A KHL Team Is Offering Fans The Opportunity For A Clean Shave...Via Hockey Skate?

Shaving with... a hockey skate?
Yes, @HCSOCHI gave its fans an opportunity to be shaved like a tough hockey player.https://t.co/ds5bDCeoNF

— KHL_English (@khl_eng) August 8, 2016

I'm going to be honest here. I can't think of anything short of a back alley colonoscopy that I would be less inclined to get than a hot shave at the hands of a Russian. Forget the fact that these fans are letting a random dude put something as unorthodox as a goddamn hockey skate to their face, because the nationality of the person doing so would have had me looking at that barber's chair like it was an electric chair. That's not even a prejudice thing either. I'm not saying that a Russian dude is more likely to slit your throat with a size 10 than people of all other cultures. I am saying that a Russian dude is more likely to slit your throat with a size 10 than a black guy or an elderly, off-the-boat Italian man, and those are the ONLY two kinds of people coming within inches of my jugular with a straight razor.

Even as a bald man that just wants the occasional shapeup done professionally, I am as biased as can be when it comes to the background of the person doing it. I've walked into more than one barbershop in my day, stared the well spoken white person working there in the face, and walked right the fuck on out. Thanks, but no thanks. This beard is for the worn and weary hands of a Salvator or a Giuseppe, even if communicating with them is like pulling teeth. This fade is crafted by my hands or trusted black hands. I damn sure ain't giving the artistic license to a Russian or any other Eastern European for that matter. Doesn't matter if their tool of the trade is a pair of Bauers or a Gillette. As far as personal vanity is concerned I trust mine with African Americans or - ironically enough - the people that hate them the most. Always have and always will.