potential.

Is anyone surprised by this? The guy that makes hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and got arrested for stealing cologne and underwear doesn't realize the severity of his actions? Color me shocked. Of course he treated it as a joke. He has been watching athletes get away with murder for years. No, I mean like actual murder. And rape. And spousal abuse. And gun charges. What's the worst that can happen for attempting to smell nice in some clean drawers? We have made it pretty clear throughout the years that athletes, celebrities, and the like, are above the law. 

Regardless, I think we have to judge these crimes on a case by case basis. I stand by the fact that the punishment doesn't fit the crime. He should have been given a slap on the wrist at worst.. Sure, he absolutely stole from Dillard's, but Dillard's has been stealing from it's customers for years. Don't believe me? Just ask the Sun Sentinel...

Did we prosecute Robin Hood? That's what I thought. Joseph Randle is simply a man of the people. A man that believes in karma and equal opportunity for women. Dare I say it, he's a hero.

https://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/mlb-big-league-stew/yordano-ventura-takes-walk-on-wild-side-in-warmups-as-ruse-against-giants-104811944.html

Yahoo- KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Grieving the loss of friend Oscar Taveras and trying to help save his team's season in Game 6 of the World Series on Tuesday night, right-hander Yordano Ventura emerged from theKansas City Royals bullpen with a plan.

When he ascended the pitcher's mound for warm-up tosses before the first inning began, Ventura appeared anything but ready for the San Francisco Giants. He misfired several times at catcher Salvador Perez, throwing several balls in the dirt and, at least twice, sending them to the backstop. 



​The part of this story that cannot be overlooked is how impressive Ventura was last night. After losing a friend, and fellow countryman, to a car accident just days before, Ventura went out and pitched a gem to the tune of 7 innings, 3 hits, and 0 runs. He even dedicated the night to Oscar Taveras and his family with the message inscribed across his hat. Just an all around, feel good story.

Generally speaking, there is usually two ways in which athletes respond to tragedy. They either maintain a workman like focus or completely crumble emotionally. It would have been completely understandable, even expected, had Ventura gone out and thrown a stinker last night. There had to be a lot on his mind, and sometimes there is more to life than sports. Thankfully, he did not, and he even worked a little gamesmanship into his pre game routine.

I tend to believe Ventura when he says he went out and threw wild pre game pitches with the intent of looking rattled. I'll tell you why. If it wasn't a ruse, there is no way he would have been able to re-gather himself for the game. You don't go from unsure of yourself and emotionally unstable to electric in a matter of minutes. Especially with so much on your mind. You are either locked in or you aren't in that situation.

I applaud this move by Yordano. In sports you do anything that can give you the slightest edge over the competition. Whether that be superstitions, bulletin board material, or even throwing a few in the dirt. Anything that can potentially get in the head of the opposition. I don't think the Giants went out there last night hoping that Yordano was flustered. I'm sure they have more respect for the game than that. However, you can bet your ass they were aware that Ventura was playing with a heavy heart. It was, quite literally, written all over his forehead. So when he followed up an atrocious warmup circuit with a certain command of his pitches there is no doubt it threw the Giants off a little bit. I'm not saying it was affecting how the Giants were swinging the bat all night. However, if it caught one player off guard, or was responsible for even one more strike, then it did its job. Hats off to Yordano for being so quick on his feet, and hats off for pitching an excellent game in the face of tragedy and adversity. 

Rest In Peace Oscar Taveras. 

I want to give you all a little preview of what you are about to read. You see this picture above? The one with the best hockey player in the world standing uncovered backdoor? In case you weren't aware, that is actually the goalie's fault. I know, I know. Surprised me too. However, I surveyed the masses and it seems that's the conclusion we have have come to as a fan base.

I am not going to sit here and tell you that Cory Schneider can do no wrong. He has given up his fair share of bad goals this season. He gave up his fair share of bad goals last night, but can we step back from the ledge for 2 minutes? I've seen people saying he is not an NHL starter. I have seen people saying they miss Marty. Holy shit. Hey psychos, Marty is never coming back. The Devils could have dressed Marty in his prime last night and they still would have gotten shellacked. 

Cory was totally responsible for ONE, count it, ONE goal last night. Out of the 5 he was in net for. There were two others that he could, debatably should, have had. They included an absolute snipe from the bottom of the circle and a breakaway off an awful turnover. Another goal was a rocket one timer from Malkin that went bar down quicker than an alcoholic slipping in his own vomit. Unstoppable. The final goal was scored by Sidney Crosby backdoor after he stood alone playing with his dick for 5 minutes. Unstoppable.

I get it. It's easier to pick out on guy to put all the blame on. Especially when that guy was just the beneficiary of a monster contract. However, if you can't see that the Devils problems run way deeper than the goaltender then you should stop watching the sport. The Devils are old and slow. They play a system that caters to their old and slow players. When they get away from playing that system, against a team that is superior in talent like Pittsburgh, things get ugly. The Devils are a team that thrives on puck possession. It's not a luxury, it's a necessity. When they start turning over the puck on blatantly telegraphed cross ice passes you see what you saw last night.

There has been a Devils calling card the last few years that remains constant when they are successful. That is being one of the least penalized teams in the league, and being excellent on the penalty kill when they do end up in the box. Both the concepts have gone by the wayside. The Devils penalty kill is at 66%. They are rapidly approaching 2 power play goals a game given up. That is unheard of. They have also been the culprits of unspeakable bad penalties. Dumb offensive zone penalties and too many men penalties highlight that.

The entire team was bad last night. Calling for the head of the coach is not logical. We are 9 games into the NHL season and the Devils have 10 points. Our coach survived last year and we didn't get out first win until game 7. Should he be on a shorter leash? Yes. However, as of now, the Devils are kind of where I thought they would be. Keep in mind the Devils lack top offensive talent. When players like Cammallerri and Havlat are sidelined it is of extreme detriment to their depth. The Devils defensive core is young. Like, very young. They are going to have their growing pains. In fact, it really hasn't shown it's face until last night. That is a good thing. 

I can sit here and tell you the Devils delivered us an almost unwatchable hockey game last night. That much is true, but let's settle down and let the season unfold before we are calling for anyone's job. You could have had Scotty Bowman and Marty Brodeur in that locker room last night, it wouldn't have made up for everyone else's mental errors. 

How am I the rational fan right now? I'm not used to it, and to be quite honest, I don't like it.

This is such a vintage Dwight Howard move it makes me sick. I really don't think there is a more delusional athlete on the planet than Dwight Howard. That speaks volumes considering he played against a team that rosters a player who nicknamed himself 'Swaggy P'. Remember when Dwight Howard said that the Orlando Magic should retire his number? Yeah, the same Orlando Magic that he demanded trade him for two straight seasons. You aren't that lovable 18 year old anymore Dwight. Embrace the hate like your predecessors. 

Swinging three consecutive elbows and eventually connecting with ex-teammate Kobe Bryant was kind of expected. They very clearly don't like each other. Nor should they. They are as opposite as two people can possibly be. However, don't chin check someone you despise then act surprise when Kobe starts hurling insults at you. Another case of Howard trying to mask his wrongdoing with a smile and a laugh. 

Bryant was right in everything he said too. I don't care that Howard has 5 inches and 50+ pounds on him. I don't care that Dwight looks like he was carefully chiseled by Jesus. If he took Bryant's advice and decided to 'try' him, there is no way I would bet on Howard. To reiterate what Kobe said, he is the very definition of soft. There are lovers and fighters in this world, I think we know where each player stands. Kobe would eat his young for a chance at a 6th championship, Howard would piss down his own leg at the thought of a clutch free throw.

P.S. Is it possible to declare a season over after 1 game? After losing Nash for the year, and Julius Randle last night with a broken leg, The Lakers success is now dependent on the health of Nick Young. Yes, that Nick Young. A homeless man's JR Smith on the court. A person that makes JR Smith look deserving of a Noble Prize off the court. May God help them. Pray for Kobe.

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24772762/panther-wr-kelvin-benjamin-says-he-purposely-ran-slow-40-at-combine

CBS Sports- The Panthers rookie wide receiver told ESPN.com on Tuesday that he purposely ran a slow 40 time at the NFL Combine in February "Because I wanted to play for the Carolina Panthers."

What a happy ending. Kelvin Benjamin just risking his future and monetary potential for a chance to play with Cam Newton. The real question is, if Kelvin Benjamin can really see the future, how come he didn't choose to go to a better team than Carolina? I can think of at least a dozen quarterbacks I would rather be catching passes from than Cam Newton. 

What a talented individual Benjamin is. As difficult as it is to run a 4.41 forty, it is that much more difficult to intentionally drop your time by exactly .2. If teams knew he had that kind of potential he probably would have went first overall. You can just give Kelvin a time and he will run it to the tenth of the second. Pretty specific of him to know that Carolina had their heart set on a 4.61 wide receiver. No chance any other team would have wasted a draft pick on a player that 'slow'. No chance Carolina would have decided to go a different direction when Benjamin's time was slower than expected.

The ending becomes a tad less happy she you realize this means that either Benjamin, the Panthers, or a combination of the two tampered with the draft process. It's either that, or Benjamin is just a liar. I mean, If I knew I had the potential to be the fastest person in the draft and ended up 5th I would probably say I tanked it too. It's the classic 'I let you win' situation. Yeah, okay bud. Sure you risked your first round draft status and the corresponding paycheck to solidify yourself as a Carolina Panther. We totally believe you. It's obviously impossible to get on the team of your choice without fixing the combine, Eli Manning told me.

Committed to the cause. Look at Kelvin getting that draft stock down….

P.S. I heard through the grapevine that Brandin Cooks can run a 3.8 forty, but tanked it down to a 4.33 to play in NOLA. At least that makes sense, who wouldn't cheat to play with Drew? Look, he's barely even moving his legs...

WHO DAT BONUS!!!!!

Total Frat Move-  http://totalfratmove.com/guy-invites-girls-to-his-bed-over-class-listserv-after-professor-cancels-class/

John Dunn, comin' in hot!!! This is exactly what dating is based on now. He who casts the biggest net. That is why sites like Tinder exist. You throw enough lines out there and you are bound to catch something. Hopefully it's not herpes. 

What's the hardest thing to do at college? Stand out. There's thousands upon thousands of kids all going about their daily lives. It's tough to make a mark. That's why you usually end up friends with people that live in your dorm, or people that you engage in the same extra cirriculars with. Guess what? Dunn is now the most popular kid in class. He can't just 'reply all' with this ridiculous email and not get noticed. If I were him, I would wear a 'My name is Dunn, John Dunn' shirt to the next lecture.

Genius move by John. The risk/reward is highly in his favor. The worst thing that happens is he has to send an 'extremely sincere' apology email to the class and all is forgiven. The best thing that happens is he has a gaggle of broads piling into his bed when he should be at class. While we can all agree that that isn't happening, I guarantee this email caught the eye of every female in his class. Whether that be in a positive or negative way is a moot point. A couple of those girls are now closer to sleeping with John Dunn this semester and they probably don't even know it yet. Down comforter? Handsome writer? Comfortable AND creative. He easily just bagged a hat trick of broads from that class alone. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Shooters keep shooting. Wayne Gretzky and Kobe Bryant would be proud.

P.S. The professor's reaction was totally based on the fact that at least a couple of women in class were offended. Fuckin' 2014.

Most of these videos have some distinguishable point to them. Throw in some depressing music and you are sure to evoke some emotional reaction out of me. I am the sucker that 'lends' the dollar that eventually goes to beer and cigarettes. However, I can't even understand what this video is trying to prove. On the surface, I see no discernible life lesson I can take from this. If you are going to pull at my heart strings at least do it in a reasonable manner.

Am I supposed to be surprised when strangers, who are eating, say no when asked for their food by young punks clad in their own companies' apparel? 100% of people would say no in that situation. Quite honestly, I would think he was fucking with me. Nice table manners dick. If someone is eating you leave them alone.

Then the video takes a turn. They basically buy a homeless guy, what looks like, an entire pizza. He's happy as a pig in shit and starts going to town. Then they send the other kid up to ask for a slice. Maybe this homeless guy is a giver, MAYBE. He offers the kid a slice. Did you ever think that maybe the homeless dude knew it was a scam as soon as you walked with the exact same logo on your hoodie? He's homeless, not blind. I am sure he would recognize that emblem, seeing as he has probably never seen it before. So the point is that people that pay for their food won't give it away, and people who are given a ton of free food will? Seems pretty obvious.

When this kid says 'I know how you feel' I want to jump through the computer and curb stomp his blowout. Dude, he's got no shoes on and you have a fresh cut and tricolored Nikes. You have no idea how he feels you disingenuous fuck. 

Why do people think they are helping when they choose what to give homeless people? Give them some money and let them choose. I don't care if they use it to buy booze. Sometimes when I get home from work I need a beer. I can only imagine how inflated that feeling is when you have no home. Either be selfish or selfless, not somewhere in between.

First of all, it basically is his money. Dirk Notwitzki's contract is highway robbery. He is a certified saint for cutting his contract in half and letting the Mavericks sign Parsons for essentially double the money Dirk is making.

This witty little remark from Dirk just shows how acclimated he is to the NBA. It is widely accepted that other than having a stronger athletic prowess, black people are also the much funnier as a race. Say what you want, but that's just a fact. Also, if you hang around someone long enough you start to take on their characteristics. That explains why I went from wearing Old Navy sweater vests in middle school, to sweatsuits and fitteds in high school. It's why I went from parted hair to a buzz cut. You adapt to your surroundings. I think this means that Dirk is, at the very least, an honorary member of the black community. 

When I first read this story I was searching for the right angle on it, and it fell right into my lap. I was going to say that of course dinners should be on Chandler Parsons. Not only that, but when it came to anything involving booze or women, Chandler should also flip the bill. That compelled me to Google whether for not Mr. Nowitzki had a wife for none other than blog authenticity. Then my world changed….

Yup, that's right. Not only is Dirk married, but he is married to a black chick. Want to take a stab at where the wedding was? Yup, that's right. Africa. If Dirk doesn't get a black card then no one gets a black card. You know how many seven foot tall German dudes end up marrying black women in Africa? I don't have the exact numbers on it, but the google search returned 'Muhammad Ali' as an answer. That question even confused the internet.

Think Dirk's wittiness and choice in women have anything to do with him spending his days around predominantly black basketball players? Watch the following GIF's and tell me he hasn't been influenced by the NBA lifestyle. He has far more swag than any pasty white basketball player ever should. That's not natural. That is obtained swag. Where's Russell Wilson at? Take notes bro...

1. 2. 3. 4. Get your booty on the floor, have you ever seen a German get dooooowwwwwn…...

They could have picked anyone. Literally anyone, and they choose to start and end this commercial with Eli Manning. I can't handle Eli talking about serious issues. I cracked up when he finished with an authoritative 'NO MORE'. Yeah okay mouth breather. Who are you going to stop from beating their wife or girlfriend. I could see a Giants' linebacker dragging his wife around the locker room and Eli being like "um, uh, excuse me sir, could you maybe, uh, please, like, um, stop that? No? Aww shucks, okay then".

Regardless, this commercial is like 2 months late. I swear I get better and better at public relations every day. You couldn't have thrown this low budget piece of shit together in like two minutes when people still cared about domestic violence? We already crossed that bridge. No one is talking about beating women anymore. Yeah, it's still a big issue in society, but we already finished our public outcry. You think a commercial about it 2 months after the fact, that features Eli Manning giving me a stern look, is going to convince me of the significance of spousal abuse? If we haven't figured it out already then it's never going to happen.  

So where is the precursor to this commercial? The one that came out before the SECOND Ray Rice video went public. The one that was based around the phrase 'No more….for 2 weeks….unless some website gets their mitts on video evidence'. Where is that? You aren't going to convince me that Roger Goodell gives an ounce of a fuck about domestic violence. Why would I believe that? Because he was able to round up a bunch of current and former NFL players to spit out a laundry list of cliches on camera? You know how many domestic violence cases there have been in the NFL before Ray Rice? At least 2-3 every year. The NFL had to literally see the act of a women getting clocked halfway to the moon before doing the right thing. Even seeing her lying lifeless on a hotel floor wasn't enough. If anything, all this commercial does is insult our intelligence. 

P.S. "No more..ehh, I'll say something the next time" is laugh out loud funny. Who has ever said that? It's a commercial about beating women, not stealing Twix bars from a convenience store.

Now this picture sends much more of a message….

http://elitedaily.com/sports/high-school-football-team-banned-from-praying/817511/

Elite Daily- Though it is a fixture in every football team’s playbook, coaches at Cape Henlopen High School in Delaware might not even be able to resort to the Hail Mary now. This week, Cape Henlopen High School’s football team staff has been banned from engaging in post-game prayer circles with students. The ban comes as a result of the school district’s superintendent, Robert S. Fulton, receiving a letter of complaint from the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF).



​So I was already going to blog this. Then I realized the jackass who suspended the coach goes by the name of Robert Fulton. Fucking Fulton, what an absolute pussy. Can't be catering to every cry baby organization Robert. That's what's wrong with Fulton's these days. No backbone. Spineless fucking jellyfish. Make a stand one time for me Bob. What does FFRF stand for anyway? Fucking fraud Robert Fulton?

Where do all these organizations come from? I swear there is a new one each and every day. Who raised the founders of these bullshit organizations? Coaches have to get suspended now because Elizabeth Cavell needs attention? It's not the high school's fault your parents didn't love you Lizzy. And now, neither does God. Smooth move wench. 

You can't do anything in public anymore. You just have to walk around like a bunch of robots and kiss everybody's ass. Fuck that. I'm the farthest thing from religious. I'm not atheist or anything, but I'm not going to live my life in accordance with the Bible either. Truthfully I probably just believe in God because it makes me feel better about dying one day. You want to pray then go ahead and pray. I probably won't, but don't let me stop you. If people don't like it then either tell them to find Jesus or piss off. Who cares? 

You think these kids got down one knee and legitimately prayed to their higher power? No. Prayer circles happen at every level of football. NFL players do it for Christ sake. I don't see the FFRF sending Roger Goodell a letter. The post game prayer circle is to pray for the player's continued health and to show solidarity between teams, and teammates alike. If players don't want to participate then they have every right not to. I fail to see the difference between a bunch of players praying together whether that be with, or without, the coaches.

Honestly, It really takes some kind of asshole to make me side with the religious lunatics... 

http://elitedaily.com/sports/charles-barkley-russell-wilson-black-people-comments/815580/

EliteDaily- "Unfortunately, as I tell my white friends, we as black people, we’re never going to be successful, not because of you white people but because of other black people. When you’re black, you have to deal with so much crap in your life from other black people. It’s a dirty, dark secret; I’m glad it’s coming out."

You know, a much flak as Sir Charles receives for often being overly opinionated, he's very seldom wrong. I am not going to sit here and say I know what it's like to be a black man in this country. That would be asinine. I am going to say that the actions and the mind sights of some African Americans make it harder on others to live successful lives.

Let's look at the root of the 'he's not black enough statement'. It clearly it isn't a statement about skin color. No one says Drake 'isn't black enough' and he's a light skinned Jewish Canadian. It's very clearly a statement on urban culture. How Russell acts, speaks, and dresses. I don't want to delve to far into the topic. However, the fact that an African American person can not be black enough according to his peers shows how prevalent racist stereotypes still are in this country. As far as I'm concerned, the only way a black person can be considered 'less black' is if he denounces his own ethnicity. Your level of intelligence or the way you carry yourself shouldn't define you racially. As far as I'm concerned, you shouldn't need to earn your 'black card'.

Russell Wilson isn't black enough? Black enough for what? To win a Superbowl? What else matters? Not completely understanding how this is a locker room issue. I have played on a bunch of sports teams. Your teammates don't have a skin color, or a religion, or an ethnic background. You are all brothers on the field of play. You come together to form a team identity instead of an individual one. If ignorant people outside that locker room want to say that Wilson is white washed because the doesn't speak in ebonics, that is one thing. It's not right, but it's far less questionable. For his teammates to do it is a concept I can't wrap my head around. That's the beauty of sports. We accept those that aren't like us and we come together. One team, one common goal. Preach on Chuck, we will always be listening. 

And now to lighten the mood….

http://www.si.com/college-football/2014/10/25/army-football-recruit-alcohol-women

The Army football team attempted to woo high school recruits with alcohol and women, according to a report in The Colorado Spring Gazette (via Deadspin).

Documents obtained by the paper state that recruits were offered "an alcohol-fueled party, a dinner date with female cadets, cash from boosters and VIP treatment on a party bus complete with cheerleaders and a police escort." Some of the recruits allegedly drank as many as seven drinks in 90 minutes.

This is one of those stories where the headline kind of grabs you, but in reality, it's a non-story. Oh, the young men that are being trained to be soldiers and play football are subject to women and booze? Just like every other red blooded American male? Incredible. Mind. Blown. What did they people think they were luring them with? Stories about missing limbs and PTSD? You know the type of men that aren't swoon by cute girls and overconsumption of beer? The type of men that pass out from blood loss due to a paper cut. These men aren't joining the priesthood. They are being trained to go to war. I fail to see how a fun night on a party bus is counter productive to that. There probably won't be anymore alcohol fueled romps in the foxholes. Let these kids live while they have chance.

I know we hold members of the military to a higher standard. They are extremely glorified in our eyes. They should be. At the end of the day, however, they are still just college kids. Why would we expect any different from them? I wouldn't trust a bunch of asexual straight edge kids to fight for our country. We would be third world in a heartbeat. I'm not high maintenance or anything, but I do enjoy having shoes on my feet.

This is like expecting your therapist to not have any life problems. Those problems make her (or him) a better therapist. Gives them life experience. A couple of ragers with the Army volleyball team do the same for our cadets. These young men very well may end up overseas spending a lot of time alone with nothing but their own thoughts.  They are going to need that life experience to keep them from going insane. Something to look back on and cherish. Everyone needs a a few moments for the ol', literal and figurative, spank bank. It's not like they hired a bus full of hookers. I'm sure the females of Army don't mind a little co-ed mingling. Probably enjoy an apple-tini or two as well.

P.S. Laugh out loud funny that this writer thinks 7 drinks in 90 minutes is some devastating realization. Everyone has one of those nights in college. How is your all girls alma mater doing in football this year, Alex? Be less of a pussy for me one time dude.

http://elitedaily.com/news/world/woman-pretends-deaf-keep-boyfriend-video/814773/

Elite Daily- An Alaska waitress faked being deaf for nine months to keep her boyfriend.Tina, one subject on a new TV show on Oxygen called “My Crazy Love,” knew she had to go to extreme measures to secure the best-looking guy she had met in her town of Kodiak.



​Well I guess we know who my future wife is. Katie Nolan (no whammies, no whammies, no whammies). However, with the likelihood of that falling through, a deaf Alaskan chick seems like quite the consolation prize. She can be really deaf, fake deaf, I don't care. This chick's relationship seems awesome. This is the best case scenario for any male in a relationship. As little communication as possible. Texts and body language were their main forms of communication? Those are like my two favorite ways of communicating. All I have to do is shrug my shoulders and text 'k' a lot? If that's the alternative I might choose to be deaf right now. Everyone would rather fight with their girlfriend via text than actual one on one dialogue. Worst case this guy has to answer too many texts. It's 2014, we all have to answer too many texts. I can say without a doubt I would trade my next girlfriend for this guys in a heartbeat.

This just proves how much men don't pay attention. As long as the girl on their arm is attractive nothing else is of much significance. There is no way this girl choose to be deaf on a whim and didn't do any skeptical shit in the entire nine months. There had to be multiple times where she fucked up her schtick and reacted to noise. There are many instances where this broad could have been risking her life just to save her relationship. Imagine the fire alarm going off and having to pretend you're deaf? The best part is that no matter how many times she screwed it up, he didn't bat an eye. The truth is, even if he did know, why mess up a good thing? Still, I would bet a significant amount that he was completely clueless, no matter how obvious it was. Men in a nut shell.

P.S. And that's an entire blog about deafness without a Helen Keller joke ::pats self on back::