A Former Minor League Pitcher Broke Into An Office Building, Ate Leftover Pizza, Charged His Phone, And Fell Asleep On A Makeshift Bed
Sporting News- A former minor league pitcher with a celebrity relative was charged with burglary last weekend after he allegedly broke into a Pittsburgh business, ate leftover pizza and fell asleep inside the place.
Pittsburgh television station KDKA reported that Cory McGinnis — whose uncle is actor/comedian Tim Allen — broke into Eyeflow Internet Marketing. Police said that once McGinnis was inside, he emptied the business's fridge of pizza (left over from a Friday party) and fell asleep on a makeshift bed he created. He was found covered in pizza sauce and surrounded by leftover slices. He had even charged his phone and turned up the heat.
“He was sleeping like a baby on a pile of pillows,” business owner Phil LaBoon told KDKA.
This story leaves a lot of unknowns. Where was he coming from? Where does he live? Why didn't he have a place to stay? Why did he choose the 'Eyeflow Internet Marketing' building? How did he know that was the place that would provide him a decent charge and a great selection of late night eats? So many questions, so little answers. Therefore, begrudgingly, I will have to work with the facts, and the facts are that not only was this guy drunk, but he was one of the most resourceful drunks of all time.
If you want to say he's a dick for breaking into a place he isn't supposed to be, eating their food, stealing their charger, and creating a comfortable -yet inconvenient- place to take a nap then you would be right, but you would also be sober. How many times have you woken up still drunk on the unfamiliar couch of a friend of a friend? How many times have you woken up after a long night or drinking with a dead phone battery? How many times have you woken up with a splitting headache, freezing your ass off with not a blanket in sight? I am not saying that Cory McGinnis is the best decision maker, but he certainly knows how to overcome the consequences of those bad decisions. All things considered, he did pretty damn well for himself. Last time I fell asleep mid-pizza I was on a curb in the middle of Hoboken and had to get escorted to a friend's apartment by the cops. Meanwhile, the guy basically found a way to put his life back together before he even woke up to realize it was in shambles. He was stuck outside in Pittsburgh in the middle of winter with nowhere to go and the worst thing that happened to him was that he caught a burglary charge? Pssssh, some of that minor league baseball money and a couple days of regret should expunge him of that. After all, he's Tim 'The Toolman' Taylor's nephew. He's got the ability to do dumb shit coursing through his blood, but at least it always has a happy ending.