A Kid Put Media Deadlines At Risk By Asking South Carolina Coach Frank Martin A Question During His Postgame Presser
Oh, the horror! Journalistic integrity completely compromised by a snot nosed little brat that ignored the ever-ticking clocks of true media members in asking a uselessly original, thought provoking question! How will David Caraviello every get his think piece (cough::of shit::cough) submitted on time after having to endure a Q&A that was more intriguing than any that he, himself, has ever been responsible for? Talk about a time crunch! That 30 seconds could have been better spent transcribing a quoted, generic response to a repetitive, uninspiring inquiry and now the he'll never get it back. All the pressure of having to matter-of-factly describe the occurrences of the game to people that more than likely watched it, and now he can't even sneak in a bathroom break between paragraphs?!
Who even raised this kid? Didn't they teach him that new angles and fresh opinions are insulting and borderline offensive to those that spend their professional lives rehashing their nauseatingly monotonous ones? I'll probably never find out "what it feels like" for Frank Martin to be in the Elite 8 now that some uppity adolescent cut into press conference to find out the secret to one of the best defenses in all of college basketball. I thought Riley Curry was bad and along comes this kid making everyone think during what has become a thoughtless practice?! We are just a few short years away from children taking over the profession and leaving us with nothing uninteresting to talk about!
Devin Booker's Performance Was Enough To Make The Winning And Losing Locker Rooms Undergo A Role Reversal
Losing Locker Room:
First and foremost - as ass backwards as it seems - it makes total sense for the entirety of the Phoenix Suns organization to be celebrating a historical individual accomplishment. We are talking about a team that is actively tanking while starting a lineup that's barely old enough to get into a University of Arizona frat party. In terms of statement wins, having one of their own become the youngest player to 60 points (before eclipsing that number by TEN) in a loss is as close as they are going to get. It takes a real killjoy to hate on a team for finding something to applaud during a lost season, especially when that something is a 20 year old becoming only the SIXTH player in NBA history to achieve an eye-popping milestone.
The Suns are clearly building for the future, so they probably should be happy that the key cog in that future just proved he's capable of greatness. I know there was some completely unnecessary fouling that led to such a high total, but - as far as stat padding goes - hitting 70 points while shooting over 50% from the field with only 4 made 3's, a damn near perfect free throw percentage, and 6 assists is about as efficient as you could possibly hope for.
Winning Locker Room:
Honestly, I was going to take the Celtics silence for apathy. The truth is they had no reason to be jovial after a win over a bottom feeder that was all but locked by the end of the first half. I would have assumed that the subdued demeanor of a team that "looked like they lost" would be the same of a team that "looked like they didn't particularly care that they won". Then something weird started happening...
Jae Crowder (bossmann99) - one of the many Celtics defenders that fell victim to a baby faced assassin - felt the need to try and rain on his parade (before instantly getting struck down from his pedestal with some ruthless return fire)...
Isaiah Thomas went the "look at the standings" route that is generally reserved for losing teams in winning situations...
You don't even have to look at the boxscore to know how impressive Devin Booker's night was. All you have to do is look at the outpouring of saltiness from the team that should have felt no shame in giving him his due props. The bitchy way the C's reacted to having 70 dropped on them by a guy that can't even buy his own beer is proof positive that doing so is worthy of a couple cheers. Boston responded like someone just told them that Peyton Manning is statistically better than Tom Brady, and it was all because a kid reached such rarified air on their home court. Devin Booker legitimately made the Celtics feel like losers in a game that they won by double digits, and - for a team as hopeless as the Phoenix Suns - that in itself is a win.
Full disclosure? I have never watched an online gender reveal that wasn't super awkward so Kirk Cousins dorky ass was already in a no-win situation here. That said, his inevitable loss was in even more spectacular fashion than I expected. How are you going to damn near miss the target from ten feet away as an NFL quarterback? No wonder why all his wide receivers skipped town. They couldn't even depend on their quarterback to throw an accurate pass when something as important using his unborn child for online approval was at stake!
I guess now we now why the Washington Redskins just franchise tagged him for the 14th year in a row. Poor bastard throws like a girl (no offense) when telling the world he's introducing a boy into the family. Two feet shorter on that slant pattern and they would be using this Instagram as an instructional video at the 'Donovan McNabb School Of Just-A-Bit-Outside'. I think I saw his wife's stomach move a little at the end, and I have no choice but to assume that fetus cringed rather than kicked. If that's the accuracy that Kirk Cousins is bringing to the table next season then he might as well buy low and purchase his child a Colt McCoy jersey now.
Are We Really Going To Give Sidney Crosby The Grayson Allen Treatment Just Because Of The Result Of This Slash?
Your opinion on this play should boil down to one question and only question only - do you think Sidney Crosby is a goddamn ninja with the hand-eye of Mr. Miyagi and the pinpoint precision to smack a fly clean out of the air without looking? If not, then demanding supplemental discipline for a routine slash that happens 45 times a game is flat out ludicrous. I get it. The whack on the hands was completely unnecessary and the result couldn't have been more gruesome, but the only way you can claim this play was excessively malicious and worthy of suspension is by giving the person responsible for it a 'Lifetime Achievement Award'.
Sidney Crosby is definitely a dick, and you need not look further than his propensity to use his twig as a medieval castration tool to see that. That's why I don't fault people for paying extra close attention to his extra curricular stick work. I do, however, fault them for going above and beyond like Sidney Crosby attached a razor to his blade with the intent of making Marc Methot look like he was in bad debt to some worse people. The fact that 'The Kid' acted like one in trying to make Ryan O'Reilly choke on his testicles approximately 48 hours prior shouldn't weigh heavily on how you view something that every player does at least once a game. If you want to use it as ammo in the never-ending argument about how much of a bitch the best player in the league is then go right ahead. He definitely deserves it. Just know that even someone with the clout of Ottawa Senators' owner Eugene Melnyk loses the attention of anyone that knows the sport when he starts demanding everything short of a prison sentence for something that goes uncalled about 67% of the time...
As far as blueprints go, a 4-2 loss to a borderline playoff team that was close, yet never really in doubt is a pretty fucking depressing one. The best thing you can say about the Devils' humdrum effort against the Toronto Maple Leafs was that it was watchable, and - to be quite honest - watchable works for me as long as it results in ZERO net points. I wasn't sure I meant it when I said that I wanted that overtime win over the Rangers to be their last win of the season. After ever-so-contently watching the young'ns battle to an inevitable defeat that would have been excessively frustrating if not for the Devils increasingly stagnant spot at the bottom of the standings, I can happily say that I have got my scuba gear and am ready to back this team in their plunge to the furthest of depths.
With the way they were somehow able to suck even Cory Schneider into their midseason slump they've finally put themselves in a position to get a blue chip prospect. It figures that it's in a pretty mediocre draft, but it's a pretty mediocre draft that the Devils absolutely need to take advantage of. If sliding even one more spot into obscurity can increase their likelihood of adding a future game changer than I couldn't be more okay with treating the remaining schedule like it's the pre-(off)season.
Obviously the back-to-back against the Flyers will feature at least one obligatory shit-kicking, but that's just the cost of child support when you play 'Daddy' to an entire franchise. Unfortunately Philadelphia is New Jersey's slump buster, but the best case scenario for this team is to have a slump to be busted. Here's to hoping they don't fuck themselves out of top three pick in the process, and go back to impotently increasing their chances of having their next most important victory comes via the draft lottery.
TheSportingNews- The Jaguars are looking to expand their footprint in London by building a permanent practice facility in the UK's capital city.
According to London news site City A.M., Jaguars officials have informally discussed with local representatives proposals to build the facility near Wembley Stadium, which would make it easier for the team to prepare and travel to the site for future games.
The Jaguars have played in London every year since 2013 and are committed to playing there at least once a year through the 2020 NFL season. It's possible the facility could serve more than just the Jaguars: Jacksonville owner Shahid Khan could also make use of it for his London-based Fulham Football Club, a soccer team that is currently playing in England's Championship League.
The proposed facility also makes sense for the NFL, considering the league not only wants more games in the UK but is also considering creating a permanent London franchise. The league has a slate of four London games in 2017 alone, with the Jaguars set to take on the Ravens in Week 3 or 4 next season.
Do we think that the Jacksonville Jaguars know they are being prepped to Unite the Kingdom with one NFL rooting interest? Do they just think they are in an ongoing fling with London? I got to be honest, building a training facility overseas feels like the equivalent of the classic "I'll just leave an outfit or two here because it's more convenient". I don't know how long it's going to take, but I get the impression that one day they are going to wake up to the distinct smell of tea and crumpets and come to the "oh shit, I live here now, don't I?" realization.
It's like they are being eased into eventual deportation. I've never been through it, but you know there's always that one guy at the office that is increasingly asked to do work off-site until the new site has basically become his full time work space and it somehow happened in such a way that it doesn't even feel like a huge change. Assuming they would rather remain in South Florida rather than moving due North of France, the Jacksonville Jaguars are basically getting the 'Milton' treatment. I hope no one takes their metaphorical red stapler, because that moment of clarity could result in some fireworks. I don't know if this means anything more than the Jaguars wanting to have a piece of home away from home, but it does seem like they are being groomed to play in a new home with grass that's as moist and unreliable as the grey skies that frown down upon it at 9AM Eastern Standard Time.
USA Hockey Tried To Recruit A New Women's Team Prior To The World Championships Instead Of Paying The One They Have
All things considered, this wasn't all that bad of a play by USA hockey. In fact, short of opening their fat wallets and actually paying their most consistently successful team wages that are more fitting of international competitors, this was the only move. Attempting to turn groups of females against each other so that they sabotage their own advancement is a strategy that's older than women's suffrage itself. If there was a way to put this obvious inequality on ice then it would be to start some proverbial hair-pulling between the current team and their younger peers who are being offered their spot.
Something tells me that practice is more likely to work in a high school cafeteria than it is to work in negotiations with proud female athletes that have embraced the spirit of 2017 by being woke as fuck to their marginalization. However, as a last gasp effort to not get completely embarrassed by lacking representation on their own soil, trying to use the innately catty characteristics of femininity to combat feminism wasn't an awful idea. If there are lessons to be learned from 'Mean Girls' they are that Lindsay Lohan is the face of wasted potential and women are their own worst enemy.
Make no mistake, using the allure of the red, white, and blue in an effort to recruit a brand new team instead of properly reimbursing the one that has brought your program so much pride is obviously a terrible look for USA Hockey as a whole. Treating well-decorated women as if they are replaceable as soon as they ask for a raise is not exaccccctly the type of behavior you'd hope for from an entity that is supposed to be representing a progressive, enlightened country. That said, when your initial response to a boycott is publicly fabricating finances and making an insulting counter-proposal can you really claim you still care about your reputation?
PageSix- A group of white employees is going to war against Revolt TV — claiming the music channel owned by Sean “Diddy” Combs canned them because they weren’t young and black, according to a new lawsuit.
Douglas Goodstein and four other Caucasian producers — who are each over age 39 — worked on the televised version of Revolt’s popular urban talk-radio program “The Breakfast Club.”
The producers say they had experience on other famous programs, such as “The Howard Stern Show,” but were treated by bosses “worse than other employees who were younger and African-American,” the Manhattan Supreme Court suit claims.
Executive Vice President Val Boreland “was always rude, condescending and dismissive towards the [team] . . . Ms. Boreland, however, treated the African-American staff in a much friendlier and respectful manner.”
Execs turned a blind eye to the behavior of “African-American employees who arrived to work intoxicated or hung over,” the suit says.
One production assistant “often came to work late, drunk and slept on the editing floor during work hours,” the suit says. Yet he “suffered no repercussions for this behavior.”
When producer Todd Baker complained about the lack of punctuality of the show’s guests, production manager Cherisse McKenzie allegedly said “he just did not understand the ‘culture’ of the show’s guests and on-air personalities.”
Rude?! Condescending?! Dismissive?! And in a workplace that was apparently giving blatant preferential treatment to the people who were acting in such an exclusive manner?! Never - and I mean never - throughout the entire course of the American television industry has such intolerance been so openly enabled. I don't know how I am going to sleep at night knowing that aging, white producers are being marginalized - and ultimately fired - for trying to expose the inherent privileges of their African American peers!
Listen, all allegations of discrimination - no matter how much they make you roll your eyes - should be taken relatively seriously, but let's clear one thing up here. These dudes weren't canned for being old and white, they were canned for being too old and too white. They aren't unemployed because of their age and skin color, they are unemployed because they too accurately fit the cornball stereotypes of the people that happen to share their age and skin color.
It takes a certain type of middle-aged white dude to work in a predominantly black environment. It's probably not the type that is constantly pointing out the double standard of BPT (black people time), and it's definitely not the type that immediately tries to take legal action upon their termination. It was either adapt or die, and the latter was inevitable if Douglas Goldstein, Todd Baker, and friends were showing up to the offices of 'The Breakfast Club' like they were showing up to a dinner date.
You know who else wouldn't last long at their job? A black 20-something working at a Ford dealership in South Carolina that was constantly questioning the necessity of gun racks. I'm not saying that black on white racism/agism doesn't exist, but you better have a pretty fucking compelling case if you want to claim you were a victim of it. I don't think "we were fired because all these black people act so much differently than us" fits that bill when the place of employment is a hip hop station. Maybe I am wrong, but I have reason to be believe they weren't axed because of their oldness and whiteness. They were axed for drawing attention to their oldness and whiteness with their inability to grasp the lifestyles of the young and black. Tough to feel sympathy when 93.6% of African Americans have had to hide their true personalities since the first day they were allowed to have desk jobs.
P.S. Greatest response ever. White people will never win a battle of dueling race cards....
Val Boreland’s brother Anthony Boreland and the assistant director of the show allegedly said that “Caucasians harbored racism against African-Americans.”
This is simply inexcusable. That's just a blatant hit from behind. Not only did it draw blood, but it also appeared to knock the player on the receiving end of it unconscious. I just don't understand how you miss that call. How do you allow that player to stay in the game? Absolutely absurd that he didn't face supplemental discipline after such a dangerous play that the league has "supposedly" been making a concerted effort to keep out of the game.
That paragraph above is how I would have responded if I were trying to guess the outcome of that play from the incensed reaction of John Tortorella. If Roman Polak wasn't assessed a 5 minute major, didn't get immediately tossed from the game, and did manage to avoid the two game suspension that he's now serving then that blurb above would make perfect sense.
Instead I am just sitting here wondering why Torts was approximately three and half expletives away from popping blood vessels in both eyeballs. I shudder to think of the stroke he undoubtedly would have had if the referee's decision didn't put him his team in the best possible scenario. He looked like he was fighting through the world's worst case of constipation when sitting on a 5 minute man advantage, so it's probably not out of the question to think he would have actually shit himself if it was only a double minor. I get sticking up for your injured player, but - short of superhuman heroics - I am not sure how else the ref was supposed to appease the dead animal living in John Tortorella's rectum.
I can't imagine we'll ever get to the point where officials have the ability to retract powerplays from ungrateful head coaches. However, if that's the way Tortorella is going to react to being on the right side of game changing penalties then I'll be damned if he's not going to have referees dreaming of the possibility. At the very least they should be allowed to wear ear plugs during Blue Jackets' games if every whistle is going to get them an ass chewing that would be too explicit for the front page of PornHub.
Sean Payton Once Had Breakfast With Johnny Manziel So Obviously He's Going To Become A Member Of The Saints
BREAKING NEWS: By spilling coffee (reportedly of the 'Irish' variety) on a napkin that was on the table shared by himself and Sean Payton during a breakfast at the largest of NFL functions a month and half ago, Johnny Manziel has unofficially become an official member of the New Orleans Saints!
Maybe I'm opening myself up to being very, very wrong here, but is it just be possible that Sean Payton - a quarterback whisperer of sorts - was giving a complete degenerate tips on how to best get his shitshow of a life together? Does the fact that a football coach and a (former?) football player once had a meal together automatically mean that they are soon going to be sharing a place of employment? I'm all for a good reclamation project, but this particular one doesn't make a modicum of sense. The Saints should - without a doubt - be looking for a successor at the quarterback position, but that doesn't explain why they would pick up someone whose been nothing short of a complete failure. Depth under center is important, but generally you don't find it under the table. That's not to say that Drew Brees wouldn't make a hell of a mentor to Johnny Manziel, but it is to say that Drew Brees has enough to worry about without having to administer a breathalyzer to his backup before ever practice.
I trust Sean Payton's eye for offensive talent, I don't trust it enough to think he's got the chops to be a sponsor to a guy who - Lord willing - wouldn't play a single meaningful snap while also turning around a team that's gone 7-9 three seasons in a row. I call bullshit, but don't mind me...I'm just using common fucking sense to assume that no person - short of the devil himself - would willingly bring Johnny Manziel to play in a building that's well within walking distance of Bourbon Street.
Ian Kinsler's Quote About American Kids And Baseball Is Exactly Why American Kids Aren't Playing Baseball
For what it's worth, I don't think Ian Kinsler's quote was meant to come off as holier than thou as it reads. That's probably not worth too much since dissecting every syllable of even the most tongue-in-cheek responses is commonplace in 2017, but still - I would hope he's not as dumb as his words are sanctimonious.
That's not even the point though. I personally don't care whether or the United States' representation in the 'World Baseball Classic' fancies themselves a more "respectful" bunch just because they keep a poker face while playing a kid's game. If Ian Kinsler takes some fictitious sense of pride in upholding the "integrity" of the diamond by stoically running the bases and following every unwritten rule that was put in place by the type of monotonously conventional players and coaches that are slowly nearing extinction then that's his prerogative. If he truly believes that being emotionally distant and lifelessly passionate is the "right" way to show emotion and passion then who am I to tell him differently?
Where he loses me - and every other casual baseball fan, for that matter - is not having the basic understanding that looking like you're waiting in line at the DMV as you play a sport for a living is exactly the kind of shit that turns off the youth that he's apparently trying to influence. That "no offense, but..." dig he took at the way Puerto Ricans and Dominicans play baseball is without question condescending. More importantly, however, it rings hallow. The rapidly decreasing amount of kids in the United States that grow up wanting to pick up a bat couldn't give less of a fuck about adhering to some antiquated etiquette by discreetly placing it on the ground upon contact. The fact of the matter is that children in this country would be far more likely to look up to someone like Ian Kinsler if he played/enjoyed the game like Javy Baez. Hoping that the next generation is paying close attention to how repressed American baseball players are is - in many ways - basically the same as hoping that the American baseball player becomes (even more of) a rarity.
TheBigLead- Fans attending Arkansas Razorbacks football and basketball games may be permitted to carry guns into the stadium beginning in 2018 after Gov. Asa Hutchinson approved gun rights measure Wednesday. Under the new law, concealed guns would be allowed at private establishments unless there are posted exceptions.
No schools or universities have chosen to adopt a 2013 law permitting faculty to carry concealed weapons. The new measure goes into effect on Sept. 1.
A lawmaker whose district includes the University of Arkansas campus in Fayetteville called the law “horrifying,” and noted it even allows concealed guns at Razorback football games and other sporting events in government-owned facilities.
“People like to have a good time before the game, during the game, people get emotional and angry during the game,” Democratic Rep. Greg Leding said. “I think the idea of introducing loaded weapons into those situations is just ridiculous.”
Brilliant. Just brilliant. I know there are plenty of people that are appalled by the thought of drunken SEC fans brandishing firearms in an environment that lends itself to irrationally belligerent disagreements, but maybe those people should have spent a little more time listening to the always unbiased gun owners of America. Christ almighty, blindly hating on people and their right to bear arms in public after washing down a dozen cold ones with a moonshine chaser is such classic lib behavior. After all, you need not read anymore than one NRA pamphlet to find the statistical proof that the presence of more guns actually makes every single situation safer regardless of context.
You want to resolve half-coherent fistfights between people that only support their favorite college football team more than the confederacy? Make sure they are licensed, locked, and loaded, because being a hair trigger away from impending disaster will sober a person up faster than any cold splash of water to the face ever could. Stupid Dems don't even realize that guns are simply for protection, and the only things more important than keeping your household safe is keeping your seat clear and the rooting interest of your section in check.
Plus, what better way to intimidate a visiting team than by firing a stray straight up into the air before kickoff?! Fuck southern hospitality, someone's got to light a fire under them Hogs!
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is Martellus Bennett implying that are better ways for the NFL to spend their time and endless capital than by casting and producing an instructional video intent on showing grown ass men how to appropriately display their happiness? Is that what's happening here? Is he trying to lead me to believe that infantilizing a 'Key And Peele' sketch into something that resembles an outdated D.A.R.E. video shouldn't be the first priority of a league whose image problem is far from limited to end zone dances? Did he just mock the inherent educational value in showing professional athletes a distinct set of allowable celebrations? I don't want to put words in his tweets, but it reads to me like Martellus Bennett finds the NFL's dedication to turning their players into robotic, Madden-ized versions of themselves to be condescending. It's as if he doesn't think that the ranging personalities of his peers can be fully encapsulated in a patronizing video that will undoubtedly be more unintentionally funny then the VHS that was used to teach them how to wrap their birds when dealing with these B's.
Looks like someone doesn't realize that this has nothing to do with out-of-touch white executives trying to appease the older, excessively conservative demographic of their viewership. It's almost like one particularly outspoken tight end forgot that there are young, impressionable children watching, and that their lives could forever be effected by seeing their favorite wide receiver hump air or their role model of a running back destroy their innocence by turning a football into prop faster than Carrot Top. So I ask you, Martellus Bennett, what about the kids....WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?!?!?!
P.S. Is it crazy to think that Troy Vincent has been tantalized into the sunken place by his tenure in the NFL front office? There's no way this dude had such a stick up his ass during his playing days. Either money talked, or Roger Goodell started clanking his tea cup and slipped him under his trance. Not saying the former Eagles' cornerback needs to 'Get Out', but someone might want to turn the flash on when they take a selfie with him during the filming of this tutorial on how to entertain appropriately. Ya know, just in case.
AwfulAnnouncing- Here’s how Musburger told it to Teddy Greenstein of the Chicago Tribune:
One time. A long time ago I was doing an NBA game. It was in Portland in the ’80s. Lakers-Trail Blazers and the director was legendary Tony Verna, who started instant replay in the (1963) Army-Navy game. I took the Lakers (plus) three points. The bet was dinner for the production team, which I suppose would have been 300 bucks. The Blazers were up by 4, well inside of one minute. Shot clock. The Lakers came across (half court) and a kid by the name of Kurt Rambis jacked up this outrageous shot, and I was all over him! So I paid off the bet, bought the dinner and said to myself: ‘You know, that was not good. That was just not good. You do not want the spread to influence how you are announcing a game.’ I always knew what the number was on every game I did. I told (former ABC executive) Dennis Swanson: I’m not going to bet on games I broadcast. I’ll bet on other games.
After learning that lesson, let me apologize to Rambis. I should not have done that. ‘He could have pounded it inside and I could have had a backdoor cover!’ (laughs)
Wait, once? The guy that spent damn near all of his 40+ years in sportscasting making increasingly less subtle references to the spread before immediately bolting to a career in gambling only bet on a game he worked one single time?! Something tells me that number might go up as the amount of time he spends in the spotlight - and coincidentally the number of fucks given - goes down, but for now let's take him at his word.
If Brent Musburger only put his money where his mouth was contractually obligated to be one time before he felt like it was effecting his ability to do his job then we need that audio, and we needed it yesterday. A professional broadcaster and - by all accounts - a professional gambler was so thrown off by mixing business and pleasure that he vowed to never do so again? A guy whose profession encourages him to be as suspenseful as possible felt that his stakes in the game were making him too emotionally attached?
In retrospect, that last minute of gameplay is probably must-see TV. Watching him live and die with the last few possessions of a random Lakers-Trail Blazers matchup knowing that it was totally genuine and not at all for dramatic effect? That would be far more gratifying than thinking he was just upholding his obligation to the viewers. I guarantee this over-the-top rant at the expense of Kurt Rambis, his shot selection, and potentially the content of his character would have me stitches if I knew what triggered it. Watching people you share a (in this case fictitious) kinship with lose money over something they can't control is endlessly intriguing. Almost makes me think more commentators should go down that road if the goal is truly to entertain the audience.
"Nothing changed but the change" #BLESSED
Fun fact, one of my favorite things to do is try to decipher the not-so-hidden meanings behind simple, yet weirdly relevant rap lyrics used to accompany suspiciously timed social media posts. Honest to god, nothing gets makes me feel more at ease about the possibility of franchise altering personnel decisions than the players potentially involved in them being cryptic and vague for all to see. I don't know if Malcolm Butler is set to become a member of the New Orleans Saints, but isn't that what makes Instagram ambiguity so much goddamn fun!
Did he sign his tender? Has a contract been negotiated and agreed upon? Is a trade well in the works? Is a top ten cornerback feel blessed to have caught up to the paper he was chasin'? Is he confident that he's merely a safe landing away from a well deserved change in the "change" he's due? Could his distant gaze out the window of a chartered jet be symbolic of an upcoming move elsewhere? Is there a reason for the underlying black & gold theme in a photo-op that appears to be about his net worth and/or professional career? What is a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there horse socks? Is anybody listening to me? Is this thing on?!?
So many questions that can only be truly unanswered by spending the next few hours (maybe days, probably weeks) picking apart the smallest intricacies of a single picture and the corresponding brief, topical, and completely indefinitive wordplay of Schoolboy Q in its caption. Finally, a productive way to spend the offseason!
I know Willie Snead IV agrees...
Steve Kerr Would Take A Pay Cut To Shorten The NBA Season, Especially Since It Means He'll Never Have To Take A Pay Cut
Uproxx- Kerr told reporters in Dallas that he would be open to a reduction in games on the schedule, even as small as 82 to 75, in order to give players more time off between games even if it meant he made less money.
“I wouldn’t be opposed to it, even at the expense to my own salary, but it’s something that everyone would have to agree to,” Kerr said. “I think even just going down to 75 games, I think that would make a dramatic difference in schedule. Now I don’t see that happening because there is money at stake for everybody.”
As the overly opinionated head coach of one of the most hated teams in all of professional sports, Steve Kerr may not be the hero we want....but he damn sure is the hero we need right now! Basketball - despite being as popular and profitable as it's ever been - needs saving and the person that would be willing to take a slight pay cut if it meant slightly reducing his workload is just the man for the job! There's simply no one more qualified to offer money to someone they know isn't going to take it than the guy whose wins record would forever remain intact if they did!
Some pessimists may say that this is an empty gesture since NBA owners would never - under any circumstances - sacrifice the revenue collected from 3-4 additional home games. However, could we ever declare that definitively without the spokesperson of the most insufferable franchise in the NBA taking the lead on a fruitless cause and selflessly offering up an undisclosed percentage of his 5 million dollar salary if - and only if - the NBA decides they value their employees wishes over guaranteed capital? I think not.
We would never truly know whether or not crowd sourcing a league-wide pay cut would be able to cover the costs of violated television contracts and tens of thousands of unsold tickets without one brave soul raising their hand and profoundly stating "I'll do it if everyone else does". Saying that he would take less money if the impossible magically becomes possible doesn't cost Steve Kerr a single cent, but if it did then he would likkkke totally be fine with it. If there is a first step in the players strong arming their way into a shorter schedule then it's having the backing of their lesser paid, less important coaches. That stairway only leads to superstars sitting out more nationally televised games, but that doesn't mean that Steve Kerr isn't (hypothetically speaking, of course) putting his money where his mouth is - even if it is considered nothing more than loose change to a league that's worth billions as currently constructed.
I'm honestly impressed. Obviously not by J.J. Watt's totally genuine persona as the humbled, gracious athlete that always has time to entertain every kid in the neighborhood, but by the fact that he was so dedicated to maintaining it that he produced EIGHT AND A HALF MINUTES of SnapChat footage during one single snowball fight. I don't know how long this precipitation battle with two kids that look no worse for the wear possibly could have lasted but I feel like we have enough game tape to break down their tendencies before the next blizzard. That's all thanks to J.J.'s undying need to broadcast his "relatability" to the millions and millions of fans that look up to him as so much more than just a football player. Sometimes it's just nice to see that professional athletes that make millions and millions of dollars are just like us. What better way for one to prove that than by narrating an entire Blair Witch-esque TV short made up on 10 second clips of a snowball fight outside his monstrous log cabin like it's taking place on the scorched battlefields of Vietnam?
FOXSports- Lakers nutritionist Dr. Cate Shanahan told ESPN that when the club acquired then-26-year-old from the Magic in 2012, his diet was quite alarming.
“You name it, he ate it,” Shanahan said.
According to the story, Howard’s craving for junk food was a major issue, as he ate everything from Skittles, Starbursts, Rolos, Snickers, Mars bars, Twizzlers, Almond Joys, Kit Kats and Reese’s Pieces. He would stash the candy all over his house and eat it at all hours, consuming as much as 24 chocolate bars’ worth of sugar every day for as long as a decade.
Howard’s sugar intake was so bad that he began experiencing tingling in his legs and fingers, symptoms Shanahan believed was due to his diet. Howard ditched the candy in lieu of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and the tingling symptoms subsided.
This poor nutritionist. She undoubtedly went through many years of schooling to reach the top of her profession. Getting the opportunity to make sure the most gifted athletes in the world kept a diet that lent itself to performing at their physical peak was probably her dream job, and in walks a guy that has to be tricked into filling himself up on bread so he didn't go around devouring candy by the fundraiser box. All those late nights up studying in med school and for what? To get the chance to tell an NBA player to stop eating like Augustus Gloop?
Seriously though, all this time I have been saying that Dwight Howard is an overgrown child and I never even knew how true it actually was. Apparently the 7 footer that is built like a Greek god really is the inverse 'Jack'. I don't know what rate he actually aged at. I do know it's nowhere near the rate that his body developed at, because there is no bigger sign of someone having the mental capabilities of a pre-teen than needing to be force-fed PB&J's just to wean them off of a candy "addiction".
This gives me reason to believe that if Dwight Howard was born a dog then he would have passed away from old age long before learning not to shit on the carpet. Of course he comes off a sociopath that's incapable of normal, genuine interactions with people his own age. Only a person with the brain of an 11 year old would require the help of someone with a PhD to draw the obvious link between a daily sugar intake that send Willy Wonka into a diabetic shock and the abnormal sensations tingling throughout his body. I can't believe I gave him a hard time for being a shitty father. Children are supposed to suck as raising children. He probably only has 10 baby mammas because he's intellectually one grade away from sex education. The lack of will power that it takes to consume 24 of anything per day is reminiscent of someone that still gets send to timeout. It's legitimately a good thing he's chiseled from stone or all stranger danger would have had to do was offer him a bitesize 'Kit Kat' to 'Celtic Pride' his ass during the 2009 NBA playoffs.
Sidney Crosby Needed No More Than One Hand To Remind The Hockey World That He's Still The Best Player In It
You know what's truly crazy about this goal? The casualness of it. Yes, cutting through the teeth (well, more like gums) of the entire Sabres "defense" was nice, and anyone that's ever touched a hockey stick knows how impressive (borderline impossible) it is to be able to lift the puck with velocity while using one hand. However, the fact that Sidney Crosby hardly even looked like he was trying while he did those things is probably the most undeniable reminder of how talented he truly is.
The nonchalantness of that play looked like something you would see out of a former D1 athlete attempting the moves that would have never worked in college against 40 year fathers that polished off 3-4 beers before they even went out for warmups. That's partially due to the fact that Buffalo played the type of matador defense that would give Walt Clyde Frazier a pants pun-ishing stiffy and Rex Ryan harrowing flashbacks, but it's also because Sidney Crosby is THAT much better than his professional peers. 'The (29 year old) Kid' didn't even contemplate putting his bottom hand back on his stick before firing a backhander from just inside the hashmarks. Didn't even consider any other option than doing something that only a handful of people in the world are capable of when there is not an NHL defenseman breathing down their neck. It's not the thought that counts on the scoreboard, but having the confidence to try that is damn near as awe inspiring as the flawless execution of it.
If it makes the Connor McDavid loyalists feel any better than he is still kind of an overbearing cocksucker. Doesn't take away from his own ability, but it does take away from the viewer's ability to wholeheartedly respect it sometimes...
At least he's got a dentist visit to worry about after trying to perform an on-ice castration. Only right I suppose...
One memorable win. One glimpse into the potential brightness of the future. One reminder of the greatness of Cory Schneider. One more reason to cheer for something other than draft position. One "fuck you" to an insufferable, entitled fan base with the most fictitious superiority complex in all of professional sports. One overtime gut punch to the New York Rangers.
That's all that was needed. Back to your regularly scheduled tanking please. As far as I am concerned, the season ended last night and it ended on the highest of notes. These next ten games might technically "count", but I certainly don't need them to be treated that way.
No feeling will top the feeling of watching the Devils turn the tables by oh-so-narrowly grasping victory from the clutches of defeat. Nothing will best the thrill of watching the spirit of Martin Brodeur possess the body of Cory Schneider as he threw a flawless poke check in a pressure packed situation. Nothing will stop the heart quite like the net mouth scramble that - for what seems like the first time all season - didn't end up in the back of their net. Nothing will be quite as exhilarating as two talented young kids outlasting the laws of endurance to lead a game winning odd man rush. The joy that I - and most Devils' fans - felt as Joseph Blandisi slid the puck over the goal line and started letting out the frustrations of his entire franchise on a pane of glass can't be topped, so let's hope that they don't play their way into a worse pick by trying to recreate it.
P.S. I suppose you could add "one NHL goal for John Quenneville", and "one pummeling from the enraged hands of Miles Wood", because those moments were pretty awesome as well...