You Need To Listen To Two Ottawa Senators' Broadcasters Discussing 'Grindr' Without Having Any Clue What It Actually Is
OutSports- Ottawa Senators hockey announcers Dean Brown and Gord Wilson were promoting their post-game radio call-in show on TSN1200 Saturday for the game against the Montreal Canadiens when the discussion veered into, of all things, the gay meet-up app Grindr.
Timothy Burke of Deadspin captured the audio, but here is a transcript:
Dean Brown: “Gord and I ... [will take] calls, questions, emails — Tinder, Twitter, Grindr — all the social media stuff. They'll have that going on after the game tonight.”
Gord Wilson: “Grindr?”
Brown: “Well, I don't know what any of them do, so I just mention them all.”
Wilson: “Is Grindr a thing?”
Brown: “I guess so, I don't know what it is though.”
Wilson: “Wow, I can only imagine what's found on Grindr or who's found on Grindr.”
Brown: “I think it probably has something to do with those Mix Masters, those grinder attachments.”
Wilson: “OK, uh-huh”
Brown: “Probably all the things you can grind with one of those machines, cheese, vegetables. We'll get Matt to figure out what that is and let us know what Grindr actually is. I heard it and know it's part of the social media thing. Not that I’m old and not into this.”
Not for nothing, but this entire interaction - completely free of it's inherent hilarity - is quite the endorsement of homosexuals and their ability to market themselves better than heterosexuals. Let's be real here. Tinder got mindlessly included in that extremely random list of irrelevant social medias due the popularity of the name, but Grindr got obliviously lumped in due to the catchiness of the name.
Now, I'd absolutely love to find out where Dean Brown was when he overheard a conversation that made mention of a gay "dating" app that apparently stuck with him through to the broadcast. However, the fact that his partner heard it - presumably without any prior knowledge - and immediately knew they had ventured into questionable territory is a testament to how edgy said app sounds.
It's 2017 so there's not anything weird or out of the ordinary about homosexuals wanting to sex each other up in a timely manner, but it's safe to say that the creators of Grindr were successful in having their product sound out of place as a way of contacting two older men interested in fetishizing nothing more than a repressed professional sport. Sports radio might be filled with blow hards, but - since the hosts generally do an anti-climactic job of providing stimulation - it's probably for the best that one of them was instinctually able to hear the need for a disassociation when the other completely misread the context of his technological eavesdropping.
They are both a ways away from the loop, but at least someone in the booth had an elementary enough sense of brand awareness to realize that nothing about the name Grindr lends itself to conveniently offering crappy, frustratingly uninformed opinions about hockey. Shockingly, it wasn't the guy that thought meat pulverizers had their own means of online communication.
There's Apparently Plenty Of Sexual Harassment Taking Place At ESPN, But This Text Exchange With John Buccigross Ain't It
BostonGlobe- But others are speaking openly. In her complaint, Adrienne Lawrence describes a toxic environment at ESPN headquarters where men make unwanted sexual and romantic advances under the guise of networking or mentoring, and “mark” women as their own by spreading false rumors about sexual relationships with female employees.
Lawrence accused John Buccigross, a longtime SportsCenter anchor whom she viewed as a mentor, of sending unsolicited shirtless photographs of himself and calling her “dollface,” “#dreamgirl,” and “#longlegs” in messages from 2016 reviewed by the Globe. Lawrence said she tried to remain cordial in the messages but at one point responded: “You need to wear clothes, sir.”
When rumors spread that the two were in a relationship, Lawrence repeatedly complained to company officials and was advised by a supervisor to drop the matter, according to the complaint.
Lawrence said ESPN retaliated against her by reducing her on-air shifts and ultimately denying her a permanent position. The other fellow, a male, received a job offer. The Globe interviewed three former employees whom Lawrence had confided in at the time about her treatment and confirmed her account.
Buccigross, roughly two decades older than Lawrence, acknowledged sending the photos but denied starting any rumors that the two were in a relationship.
“I considered Adrienne to be a friend,” Buccigross said in a statement to the Globe. “I’m sorry if anything I did or said offended Adrienne. It certainly wasn’t my intent.”
I'm not going to lie, when you put it in print that accusation paints quite the inflammatory picture. Doll face? Long legs? Dream girl? Half naked pictures that were met with the text message equivalent of a finger wag? Not looking great for John Buccigross in his off-hours exchange with a female co-worker twenty years his junior. That is, until you see them in...wait, what's that thing we always tend to ignore because it gets in the way of a good story? Ahhhh, that's right, context...
....and with all the good that has come with women finally feeling empowered enough to out the perverts they encounter in the workplace, the bad of timely attempts to capitalize on how quick we have become to accept these allegations as fact was sure to follow. Admittedly, a couple innocent men having to wash themselves off after having their reputation dragged through the dirt is a small price to pay as the collateral damage for unveiling decades of marginalization by way of menacing misogyny. Still, now - more than ever before - we should force ourselves to examine these things on a case-by-case basis.
In this case, the most problematic point of contact was this (strategically omitted by ESPN) selfie...
...thaaaaaat (refer back to the text exchange) was immediately met with a request to hang out. I'm no expert on sexual harassment, but I don't think victims of it repeatedly engage their assailant in hopes of meeting them privately to wash down home-cooked Italian specialities with an alcohol of their choice. I don't know if John Buccigross was actually in pursuit of Adrienne Lawrence, but if he was then the trail of amorous breadcrumbs she left is at least partially to blame. As far as I am concerned, the only creepy thing that the then 50 year old anchor is guilty of doing is texting like the 50 year old man that he was at the time. So if inter-company flirting is frowned upon then you can slap the sad face emoji on both of their records, but there was absolutely nothing one-sidedly sexual about an exchange that featured far too many winky faces to be assumed completely professional in nature.
Now, these screenshots don't serve as a defense of the company that potentially wiped themselves clean of only the female minority when it looked as though two of their employees might be shitting where they ate, but they are undoubtedly an exoneration of John Buccigross as some sort of manipulative sexual deviant. I feel like that's a pretty fucking important distinction that wasn't even remotely made by the accuser in this article. Especially since the article continued on to trivialize the trials and tribulations of a pregnant woman who worked through a miscarriage on-air only to be laid off hours before returning from a subsequent, successful attempt at child birth by lumping them in some cutesy, well-received, back-and-forth banter...
Shortly after Mike McQuade took over as vice president of SportsCenter in 2014, he questioned Walsh’s commitment because she also worked for The Fantasy Show during the football season. Walsh, who had recently signed a multi-year contract and helped host an opening for ESPN’s new digital center, was shocked that her new boss was raising concerns, according to three former employees briefed on the matter at the time.
Walsh was so worried about her job that she decided not to call in sick when she started bleeding from a miscarriage during a work trip to Alabama. Instead, she went to the studio and anchored the show. She described the on-air miscarriage in an Instagram post on Mother’s Day this past year, but Walsh told the Globe she could not comment because she is still under contract.
Former employees said that Walsh was upset that McQuade did not respond to an e-mail she wrote from the hospital about the miscarriage, and she was soon sent back to the same Alabama set where she had miscarried.
After Walsh raised concerns about her treatment, she was told the matter had been investigated and was handled properly even though she was never interviewed, according to the former employees. Shortly after, Walsh was assigned to fewer shows, a move that she viewed as retaliation for speaking up, according to the employees.
Walsh eventually conceived again and talked to human resources before she went on maternity leave to get assurances her position was safe. But days before she planned to return from maternity leave this past April, ESPN notified her that she was part of the layoffs.
A Broadcaster Who Interviewed For 'The NFL Network' Revealed A Fairly Cringeworthy Question She Was Asked In the Process
Welp, you can add that to the long list of things that people should never, ever do in a professional setting.
Now, it's not exactly as damning as sending unprompted pictures of your genitals to a co-worker...or cutting out the technological middle man and just pulling your junk out when the mere presence of a woman makes your pants a wee bit tighter...or grabbing asses/breasts like a toddler that lacks all forms of coordination and understanding...or wrapping trunk-sized dildos for the 'White Elephant' exchange at the office...or talking to females that are in a professional setting as if they are far a more lascivious type of "pro"...or texting 'come' with a 'U' like you refined your one-sided sexting tactics in an AOL chatroom...or basically engaging in any of the other brothel-esque behavior that was allegedly taking place at the NFL Network.
Still, referring to just about any group of people as "them" is a look so bad that even the people that originally came up with the practice hide themselves under white hoods. In this case, "them" happened to be loosely translated as "one of those there hooker ladies that values having both a career and a family", but - realistically - it could have just as easily been used to describe any demographic other than old and white in a derogatory manner.
This may come as a surprise to the head of the NFL Network's talent agency that may or may not have given about a dozen sexual predators a stamp of approval, but there's more tender ways to ask about the potential availability of a prospective female employee than by examining her crotch and wondering out loud if it's currently doing side work in the baby making business.
Now, more than ever, we really have to spell these things out for those in power so here's a little vocab lesson for anyone conducting interviews, when T...H...E...M is directed towards any sort of minority it can concluded that there is nothing 'pro' about that noun.
A 4-Star Recruit Decommitted From Oregon After Their Coach Left For FSU, Prompting A State Representative To Chirp Him On Twitter
If we are being completely honest, that response is pretty damn harmless in comparison to a majority of the dumb thoughts and opinions that people with relative power feel oddly comfortable making available to the masses by way of the internet. It's admittedly pretty strange to see an older man with a semblance of prestige take aim at an innocent teenager who made the best decision for his future. That said, considering the buffoonery state of politics, I'm not so sure we shouldn't be praising butt hurt Bill Post in showing some restraint by limiting his baseless criticism to a wildly unnecessary "life lesson".
Any respectable state representative would have just kept to himself, but oh well. At least this particular one is too heavily invested in the local college football scene to harbor hypocritical views of the way collegiate athletics are run. I mean, if he had something to say about the self confidence a high school senior showed in backing out of a handshake deal then surely he'll have some scathing retort for the head coach whose sudden departure for greener pastures prompted the "psych"-esque pulling of the hand in the first place. He's someone who has been made responsible for aiding in the making of decisions that could effect tens of thousands of people. There's no way Bill Post would be bird-brained enough to take umbrage with a kid exercising what few rights he has during the short amount of time he has them while also offering support to the grown ass adult whose untimely search for more money found said kid in an uncertain situation. Right? RIGHT?!?
Greg Schiano Was Set To Become The Head Coach At Tennessee Before Their Fans And The Internet Sabotaged The Deal With Unsubstantiated Speculation
The response, in a nutshell...
What it led to....
The allegation that ultimately killed the contract offer (as per Yahoo):
On Aug. 25, 2015, former Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary was deposed as part of a civil suit between the university and its insurance company over liability for payouts to victims of Sandusky.
During the deposition, McQueary said he once discussed Sandusky with another Penn State assistant, Tom Bradley, who most recently was an assistant coach at UCLA. He said Bradley was not surprised by what McQueary told him because Bradley had heard similar.
From the deposition:
Q: “Did [Bradley] tell you that he had had information concerning Gerald Sandusky and children?”
A: “He said he knew of some things. … He said another assistant coach had come to him in the early ’90s about a very similar situation to mine, and he said that he had — someone had come to him as far back as early as the ’80s about seeing Jerry Sandusky doing something with a boy.”
Q: “Did he identify who the other coaches were that had given him this information?”
A: “The one in the early ’90s, yes.”
Q: “And who was that?”
A: “Greg Schiano …”
Q: “And did he give you any details about what Coach Schiano had reported to him?”
A: “No, only that he had – I can’t remember if it was one night or one morning, but that Greg had come into his office white as a ghost and said he just saw Jerry doing something to a boy in the shower. And that’s it. That’s all he ever told me.”
That is the extent of allegations involving Schiano, which first surfaced in 2016 during the unsealing of documents in the civil case.
I'm not going to lie, those "Grumors" are a whole hell of a lot less funny now that they rose the hopes of the Tennessee fanbase to such egregious heights that they Volunteer'd the reputation of a man they simply didn't want to coach their favorite football team to absorb the blow when they inevitably came crashing back to earth.
I can't fault a football program or it's fan base for not wanting to be even mildly affiliated with a name that was haphazardly implicated of covering up child rape, no matter how unsubstantiated the claim. However, I'd be very surprised if a vast majority of those that ran with the wild speculation that tarnished the career and character of a person realized the extent of the "evidence" against him was the litigious equivalent of a game of 'Telephone' with the last person being someone whose own damn testimony contradicted itself. Mike McQueary couldn't even consistently convey the unspeakable acts that he saw in those showers. I honestly wouldn't trust him to recall what he ate for fucking lunch, but his recollection of what someone he never worked with saw through the word of a third party that testified he never gave it is enough to officially declare Greg Schiano an accomplice to a generation of molestation?
This outrage predominantly stems from one thing, and it's not a then Graduate Assistant's stint with the Nittany Lions two and half decades ago. Hell, 90% of the people that sabotaged this deal didn't even know Greg Schiano ever worked at Penn State before yesterday, but they sure as shit knew that his name wasn't Jon Gruden.
The uncovering of years and years of disgustingly deep-seated and actively covered up misconduct in which innocent children were the victims is sure to have some collateral damage. That said, it's ridiculously disingenuous for it to come as a result of a fan base having some delusional, glorified view of their football program that's dead last in the worse of two SEC divisions. In a desperate act that was completely counterproductive to EVER getting a more accomplished coach to accept the job opening that's not nearly as enticing as they think, Tennessee fans flat-out abused (no pun intended) the sexual assault of dozens of kids as leverage in thinking they were benefiting their rooting interest going forward.
Not wanting Greg Schiano to take the reins at Tennessee because of some unproven event during his early-to-mid 20's is just barely understandable, as is not wanting him to take the reins at Tennessee because his NFL tenure was a disaster. Conjuring up some fictitious sense of disgust regarding the former because the thought of the latter makes you uneasy is simply despicable.
Not only did it come at the expense of someone who is a far better recruiter and program builder (See: Rutgers) than anyone who would even think about taking on that career suicide mission now, but - more importantly - it came at the expense of someone who has the support of those far more "in-the-know" than a raucous internet mob of overreactive college football fans below the Mason-Dixon line...
Did you think that the pissing match taking place between the outspoken, self-indulgent father of an NBA rookie whose jump shot undoubtedly made James Naismith's roll out of a peaceful eternal rest and the reality TV star turned President of the United States was the peak of American stupidity?
Well, I've got good (...or bad, depending on your view of dark humor) news for you! It appears the streams have crossed and the person absorbing the collateral splash-back is none other than the former host of 'Reading Rainbow'. Yup, the man that abused the helping hand of a catchy theme song in an effort to teach 80's babies that reading is - in fact - fun is getting dragged through these internet streets by some of MAGA's finest due to having a similar first name and the same last initial as another African American male.
I'd say those that can't tell the difference between LaVar Ball and LeVar Burton are showing their pasty white hand by not being able to differentiate between two black men with wildly different backgrounds that have happened upon on our television screens at one point or another in polar opposite fashions. Unfortunately, the truth is that they probably hate reading as much as they hate basketball, so - if you really think about it - LeVar Burton brought this backlash upon himself by pushing written words on the children of the illiterate. Always telling them to "take a look" as if what if they trying to find is "in a book"...
What type of fascist malarkey is that? I, for one, don't feel bad that LeVar Burton is catching wayward insults from a handful of racist morons. Hopefully they lead to the uncovering of this literary cult he's spent decades forming in the pursuit of what's at the end of that imaginary "rainbow". If that's the case then we will end up glad that he got pulled into a childish 20-minute discussion of what does and doesn't constitute a 'thank you' on a network that should probably stop identifying itself as "news".
A Sportswriter Quoted Biggie While Talking About Enes Kanter's Run-In With LeBron, And You Won't Believe This But It Went Poorly
Full disclosure? Regardless of the questionable semantics of it, I like the spirit of the quote. As someone that considered Enes Kanter a bit soft due to his inability to play anything that resembles passable defense as a near 7-footer, I probably needed a reminder that he's the same guy that forced his own family to public disown him by speaking out against the tyranny of the leader of his war-torn homeland. He might be a bit of a sieve on the block, but - whether his opposition be a King, Queen, Princess, or Dictator - he's not the type to let himself get pushed around in a power struggle...
Now, just because the use of a Biggie quote is extremely relevant doesn't mean it's not problematic. Usually I could brush off an old white guy's use of the n-word as a sign that he's close to meeting the same demise as his filter. However, when the old white guy in question is "with it" enough to have a twitter account, know his Notorious B.I.G., and censor himself? I expect him to be able to properly count his asterisks. Not to nitpick because we are all capable of typos, but your tweet is probably deserving of a proofread when one extra * takes your unnecessary use of an edited slur from casual to racist while taking the side of the European guy in a interracial scuffle.
I hate to do this, but I think we're going to have to make it a rule of thumb that white dudes over 70 years of age shouldn't be using the oft-explicit lyrics of dearly departed hip hop legends for internet approval.
I know, I know. It pains me to contribute to the online handcuffing of the marginalized white male, but if Peter Vescey taught us anything it's that even the most well-intentioned attempt at citing the work of proud black men in popular culture is liable to go off the rails at any moment. I'll give him 'One More Chance' because I don't think his cultural crime was maliciously committed, but when it comes to his failure to reconsider his extremely forced and contextually unfortunate rap references?
Yo Pete, ya dead wrong...
With the good comes the bad, I suppose. J.R. Smith rode the LeBron James' express train to an NBA Championship that was sandwiched in between two other Finals appearances and now he to pay the remaining balance on his tickets...by answering to a vague, passive aggressive use of a meme that was not only 2000-and-late, but also poorly described to him by a reporter.
It's undoubtedly worth it, but this is at least part of the downside that comes with playing alongside the most high maintenance superstar in professional sports. In fact, you can present a pretty strong - if not undeniable - argument that this is exactly the type of online tomfoolery that ultimately has the person that it's potentially aimed at currently mowing down the Eastern Conference while exploring greener pastures. Now, J.R. Smith is no Kyrie Irving so he'll gladly accept the responsibility of talking around the meaning of a vague Instagram post that he hasn't seen as an occupational hazard. Still, it absolutely has to be exhausting coming into "the office" knowing that any given day your "co-worker" can make the more mundane aspects of your job more difficult when he's not even there.
Miko Grimes Seems Pretty Confident That The Raiders O-Line Got Derek Carr Hurt Because He Disagreed With Their Protests
You really have to appreciate that Miko Grimes is such a shit-stirring wild card, but what she is not - apparently - is an expert in the art of the x's and o's. I can't imagine her shameless, pontificating ass would have been in the know if the Raiders offensive line did want to do the completely unthinkable in making their protest slightly less peaceful by sacrificing the health of their starting quarterback to the Derek Wolfe's of the world. However, even if she would have been first on the telephone tree for whatever reason, that is very clearly not at all what happened...
Let's say you really, really wanted to believe that five professional football players came together and all agreed to casually whiff on their blocks in order to send a massage that not-so-loosely translates to "fuck this season" on behalf of social justice. Wouldn't you be hard pressed to substantiate that argument after watching a play-action rollout that was designed to get the ball out of Derek Carr's hand in a hurry? I've admittedly already given the most venomous of verbal vomit too much credit by talking about it as if it were any way rooted in reality. But from a schematic standpoint, that would have been a ridiculously random (mid-3rd quarter?) and awfully stupid circumstance to try to get your quarterback killed on behalf of his beliefs when a 5-step drop on third-and-long was sure to follow.
There's no doubt that Derek Carr is a bit of a Jesus freak so it's not remotely out of the question that he was pushing for players to take two knees bedside and pray for equality instead. It is, however, out of the question that an entire position group whose job security is super reliant on his arm would try to subtly put it in danger by secretly switching to their olé "protection".
Now, that doesn't mean I don't love that the NFL's wildest WAG implied that was the case, because the uncomfortable lines of questioning that will result from such an inherently preposterous allegation will be nothing short of cringeworthy comedy, but it's still a preposterous allegation nonetheless.
Others may disagree with his command of classic movies, but - as a Saints' fan - I prefer to think that Cam Newton's 'Titanic' analogy was a spot-on description of how the rest of the Carolina Panthers season looks to play out. So you can call it the result of a shocking lack of knowledge regarding history and/or popular culture, but - with the NFC South still up for grabs - I'm going to treat it as a promotion that's clearer than any of the age old pieces published predicting an unforeseen iceberg coming out of nowhere to sink the most extravagant of ship.
Now, I certainly don't think that Cam Newton was trying to say that the team he quarterbacks pushed back their meeting with fate at the NFL-equivalent of the bottom of the ocean by shoving the half-dead weight of their heaviest offensive weapon overboard. However, to those that are critical of Cam Newton's counter productive commentary, I ask you this - you guys really never let go, huh?
I said it before, and I'll say it again - Cam Newton absolutely sucks at press conferences. He saves every ounce of quick wittedness that he possesses for ridiculous displays outside the pocket, and therefore has none left for in front of the microphone. Yeah, he appears to be a disingenuous prick when he no-shows or responds to simple questions by stomping out of the room like an infant, but if we have learned anything this year it's that apparently the alternative is even more unforgivable.
We are halfway through the season and he's already - and completely unnecessarily - turned himself into a misogynist that lives under a rock. Is that not enough evidence that he's worse at navigating an ad-lib than the captain of the first flamboyant cruise ship was at navigating the natural disaster-laden waters of the Atlantic? Jack had more of a way with words when he was freezing to goddamn death, so let's not act like the bloom isn't off the Rose as it pertains to Cam Newton's inability to say what he means with a timely response. Instead let's focus on him dunking on the Falcons, since him dunking his head under cold and unforgiving waters is a virtual certainty when it comes time for a Q&A...
With A Display Of Laughable Finger Pointing, Papa John Proved That He Is None-Too-Pleased With The NFL Protests
Can you imagine getting rich off the pepperoni on the type of shitty, mass-produced chain pizza that has its costumers spending most of Monday morning casing sausage, and thinking a slight downtick in sales has more to do with NFL players kneeling than the general public realizing your food is fit for a dog bowl?
I'm not insulted that Papa John thinks he's at liberty to puff his chest out, because the NFL owners have made it quite clear that money - and to a lesser extent, sponsors - are what has them sitting in an echo chamber casually bouncing institutionally racist ideas off the wall. I am insulted that he thinks his cardboard crusted slop is beyond reproach.
Like, before angrily stomping the feet that you will never not use to stand up during the National Anthem, maybe try living up to that "better ingredients" slogan. There has certainly been no shortage of stupid fucking opinions from people who intelligence is laughably disproportional to their willingness to spew them, but this is where I draw the fucking line. If I were a professional athlete whose father died on the front lines as a war hero I might honestly consider taking a nap during the Star Spangled Banner just because some peddler of second rate sauce implied that I shouldn't.
If I made a list of things that are anti-American 'chain pizza' would be far closer to the top than 'freedom of expression', so the person whose Napoleon Complex has him speaking up as if he's taller than Colin Kaepernick on bended knee can pipe the fuck on down. He's basically wiped his ass with the American flag by disrespecting the good name of pizza in an effort to pad his pockets, so I'm glad he's eating a 5% quarterly loss. Lord knows it tastes better than his product.
You see, now that is how you use the time-wasting tactics at your disposal for good. Well, orchestrating a stadium-wide chorus of boos is more accurately a commendation of awful, but if you're going to kill time then you might as while liven up the crowd in the process. I'm not so sure you can call the obvious inciting of thousands upon thousands of jeers a "silent gesture". Not only because the result was pretty damn loud, but because it spoke volumes about the respect that Rich Hill has for Yu Darvish.
I can understand the frustration that the casual baseball fan has with the amount of minutes professional baseball player spend standing around with their hand on their junk. However, you really had to relish that down time when those minutes are being used as a proverbial crotch grab to the guy that tried to sabotage the best World Series in recent memory with a racist rendering of the proud Asian pitcher that previous had his number. I still think it's absolutely ridiculous that Yuil Gurriel's suspension got pushed back until next season, but I'm glad that the Dodgers' fans - in conjunction with their starting pitcher - made it impossible for the offender to push the unforgivable incident to the back of his mind in a resounding fashion. Really have to tip your cap to Rich Hill for reading the room and allowing for the writing of the next chapter with an elongated show of support for his teammate. The timeless (literal and figurative) traditions of baseball finally provided us something we could enjoy, the absence of dead air and the public shaming of a culturally insensitive buffoon.
It seems crazy to say this about a woman that makes a living using one foot to flip an entire kitchen's worth of bowls on top of her head while using her other foot to balance atop a 12- foot unicycle in front of tens of thousands of people, but I have never been more impressed by Red Panda. The fact that she was able to concentrate with Marshawn Lynch providing laugh out loud commentary from just a few feet behind her actually convinced me that she's better at her job than Marshawn Lynch has ever been at his, and the last thing I would want to do is provoke the mode of the beast.
Now, obviously there's a lot less competition in the absurdly high stakes game of handlebar-less bike riding with projectile dish-ware, but the point remains. If you can perform to the best of your abilities with the hilarious and often-explicit vocal styles of Marshawn Lynch chirping in your ear then your talent is unmatched. The pure shock and awe from professional sports most lovable malcontent made it nearly impossible for me to focus on the lady that was putting on a one-woman circus, and that - more than anything - speaks to her ability to put on said circus despite the presence of the NFL's most welcomed distraction.
I'm not sure there's any "good" news results from a universally understood racist gesture that takes attention away from a championship series that has served as a defibrillator to the dying popularity of the sport of baseball. That said, if I were Yu Darvish I would take some solace in the fact that looks-based insults mean a whole hell of a lot less coming from someone that appears to have voluntarily swagger-jacked the styles of a multitude of exotic birds. Obviously as a run-of-the-mill white dude, I am neither Yu Darvish or making a big enough deal about the mocked facial feature being one that is inherent to a particular group of nationalities. Still, while the main issue is that we can't have athletes in the most repressed professional sport promoting discrimination on national television, I can't help but feel like the low-blow is ever-so-slightly softened by the victimized party's ability to say "look in the mirror, bro"...
Now the bad news, of which there is no shortage, is that we are about 4 hours away from the first pitch of Game 4 and the MLB has yet to hand down a punishment. He probably doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt with how blatantly offensive that expression seems, but I'm fairly certain that the brightest of lights was shown on the cultural differences that exist in baseball on its biggest stage. Regardless, this isn't about what is or isn't perceived as prejudice by Yuil Gurriel. This is about a league that's viewed as being run just as "white" as your average country club needing to put its foot down and prove they are as progressive as the makeup of their rosters leads you to believe they are.
Trust me, I hate when off-the-field antics affect on-the-field performance as well. As the importance of the games increase, more and more I find myself erring on the side of no suspension. Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, the only other form of justice that exists in baseball requires the excessive force of an intentionally inaccurate 100MPH fastball. While I think that there is too much on the line for a World Series game to devolve into a plunking contest, I also think that Yuil Gurriel's actions require a lesson that's painfully comparable to taking one on the chin. Watching the biggest game of his life from afar is just that. It might be an odd correlation, but if a celebratory show of enthusiasm is worth a baseball upside the temple then a show of racism (be it a result of ignorance or not) is worth a one game benching.
The rules might remain unwritten, but Major League Baseball's questionable history is basically etched in stone. They would be extremely remiss to pass up this opportunity to paint over some of it while eyes of all shapes, sizes, and colors are on them.
UPDATE: It sends a message. Sadly, that message is that they prioritize the maintenance of a healthy working environment for all players somewhere in between the outcome of the first week of a one hundred and sixty two game schedule and the outcome of a 'World Series' game, but it does send a message...
First and foremost, it's good to see that Dan Snyder is doing so well. I don't know what his property is valued at these days, but to also be able to afford his own echo chamber on the side? Whew, that's impressive. Think about how good of a job you have to do surrounding yourself with like minded people to calculate a 96% consensus rating on literally anything. I know for a fact that I couldn't get 96 out of 100 people to agree that Colin Kaepernick is an African American, and the Redskins' owner can get 96 out of 100 people to agree that his knee is 'Patient Zero' for the epidemic of anti-Americanism. Don't tell me that he doesn't know exactly what type of values he's looking for in his family, friends, associates, colleagues, and... well...pretty much everyone else that he conducts conversation with other than the actual players that likely make up a vast majority of that 4%.
Second on the docket, I'm not sure I can say I'm shocked that Texans' owner Bob McNair moronically botched a euphemism and somehow stuck a discriminatory steroid right in the ass of a racially charged conversation. I mean, I suppose I am surprised in the sense that he makes millions upon millions of dollars off the hard work of predominantly black athletes that he apparently subconsciously views as convicts. However, I'm not surprised in the sense that he's a 79 year old white man that could easily play the understudy of every generic, caucasian grandpa at the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Let't not pretend like that's not part of the problem here. We're expecting two sides to meet in the middle when one of those sides is mostly made up of people that have aged themselves into being allowed to unapologetically spew prejudice, antiquated rhetoric. A vast majority of people wouldn't think twice if they saw someone that looked like Bob McNair sitting at a sports bars calling NBA players "coloreds", but we expect him to have a fundamental sound grasp of institutional racism? The whole "it's a workplace and your boss is allowed to tell you what to do" argument is all well and good, but retirement usually intervenes before the average workplace is run by someone whose filter already died of natural causes. This discussion is going nowhere because those that are trying to moderate it have no interest in moderation. At least in part, that's why this issue won't die until some of the half-dead people having it meet the same fate.
The Portland Broadcast Made A 'Hurricane Katrina' Joke During A Win Over New Orleans, Because Why Not?
Honestly, if there was a time to drop a Hurricane Katrina "joke" that you clearly had saved for a 4th quarter run in the game against the team from New Orleans then it's on the heels of Al Michaels making a Harvey Weinstein "joke" and a volleyball announcer making a9/11 "joke". If there truly is power in numbers then maybe professional broadcasters aren't getting too big for their britches in going to outlandish lengths in the insanely misguided search for an awkward laugh. At the very least, Kevin Calabro can blame an epidemic that's oddly afflicted even one of the best in business.
I should mention that it's incredibly tone deaf to use a natural disaster that took the lives of well over a thousand people and left the lives of thousands of others in ruins to take an insensitive dig at a region of the country and it's basketball team. Unfortunately, I can't do that without acknowledging that this particular jab was at least mildly relevant to the game at hand when it was thrown. I'm not condoning it or implying that it was remotely close to landing. However, I know for a fact it's not the least analogous botched attempt at comedy by a non-comedian, because - somehow - over the last week and a half I have heard two others that were even more wildly out of left field.
Christ man, if it's that hard to display topical wit without encroaching on subject matter that's probably needed it's own 'Strong' hashtag at some point then just accept that funny ain't your thing.
Either that, or just have your >140 character apology ready...
Colin Kaepernick Signed A Book Deal, And - Oddly Enough - He's Already Been Invited To Meet With NFL Owners
It would be stupid for me to stupid here and pretend I know how the list of invitees was crafted for the 'Institutional Racism 101' class that was taught to a select group of NFL owners by a select group of NFL players. I would assume that the first person you'd want to be in attendance for a productive meeting of the minds would be the guy whose original gesture eventually (d)evolved into a political mudslinging contest that required a concerted cleaning effort from both parties, but maybe the most polarizing name on the planet just so happened to slip everyone's mind when they were putting together the guest list.
Well, either that, or the NFL owners didn't want to look the guy whose resume they passed over for reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with the contents of it in the face. Until, of course, it was the same face that was going to be plastered on the inside cover of a tell-all book that featured enough damning evidence to fill not only a couple hundred pages of literature, but also a league-wide lawsuit against a billion dollar industry.
Assuming that his peers would have welcomed him in the first place, Colin Kaepernick's suspiciously timed inclusion is an adjustment of stance that isn't as simple as taking a knee or getting up off it. It's about a bunch of wealthy, power hungry white dudes becoming ever-so-slightly less close-minded after learning that the person they made an example of out of might just have a key to their closet of skeletons. Colin Kaepernick promised to publish his side of the story, and less than 24 hours later the people who manipulatively co-opted his protest to be about Patriotism are willing to acknowledge that he exists? A wise man once said "there is no such thing as a coincidence", and I'm pretty sure that person would laugh until he or she cried if you asked them if this were one.
Now, this certainly reads as a pro-Kaepernick piece. However, you can be blind enough to disagree with the statistical evidence that shows the former quarterback should still have a job and still be able to see through the transparency of NFL owners who are no better than the mean girls who only become accepting of others when they potentially have something to lose. It looks like the burn book has ended up in the wrong hands, and the people who it could affect the most are softening up their stance in hopes that some pages get ripped out before the release date. Can you think of a better reason why, all the sudden, the following GIF no longer applies?
A Women's Volleyball Announcer For Georgia Southern Dropped The Most Long-Winded 9/11 "Joke" Of All Time
"Also, going back to Cathrine Murray. She has 911 kills. So she’s only 65 kills away from cracking the top 10 in school history and, um, just to note…911…you know, 9...11…so uh…kills…that was, you know 9-11…kills…little joke."
Get it? GET IT!?! Do you guys need to hear it again or something?
Anyway, eat your heart out Al Michaels! I didn't know that 'equality' would sound like a women slowly reminding everyone that 911 isn't just a number but also a date when thousands of innocent people died. As it turns out, however, it's not only men that can publicly make insanely misguided and ludicrously insensitive comments in the never-ending search for a laugh! And what better way to get that laugh than to reference the casualties in the deadliest terrorist attack to take place on American soil in the context of an oddly fatal volleyball statistic!
Tricia Fishbune, ladies and gentlemen! She's not just a broadcaster for women's volleyball at a directional school, but also an edgy comic whose not afraid to take risks with her subject matter. Don't take my word for it though, because she'll be glad to draw out her painful attempts at humor by putting on her social blinders and bypassing every awkward pause that she could have used as an exit on the long, dark road that she took to explaining her "joke". It took her awhile to get there, but everyone knows that it's probably not funny if it doesn't require it's own footnote. I got to say, the ride was rough but she really spiked the landing. Speaking of 'kills', I'm pretty sure part of me died during the execution of the longest zinger in the history of humanity, but isn't that normal with any good tragedy-dependent pun that needs to be broken down by the numbers? Really makes you wonder why they call it a 'punchline' when it's more effectively delivered as a slow burn as opposed to a quick jab.
Somehow, this apology is oddly accurate. I'm not sure I would have taken the "...but I have a black friend" approach to softening the blow of her "erroneous wording" of words that are undeniable errors, but I also didn't think a 9/11 joke could be more "poorly phrased" than "frankly unacceptable". If nothing else, Tricia Fishbune opened my mind to a higher worth of cringe...
Pornstar Turned Sports' Spew Specialist, Mia Khalifa, "Thinks" Gordon Hayward Broke His Ankle In Solidarity
Let's make one thing crystal clear, by continuing this dumbass, nonsensical tweet's circulation on the internet, I am giving the author of it exactly what she wants....attention. Somehow, spreading her cheeks for every Tom, Dick, and well-hung Harry wasn't enough in terms of explicitly promoting herself, so she decided to go with the tried and true method of immediately using a disturbing, season-ending injury as the impetus for a joke that's somehow more bad than it is insensitive. The joke clearly fell on enthused ears because the comparison it made showed such a weak command of American History that the ghost of George Washington considered putting a musket in his mouth, but I'm pretty sure that was the whole point anyway.
I suppose I could ask why two teams who have traded their way into an inevitable rivalry would need/want a reason to "unite" during the opening stages of the first game of long overdue season. I guess it bears mentioning that "sacrificial lambs" are generally used to put an end to conflict. However, looking at this through a logical lens would already be giving it too much credit as an actual thought. The only thing guaranteed to go more viral than a "too soon" is a "too soon" that is too stupid, so congrats to Mia Khalifa on marketing her new show with Gilbert Arenas in a way that would literally only make him proud, by speaking directly out of her overused asshole to stay relevant.
I'd tell her to close her legs and open up a book but instead of wasting the eloquence, I'll just leave the only response that this deserves to Al Horford's sister...
Oh, and most importantly, here's to hoping that Gordon Hayward eventually comes back better than ever. On a night that was supposed to be used to celebrate the return of the NBA, the NBA took a disastrous hit and that has to considered depressing to an basketball fan that didn't achieve notoriety with a cock in their chest cavity.
Colin Kaepernick Is Suing The NFL For Collusion, Because The NFL Made It Entirely Too Easy For Him To Do So
Try - for just one second - to do the unthinkable and put aside your personal feelings toward Colin Kaepernick and the knee that, at least in part, is responsible for his current state of unemployment. I don't care if you think he got what he deserved for starting a polarizing conversation about equality (that was ever-so-adeptly wrapped in an American flag and converted into a nauseatingly circular conversation about Patriotism). I don't care if you think NFL owners simply exercised their rights by considering him too big of a "distraction" to peers who - by and large - supported his initial cause. I don't even care if you think he sucks and his play doesn't warrant a position in the league. You'd have to be without functioning eyesight, HD television, and/or a clean conscious to think so, but that's not the point I am trying to make.
You see, I'm not here to argue about whether or not the NFL owners colluded to keep Colin Kaepernick away from their precious cash cow. I'm here to argue that they did such a good job making it look like they did that Colin Kaepernick would have been stupid not to pursue legal action. He's remained completely silent as the summer came and went, while his former employer basically built his case against themselves.
Now, I don't think it's a case he stands to win. The justice system loves their semantics, and I can't imagine that "collusion" - by definition - can be proven. After all, I have a hard time believing that 32 old, wealthy white dudes lined up their schedules to meet at some upscale country club during the offseason. Something tells me they didn't put down their Johnnie Walker Blue and bring their wrinkly ass hands in like they were summoning 'Captain Planet' only to vow to never sign a capable quarterback who challenged them to leave their privileged comfort zone and think critically about the current state of race relations.
That said, look at the laughable amount of inferior players that have been signed at Colin Kaepernick's position. Go read off a list of the absurd justifications (Ex: He's "too good" to be our backup") for which teams have decided to go in a different direction. Most egregiously, consider the unprovoked involvement of a President whose suspiciously belated threat served as fuel on a dwindling fire and was soon hypocritically echoed by at least one of the handful of owners that he is financially linked to.
Painting Colin Kaepernick as a villain for engaging in the inherently American act of peaceful protest is one thing, but you must really hate the shit out of the country represented by that Star Spangled Banner if you're criticizing him for trying to exploit a large corporation for business tactics that - at the very, very least - appear questionable in every sense of the word. Frivolous lawsuits are just as engrained into the fabric of our society as the colors red, white, and blue. Collusion might be a bit excessive as far as terminology is concerned, but it's not nearly as much of a stretch as 99% of cases aimed at paying off "emotional distress".