First and foremost, assuming this backtracking is legit and isn't out of love for someone whose financial standing is more likely to behoove her if he doesn't spend the next decade behind bars, I'm glad that it's starting to sound like Reuben Foster isn't guilty of brutally beating the crap out of anyone other than an opposing running backs. The original report of 8-10 punches thrown by the most physically menacing of men to the side of the head of a young woman is some psycho shit, so it all being made up - while incredibly damaging to a young man's reputation regardless - is definitely good news relative to the alternative. Given the book on him coming out Alabama, I'm probably not the only one, but I definitely owe the kid an apology for assuming the worst as opposed to hoping for best.
So, I guess my only question is, where do things go from here? Not to rub salt in the wounds she obtained coming out on the ass end of a girl fight, but shouldn't there be some sort of legal action taken against Reuben Foster's accuser? Considering she kinda, sorta put the entirety of his playing career in jeopardy, as well as forever tarnished his already questionable character, I can't help but feel like admittedly falsifying a report of something as serious as domestic abuse should carry some sort of consequences.
After all, her decision to go back on her word isn't necessarily out of the kindness of her heart. Providing visual evidence of his innocence is really just an admittance that she knew there was visual evidence out there of her guilt. The retrospective watching of one's own ass, after sticking someone else's to the fire, doesn't exactly lead me to believe we're dealing with a 28 year old that's coming clean on a mistake made in the throes of passion.
I'm not a legal expert, but can't we swing the blatant use of the justice system to manipulate an innocent party into a 30-60 day sentence? If not because the presumed level of crazy needs caging then because setting a strong precedent is the quickest way to cut down on bullshit allegations that could change people's lives forever.
I have no doubts that the Saints have made calls to every team that's up, down, and around them in the draft order, nor do I have any doubt that they'll make the sacrifices that are within reason to get the player they want in the first round. Sean Payton has certainly never been shy about throwing caution to the trade winds and, historically speaking, he definitely prefers to make more of a splash than to tread patiently in the waters.
That being said, I do have my doubts about the significance of this potential jump. In fact, I think it would take a "big leap" to even consider what the Saints might have planned to be a "big leap", because that wording should be reserved for top ten picks and - after doing a quick and relatively ignorant cost-benefit analysis - I've determined that not one player in this draft is both a realistic get and worthy of their future.
Now, I might be inclined to change my tune if Jeff Ireland, who has earned earned enough benefit of the doubt after last year's draft to select me at 27th overall, sees a successor at quarterback, but if that's the case then Sean Payton should cover every Saints' fans co-pay for the second-hand smoke we've had blown up our ass...
For the first time in a long-time, the organization has the faith of its faithful when it comes to personnel decisions so I'm definitely more inclined to support whatever they may do. I just have a hard time believing that will include trading next year's first round pick plus whatever else it would take to leverage a blue chip prospect out of a team that's theoretically has far more of a need for one.
Russell Westbrook And The Thunder Came Back From Down 25 In About 8 Minutes, Frustrating Everyone That Wondered What The Hell They Were Doing Prior
I know I should just shrug my shoulders, tip my cap, and acquiesce to the idea that the NBA truly is a place Where Amazing Happens. I know I should. Unfortunately, the player responsible for this particular brand of amazing is inexcusably on the brink of an early summer, and that alone leaves me far more frustrated than awe-inspired.
To be clear, I'm aware that the foul trouble of the Defensive Player Of The Year cracked open the door for one of the most out-of-nowhere comebacks you'll ever see in sports. Still, Rudy Gobert would have to be the Defensive Player Of The Bicentennial for his absence alone to fully explain the contrast of what we saw from the second half of the third quarter on to the entirety of the three and half games prior. Russell Westbrook might be the player whose game is made most bi-polar by an inconsistent jumper, so he's liable to look like someone who broke out of the lab he was invented in to spite his creators with his stat line when his shot is falling, but it's absolutely mind-numbing to see him made aggravatingly insecure by Ricky Rubio when it's not.
It couldn't be more readily apparent that we expected far too much when the Thunder brought Paul George and Carmelo Anthony on board, but our obsession with star power isn't entirely responsible for the collective "wtf?" that got sent the former's way when Joe Ingles was kangaroo kicking his ass when it mattered in Game 4. Assuming Hoodie Melo wasn't magically made more powerful by his comforting air of mystery, it's on both him and the Thunder that he looks more out of sorts than his love life. The Batman and Robin routine that was put on the reigning MVP and the man that picked a bad time to invite mockery by giving himself a self-made nickname was unbelievably awesome, but it only served as a reminder that Bruce Vain and 'Day-off P' may have put them in a hole they are statistically unlikely to climb out of. We knew this is what these two were capable of, so it's honestly annoying that the expiration date of their excellence might come prior to the second round.
Of course, a lot of credit has to go to an opponent that's been exceptional on their own end of the floor while leaning heavily on the offensive contributions of an outstanding rookie, but - if the latter half of last night was any indication - the Oklahoma City Thunder's failures have basically set the scene for the rebirth of the Jazz.
It's a credit to the level of consistency that we've seen throughout his career, but sometimes we forget that the bar has been raised so high for/by LeBron James that an athletic specimen that's somehow still peaking as a performer during his 15th season has a hard time reaching it.
Realistically, it shouldn't have taken a game-saving chase-down block followed by a game-winning buzzer beater three for me to shift my focus from how handicapable the rest of the Cavaliers are to how super human LeBron James is. Besides having a 41/10/8 stat line prior to that sequence of events, he had already gone above and beyond in single-handedly keeping the series respectable. Not to beat a dead horse, but that's basically what the Indiana Pacers have been doing as LeBron has shouldered its rotting carcass to within a game of the second round. Therefore, there is no reason that I shouldn't have been in complete awe of his efforts before they sent the home crowd into hysterics. I guess the "problem" is that King James has turned in so many majestic performances that they've become too easy to take for granted.
It's breathtaking moments like last night, however, where you simply have to put aside the fact that sometimes both his personality and his theatrics leave a hell of a lot to be desired and appreciate what you're witnessing, which is greatness personified. Those are the type of plays you're going to tell your grandkids about, assuming that the ageless wonder isn't still producing them two generations from now.
To varying levels of excitement, we were all Myles Turner as a ball that appeared magnetized to the bottom of the net inevitably made it's way there, for "oh my god" was really the only proper response one should have to watching the culmination of an unstoppable level of dominance...
A Miami Reporter Made A Bad Joke About Meek Mill And The City Of Philadelphia That He Regretted Almost Instantly
BOO! BOO THAT MAN! Honestly, there's not enough tomatoes in the world for that absolute hatchet job of a zinger that I'm assuming was aimed at the degeneracy of Philadelphia as a whole. I think you'd have to reach pretty far to consider that failed attempt at humor to be race-based, seeing as there are plenty of white basketball fans, but anytime a bad joke can be misinterpreted as a racist one the person telling it should probably make note to steer clear of comedy. I mean, if the goal was laughter, then he would have been better off going the offensive route. After all, at least some people find that to be funny, where as not a giggle was uttered following an ambiguous punchline.
Let me be the last person to defend a city that's days removed from launching full beers on the ice during a professional hockey game. Philly has never been hesitant to earn their stereotypes, and - as a result - they invite wisecracks about their collective character. That said, you better have Kevin Hart's South Florida-based brother penning your one-liners if you're planning on coming out the other side of besmirching the local legend responsible for the SuperBowl-winning soundtrack and his passionate following unscathed. Clearly this journalist turned jester didn't, or he wouldn't have had to nail the delete button about 15 minutes, and a 100 screenshots, too late...
Apparently Marvin Harrison Is Now A Landlord, And There's A Video Of Him Allegedly Attacking A Tenant With A Baseball Bat
TerezOwens- This footage of Colts Hall of Famer Marvin Harrison comes to us via our tip box. “I was menaced and threatened by Mr Harrison, who is my landlord. I have 8 minutes of clear video and would like to monetize it. I retain the rights to the video until the release is finalized. I have a sample of the quality and if you are interested, please contact me ASAP. Thank you for your time and consideration.” I’m not sure what to think, judge for yourself below with this footage…this is just a sample as I’m only playing 1 of the 8 minutes…this guy is selling the footage to pay Marvin I assume. -TO
I suppose we should still call this an "alleged" attack, seeing as the dude lugging a Louisville Slugger around a city street like he's either hoping to recreate a scene out of Grand Theft Auto or stumble upon The Sandlot wasn't flashing an ID or wearing a name tag. Still, that looked a hell of a lot like the person who serves as the preeminent example that, no matter how many times we watch them play, we probably shouldn't judge an athlete as a person by his on-field attitude, or lack thereof.
I guess it's due to the calmness and consistency he displayed in quietly going about his business during an All-World playing career, but there's probably some people that, to this day, have no idea why I'm not surprised that Marvin Harrison might have adopted an in-your-face style of property management from The Sopranos. To those people, I offer the following Wikipedia entry, and - well - you might want to sit down when you read it...
Yeah, doesn't seem so out-of-character for someone you might have still thought to be a mild-mannered introvert anymore, now does it?
So, next time you deem a player an asshole because he was caught on camera laughing after a mistake, or decide that you wouldn't mind marrying your daughter off to the strong silent type because he presents himself as a good teammate, maybe just flash back to the curious case(s) of Marvin Harrison. Let him be your reminder that, for better or worse, you could watch someone take Major League cuts for a decade and have no idea whether they'd be the type to help your grandmother across the street or the type to take your kneecap as collateral for an overdue rent payment.
Sidenote: I'm not sure I'd run to the well too much, but - assuming you're okay risking your long-term ability to walk - instigating your famously violent landlord into kicking your ass and selling the clip online is a pretty clever way to get him paid.
The Rockies Twitter Account Wasn't Having Any Of The Vitriol Directed At Their First-Time Female Broadcaster
Without having any familiarity with Jenny Cavnar, her knowledge of baseball, or her ability to call a game, I feel pretty comfortable saying the following...
Female broadcasters can, on occasion, be unbearably terrible at engaging an audience, accurately portraying what they see, and relaying information in a manner that's easy to digest. That's the bad news.
The good news, however, is that male broadcasters can, on occasion, be equally as bad at all those things, and - considering the gender breakdown of their profession - their fuck up's come with far more frequency! How about that, equality at the expense of our eardrums!
I know this may be hard to believe, but I wasn't tuned in and hanging on every word during a Colorado Rockies game on a Monday night in mid-April. Therefore, I have absolutely no idea how well it was called. On the other hand, I do have an idea of how intolerant you have to be to treat a couple potentially nervous and definitely harmless mistakes by a first-time MLB announcer as an indictment of both her qualifications and her entire gender.
It was right around the same time that Jenny Cavnar was mixing up shortstop and second base that long-time NBA analyst Reggie Miller was attributing the court vision of the point guard for the Utah Jazz to "Marco Rubio". Despite the latter taking place during a game whose importance was exponentially greater than that of Spring baseball, it was merely met with laughs as it was universally considered an honest mistake. Perhaps all the moronic trolls that demand the booth remain a boys' club should consider offering that same benefit of the doubt to a woman that I presume wasn't perfect during her professional debut.
That, of course, is a pipe dream considering the hostile state of the internet, but credit to the Colorado Rockies' social media team for combating the antiquated concept of sports as a sausage fest against people that really didn't deserve the time of day.
In Accepting His "National Championship Ring", UCF's Former Offensive Coordinator Decided To Get Himself In A Twitter Beef With Their Fans
And there you have it, a stark reminder that loyalty in sports, be they college or professional, is such an impossibly optimal endeavor that money can't even buy it. Don't get me wrong, it sure can rent it, seeing as Troy Walters' attachment to UCF's unofficial National Championship claim was so emotional that he actually attached a goddamn emoji to it when that title-worthy bonus check was hitting his bank account...
Look, I love that a mid-major is going to such absurd lengths in glorifying a flawless season that featured more impressive wins than your average, out-of-nowhere upstart, but I'd be lying if I said the seemingly never-ending celebration of an unsanctioned accomplishment wasn't getting a wee bit old. The truth is, as much as I enjoy the NCAA's priorities being questioned, this whole situation is bordering on ridiculous at this point.
That said, I would be right in the middle of each and every parade if I had anything to do with what made them all possible. Therefore, the fact that the man who orchestrated an undefeated offense that electrified a fanbase that was still reeling from drinking their way through a thoroughly defeated season decided to rain on it is a sign of just how tightly college coaches tow the company line.
Troy Walters went from the future bearer of a 'National Champions' ring (his words) to the staunch bearer of the NCAA's truth, and all that changed was the prestige of his place of employment by way of an induction into the Power 5. Not really sure that serves as bulletproof rationale for failing to accept his bling without obnoxiously, with a capital O, dropping a "well, actually..." on its significance on a public platform.
I don't mean to make this awkward, but someone needs to tell Troy Walters that his resentment is showing. He probably should feel some type of way about not being the successor to Scott Foster after beating a top ten team in the nation with the only opportunity he was granted to fill that role, but why take out his butt hurt on twitter followers that would have been forever grateful for his contributions? It's not like the people that felt scorned by that post were the ones that decided to go in another direction during the hiring process.
All in all, it doesn't really matter that he ruined the fun by biting the hand that fed him, because he's already on quite the full stomach, but sooner or later there will be Huskers' fans calling for his job as the offensive coordinator as a middling Big Ten team. Then, and apparently only then, will he realize that he probably should have continued embracing the self-proclamation of a "National Championship", even if it was fictitious in nature.
While Extensively Praising 'The Process', The TNT Broadcast Avoided Sam Hinkie's Name As If It Were The Plague
You know, I can't help but think that Sam Hinkie would rather it be this way. After being strong-armed out of both the job he made infinitely easier and a league that was fearful of his tactics, any retrospective credit would just be disingenuous anyway. Plus, all the praise one man could possibly ask for can be seen in the form of imitation, which - I remind you - is the sincerest form of flattery.
Listen to one Adam Silver press conference, and it's impossible to ignore the fingerprints that Sam Hinkie left on an Association that can no longer treat 'The Process' like a punchline. The NBA's tanking issue is overrunning it to the point that its commissioner has had to speak publicly about something as ridiculous as premeditated and prolonged periods of losing in professional sports. Sam Hinkie fell on the sword by doing what any good GM should do by being ahead of the curve to expose a vulnerability in the system. It certainly wasn't the most virtuous of strategies, but the fruits of its labor can't be disputed now that they are all finally beginning to ripen at a rapid pace. There's no shortage of copycats going out of their way to crap in the same litter box, and that says all you need to know about the building of an insanely promising team that will long outlive its original architect.
If a national television broadcast that knows far better than to give Bryan Colangelo credit for the roster of rising stars that he largely inherited wants to conspicuously skirt around the name that's apparently considered taboo in NBA circles then so be it. His absence from any conversation about the upstart Sixers' success is obviously inexcusable. However, it actually rings louder than the goddamn Liberty Bell to anyone not financially incentivized by a league that killed a career that lives on through an entire city that bows before a man that shall otherwise remain nameless. I hope any and all NBA affiliates continue to keep Sam Hinkie's name off their lips, for I'm sure he'd rather go down in history as a martyr than as just another axed member of management.
According To John Lynch, Reuben Foster Won't Be A Part Of The 49ers Organization If It's Proven That He Hit A Woman
SportingNews- The Niners GM said Monday the team is still gathering information before they come to a conclusion whether Reuben will remain with the team.
“The gravity of these charges has not been lost on us,” Lynch said, via NBC Sports Bay Area. “We take it extremely seriously. We do feel like patience is the right approach right now. We’re gonna learn things through this legal process.
"I do want to be abundantly clear that if these charges are proven true, if Reuben did indeed hit this young lady, he will not be part of this organization going forward.”
Incredible. Just incredible. Sometimes you think these brilliant NFL minds are too compartmentalized and therefore liable to making each and every moral sacrifice that gives them even a slightly better chance to win football games that they can't remember the requirements of being a half decent human being. That's why it's so refreshing to hear from a General Manager that has a zero tolerance policy regarding the employment of players, no matter how young or talented, that are serving significant time behind bars. Considering the 49ers invested such a high draft pick in a player like Reuben Foster that proved to be more than worth it on the field, it couldn't have been easy to promise that they won't continue to pay him a substancial chunk of change from a restricted sum of money while the only field he's seeing is more accurately described as a yard. I can't help but feel like John Lynch has earned himself a standing ovation. Not only agreeing to cooperate with a legal process that has determined that - if guilty - a enigmatic linebacker will spend the next decade+ in jail, but also being stern enough to refuse to do business with said linebacker as his (potential) indefinite sentence for hitting a woman denies him his athletic prime? In a word, heroic.
The truth is, John Lynch is in a tough spot so I have absolutely no idea what I would have preferred him to say. I just feel comfortable making fun of what he did actually say since promising the contract termination of someone who, in all likelihood, would be looking at long term incarceration is just about as soft of a hard stance as swearing off marshmallows for lent.
Arkansas' Women's Tennis Team Met The NCAA Tournament Requirements By Scheduling Six Matches Against A Cupcake On The Last Day Of The Season
LastWord- In one of the most bizarre stories in college tennis–or college sports in general–the Arkansas Razorbacks women’s tennis team schedule Tennessee State six times on Sunday. It was a grueling full day of tennis, with the first match beginning at 8:00 AM and the final match concluding around 9:00 PM. Arkansas prevailed in all six, jumping their record on the season to 16-16 from 10-16. Reaching a .500 win percentage was extremely significant, as a team must be at least .500 to be selected to play in the 64-team NCAA tournament beginning on May 12th.
The primary reason Arkansas scheduled this unreasonable day of tennis was their incredible run of matches toward the end of the season. They finished the regular season an unimpressive 7-15, with a 3-10 mark in conference. However, this may not be as bad as it seems; they play in the SEC Conference, which boasts five of the top ten ranked teams in the country. They entered the postseason SEC tournament as the #11 seed out of 14 teams. Arkansas also finished the regular season strong, defeating #35 Tennessee in their final match.
They proceeded to play by far their best tennis of the season at this point, winning three consecutive matches en route to the semifinal. The road to the semifinal included victories over #19 ranked Auburn and #7 ranked South Carolina. In the semifinal, they were able to put up a decent fight against #9 Florida, though they did not come out on top. Similar to the NCAA basketball tournament, the selection committee (at least unofficially) tends to have recency bias, with an emphasis on postseason tournament play. Arkansas likely felt that with these impressive wins to finish off their year, they would have a legitimate shot to play in the NCAA tournament. However, they still were only 10-16 on the season, and needed to get to .500 by Sunday, April 22nd, the last day of the season.
It is difficult to tell what prompted this scheduling, or how it came to be. Arkansas was eliminated from the SEC tournament on April 20, and scheduled and played the first match soon after at 8:00 AM on April 22. They had to find a school nearby who could host Arkansas on short notice, and most importantly was willing to play six matches in a day and lose all of them. Most likely, money was the main factor.
Sports such as college football and basketball bring huge revenues to universities, but smaller sports like tennis rarely charge for admission and generally operate at a loss. Tennessee State could have had a struggling program financially, and was offered a significant amount of money from Arkansas. This is not illegal, as large schools pay small schools to play them often in many different sports. It would also be a win-win for the schools, as Tennessee State’s women’s tennis program will be well funded, and Arkansas not only has a chance to make the tournament they believe they deserve, but will also make additional money from their postseason play. If money was the reason for this match-up, it makes sense from both sides and follows NCAA rules, though it may not be the right thing to do.
Why did Arkansas have to travel to Tennessee to do this? Why not just host a nearby school? Well, the Arkansas athletic department has an odd rule. They view all smaller in-state schools as rivals that they refuse to support, so Arkansas won’t give them money by playing them. Because of this rule, which spans all sports, the Razorbacks had to travel to Nashville to face Tennessee State.
Here's the thing. It's impossible to hate on a women's tennis team for exploiting the most obvious of loopholes, because taking advantage of vulnerable parties that desperately need funding is so engrained into the fabric of the NCAA that it's billionaire executives might as well being laying their heads to rest under the comfort of a quilt made of profit-bearing technicalities.
Sure, financially incentivizing a lesser school to schedule 1/5th of a season's worth of matches in a single day just prior to the deadline is an outrageous example of cheapening the hard work of countless others. There's no doubt that leveraging your way into the playoff bubble with money more so than merit theoretically compromises the integrity of college sports. Fortunately for the young, racquet-yielding ladies of Arkansas, you can't compromise integrity that's never actually existed in the first place.
Which brings to light my only issue with this move. Seeing as it makes the NCAA look even more mind-numbingly stupid than they make themselves look and sets a dangerous precedent that would require them to put forth an actual effort to fix, isn't it fair to suspect that Arkansas wouldn't exactly be the apple of the selection committee's eye after trying to blatantly circumvent a broken system? Giving themselves the slightest of chances at a National Championship was certainly worth the old college try, especially with a pro-SEC bias potentially working in their favor. Still, this whole situation seems as though it's daring a dictatorial organization to stick too tightly to their own idiotic rules when they typically only do so to cause student athletes undeserved harm as opposed to offering them undeserved help. It's still worthy of a touché, but I'm skeptical as to whether it will be worthy of an invitation to the dance.
The Buccaneers Gave Jeff Garcia The Opportunity To Announce Their 3rd Round Pick...That They No Longer Have
I'd say that embarrassment is probably the appropriate feeling for Jeff Garcia to have following that interaction, though I don't think the impetus for it should be his own overreactive response to being told that his former employer offered him a public appearance that they no longer has the rights to. That's a bad look for the Buccaneers, not for the journeyman quarterback whose last significant stop on his career path just happened to be in Tampa Bay. Therefore, if I were Jeff Garcia, I would instead find myself chagrined by the fact that an organization gave me a non-existent cameo only after hand-feeding an outspoken tropical bird his own damn day as the show-runner...
I don't know, just seems a bit emasculating that the former professional athlete is unsure of his place in the Draft Day lineup of gimmicky guest spots, while the parrot has his itinerary pecked in stone, don't ya think? I don't know what the results of reshuffling will be, but it kinda seems like the best case scenario for Jeff Garcia is that he fills the role of opening act for an animal whose most redeeming quality is it's increasingly annoying ability to repeat after me. Seeing as that would bruise even the most sturdy of egos, I can't really get mad at Jeff Garcia for lashing out, even if he should be used to getting treated as an afterthought at this point.
ESPN- A Bay Area reporter who covers the Golden State Warriors has been caught on tape taking a security staffer's jacket after a team practice last week in San Antonio, The Athletic reported Monday.
Mike Shumann, a sports anchor of KGO-TV in San Francisco, is visible on the tape, which ESPN has reviewed. Shumann appears to take a jacket belonging to Ralph Walker, the Warriors' director of team security, as he walks out of the AT&T Center.
Several Warriors players were upset over the incident and don't want it quickly dismissed, The Athletic reported. Shumann is a former wide receiver for the San Francisco 49ers and longtime TV reporter in the city.
Meanwhile, the Warriors have an agreement with KGO to provide exclusive interviews with players, interviews that usually have been conducted by Shumann. The Athletic reported the players are now refusing to do those interviews.
A spokesman for KGO on Monday issued the following statement to The Athletic: "We are taking these allegations very seriously and conducting a full investigation. As a matter of policy, we do not comment about personnel matters."
Shumann apologized to individual Warriors players, and The Athletic reported he was sent home from San Antonio after the incident. Shumann was not part of the station's postgame show Sunday night.
I got to be honest, while intentionally snatching another man's coat is almost always a terrible decision, I can't help but feel like we need to see this jacket before making a fair assessment of exactly how senseless it was to swipe it.
I don't know Mike Shumann, but - considering he targeted the outerwear of the Warriors' Director Of Team Security - I don't exactly take him as the type that's measured enough for for a life of crime. Therefore, there's reason to believe that he's a first time offender that would have long been busted if he'd always had his eye out for the belongings of others.
I guess what I am really trying to say is that there must have been something really special about this damn jacket. Was it team issued? A limited edition? Maybe it wasn't Warriors affiliated at all. A gorgeous goose-down seems unlikely to be necessary in San Antonio during April, but it seems likely to be necessary in turning a reputable reporter into a robber. Perhaps it was suede, or leather, or some other expensive material that was enticing enough to widen the eyes and sticky the fingers of a longtime local media member that compromised the access of his entire network in the name of looking good while staying warm.
Not that any of those scenarios make the act of stealing it any less stupid, but risking both the reputation of yourself and your employer for a windbreaker that has 'Ralph' stitched on the front and 'SECURITY' screen-printed on the back would definitely make this extremely odd occurrence even more stupid than it is on the surface. Here's to hoping this jacket was as life-changing as Jerry's, if only because risking your livelihood for less would truly be inexplicable...
I know, I know. 2017 called and they want their headline back. Unfortunately, they are just going to have to share, because Kevin Durant's fragile psyche apparently knows not the turn of the calendar. We're coming up on two years since he divorced himself from Russell Westbrook and he's still rifling through the cess pools that are internet comment sections to stay up to date with the prevailing sentiment regarding a relationship that may as well have ended a decade ago on the sports watch? Seeing as the Thunder are getting taken to the woodshed by a far less talented team, I think it's safe to say that Kevin Durant is winning the breakup in a blow out, and yet - somehow, someway - he is still finding ways to make himself look like a loser.
I know the obvious joke to make is that he thought he was back on his burner account, but I have no choice but to believe that's exactly what happened. I'm going to ignore the fact that an Instagram comment wouldn't even be visible to him while scrolling his timeline, because that would be too easy of a takedown of his explanation. Instead, I remind you of how difficult it is to like an Instagram comment. You basically have to squint to see the little heart icon next to the senseless stupidity of largely anonymous strangers, so excuse me if I have a hard time believing that a professional athlete's finger just so happened to slip all the way across the screen and pinpoint a highly specific one unintentionally. He's long lost the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the haphazard use of social media anyway, but that nonsensical defense isn't doing him any favors.
Now, that doesn't mean he's not 100% right in saying there's no story here, but that's only because this is merely an additional chapter to the internet autobiography of a thin-skinned superstar who was never, ever built to be the bad guy.
Minnesota Wild Owner, Craig Leipold, Compared Identifying A Stanley Cup Contender To Identifying Pornography
At first glance, I couldn't help but think that this quote regarding a hockey team's talent level was unnecessarily perverted. As someone who is no stranger to the occasional explicit analogy, even I had a tough time following along with the type of disjointed logic you'd expect to hear from someone that was distracted by the erectness of their dick in their hand. That said, if Craig Leipold truly believes that stumbling upon pornography is as painstaking a process as selecting the right mix of players for an extensive Stanley Cup run then it's no wonder he can't stop making everything about sex.
We are talking about a guy that brought both the Predators and the Wild into the NHL as expansion teams. He's got damn near 20 years of ownership on his resume and nothing more than two woeful second round appearances tightening his belt. If his inability to navigate the x-rated area of the internet is at all comparable to his lack of familiarity with anything that might be thought of as a championship caliber team, the poor bastard has probably been walking around chalked full of more doomed semen than the Titanic for the last two decades. If his grasp of adult entertainment is anything like this grasp of title contention then the only thumbnails he's clipped are out of the sexual frustration one might experience by depositing mental images of their wife in their spank bank. Hell, it's amazing his freshly unemployed GM survived this long while answering to a superior whose boner has long been ready to be relieved by a banner ceremony.
The truth is, this is just an old white man doing the most old white man thing of all time by referencing an outdated saying that's overtly sexual in nature for no apparent reason. Any doubt I had as to the validity of that was quelled when I searched for an image of someone who couldn't look more the part. However, it is pretty funny to think that Craig Leipold is staring bafflingly at double anal penetration like it's as much of a structural anomaly as the Minnesota Wild's postseason scoring woes.
You know, it's not so much that all 22 basketball experts employed by a company that fancies itself the 'Worldwide Leader' in not one, but all sports thought the 3 seed would beat the 6 seed that has me astonished. After all, it's not like the NBA prides itself on postseason upsets. Rather, it's how confident the aforementioned experts had to be for not a single one of them to actively play the contrarian to popular belief.
I mean, we are talking about a network that keeps the lights on with hot takes, so for not even one of its most trusted minds to think the risk of taking the underdog was worth the reward of professional validation is even more unfathomable than the odds-on favorite bowing out in four straight games. Let's be honest, given the current state of sports media, being right isn't anywhere near as important as being able to tell everyone else they are wrong. So, while I understand not foreseeing Jrue deconstructing the social construct of 'Dame Time' and making a week-long Holiday out of his postseason coming out party, it's pretty insane that there was an open form to bank on far and away the best and most valuable player in the series and - out of nearly two dozen analysts - not one deposited any faith. That's not to say I was sitting adamantly atop the Pelicans perch a week ago, but I wasn't granted the chance to team up with Anthony Davis with an opportunity to say "told ya so" to all my peers on the line.
In Sitting Down With Bryant Gumbel, Derek Jeter Became Suspiciously Defensive Toward The Suggestion That The Marlins Are Tanking
I think I speak for everyone when I say that I'm beginning to see why Derek Jeter kept any and all of his thoughts and opinions under lock and the key that he was given to the city for being a highly accomplished robot during his time in pinstripes. We are talking about a question from Bryant Gumbel, the man whose "interrogations" are typically so harmless that they were hyperbolically used as a punchline in a Dave Chappelle skit...
If whiffing on softballs has a public figure throwing out baseless insults towards the least objectionable of interviewers then being open and honest with the ruthless New York media would have resulted in a two decade long pissing contest that would have flooded the local papers with more waves of bullshit than the narrative that Derek Jeter was the irreproachable epitome of altruism.
Let's pretend that trading away all of your best players in a shameless attempt to shed salary and gutting everything that both the franchise and its fanbase held near and dear isn't the very definition of tanking. Even if every single thing that Derek Jeter has done since taking ownership of the Miami Marlins wasn't aimed at losing both games and local interest, his rebuttal to the suggestion that he might not be putting forth the most valiant of efforts in winning both games and fans is proof positive of his guilt.
Perhaps he's not familiar with the intricacies of arguing, seeing as he's avoided having a personality publicly since the mid-90's, but lashing out at a question that's not only more than fair but also likely the impetus for the entire segment in the first place is a good way to look delusional in a debate. If you call someone "mentally weak" unprovoked than you might as well be saying it into the mirror, and having 3,000+ plus hits doesn't make someone an exception to that rule. As far as I can tell, Bryant Gumbel didn't state anything that wasn't a fact, yet Derek Jeter responded by taking offense to something that was inoffensive and getting defensive about something that's indefensible.
If I listened to that interview while being completely ignorant towards the building processes of the last two winners of the World Series, I'd still believe that Miami was tanking, and it's because their owner - who won multiple championships on insanely talented teams - was obviously splitting hairs, abusing semantics, and dodging questions by playing dumb. The unmistakably high pitch in his voice when he said "I do, I do" when asked whether or not he expected his 5-16 team to contend should be all you need to hear to determine that Derek Jeter was talking directly out of his asshole. That's without even taking into account how much every move he's made has repulsively reeked like the unattended outhouse that Marlins Park has become.
Red Sox Outfielder Andrew Benintendi Implied That An Umpire Intentionally Blew A Call To Help Ensure A No-Hitter For A's Pitcher Sean Manaea
To be honest, I'm not sure how valid the argument is that, as of the Top of the 6th inning, the umpire was already "searching for something" that would allow for a no-hitter bid to look a bit more promising. Even if you ignore the fact that most cries of conspiracy in sports make the source of them sound insanely stupid, base path violations - in and of themselves - seem like the most judicious of judgement calls. Therefore, that might not be the hill I'd personally die on when calling into question the integrity of those that officiate me on a day-to-day and pitch-by-pitch basis.
However, in the interest of putting myself in Andrew Benitendi's saliva-soaked shoes, let's assume for just one second that the umpire was guilty of letting his desire to be present for an accomplishment that, while impressive, has become slightly less historical given it's frequency influence his decision making. Even if that were the case, I think you've got to do a bit better than artfully dipping a tag on a two-out, dinky dribbler down the first base line to claim your fate was infringed upon by biased officiating.
I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I don't think I would have cashed in my "the fix is in!" card following a game that I would have lost regardless. After doing a quick run of the numbers and calculating how many games remain, I've come to the conclusion that Andrew Benintendi will, undoubtedly, find himself in a better position to argue a worse call that has a more detrimental impact on his team before the season reaches its conclusion. He's probably going to want to have a semblance of credibility when he does so, and, in my opinion, he just lost that by being an overreactive infant after being denied a meaningless, unearned in-field single in April instead of tipping his cap to an opposing pitcher for an otherwise brilliant performance.
Former NFL Kicker Jay Feely Apologized For Using A Gun To Make A "Touch My Daughter And I'll Kill You" Joke In A Prom Pic
Objectively speaking free of context, the following scene from Bad Boys II is hilarious enough to be deserving of a tribute...
That said, if that tribute is a picture of yourself holding a gun with the implication that you'd use it on a relatively innocent teenager in the year 2018 then you accept all the backlash that comes with posting it on public platform. Shit done changed since '03, and that includes the general public's thoughts on humor that involves using firearms in an attempt to guarantee the re-virginization of your already de-flowered daughter. Therefore, the result of wielding a weapon better be a lot funnier than that if you want to share it with millions of strangers who are anything but likeminded.
I'm giving a lot of people far too much credit by saying this, but I think we're all smart enough to know that a "touch my daughter and I'll kill you" joke that's clearly in jest and not at all threatening to the people who it's being made at the expense of isn't a trivialization of the tragedies that have taken countless young lives on a seemingly monthly basis. Unfortunately, I'm also giving a lot of people - including a former NFL kicker, apparently - far too much credit by saying that no one is dumb enough to post a picture of themselves holding a pistol without knowing full well that it will be seen as a political statement.
Not even living under an actual rock could shelter you from the circular, polarizing arguments about gun control, so Jay Feely would have had to have spent the last 6-12 months doing target practice in a bomb shelter to think that the kickback on his firearm gag wouldn't immediately bite him. Whether or not the gun was being used safely at the time or not is irrelevant, because if Jay Feely wasn't guilty of using a prom pic to push his agenda then he's guilty of being a moron for not realizing it would be viewed that way. If it's the former then an apology was not necessary.
For reference, this is how you make a funny regarding gun ownership...
The Cavaliers All Showed Up To Game 3 In The Same Suit...Before Blowing The Entirety Of A 17 Point Lead In The Second Half
I got to tell you, seeing the Cavaliers blow a 17-point second half lead to fall behind for the second time in their first round series was a bit disheartening. You see, while I originally thought their initial road game of the postseason was a bit early for LeBron to dig into his garment bag of tricks, in building it I was really beginning to think that they stumbled upon a foolproof way to force camaraderie amongst a team that's been together for about as long as summer camp sweethearts.
So, you can imagine my surprise when donning matching suits that featured capri dress pants and taking themselves far too seriously in the process had a fleeting effect on their on-court chemistry and ultimately left LeBron to fend for himself down the stretch of a disastrous loss...
As it turns out, using fashion forward gimmicks to desperately coerce cohesion is not a way in which playoff games are won in professional sports. Who knew that identical attire was more likely to make you look ridiculous in retrospect than genius in pre-gamesmanship?!?
To be honest, I have absolutely no idea how a team that was basically dealt for at the deadline is supposed to become completely acquainted with each other both personally and professionally in such a short amount of time. I would imagine the difficulty of that very question if what makes the mid-season flipping of rosters so rare. That said, if I absolutely had to guess, I would bet a pretty penny that having a leader that at least pretends to help cover up his teammate's mistakes is more likely to send a message of solidarity than having a leader that makes his teammates walk into an arena looking like they're headed to the foot of an alter...
I know the Cleveland Cavaliers only go as far as LeBron James wills them, but maybe he should worry more about carrying his team than outfitting them. Just a suggestion, but perhaps it would be behoove him to embrace more of his inner-Michael Jordan than his inner-Tom Ford. If for no other reason than because, from a comedic standpoint, looking like the most depressing group of groomsmen ever assembled only adds fuel to the dumpster fire.