A Women's Volleyball Announcer For Georgia Southern Dropped The Most Long-Winded 9/11 "Joke" Of All Time
"Also, going back to Cathrine Murray. She has 911 kills. So she’s only 65 kills away from cracking the top 10 in school history and, um, just to note…911…you know, 9...11…so uh…kills…that was, you know 9-11…kills…little joke."
Get it? GET IT!?! Do you guys need to hear it again or something?
Anyway, eat your heart out Al Michaels! I didn't know that 'equality' would sound like a women slowly reminding everyone that 911 isn't just a number but also a date when thousands of innocent people died. As it turns out, however, it's not only men that can publicly make insanely misguided and ludicrously insensitive comments in the never-ending search for a laugh! And what better way to get that laugh than to reference the casualties in the deadliest terrorist attack to take place on American soil in the context of an oddly fatal volleyball statistic!
Tricia Fishbune, ladies and gentlemen! She's not just a broadcaster for women's volleyball at a directional school, but also an edgy comic whose not afraid to take risks with her subject matter. Don't take my word for it though, because she'll be glad to draw out her painful attempts at humor by putting on her social blinders and bypassing every awkward pause that she could have used as an exit on the long, dark road that she took to explaining her "joke". It took her awhile to get there, but everyone knows that it's probably not funny if it doesn't require it's own footnote. I got to say, the ride was rough but she really spiked the landing. Speaking of 'kills', I'm pretty sure part of me died during the execution of the longest zinger in the history of humanity, but isn't that normal with any good tragedy-dependent pun that needs to be broken down by the numbers? Really makes you wonder why they call it a 'punchline' when it's more effectively delivered as a slow burn as opposed to a quick jab.
Somehow, this apology is oddly accurate. I'm not sure I would have taken the "...but I have a black friend" approach to softening the blow of her "erroneous wording" of words that are undeniable errors, but I also didn't think a 9/11 joke could be more "poorly phrased" than "frankly unacceptable". If nothing else, Tricia Fishbune opened my mind to a higher worth of cringe...
Pornstar Turned Sports' Spew Specialist, Mia Khalifa, "Thinks" Gordon Hayward Broke His Ankle In Solidarity
Let's make one thing crystal clear, by continuing this dumbass, nonsensical tweet's circulation on the internet, I am giving the author of it exactly what she wants....attention. Somehow, spreading her cheeks for every Tom, Dick, and well-hung Harry wasn't enough in terms of explicitly promoting herself, so she decided to go with the tried and true method of immediately using a disturbing, season-ending injury as the impetus for a joke that's somehow more bad than it is insensitive. The joke clearly fell on enthused ears because the comparison it made showed such a weak command of American History that the ghost of George Washington considered putting a musket in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure that was the whole point anyway.
I suppose I could ask why two teams who have traded their way into an inevitable rivalry would need/want a reason to "unite" during the opening stages of the first game of long overdue season. I guess it bears mentioning that "sacrificial lambs" are generally used to put an end to conflict. However, looking at this through a logical lens would already be giving it too much credit as an actual thought. The only thing guaranteed to go more viral than a "too soon" is a "too soon" that is too stupid, so congrats to Mia Khalifa on marketing her new show with Gilbert Arenas in a way that would literally only make him proud, by speaking directly out of her overused asshole to stay relevant.
I'd tell her to close her legs and open up a book but instead of wasting the eloquence, I'll just leave the only response that this deserves to Al Horford's sister...
Oh, and most importantly, here's to hoping that Gordon Hayward eventually comes back better than ever. On a night that was supposed to be used to celebrate the return of the NBA, the NBA took a disastrous hit and that has to considered depressing to an basketball fan that didn't achieve notoriety with a cock in their chest cavity.
Colin Kaepernick Is Suing The NFL For Collusion, Because The NFL Made It Entirely Too Easy For Him To Do So
Try - for just one second - to do the unthinkable and put aside your personal feelings toward Colin Kaepernick and the knee that, at least in part, is responsible for his current state of unemployment. I don't care if you think he got what he deserved for starting a polarizing conversation about equality (that was ever-so-adeptly wrapped in an American flag and converted into a nauseatingly circular conversation about Patriotism). I don't care if you think NFL owners simply exercised their rights by considering him too big of a "distraction" to peers who - by and large - supported his initial cause. I don't even care if you think he sucks and his play doesn't warrant a position in the league. You'd have to be without functioning eyesight, HD television, and/or a clean conscious to think so, but that's not the point I am trying to make.
You see, I'm not here to argue about whether or not the NFL owners colluded to keep Colin Kaepernick away from their precious cash cow. I'm here to argue that they did such a good job making it look like they did that Colin Kaepernick would have been stupid not to pursue legal action. He's remained completely silent as the summer came and went, while his former employer basically built his case against themselves.
Now, I don't think it's a case he stands to win. The justice system loves their semantics, and I can't imagine that "collusion" - by definition - can be proven. After all, I have a hard time believing that 32 old, wealthy white dudes lined up their schedules to meet at some upscale country club during the offseason. Something tells me they didn't put down their Johnnie Walker Blue and bring their wrinkly ass hands in like they were summoning 'Captain Planet' only to vow to never sign a capable quarterback who challenged them to leave their privileged comfort zone and think critically about the current state of race relations.
That said, look at the laughable amount of inferior players that have been signed at Colin Kaepernick's position. Go read off a list of the absurd justifications (Ex: He's "too good" to be our backup") for which teams have decided to go in a different direction. Most egregiously, consider the unprovoked involvement of a President whose suspiciously belated threat served as fuel on a dwindling fire and was soon hypocritically echoed by at least one of the handful of owners that he is financially linked to.
Painting Colin Kaepernick as a villain for engaging in the inherently American act of peaceful protest is one thing, but you must really hate the shit out of the country represented by that Star Spangled Banner if you're criticizing him for trying to exploit a large corporation for business tactics that - at the very, very least - appear questionable in every sense of the word. Frivolous lawsuits are just as engrained into the fabric of our society as the colors red, white, and blue. Collusion might be a bit excessive as far as terminology is concerned, but it's not nearly as much of a stretch as 99% of cases aimed at paying off "emotional distress".
I know everyone's first instinct is to bury Al Michaels for trivializing the long-belated unveiling of a serial sexual deviant's history of widespread sexual assault and harassment by putting it against the New York Giants' less than optimal week of football preparation, but you can consider me a little more hesitant to grab the shovel. I mean, just take a gander at the game clock. He made halfway through the broadcast before dropping a line that was clearly heavily weighing on the tip of his tongue. I know we expect more out of someone that's made perhaps the most illustrious of livings behind a microphone, but how long was a man whose filter is almost certainty malfunctioning with age supposed to hold on to that zinger? The fact that it wasn't in anyway prompted or provoked by the context of the conversation leads me to believe that he had that ill-humor burning a hole in his holster before they even went to a scenic overlook of the city of Denver. When you look at it that way, it's actually pretty impressive that he was able to silence it until the second half.
In all seriousness, it's slightly ironic that - in lieu of recent events - we would have thought Cam Newton would benefit from enrolling in 'The Al Michaels School Of Professional Public Speaking' only to learn that Al Michaels apparently just graduated from 'The Cam Newton School Of Forcibly Unfunny Comedy'.
What I am getting at is that - while it would be guaranteed to piss some people off - I don't think it's entirely impossible to craft a quality Harvey Weinstein joke. As I said when Cam Newton tried to convince me that a female's command of running in preconceived patterns is hilarious, you better make sure your audience's first instinct is to have laugh when being offensive. Busting a topical scandal out of the clear blue in a way that makes losing a football game sound worse than whatever punishment comes of decades of manipulating women? Yeaaaah, safe to say that one-liner needed some tinkering if it was going to tickle any funny bones. Probably not the avenue you want to navigate when you're someone whose foray into edginess pretty much begins and ends at subtly referring to the millions of dollars being waged on the game you're announcing.
Oh well, at least he offered a timely apology for making the damage done to Odell Beckham's ankle seem more catastrophic than a professional environment that enabled the long-standing use of an entire gender as work-for-hire prostitutes. In 2017, what more could we really ask for?
WSJ- The Twitter account, under the name “Jones smith,” has no followers, no profile picture and has been virtually dormant for long periods since its creation in 2014.
But @forargument has roared to life in the past few months, rising up to vigorously defend Mr. Goodell against perceived attacks on his handling of issues such as the national anthem protests by players.
The most frequent sparring partner for @forargument is the nation’s sports media. On Sept. 26, @ProFootballTalk, the Twitter account for the popular NBC Sports blog, tweeted that it was “on the commissioner” to solve the anthem issues.
In response, @forargument tweeted: “Please do better reporting. He is already doing this. You are behind.”
Who is this valiant defender of a man who has so few defenders?
It is Roger Goodell’s wife, Jane Skinner Goodell, The Wall Street Journal confirmed after an examination of the account.
“It was a REALLY silly thing to do and done out of frustration—and love.” Mrs. Goodell said Thursday afternoon in a written statement. “As a former media member, I’m always bothered when the coverage doesn’t provide a complete and accurate picture of a story. I’m also a wife and a mom. I have always passionately defended the hard-working guy I love—and I always will. I just may not use Twitter to do so in the future!”
Obviously the significant other of the most hated Commissioner in professional sports (and that's saying something) would essentially be setting her mentions ablaze with the type of sexist death threats that are sadly expected from scorned NFL fans by taking public ownership of a twitter account. The entirety of Jane Skinner Goodell's character would be used to wipe the ass of thee shittiest people on the internet if she was constantly trying to defend her husband's ever-disagreeable actions online. So yeah, while it makes total sense that she would want to do so, it makes even more sense that she would want to do so under the most laughably obvious pseudonym of all time.
Still, there is something extremely fitting about the fact that even Roger Goodell's wife will only take his side while unidentified. Even the woman that swore to stand by him for better or worse throws on the proverbial fake nose, mustache, and eyeglasses disguise when it comes to showing support for his rulings on social media. She's serving a life sentence with one of the most despised figures in sports, but she'll be damned if she's not going to make it difficult to connect the links to decipher the proprietor of that ball and chain.
Again, it's not that I blame her. I'd be inclined to blindly accept a dramatically different definition of justice and staunchly support it by way of an alias if my spouse was the one carrying it out for over $40 million a year. I just find it funny that Goodell's wife takes after the NFL owners (the only other people in the world who tend to agree with him on a regular basis) by strictly defending him anonymously. With the Ezekiel Elliott suspension getting re-re-re-upheld today, I bet Jerry Jones wishes he were able to get out of her husband's pocket and in her shoes as the only person who can turn the tables on him as the judge, jury, and executioner.
P.S. Huge shoutout to Kevin Durant, whose preferred method of getting mad online has now been co-opted by the richest and whitest of housewives.
Welp, Donnie Boy managed to do the unthinkable, and no - I don't mean he was able to speak into existence the advancement of the Washington Capitals past the second round of the playoffs. Of course, the only think that is less likely than Alexander Ovechkin playing meaningful puck well into May is a professional hockey team consciously breaking tradition. You'll never believe this, but the presence of '45' (as well as a proverbial, judgmental death stare from the NBA) actually got the Pittsburgh Penguins to '86' at least some aspects of the annual Presidential ass patting.
Now granted, deterring from the norm was more of a reaction to the wealth of well deserved criticism they received for publicly RSVPing to 'The White House' on the same goddamn day in which every professional team that employs more than one minority was (either literally or figuratively) kneeling in the stupid orange face of its inhabitant. Refusing to give into Trump's undying narcissism by placing something big and shiny in front of him while presenting him with a jersey embroidered with his very own nameplate was the bare minimum as it pertains to counterpunching his pettiness.
That said, at least they did something that served as a "hey, sorry for being too white for words" to the sports' community whose efforts were undercut by their temporary transformation into the Pittsburgh Pawns. It wasn't much, but - considering hockey's insistence on doing everything by the book - having their championship representation not give in to the pandering and partake in the window dressing of a forced photo op was something. Which unfortunately is more than the nothing the NHL usually does right.
Not sure why they even felt the need to go if they were all just going to stand around in the background with the facial expression of Larry David as an episode of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' comes to a painfully awkward conclusion, but hey - every rich white owner has political connects to appease...
Kenyon Martin Was Critical Of Jeremy Lin's Dreadlocks, And Jeremy Lin Shut Him Up With The Quickness
If we are being perfectly honest, I wouldn't have thought twice about Jeremy Lin's dreadlocks if he didn't write up some super self important 'Players' Tribune' article about how his newest wacky 'do is some sort of follically-inspired attempt at becoming a multi-cultural liaison. Maybe it's because I'm not African American and therefore it wasn't my hairstyle that was being adopted by someone less than racially inclined, but treating each cornrow like it was actually an olive branch to a more unified tomorrow seemed wildly unnecessary, if not painfully ill advised.
If I had to guess, Kenyon Martin wouldn't have even commented on Lin's new look if he didn't publish some piece that beat him to punch. The mantra that a professional sports league is "a family" is overused at best and largely bullshit at worst, but if there's an organization (or more accurately, 'Association') that does a decent job embracing it then it's the NBA. That's why I don't think there would be too much outcry amongst black players if someone who has managed to thrive amongst their culture were to plop down in a barber's chair and appropriate it without turning his decision to do so into an online spectacle. Maybe I am totally wrong on this, but I don't even think the contentiousness with Carmelo Anthony following the 'Linsanity' era was enough to cost Jeremy his black card. That's why his plea for it to get upgraded with benefits was not only odd, but likely what made Kenyon Martin speak on it in over-the-top fashion.
The results of him doing so, however, were...well...in a word...incredible...
ROASTED. The slick-tongued, bad boy of 'Big 3' basketball set aflame by a quick and easy observation made the NBA's most notable Harvard grad. Actually, now that I put it that way it seems a lot less than stunning that Jeremy Lin and his 'Ivy League' education were able to outsmart Kenyon Martin, but you just don't expect the Asian dude to win a war of words with someone who has a pair of lips tattooed on his neck. Especially not when his weapons of choice were nothing more than his eyeballs and kindness.
As a proud New Jersey Nets (R.I.P.) fan, I'll always love Kenyon Martin. But I'll be damned if he doesn't look stupid for trying to champion the undeniable blackness of tightly twisted hair with something that probably translates to "I am a sucker" or "I like turtles" forever inked on his arm in Chinese.
Not Surprisingly, Alejandro Villanueva Is Tired Of Being Used As A Pawn To Push A "Political" Agenda
In fairness, I bet the thousands of people that started buying up the jersey of an offensive lineman without having a clue as to what position on the line that he plays didn't even realize what they were doing in waiting until his unintentionally polarizing actions supported their beliefs before committing $100+ to wearing his name on their back. Hell, maybe it was even a pure coincidence that people started treating a long time veteran as the hero that he is only after he stood alone and saluted during the National Anthem exactly the way they happened to see fit.
I know Alejandro Villanueva didn't ask to be used as a political pawn, but - come on - what were people supposed to do? Not take advantage of his status as a service man in this nationwide game of civic chess? Ignore the snap shot that could so easily be used as a symbol for the self righteous? Understand that the fearless mountain of a man that they were adopting as their own without his consent didn't fight for a fucking flag or a song, but for the freedom of speech that they both represent?
Yeaaaaah, okay! Thinking you can both stand for the anthem while also respecting the first amendment rights of those that have chosen not to?! HA! Imagine that! That's a concept that's damn near as silly as treating a non-violent kneel in response to a dictatorial threat from the President as if it were a sign of adamant opposition to the military.
'Major League Baseball' Released A Statement After Wiz Khalifa Puffed An Invisible Joint While Throwing A First Pitch
TribLive- The Pirates are dealing with fallout after Pittsburgh rapper Wiz Khalifa pretended to smoke a marijuana joint on the pitcher's mound at PNC Park on Wednesday night.
"Marijuana is a probated substance in all of our drug programs and it is unfortunate this situation occurred," MLB spokesman Pat Courtney said on Thursday via email. "The Pirates have informed us that this should not have happened."
Khalifa, 27, who was born Cameron Jibril Thomaz, was invited to throw out a ceremonial first pitch before the game against the Baltimore Orioles. Wearing a shirt with "Legalize it" emblazoned on the front, Khalifa, who attended Taylor Allderdice High School, paused for photos and autographs with chairman Bob Nutting, manager Clint Hurdle and several players.
I'm not even sure what to make of this, since Wiz Khalifa advocating the puff-puff-pass lifestyle was a foregone conclusion the second he accepted an invite to go literally anywhere outside of his house. I do, however, find the juxtaposition of hip hop's most lovable pot head to sports most repressed league to be rather hilarious. I'm sure at least some people within the Pittsburgh Pirates organization knew exactly what they were signing up for, but I love the MLB's insistence on doing damage control for the perceived promotion of a recreational drug that is bound to be universally legalized sooner rather than later.
Like, I imagine that beads of sweat started forming on the foreheads of their public relations team because 6 parents with children that are approximately 4 years away with hitting blunts in the park with their friends were offended because a tatted up rapper glorified the act of doing so. As far as I am concerned, any reaction was an overreaction to the overreaction of a handful of overly strict parents whose kids are undoubtedly going to smoke pot regardless of whether or not the ceremonial first pitch thrower at a Pirates' game had its slogan on his t-shirt. That said, the mental image of how that overreaction probably went down did put a smile on my face.
It Took Aaron Rodgers One Google Search To Show The Hypocrisy Of Those That Oppose The Anthem Protests
I can’t imagine what kind of social media attacks these cameramen must be enduring after taking a knee during the anthem and wearing a hat. #unity #equalityforall #love #cometogether #invitationtojoin
I have to be honest, that was shockingly easy. Like, personally, I would have pointed to the thousands of people still wandering the concourse looking for the quickest way to get a hot dog, or those who had their precious idea of "patriotism" (more accurately, nationalism) compromised by opinionated athletes responding to the National Anthem in a variety of ways as they emptied their beer battered bladders into a group trough. Apparently that's my bad, because all we really had to was look 5 feet in front of the "spoiled millionaire athletes" who were "disrespecting the flag" to see all the other widely accepted forms of abject disrespect that have gone unspoken for goddamn decades.
Think about that for a minute. Aaron Rodgers took like two seconds out of his day as an NFL quarterback and was able to turn the mirror on the people who live in some fantasy land where every fan is in his/her seat 10 minutes prior to kickoff ready to stand and salute at a moment's notice. Now, of course those people are too willfully blind to see what's in it, but - man - is the reflection not a surefire sign of just how deep the double standards run on this subject?
Truthfully, I feel bad for the camera guys. I can't hate on Aaron Rodgers choice of target since he was looking to unearth the duplicity in a timely manner, but they didn't deserve to get dragged into this. I don't know what an NFL videographer makes, but I think they would argue that's not enough if they knew they were now required to fall on the sword for every vehement opposer of the National Anthem protests. Poor guy just threw on a cap hoping to avoid getting sunburn on what is likely a balding head, and all the sudden he's the personification of hypocrisy. Have to imagine he'd very much like to take back control of the narrative through his lens.
Country Musician Charlie Daniels Has Heroically Sworn Off Watching 'Thursday Night Football'...On Wednesday Nights
To the diehard fan that refuses to have his sports experience impinged upon by politics even after politics just kicked down sports' door and dragged it's tiny ass feet all over the couch, this concept serves as a gift from God. Okay, it's not so much "god" as it is some 80 year old honky tonk with an unkempt beard, and it's not so much a "concept" as it is a glimpse into the life of someone who is about 15 years removed from having to know what day of the week it is. Still, as far as phony, holier-than-thou showings of strong will are concerned, I can't think of one that requires less sacrifice than boycotting professional football on days in which professional football is not being played.
Sure, it's a tad disingenuous to have your cake and eat it too, all while posting about your paleo diet on every available public platform, but if you're trying to make your statement look less sanctimonious than dedicating four out of every seven days to doing so is pretty commendable. That's over half the week in which you wouldn't have to lie to yourself, and - mathematically speaking - how many people can truly say their honest with themselves over 57% of the time? To those that need everyone to know just how irrationally infuriated they are by seeing the First Amendment take aim at their inherent comfortability, I urge you to not treat this tweet as just the inevitably hilarious byproduct of the elderly and technology. Instead, treat it as a blueprint for how to watch your precious football from atop some illusionary moral high ground that allows you to look past the fact that most of people playing it experience a version of America that isn't just Stars & Stripes.
According Multiple Sources, Donald Trump Called Jerry Jones FOUR Times On Monday Before The Cowboys Knelt Prior To The Anthem
Alright guys, pass me the fork and knife, because this crow ain't going to eat itself. Sprinkle all those words I said about Jerry Jones sitting so hard on the fence that he's no longer in need of a colonoscopy on my foot, because it's prime for my mouth. Just goes to show, you should never read too much into one picture, 1,000 words seemingly attached or not.
Sure, the NFL owner who financially backed Trump looked straight into that camera more happy with himself than an internet troll that just anonymously baited a public figure into responding on social media, but that was probably just a product of the lighting. After all, nothing speaks to the validity of the Cowboys' "protest" quite like its target's role in helping to plan out the ridiculously compromising details. Some might say that having Trump weigh in with a series of incessant phone calls that would make a paranoid teenage girlfriend put her phone on silent completely undercut the purpose of the message. Those people clearly don't realize that a message can only be made more powerful by having the behind-the-scenes support of the most powerful person in the free world....even if the most powerful person in the free world is a known jackass whose divisive words were the sole cause of the entire fucking demonstration in the first place.
In all seriousness, I'm not going to pretend that I am shocked that Donald Trump is a coward, but the idea of him biting the nails on his baby hands as he anxiously bounces on the edge of his bed while trying to get through to fellow good old boy Jerry Jones is a welcomed surprise. The fact that it ultimately resulted in the neutering of what was an undeniable example of the First Amendment in action is not, but - hey - sometimes you have to acquiesce to your...::clears throat::...privileged superiors, am I right?! That's why I'll just take what I can get, and bask in the hilarity of Donald Trump - ironically enough - getting on his proverbial knee in begging for a favor from his political connect. Nothing like a guy igniting a forest fire then showing up two days later with one bucket of water looking to put it out. That's almost as disingenuous as Jerry Jones' show of "solidarity".
Welp, looks like we owe our old friend Ray Lewis an apology. Turns out that - in this one, stand alone instance - he didn't talk out of both sides of his mouth by shaming Colin Kaepernick for kneeling one month, and then literally doubling down on that very same action the next. Instead, he's merely a victim of circumstance.
When you really think about it, it's an indictment of us that we assumed that the man who dropped to the ground during the playing of the National Anthem and had his arms linked with two players while they were protesting racial injustices/being called a sons of bitches was - indeed - making himself part of that protest. If there's anything I know about the dialogue that pertains to the saluting of the American flag it's that a premium has been put on nuance, so we really should have devoted more time to understanding the difference between dropping to one knee and dropping to two. For those that don't have it in them to watch Ray Lewis continue to make his mindless babble appear more legitimate by preaching it instead of it speaking it, here's a little lesson for ya...
One knee = Unforgivable disrespect to the troops, the country, the flag, your organization, your teammates, your family, and yourself.
Two knees = Undeniable acknowledgement of Jesus Christ's potential existence.
Sorry Ray, that's our bad. We'll have to make sure we educate ourselves before jumping to any more conclusions of hypocrisy about the intentions of someone who has never failed in using God as his scapegoat. I'm sure the city that erected a goddamn statue for someone who - at the very least - was an accomplice to murder will echo that apology...
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Look, I'm not even mad at Lou Holtz' senile ass for thinking that being black in America is analogous to wearing a Matt Leinart jersey in South Bend, Indiana. That crazy old bastard went "out to lunch" years ago and hasn't fully returned since. He's now an 80 year old bag of bones that's over a decade into speaking a brand of English that would make Daffy Duck say "what did hell did you juth thay?" about 12 times before helplessly nodding his beak in defeat. I can't get upset with a known bigot whose lips are looser than his bladder and whose views make Donald Trump's take two steps to the left like they are dancing to a Beyonce song. Honestly, if you were surprised by just how poorly he disguised that blatant trivialization as laughable empathy then you must not know 'bout Lou, you must not know 'bout Lou.
Still, can we maybe get a microphone out of the face of someone that's capable of getting Jason Whitlock to bite his own lip with a dangerously detrimental, racially charged comparison that implied that old white men understand the plight of the people whose ownership they used to encourage? I know 'Fox News' has an agenda to push, but Jason Whitlock feeds on regurgitated ignorance like the world's most overweight baby bird, and even he was like "yup, just going to tuck this here lip up under these here teeth because this batty old white man is on some other shit". Can't we just leave Lou Holtz' antiquated system of beliefs that was adopted decades before he needed an adult diaper to die without dissemination? I mean, he just shocked FS1's very own Jim Crow into chomping on something that didn't stand to satisfy his never-ending appetite for bullshit. The alone should be enough reason to take the batteries out of his mic and lock him in a broom closet until this racial unrest gets turned down a notch or two.
What if I told you that even a concept as inherently "good" as unification could be turned into a heaping load of hypocritical horseshit? What if I told you that 'togetherness' was only a one way street that led directly to the comfort and satisfaction of those who are just a little too used to being comfortable and satisfied? What if I told you that a house divided is only praiseworthy when that division continues to give one historically vocal side their (obnoxiously loud, repetitive) voice? Actually, screw the what if's, because Drew Brees can unintentionally imply that for me...
Obviously I take no umbrage with a veteran honoring the flag the only way he's ever known how, but is it not completely ass backwards to cry for "unity" and also heap praise on the ONE guy that decided to break apart from 52 of his teammates in order to do what he felt right? The people that actively place some alternative, fabricated meaning on something as harmless - and well explained, ad nauseam - as the taking of a knee have begun to treat it as a blow to some fictitious sense of solidarity (because their first 47 justifications for feeling so irrationally upset fell flat). Yet, they'll treat Alejandro Villanueva like a hero for blowing off an organizationally orchestrated boycotting of the National Anthem?
Now, Alejandro Villanueva is - indeed - a hero. However, he earned that label by putting his life on the line for the rights granted by the First Amendment, not by becoming a pillar of self righteousness to people who are more mad about a non-violent response to police brutality than police brutality itself. What he did by standing in salute of the flag from that tunnel was exercise self expression, just like a countless number of his peers did in refusing to succumb to a threat made towards their job security by the dumbest, most divisive political leader of the last dozen lifetimes.
Simply put, if a uniformed response to a fucking song really is undeniably symbolic of 'unity' then Alejandro Villanueva is just as guilty of compromising it as Colin Kaepernick initially was.
So let's stop acting like those that agree with Trump's dismissal of a socially aware athlete as a "son of a bitch" are truly concerned that their insanely illusionary view of America as "great again(?)" might get distorted, when we all know the backlash is the result of something much more self serving being threatened.
Hint: it doesn't not rhyme with 'schmivilege' and/or 'schmissful schmignorance'.
A Canadian Yoga Studio Is Claiming That 'Big Baller Brand' Stole Their Logo For LaMelo's Signature Shoe
HNHH- The Big Baller Brand is accused of stealing logos again, this time by the owner of a Canadian yoga studio who claims the logo used on LaMelo Ball's Melo Ball 1 signature shoe is actually hers.
In an interview with CTV in Ottawa, Hana Engel, owner of the Modern Body yoga studio in Canada says,
"I don’t want it to be, ‘Oh she’s a little yoga studio in Ottawa Canada, who cares we can get away with this,' it’s my logo and I protected it for a reason," said Engel during an interview with CTV.
Why yes, the oh-so-orginal concept of taking two different letters and using their shared boundary to form a logo. Creatively speaking, it's almost impossible for the merging of paralleled lines to become an example of paralleled thinking. Sure, great minds might think alike. However, genius minds - like that of the owner of a small yoga studio in rural Ontario - are always responsible for unique and authentic ideas that can't be duplicated unless they are literally stolen.
Man, even with all the unforgivably stupid things that LaVar Ball has said and done, I never thought he would stoop this low. I mean, scouring the internet looking for niche workout facilities outside of the country that were unlikely to be familiar enough with basketball to know that a high school hooper jacked their intellectual property? Talk about absolutely despicable and totalllllllly intentional behavior that couldn't possibly be the result of a mere coincidence.
In all honesty though, I love this move from Hana Engel. Unless she's legitimately a crazy person (which is not totally outside the realm of the possibility), even she knows she is totally full of shit in claiming that this was a vicious, premeditated infringement on a small business' likeness. That said, why not use that angle to her advantage? We are talking about the 'Big Baller Brand', and going to small claims court to battle over a copyright is undoubtedly some "small baller" bullshit. Any obnoxiously egotistical, outrageously outspoken man whose company is worth it's weight in undeserved self importance would just make it rain with literally all the money that it would take to get this issue resolved in a timely manner. That would be the optimal outcome for some lady whose flexibility classes could probably use a financial kick in the yoga pants.
P.S, Marty's still better...
ahoo- Current and former NFL players campaigning for racial equality and criminal justice reform wrote a lengthy memo to league commissioner Roger Goodell officially seeking overt league support in their effort, including an endorsement for an activism awareness month, Yahoo Sports has learned.
The 10-page memo, obtained by Yahoo Sports, was sent to Goodell and executive vice president of football operations Troy Vincent in August, requesting wide-ranging involvement in their movement from the NFL. The memo seeks an investment of time and education, political involvement, finances and other commitments from the league. It also sought to have the NFL endorse the month of November as an activism awareness month, similar to the periods of league calendar dedicated to breast cancer awareness and military recognition.
It was endorsed by four players: Seattle Seahawks defensive end Michael Bennett, Philadelphia Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins, former Buffalo Bills wideout Anquan Boldin, and Eagles wideout Torrey Smith.
A league spokesperson declined to comment on the memo or Goodell’s communication with specific NFL players. The four players who co-authored the letter either didn’t return requests for comment or declined to speak about it, citing an agreement to keep direct communications with Goodell private.
“To be clear, we are asking for your support,” a portion of the memo reads. “We appreciate your acknowledgement on the call regarding the clear distinction between support and permission. For us, support means: bear all or part of the weight of; hold up; give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act. We need support, collaboration and partnerships to achieve our goal of strengthening the community. There are a variety of ways for you to get involved. Similar to the model we have in place for players to get involved, there are three tiers of engagement based on your comfort level. To start, we appreciate your agreement on making this an immediate priority. In your words, from Protest to Progress, we need action.”
The memo was divided into three major parts: an overview of current player activism; a call for specific efforts and resources from the NFL to aid that activism; and a request for a league-wide initiative dedicating the month of November to activism awareness – similar to the league’s support of National Breast Cancer Awareness month. The memo also included a potential timeline for the execution of wider-ranging NFL support, starting in late August 2018 and punctuated by a Sept. 9 “Announcement of Owners/Players Support goinagentg into opening day.” It finished with several pages of an addendum detailing specific aspects of criminal justice reform the players believe are necessary, including police accountability and transparency, bail reform, the criminalization of poverty and other areas.
I guess my only question is, how did it took Roger Goodell to open this letter? I suppose that we should just be happy that he did considering he left the video of Ray Rice going 'Wreck It Ralph' on his then girlfriend's jaw to collect dust, but still there's no way this was an "immediately open while standing in front of the mailbox" situation. At some point he probably realized it wasn't in his best interest to just pretend that an extremely intricate proposal from an outspoken group of socially active athletes didn't exist. However, I would venture to guess it took him until at least a day or two after Labor Day Weekend to slice open an intimidatingly sized parcel that was staring up at him from underneath his pile of piss test requests since late August.
There's just no way he saw that collection of names and mentally marked it as urgent. If I know one thing about the Commissioner of the NFL it's that promptness is most definitely not his thing when it requires him to work with subject matter that is actually serious. I think we've learned over the last year that the NFL doesn't exactly prioritize racially charged issues, so if you think that a 10 page memo aimed at getting them to put time, effort, and money into appropriately acknowledging them was 'Priority Mail' then you are beside your mind. If this was an overnight order for an American flag that spanned the entire length of a professional football field then Roger Goodell would have been tapping his foot on his stoop while impatiently waiting for the UPS driver, but a letter asking for a similarly contrived show of togetherness on behalf of black athletes looking for nothing more than equality? Yeaaaaah, no doubt that one was left to wait for a rainy day.
I...I...I...just can't tell you why, but I find this photoshop incredibly intriguing. It's obviously ill-advised and surely at least mildly offensive to the nation that had it's prominent female monarch defaced on behalf of online fan engagement, but intriguing nonetheless. Maybe it's the attention to detail required to include the red raven eye or maybe it's the bird's unbelievably smug smirk caused by the schnoz of a 91 year old woman, but - regardless of it's level of appropriateness - that photoshop is nothing short of mesmerizing.
Now, I don't know what kind of "recreationally enhanced" thought process led a social media manager to 'Microsoft Paint' a purple bird across the face of anaristocrat that is basically the personification of nobility, but something tells me that this is proof positive that England isn't ready for it's own football team. There are probably a bunch of Londonites perturbed that their city is opening up it's stadium doors to an organization that - if only for a couple of seconds - valued retweets over royalty, and to be true NFL city you have to embrace even the most shamelessly American aspects of it's fandom.
It's a real "if you can't accept us at our worst then you don't deserve us at our best" situation, if you ask me. Granted, the version of "our best" that they get annually get treated to usually involves the Jacksonville Jaguars so I suppose I can understand their irritability, but the United Kingdom is going to have to have to let a hell of a lot more unbridled obnoxiousness slide if they want to have an NFL team all to themselves one day.
Semi-Disgraced Quarterback Geno Smith Took A Long Overdue Shot At Fully-Disgraced Radio Host Craig Carton
Some might say this is an instance of kicking someone when they are down. Those people would be spot-on. That's not to say that I disagree with Geno Smith's decision to beat a horse that's so handicapped that you'd think Craig Carton placed a fruitless 6-figure wager on it. In fact, I'm actually happy that he learned how to throw a proverbial jab after becoming a literal punchline by failing to defend himself against one. After all, there's no telling how much air time the public figure turned professional scam artist devoted to crapping all over the eventfully infamous career of a Jets' quarterback that absolutely refused to suck in silence. This series of tweets is just an example of long-belated vengeance, and who doesn't like to make light of the misfortunes of people that have spoke ill of them?!
That said, let not the magnitude of the crime that made Geno Smith finally feel free to fire back fall completely by the wayside here. You have to consider that, at one point or another, almost every person that's been tasked with objectively analyzing the sport of football has said something at least mildly derogatory about Geno Smith, and this is the first time (that I can remember) that he felt comfortable offering a rebuttal? I guess what I am trying to imply is that professional shortcomings - like everything else in this world - are relative. The fact that it took millions upon millions of dollars in ticket fraud and the accusation of running a "charity" solely to fund gambling debts for Geno Smith to publicly point down at someone else really speaks to the the shortness of the tree stump that he's using as a pedestal. Especially since he did his best to make the hypocrisy sound worse by sneaking in a (potentially fictitious) allegation of casual racism like the only person that would take notice was too busy prepping himself for life behind bars....
Again, I have no problem with Geno Smith kicking dirt on Craig Carton's grave, but we probably shouldn't forget that he sorta had to come back from the dead to do so.
I don't want to start pointing fingers here. For one, I'm pretty sure that Jim Mora informing his anchor that he's completely full of shit through a third party was the most entertaining part of that post-game coverage. Also, that one obscenity wasn't anywhere near as appalling as the performance of the team being covered by the person who accidentally used it. However, if we are going to start distributing blame then the two people sitting next to an 82 year old man with his head - almost literally - in the clouds are going to have to bear the brunt of a relatively harmless, live expletive.
I don't know if there is some "on-air" tell that was missed, but something tells me that Jim Mora officially stops taking hints at 9:45PM. That's why his co-panelists should have been more wary of their co-worker's level of disengagement before casually asking him a question in a conversational tone. Considering the fact that Fletcher Mackel was reacting to the "shit" before it even made it to the airwaves, I am pretty sure Jim Mora responds to 95% of statements with which he disagrees by telling the source of them that they are full of feces. That's why it's on Fletcher Mackel to make sure that the senior citizen seated next to him doesn't get caught off guard once the cameras start rolling. I don't know what age it becomes socially acceptable to mentally check out while on the clock, but you can bet your sweet ass that it's under 82.