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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

A Russian TV Station Compared Michael Phelps Use Of Cupping To The Use Of PED's

8/9/2016

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Mashable- Russian state TV is not happy with Michael Phelps' penchant for cupping.

The swimmer, who just blew everyone out of the water in the 4 x 100 meter relay, has been getting a lot of attention for the red circles on his back. The marks indicate that he's been enjoying cupping sessions, a traditional Chinese medicinal therapy that is thought to improve circulation and help muscle recovery.


The country's state TV introduced its viewers to Phelps' obsession Monday, and likened the effects of the process to those experienced with meldonium, a banned performance drug that's been found coursing through the blood of Russian athletes.

Explaining how cupping works the anchor of the show says in Russian that "following the Hollywood trend, the method was adapted by athletes. According to them, vacuum-based massage improves circulation and overall well being, suggesting that muscle repair happens faster after physical exertion."

"In other words, the net effect from such practices in many ways, is not unlike those of meldonium," he adds, reminding viewers of the athletes who were disqualified or stripped of their medals after using the drug.




Let's work under the assumption that cupping does have the exact same effect on performance as Meldonium. I don't know that to be true, but - for the sake of argument - we are going to give the Russians the benefit of the doubt here. Partially because they are in desperate need of it, but mostly because I could "read" the world's longest picture book on cupping and I still wouldn't understand the science behind it. The fact of the matter is that even if we treat something that is likely nothing more than an utterly biased opinion as fact, the people responsible for that opinion are the ones that look moronic here. 

So Michael Phelps uses a legal practice that is equally as beneficial to his abilities in the pool as the illegal practice that just got half of a country suspended from Olympic participation? Uhhh, hey you stupid fucking communists, instead of bitching and moaning about cupping how about putting down your needles and grabbing a glass or two? Instead of injecting easily traceable foreign substances into your blood stream, how about you cover your body in circular bruises whose appearance only indicates that you're doing everything - that's technically not banned - to win? Didn't Putin teach you losers how to bend a rule? How hard is it for you idiots to figure out that it's not cheating if it's not illegal?

​"Waaaaah, Michael Phelps blood is circulating faster than our poor swimmers who were forced to stop sticking themselves with synthetic strength." What a bunch of babies. Hey Russia, last time I checked there's plenty of shot glasses in your country too. Maybe if you stopped filling them with vodka once and awhile your brains would be able to comprehend that they could serve a better purpose repairing muscles for international competition than enabling the alcoholism necessary to live in a depressing, unstable, intolerant dump of a country. 
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