Welp, you heard the man. He'd love to answer to his "unpatriotic" display of apathy that took place on the same day in which an American city was fighting over whether or not people that look like Marshawn deserve to be Lynch'd. Unfortunately, it appears that a failure to properly exterminate the room had that motherfuckin' mastodon checking out of it before it even made it's inevitably polarizing presence felt.
Man, what are the odds?! Finally got that damn elephant to make an appearance for the first time since Saturday, and all the sudden a mouse comes along and scares it away before Marshawn Lynch even has a chance to address it in a totalllly original way that deffffinitely would have opened the minds of those that have been so incredibly accepting of multi-cultural ways of thinking in the past.
In all honesty, I love the visual of a Raiders' PR director running up and telling Marshawn Lynch that he should have a response prepared for when the media undoubtedly asks him about sitting during the 'National Anthem', and Marshawn Lynch being like "eh, I think I'm just going to deflect blame onto an invisible rodent". May not be the most professional or powerful of messages, but it brought a pretty swift end to the "distraction" that has cost Colin Kaepernick a job. There definitely aren't too many players other than 'Beast Mode' that can get away with that answer, which really just goes to show that you're probably better off making it known that you don't give a fuck if you're going to do something that pisses a bunch of people off.
Just Like The Red Wings, The Detroit Lions Had To Denounce Their Affiliation With the White Supremacists Using Their Logo
Huh. Who knew that neo-nazis marching around town using fire sticks as their weapon of choice while preaching about a "master race" and promoting a regressive set of societal beliefs in the year 2017 lacked originality? Honestly, I'm stunned that the people that have been patiently waiting in their parents' basements for abject racism to resurface while projecting their hate for themselves on people of differing races, colors, and creeds aren't the most creative bunch.
When I saw that a group of white supremacists had adopted someswatstified version of the Detroit Red Wings' logo I figured that they were just too lazy to come up with their own brand recognition. Now that they have also attempted to re-inappropriate the Detroit Lions' logo there is only one thing that could possibly be true. The alt-right hasn't taken a hard left outside of the self-promotional box they use as their sounding board since they first decided to embrace the ideology of a long deceased German dictatorship. Stealing trademarks has only become their schtick because it falls in line with the fact that innovation isn't exactly their thing. Of course white nazionalists have incorporated the intellectual property of proud sports' franchises that have been around since before Hitler started thinking for those that would eventually ended up missing the bus to the 21st century.
What else were they supposed to do? Generate their own thoughts and ideas? You do realize we are talking about the same folks that still use the word "tradition" as a crutch while continuing to salute a flag that became obsolete for over a century and a half ago, right? I can't believe it took us this long to realize they came up with their "coat of arms" while squinting at the television of Sunday afternoon and actively trying not to root for the black players on their favorite team.
ESPN's Live Fantasy Football Auction Probably Could Have Benefited From A Little Bit More...Uhh...Color
Annnnd here's the end result when you watch 'Get Out', and think "hey, that scene where they sold off the black guy's athletic ability to the highest of extremely white bidders would play great on our nationally broadcasted Fantasy Football special!"...
Seeing as I don't think that ESPN stands to benefit from airing a segment that serves as ode to the days of slave labor, I'm going to go ahead and say that this idea was just as innocent as it was stupid. I'm not so sure the worldwide leader in forced entertainment needs to be offering any public apologies because you'd really have to be asshole to think that their intentions were as questionable as their execution, but - with that said - I do have one question...
Where are all the minorities?
I know that Bristol, Connecticut isn't exactly a hub of cultural diversity, but if you're going to hold up the face of an African American for auction then it might be wise not to restrict your invitations to people that just waltzed off the 18th green. I don't know if the country club vibe is what was solely responsible for making this whole scene more cringeworthy, but I can't imagine that subbing out Sperry's target demographic for some sneakerheads would have hurt this extremely unfortunate optic. I admittedly play fantasy football with a predominantly caucasian group of friends, but generally our drafts don't look like a company-wide conference at Dockers. Shit, even Tommy Hilfiger would have known to call up his "black friend" to keep things a bit more colorful if he knew there were going to be cameras around.
Undoubtedly, a vast majority of fantasy football auctions are going to have a bunch of white dudes giddily bidding on Odell Beckham. However, when that auction draft is being held on cable television, the key is to mix in at least a few people that don't look like they would predominantly use his ridiculous hands to help clean their summer home.
There's Something Depressingly Funny About The Fake James Harrison Quote That Made It's Way Around The Internet
Look, there's nothing funny about attributing a fake quote to a professional athlete. Especially when the professional athlete in question happens to be African American, and the fake quote is in reference to a polarizing, racially charged subject. It's honestly depressing that someone writing under the cowardly pseudonym of a fictitious hockey player turned golfer that pioneered the idea of taking off his skate in an attempt to stab an opponent was able to so easily spread such a blatant lie. That said, the thought process that allowed him to do so is at least mildly - if not morbidly - funny.
I mean, just take a second to stop and think why James Harrison - of all people - was used as the target of this online deception. I definitely don't want to put myself in the mind of someone that cares so strongly about athletes taking a seat in the name of equality that he mocks up baseless articles in hopes that old white people that aren't familiar enough with the internet to accept it's content as anything less than gospel share it. However, based on my familiarity with ignorant idiots like him, I think I am at liberty to say that there's a reason why he chose the black athlete that's most capable of putting the fear of god in every single one of his peers. There's no chance an NFL player would have their convictions swayed by something they came across on the petri dish of prejudice that is Facebook, but - if they were so inclined to do so - then the most effective threat would probably come from the guy that dick presses 600 pounds during the offseason.
Honestly, if there is something that could undo the entirety of a grown man's potty training then it's one scowl from a pissed off James Harrison. That's why an NHL analyst whose loose lips might as well be attached to an uncontrollable bladder wants faux-James Harrison on his team of "Super Patriots" that are more annoyed by peaceful protests than they are by violent, neo-nazi gatherings on American soil. I feel pretty confident in saying that because the alternative is that Jeremy Roenick actually wants to play alongside a guy that is willing to hypothetically hospitalize his teammates for having a differing opinion, and - based on his track record of spewing stupid shit - I doubt that would work out in his favor.
Jeremy Roenick and his braindead band of retweeters believe that black athletes don't have the right to express their displeasure with the state of race relations in this country while also believing that they have the right to use the made-up words of the biggest, most intimidating black athlete to scare them into standing up straight. If you don't consider that hilariously hypocritical then I would imagine you're capable of getting baited by the very same bullshit.
The Red Wings Had To Publicly Dismiss Their Logo's Unfortunate Affiliation With A Group Of Pun-Happy White Supremacists
There are far too many unenviable jobs to go as far as claiming that public relations is the most thankless profession. However, I can certainly think of at least one person that could formulate a pretty compelling argument that covering the tracks of an extremely successful, well respected organization is something that isn't for the faint of heart. Seriously, imagine being tasked with relaying to the public that the professional hockey franchise that's older than all-but-three in the entire NHL is - in fact - not related to the group of neo-nazi's running rampant through a fascist gathering with signs depicting a similar, yet bastardized version of their logo. If that's not enough to make you reconsider your career path then it's clear that you chose the correct one.
Admittedly, I don't know who conjured up this statement. Regardless, I am fairly certain he/she choked on his/her breakfast when their summer Saturday was interrupted by their employer calling to tell them they had to promptly extinguish an unfortunate affiliation with a group of people that are convinced they are the modern day reincarnation of the 'Hitler Youth' before it set the internet ablaze. I only took an introductory course in PR, but I would venture to guess there is no amount of 'Higher Learning' that can adequately prepare you to distance your company's insanely recognizable emblem from the white supremacists that are using it to turn the name of their racist cult into a pun.
The author in question probably considered the job of being a metaphorical fire fighter for an NHL team to be a dream gig, but he/she damn sure didn't realize those fires were going to be attached to the end of Tiki torches held by the people that were using a proud franchise in a predominantly white sport to proudly declare white dominance. I don't want to speak for the nameless person behind the abject dismissal of white supremacy, but I'm confident that - in the moment - they damn sure didn't consider being given the responsibility of carefully crafting it a white privilege.
After The Events Of This Past Weekend, You'd Have To Be Some Sort Of Asshole To Care About An Athlete Sitting During The National Anthem
USAToday- Raiders coach Jack Del Rio said he was unaware Lynch would sit for the anthem, but added that the two spoke afterward and described the running back's action as a "non-issue" to him.
"He said, 'This is something I've done for 11 years — it's not a form of anything other than me being myself,' " Del Rio said in a postgame news conference. "I said, 'So you understand how I feel, I very strongly believe in standing for the national anthem, but I'm gonna respect you as a man. You do your thing, OK, and we'll do ours.' "
The moment came on a day in which a car hit peaceful protesters, killing a woman and injuring at least 19 people, after white supremacists and counter-protesters clashed at a rally in Charlottesville.
Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. Can you believe that an oft-controversial, African American athlete chose to casually sit and have a snack without even removing his cap for the saluting of the country in which he's lucky enough to earn his market value of millions of dollars to display his talents? Just plopped right down on his keister for some sustenance like he was feeling light headed and needed a potassium boost after a long walk in the park when he was supposed to be doing his civic duty by standing upright? Ugh, completely and utterly disgraceful if you ask me. I'm sorry. I support the freedom of free protest and all that happy horse shit, but if someone is going to be that apathetic towards an unlawful squabble that revolves around a flag then it should be the President of the United States of America!
Honestly, sit (or stand, doesn't really matter to me) there and tell me that Marshawn Lynch is un-American for choosing to rest his legs during a song while the country that it represents was currently serving as the unwilling host to a racial supremacy riot. Please, concoct a narrative in which a peaceful (if not entirely uninterested) protest for something that is inherently positive should be viewed more negatively than people angrily taking to the streets with fucking shields of armor and lit Tiki torches ready to commit vehicular homicide on behalf of their undeserved privilege. I'd be genuinely curious to see if someone could logically argue that the American flag truly symbolizes "freedom" when the removal of a Confederate flag that - like it or not - serves as a symbol of an oppressive history is still capable of being the catalyst for a citywide, neo-nazi-led 'Civil War'.
Admittedly, I have some pretty strong doubts that a star running back with a polarizing personality has been sitting out the 'National Anthem' for 11 years. I know we are a hell of a lot more hyper sensitive to how people choose to recognize the 'Star Spangled Banner' than we were when Marshawn Lynch was last on an NFL sideline, but there's no way he lasted over a decade on his asscheeks without drawing public ire. He's being disingenuous - if not completely full of shit - in acting like he didn't know what he was doing in the moment. However, since what he was doing is a wee bit more harmless than a public promotion of a "master race" that turned deadly, I think I am at liberty to say that what he was doing wasn't all that bad regardless.
Marshawn Lynch may not have made the most agreeable of spokesperson since he didn't even own up to a cause and his posture served as the biggest of middle fingers to every hypocrite that thought his unspoken cause was the most obscene thing that happened on American soil this weekend. Not that the type of stubborn jackass that would be overly critical anyway needs my blessing, but I suppose you could chastise him for delivering his message a little more indirectly, yet explicitly than we have come to expect.
That said, if you're under the assumption that he and Michael Bennett acted under the same pretense then you're going to have a pretty rough time blindly (and deafly) disagreeing with this sentiment without sounding like a racist asshole that's incapable of comprehending English words and undeniable truths...
"With everything that's been going on the last couple of months, and especially after the last couple of days seeing what's going on in Virginia, and earlier today in Seattle, I just wanted to be able to use my platform to be able to continuously speak on injustice."
"First of all, I want people to understand that I love the military. My father's in the military. I love hot dogs like any other American. I love football like any other American. But I don't love segregation. I don't love riots or oppression."
"I just want to see people have the equality that they deserve. And I want to be able to use this platform to continuously push the message of that."
"I'm being vulnerable right now. There's a whole bunch of people sitting at home judging me, but they will never get to this point where they can be vulnerable. Let people attack me because they don't believe what I believe in, but at the end of the day, I'm being vulnerable to show every person that no matter [what] you believe in, keep fighting for it. Keep fighting for equality. Keep fighting for oppressed people. And keep trying to change society."
This 'Foot Locker' Commercial Tried To Make It DeMarcus Cousins And Ndamukong Suh Likable, And Was Only Partially Successful
I've got to tip my cap to 'Foot Locker', they almost got me here. They've done a stellar job of making polarizing athletes more likable by getting them to make light of their own flaws (See: DeAngelo Russell, and Lonzo Ball), and were pretty close to succeeding yet again by getting DeMarcus Cousins and Ndamukong Suh to embrace their inner asshole. Unfortunately, getting people to laugh at your scripted, socially unacceptable behavior only works when it's truly an exaggeration of why people think you're a terrible person in the first place.
DeMarcus Cousins came away looking better because - no matter how many officials he verbally assaults - I would never take him for the type of person to kick fallen groceries away from an exhausted housewife or shut an elevator door in an elderly woman's face. The same can't be said about 300-pound Ndamukong Suh "accidentally" stomping on the injury prone leg of someone much smaller than him, because he has literally already done that...
I can buy that DeMarcus Cousins' reputation as selfish and difficult is slightly magnified by how emotional and impassioned he gets on the court. However, if you're trying to sell me on Ndamukong Suh being anything less than a recklessly dirty dickhead whose intent is to do anything but injure then you might as well move on to a more likely sale by putting a price tag on the Brooklyn Bridge.
The Parole Board Member That Rocked A Chiefs Tie At The OJ Simpson Hearing Offered His Explanation For Doing So
LBS- Perhaps the most bizarre storyline from Simpson’s parole hearing was that a member of the board was wearing a Kansas City Chiefs tie. That man was Adam Endel, and he explained his wardrobe choice to Sam Mellinger of the Kansas City Star.
Endel, who moved to Kansas City with his family when he was a young boy, knew how highly-televised Simpson’s hearing would be. He says his decision to wear a Chiefs tie had more to do with the cameras and less to do with Simpson himself.
“Yeah, that’s safe to say,” Endel explained. “It was one of those little things I figured someone might spot from Kansas City, but I didn’t realize it was going to blow up that much. It’s crazy now.”
“I can’t match things very well,” he said. “So I have to wear solid colors most of the time. My wife’s not around always.”
“I realize some people are going to be upset I wore a Chiefs tie,” he said. “That’s OK. They can be upset.”
You just can't help but to respect that level of fandom. I mean, literally nothing else in the world matters more to Adam Endel than rocking his team's colors and showing them the support they deserve. Not professionalism, not the perception of impartiality in the justice system, and certainly not fashion.
So his outfit made an ever-so-slight mockery of a hearing that ultimately resulted in the eventual release of a guy that probably murdered two people in a horrific manner without regret and still vehemently denies it so often that he's likely convinced himself that he didn't do it at all. I guess that's not the greatest of optics, but what else was a proud member of Chiefs Nation supposed to do? Let the viewing audience think that his rooting interests were one of the 31 other teams in the NFL? Not now, not never. He had one opportunity to let the world know his allegiance, and he wasn't about to let it slip just because it made him appear to care more about sports than the safety of society while making a critical decision about a legendary football player turned sociopath. Those that are upset about it can harbor as much ill will as they want, because none of them will be in attendance at 'Arrowhead Stadium' this upcoming season and those are the only people that this particular parole board member cares about. I, for one, can salute that level of dedication.
The Real Problem With John McEnroe's Comments On Serena Williams Is That No One Knows A Damn Thing About Tennis
I'm playing a dangerous game by assuming that everyone is on the same page in 2017, but I think it's fair to say that most people understand that men are athletically superior to women in terms of size, strength, and speed. Consider all technical skill, awareness, and mental toughness even, and the fairer gender is taking the 'L' every time in the 'Battle Of The Sexes'. That's just simply how biology works.
That said, I also think it's fair to say that most people think of Serena Williams as a transcendent athlete regardless of her gender. It would be pretty difficult ( i.e. sexist, stupid) not to considering she's so superior to her genetically similar competition that she won the 'Australian Open' with a human fucking being living inside her.
That's why I don't think it's John McEnroe's message that people have a problem with. After all, how could they when it's a message that Serena Williams herself has publicly echoed previously?
There is one thing and one thing only that has people readying their pitchforks for a full fledged takedown of a brutally honest former athlete who was probably a bit hyperbolic - although also pretty complimentary - in promoting his new book, and that is the number 700.
I'll admit, when I first read that John McEnroe would have Serena Williams slated behind hundreds upon hundreds of her male counterparts I was a bit taken a back. That's because - if given approximately an hour to research - the average person (myself included) might be able to rattle off about 17 penis-carrying tennis pros. Hell, if you asked me how many proud, racket carrying males are on "the circuit" then my guess would have been about as accurate as predicting how many gum balls fit in a 757. When it comes to name recognition, the 30th ranked men's tennis player in the world might as well be the 30th ranked shark fisherman in the Florida Keys. For those of us who are unfamiliar with the sport - which is the vast majority of people - men's tennis might as well have as many eligible participants as the NBA playoffs. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself here, but when I initially saw the number 700 I assumed that John McEnroe would take Billy Fuckstick from East Cowtip Community College over the best women's tennis player of all time.
Apparently that's not the case and there are - indeed - a hell of a lot more tennis players than the handful that I could pick out of a police lineup. Pretty shocking stuff really. Just not nearly as stunning as the amount of oblivious people lighting their torches to defend an objectively awesome female athlete against a completely arbitrary number prior to doing the math.
The Ball Family Made An Appearance On WWE Raw, Annnd LaMelo Dropped A Couple Soft N-Bombs Into A Hot Mic
As per Houston Mitchell of The Los Angeles Times, WWE also sent out a statement about it:
WWE responded to what happened with the following: “The inappropriate language used by a guest during the ‘Miz TV’ segment was not scripted nor reflects WWE’s values.”
First of all...yikes, and no - that is not even in reference to a 15 year old causally dropping 'N'-bombs on live television. That "yikes" is in reference to the painstaking viewing that was a satellite parent turned caricature bickering back-and-forth with a professional rabble rouser. I knew the WWE product had gone downhill in recent years, but - man, oh man - I feel like I need to apologize on behalf of 13 year old me for contributing to the ratings of a sideshow that allowed it to transform into a cringeworthy adaptation of itself. I actually don't mind LaVar Ball's antics, but he's much better at yelling nonsensical shit at an egregious volume from the sidelines than he is at trying to entertain when the spotlight is on him. Surely he doesn't care because - regardless of the fact that it made me want to stab my eardrums with a screwdriver - he got to do a lot of shameless self promotion for the 'Big Baller Brand', but that was simply an unwatchable subplot if we are speaking objectively.
But hey, I imagine that's probably just what a franchise as proud as the Lakers were hoping for when they heard their first round pick was going on a show that makes soap operas seem real. What better way for Lonzo Ball to ingratiate himself to the fine people of Los Angeles than by making a public appearance in front of that huuuuuuuge cross section of NBA/WWE fans? Probably could have done without his brother causing a controversy by repeatedly spitting a soft slur into a hot mic on family programming, but who could have seen that coming? I thought the teenager with the most outspoken, overbearing of role models and absolutely no experience in professional entertainment would have played it cool in front of the cameras. Oh well, a public apology is a small price to pay to get the #2 pick in the NBA Draft the publicity that he definitely wouldn't be privy to as the Los Angeles Lakers starting point guard.
The UCF Kicker That Had The NCAA Reprimand Him For His YouTube Channel Took A Jab At The NCAA On His YouTube Channel
FTW- Earlier this week, Central Florida kicker Donald De La Haye said he was presented with an ultimatum from UCF’s compliance office: Either he could get rid of his popular YouTube channel that makes him some money, or quit football entirely.
It looks like he hasn’t quit just yet, and he’s using the channel to make a statement about the NCAA in the process...
So that's it, right? We just got our decision from Donald De La Haye? He officially values his YouTube channel and it's 59,000+ subscribers over repeatedly kicking a football for a University that is one year removed from a winless, defeated season? I know that technically he's still allowed to make videos as long as he's not doing something awful and egregious like putting a little petty cash in his pocket during the process, but if there's one bull you don't mess with without getting the horns then it's the NCAA. I love that the kid used a successful public medium to shed light on the injustices of an organization that looks out for the "best interests" of student athletes by making sure they stay broke while exploiting them for every penny they are worth. However, the higher-ups that offered a sternly worded ultimatum in response to a couple advertising dollars probably aren't going to be as receptive.
In fact, I think I am at liberty to say that the NCAA most definitely won't feel inspired to change by watching a video that blatantly mocks their head-scratchingly hypocritical ways. That's not an indictment of how well UCF's (potentially former) field goal kicker made his point, but rather an indictment of the soulless robots that are wired to marginalize their manual labor. Will Smith might have you thinking differently, but 'iRobot' was just a movie and machines most certainly do not have feelings or opinions that can be swayed by humor or circumstance. I wish Donald De La Haye the best, but I don't think that changing the one track minds of rich white dudes that have ridden the backs of student athletes in an effort to reach the highest branches of the money tree is as simple as internet shaming them.
The LGBT Community Is Not Happy That Noted Idiot Lance Berkman Is Speaking At The Cardinals 'Christian Day'
TheComeback- The St. Louis Cardinals are hosting “Christian Day” once again this year, but one of their speaker choices has some in the LGBQT+ community questioning the decision.
Former Cardinals outfielder Lance Berkman will speak during the celebration. The same Lance Berkman who’s condemned equal rights for LGBT people in Houston and called out a law that allowed transgendered people to use bathrooms that align with their gender identity. Naturally, the St. Louis Pride Center doesn’t think Berkman is the model spokesman.
“Pride St. Louis is disappointed by the decision of the St. Louis Cardinals to provide a public platform for Berkman, an individual whose words and actions towards the LGBTQ+ are divisive and demeaning,” the St. Louis Pride Center said in a statement to Outsports. “We know that the Cardinals can do better, and we want to extend an offer to help them by co-organizing their official LGBT Pride Night at Busch Stadium. Let’s work together to promote love, diversity, and inclusion.”
In response, the Cardinals unveiled they’ll host a pride night this season.
Ah yes, 'Christian Day'. Some might actually call it the holiest of the days glorifying a distinct demographic in hopes of tricking the general public into thinking that professional sports teams give an ounce of a shit about your race, religion, or sexuality as long as your money is green. An entire day devoted Catholicism, what could possibly go wrong when you choose to celebrate the set of beliefs that is antiquated at best and completely hypocritical at worst?! Pushing the selectively and conveniently neglected moral code of the vast majority in a public forum? This was sure to go over well, whether a noted homophobe of an ex-player was selected as the honorary spokesperson of salvation or not.
Lance Berkman's obsolete beliefs may currently be less relevant than his long-forgotten career, but Jesus Christ trails only 'heterosexual pride' and 'white privilege' in terms of needing some well deserved recognition. So instead of focusing on the fact that the floor is being given to a former athlete who historically has no problem offering up his divisive thoughts on sexualities that he'll never understand, let's focus on the worthiness of his cause. Thall shall not lieth with another man, or feel it necessary to study the legitimacy of his penis while urinating next to "him". As someone that avoids awkward interactions with strangers like the plague, I can get on board with at least 50% of that sentiment. Of course there will be blasphemists that argue everyday in the United States is 'Christian Day', but if everyday is 'Christian Day' then is any day really, truly, and spiritually 'Christian Day'?!? Lance Berkman and the St. Louis Cardinals think not.
Old White Baseball Commentator Thinks It Should Be Illegal For Foreign, Non-White Baseball Players To Use A Translator
I know that Jerry Remy sounds like an out-of-touch idiot for wanting to legislate the ways in which foreign players get more accustomed to playing on the professional level in a completely different country. I know that the Red Sox color commentator's opinion sounds like a manifestation of the antiquated, unaccepting attitudes of the elderly people in charge of a sport that essentially considers "the right way" and "the white way" to be synonymous. Still - while I am inclined to shame his subliminally prejudice line of thinking - I would rather take it one step further. Fuck eliminating translators who aide in the communication between teammates that ultimately benefits the actual game play. That type of institutional bias is too small time. Why not just go all the way with it and re-segregate the league?
I know that sounds harsh, but just take a second to think about it. If there is anything that will teach the old guard that the MLB should be doing anything and everything to cater to minorities it would be watching the type of bush league baseball that would be played without minorities. Take all the latino players off the Phillies for one week, and see if Mike Schmidt is still hesitant to build around one as the centerpiece of the lineup solely because his brand of English is maybe 10% as broken as the rules and regulations governing a dying sport. Imagine Jerry Remy missing out on the opportunity to call the career of the next 'Big Papi' because his Dominican successor wasn't as quick learning the intricacies of English? Let's see if he's so quick to summon his white privilege in hopes of shortening the occasional mound visit by a couple of seconds if he's not careful what he wishes for and it costs him the privilege to watch the most athletically superior of ball players.
Obviously I am being completely facetious. However, at this point I'm not sure there is anything - other than the death of every old, stubborn asshole that glorifies the days in which Babe Ruth was knocking some schmuck named Chad around the neighborhood - that could help to make baseball more progressive. I do know that the sport isn't exactly growing in the states, so maybe the actual move is to make Spanish the official dialect of the diamond. I suppose that doesn't exactly help Masahiro Tanaka. However, there probably wouldn't be too many announcers lightening the blow of saying "learn it or leave it" by using a transparent term like "baseball language" in an effort to disparage a guy for his inability to completely adapt to a new culture if those announcers were no longer old, white, and repressed.
I'm No Jeopardy Aficionado, But If You Make Yourself A Suspect While Playing Then You're Probably Doing It Wrong
Welp, that's one way to go from sweating out questions under the bright lights of one of the most prestigious gameshows to sweating out questions under the brighter, much hotter lights of an interrogation room. I know our boy Tom just accidentally induced verbal vomiting in the name of timeliness. Still, it's probably not wise to imply that you have absolutely no idea how statutory rape works when you have the look of someone who hasn't not shown up to a stranger's house with a 6-pack of wine coolers, a blindfold, and a coil of roping. Poor guy isn't the first person to sound stupid while answering in the form of a question, but he very well might be the person to sound guilty while answering in the form of a question. Christ, Chris Hanson probably thought he was tuning in to take a break from putting sexual predators behind bars, and instead a goddamn amber alert made his ears shoot up as it interrupted the show that he uses for mental exercise.
Credit to Alex Trebek for not letting that thoughtless retort sit on air like stale fart, but there is nothing he could have done to completely mask the lasting stench of perceptual pedophilia. That one is going to stick with Tom for awhile, and it probably should. If only so he doesn't go around assuming there's anything common about lawlessly bedding middle schoolers under the belief that they are old enough to definitively say "yes" or "no".
Well, well, well...if it's not everybody's favorite Uncle...Tom. And what palm-to-forehead question is he looking to force feed the family at the proverbial dinner table after 1-7 too many hypothetical drinks? Why, of course, it's whether or not baseless, surface level hate can be bought away! About damn time if you ask me. All his shameless baiting of clicks and it's only now that we are discussing whether racism is still racism when the victim is rich enough to have someone else clean it up? Real head scratcher we got on our hands. Does the egregiousness of defacing a house with racial slurs have an indirect correlation with the size and resale value of said house? Hmm, really makes you think.
I should have known that this country's biggest dilemma wasn't minimizing discrimination and prejudice, but finding a more gentle word like "inconvenience" to describe them when they are directed at people well above the poverty line. How did my white privilege manage to miss the real problem at hand here? I gave an endorsement to a professional athlete for taking time away from doing his job to shed light on an important societal issue that somehow still plagues all people of a certain skin color, and I totally forgot to dangerously marginalize the difficulties of minorities in higher tax brackets. How could I have been so stupid?!?
I mean, I thought it was "inconvenient" when I was the 5th person in line for my morning coffee, but that term is far better used to describe LeBron James having his property tagged with a word that reminds him of the days in which he would have been property. Now that I have been enlightened by what's "right", I feel like I should head to the far left and drag the best basketball player on the planet back to a side that knows racism isn't really racism unless it's endangering lives. You know, instead of just harmlessly undermining true equality, compromising peace of mind, and serving as a painful reminder that you can't completely pay your way away from bigotry...no matter what nice, suburban neighborhood you move to.
There Appears To Be Some Very Insecure Men Out There Who Are Outraged That 'Wonder Woman' Is Having An All-Female Screening
NYPost- A gender-based “injustice” involving the new “Wonder Woman” flick has some DC Comics fans crying foul.
Fanboys are livid they weren’t invited to a women-only screening of the superhero movie at Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas.
Alamo Drafthouse announced its “No Guys Allowed” screening on Wednesday night, a week ahead of the highly anticipated film’s release. The theater added that everyone from venue staff to projectionists to culinary staff would be female — and outraged internet trolls immediately swarmed.
Mike Canales asked whether the company would host men-only screenings of “Man of Steel,” “The Terminator,” “Escape From New York,” or “Demolition Man.” Bradley Lucio claimed hypocrisy, asking: “Could you imagine the anger and outrage from the liberal staff of Alamo if Trump held an all male screening at the White House or even if another theatre did an all-male screening?!”
“Have you ever hosted a men’s only showing of any film?” wondered Bill Fairbrother on Facebook.
Sexist? SEXIST!?! Clearly this select group of socially awkward misfits has never been trivialized before, because you know what would really be sexist? If men were forced to watch a movie that starred a stinky, smelly girl and her super cootie powers as the lead. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good fictitious tale of heroism, but making the superhero a woman? I am glad this is an all-female screening, because - as someone whose gender provides them the brawn and bravery necessary to battle intergalactic beings - I simply would rather not have my ability to suspend disbelief shattered by a member of the fairer sex somehow saving the day.
I'll never claim that my movie viewership has standards but I'll be damned if it doesn't have double standards, so let's just say there's a reason that I have never wondered why a woman wasn't cast in a cape. I honestly can't believe there are men out there making themselves look stupid by fighting against the inherent injustices faced by nerdy white males, because I'm perfectly content only viewing screenings that feature ladies in the supporting roles in which they belong. While a bunch of needle-dicked dorks are out picketing the plight of having a penis, I think I'll just stay in and watch Mrs. Cleaver serve up a family dinner in the only costume I'm interested in seeing even the most wonderful of woman wear...an apron.
In all seriousness, you really have to be some kind of tone deaf asshole to make your delayed viewing of a sci-fi film into some societal issue that's plaguing the privileged. Never mind the hypocrisy necessary to claim hypocrisy, because if merely having to wait a day to see a 'Marvel' movie has you ready to die on the hill that men are being marginalized then you're too little of a bitch to board the ride through the glass ceiling to the cinematic empowerment of women.
P.S. I love me some Turtle, but this response is nothing short of brilliant....
The company’s social media team replied: “We’ve never done showings where you had to be a man to get in, but we *did* show the ‘Entourage’ movie a few years ago.”
On The Eve Of The NBA Finals, LeBron James Reminded Us That's He's Human With His Response To Racism
I knew that the six basketball-less days prior to the series that we have all been not-so-patiently waiting for would contain some nauseatingly repetitive narratives, but I can't say I thought they would feature the storyline that has served as the unrelenting skeleton in this country's closet for hundreds of years. Seriously, I thought I would be pleasantly surprised if we were talking about anything other than Steph Curry's fictitious finals struggles or the differences between LeBron James and some former outfielder that had a cup of coffee with the Chicago White Sox come Wednesday. Turns out those mind numbing, time killing arguments/debates would have been welcomed with open arms given the cold, harsh spin to reality the NBA news cycle was forced into taking. Every sports fan has been sitting here obnoxiously tapping their foot and loudly sighing in anticipation of Battle III in the 'The War Of The Titans'. However, the cowardice of one person who beliefs aren't as rare as we would like to believe made us quit our bitching and realize that the subject of nearly every basketball article that has been written during June for the last 7 years is - indeed - a human being.
And you know what, as often as LeBron James' eyebrow-raising words and actions constantly remind us that he was basically 15-going-on-30 with how much of his life has been lived in front of the general public, he proved that he's a human being who is all-too-cognizant of at least one social issue.
A weird feeling came over me as I listened to the victim of the type of racist vandalism that we blissfully pretend was yielded by the feel good ending to 'Glory Road'. It was empathy for a professional athlete that is financially and genetically inclined to give his children the world...but somehow still can't possibly make them feel safe in it. For all the times he has defied gravity, he still can't out jump the cruel clutches of something as silly as his skin color. The seemingly superhuman specimen whose abilities are so rare that literally the worst thing you could say about him is "he might not be the best basketball player ever...yet" had to step away from the game's brightest lights because there are still people that view him as less than a person because his skin tone isn't sensitive to them.
LeBron James wasn't just absolutely right in everything that he said, he was painfully accurate. For all the progressive strides society has made, it still - either intentionally or institutionally - hasn't wholly embraced African Americans as equals. Many of us will never know the extent to which race plays a part in the day-to-day lives of minorities so before we tune into the showcase of a predominantly black sport we should remember that as good as the lives of a vast majority of the participants seem, they still strangely matter less to some. For all the conditional love that athletes get, those that tend to run faster and jump higher still can't completely escape unconditional hate.
As much fun as it is to dissect our inherent inability to relate to his lavish lifestyle, we should all hail 'King James' here. Not just because he's a multigenerational talent, but because he took off the veil and uncloaked himself to speak openly and honestly about a multigenerational problem that sadly doesn't appear to have a solution in it's near future.
Who Would Have Thought That A Random, Offseason Article About Michael Bennett's "Immaturity" Would Backfire This Badly?
SeattleTimes- I was 10 feet away from Bennett after that playoff loss to the Falcons when he ripped into a reporter for asking a fair question about the pass rush. He called him a “non-playing (expletive)” and asked what kind of adversity he’d been through, implying that there was no way it could be on par with an NFL player.
Well, that reporter survived cancer, which Bennett obviously didn’t know. But the fact that he never publicly apologized or even acknowledged it reeks of immaturity.
I don't think I am alone in claiming ignorance here. Seriously, who would have thought that an article targeting one of the most outspoken members of a notoriously media unfriendly locker room would be taken so poorly? I was simply stunned that Michael Bennett had a less than positive reaction to a that (in full) reads as follows: "Here's a bunch of good things about Seattle's defensive end just so it doesn't look like this is a blatant hit piece that I conjured up for clicks in the dead of the offseason when I take the turn and label him immature for something he did 4 months ago". Just an absolutely shocking response...until you see the most column crippling 'Editor's Note' in the history of typed word....
"(Editor’s note: This column has been clarified to reflect that Michael Bennett privately contacted a reporter to express regret about his response to a question following the Seahawks’ playoff loss to the Falcons.)"
Whoooooops. That whole "Michael Bennett is an unforgiving criticizer of cancer survivors" angle really gets it's legs chop blocked out from underneath it when you find out that it's subject actually apologized for his emotional/unintentional gaff in the most genuine, mature way possible. Saying "sorry" by way of a medium that's not entirely public and thus completely incredulous? Who even knew that was a thing that existed in 2017?
Man, if only there were a way that author Matt Calkins could have avoided being made to look like an informed jackass that potentially cost his publication access to certain areas of the Seahawks locker room. I'd have to do my research, but - off the top of my head - I can't think of anyway to make sure you have your facts straight when taking a retroactive stand on behalf of a colleague (and a retroactive stab at a professional athlete) other than by talking to that colleague even once between the months of January and May. Honestly? It's a good thing the journalist didn't go the investigative route or the integrity of his moot message would have been shot to shit before he even had a chance to share it with the world.
CFT- In a statement released via Twitter on Friday, Jay Paterno confirmed that he had been elected to serve on Penn State’s board of trustees. The Centre Daily Times reports he was the top vote-getter in elections and was one of three people elected to the nine seats on the board reserved for alumni.
Paterno is a former quarterback for the Nittany Lions and later coached under his father Joe Paterno, the school’s legendary but tarnished coach. Both were shown the door by the school’s board back in 2012 following revelations in the Jerry Sandusky child sexual abuse scandal.
The election of Jay Paterno is bound to open up more wounds at the school as he’s been an outspoken critic about how the school has handled his father’s legacy and what he did or did not know about Sandusky over the years. It’s even more interesting because the younger Paterno has been involved in several lawsuits against the school over the years as fallout from the matter as well.
At this point there is almost nothing - short of opening an under-15 nudist colony next to their practice field - that Penn State could do to honor the memory of a long time enabler of child molestation that would surprise me. The fact that his son was elected to the Board of Trustees for a university whose predatory grounds his father used to protect was about as shocking as the fact that he was certain enough of his daddy's "innocence" to take excessive legal action against that very same university. The seemingly unanimous decision to ignore the obvious conflict of interest (never mind marginalize the mental and physical harm his legacy indirectly did to dozens upon dozens of kids) is as tone deaf as it gets, but - in fairness - Penn State has never given any inclination that they keep their ear to the streets. Need proof of that?
Look no further than Jay Paterno posting his acceptance letter on social media as though it were something that was going to be met with anything other than outrage. This fucking guy acted like he was addressing his proud constituents when all he was doing was throwing himself on the mercy of the most ruthless of courts - the court of online opinion. I suppose you could make the argument that he trying to get out ahead of the backlash by announcing it before it eventually came out anyway, but I hesitate to give anyone from that campus-wide cult any sort of benefit of the doubt. That "thank you" note reads like the person who wrote it thought he was going to step away from the metaphorical mic to a chorus of applause. I know that Penn State and the Paterno family will never quite "get" the magnitude of their negligence, but - for Christ's sake - is it too much to ask them not to be negligent to the moral code of literally everyone else in the world?
I know this is a dangerous thing to request given their history, but lie to me Penn State. Just fucking lie to me. Add the face of everything that is wrong with your university to your Board of Trustees internally. FaceTime him in when there's a decision that needs botching. It's not like you haven't been able to keep far more incriminating secrets in the past. I've honestly become so desensitized to the school-wide stupidity that the thing that bothered me the most about this news was that Jay Paterno - himself - delivered it like it was a goddamn State Of The Union.
WSOCTV- Carolina Panthers offensive tackle Michael Oher is accused of assaulting an Uber driver in Nashville, Tennessee, according to Nashville police.
The Uber driver claims that on April 14 the two got into an argument during a ride to downtown Nashville. The driver said he put his hand on Oher's face, and then Oher knocked him to the ground.
The incident started when the driver picked up Oher and four others to go to the Southern Restaurant in downtown Nashville, according to the citation.
Oher told the driver to follow another vehicle. The Uber driver did not think the lead vehicle knew the correct route and suggested they take the lead. Oher thought the Uber driver was trying to collect more fare money, according to the citation.
An argument started, and Oher and his friends wanted to go to another location on Eighth Avenue South, but on the way they made a bathroom stop at Mapco on that avenue. Oher, who was in the front passenger seat, got out and confronted the driver.
“The victim then put his hands up towards the suspect’s face and the suspect pushed the victim down onto the ground,” according to the citation. The driver said Oher also kicked him in the leg while he was on the ground. Oher’s friends stopped Oher from “doing anything more to the victim,” according to the citation.
Jesus Christ Michael, did you need Sandra Bullock to hold your goddamn hand throughout your entire professional career?!? Do you even realize how much of a role model you are to that stereotypically outgoing nerdy kid that was cast as your younger (step) brother? You better get your act together or I would imagine you'll soon be banished to that immaculate guest room until further notice!
Seriously though, as far as public perception is concerned, we are talking about a guy that has it made. I'm absolutely positive that he's tired of hearing "...oh shit, Blindside!", but I can't imagine he's grown tired of people automatically assuming he's a great guy because of the way he was portrayed on the big screen. All he had to do was refrain from going around pancaking uppity chauffeurs and everyone would just treat it as fact that he's a big ole teddy bear that only turns violent on the gridiron. No one likes having a know-it-all behind the wheel, but sacrificing a few minutes out of your night for a wrong turn is better than sacrificing the praiseworthy acting performance of Quinton Aaron. Especially since I am pretty sure you have to agree to a fee prior to the use of all ride-sharing apps now-a-days. I can't fault Michael Oher for not wanting to get exploited financially, but at least this Uber-ballsy driver didn't all-but-coerce him into playing football for his alma mater by offering him room and board after picking him up on the street corner. Not saying he was right, but making people think of 'The Blind Side' as less than a heartwarming tale about a flawless family that successfully added a new member is just plain wrong.