A South Dakota Man Accidentally Shot Himself In The Dick Then Accused A Non-Existent Black Guy

Independent- After the 43-year-old took himself to hospital suffering from a gun shot wound in a place that was particularly painful, he told police that he had been the victim of an attempted hold-up by a “black guy”.

And so officers went to his flat in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, looking for evidence of the attack.

Instead they discovered a witness who told officers he heard screams of pain coming from Mr Watson’s apartment about 1am that morning, according to the Argus Leader. 

A search warrant was served on Mr Watson’s house, where officers found what appeared to be bullet fragments on his bed. An empty gun case was found, though no firearm.

Mr Watson required surgery after the September 6 incident. Two days after the surgery, Watson was re-interviewed and told officers he was examining the gun, placed it in his pocket and the gun discharged, striking him in the penis. He refused to tell officers who was selling the gun and where the gun is now.

Mr Watson was then arrested on charges of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession of a firearm by a drug offender, false report of a crime to law enforcement officials.


I know the thought process behind randomly blaming a black man when you accidentally shoot yourself in the genitals is completely flawed. It's ridiculously prejudice, utterly dishonest, and...uhhh...absolutely genius? Okay, genius might be a bit strong for someone that just literally blew off any chance of having a family of his own, but that's kind of the point. You can't walk into a hospital and admit that you shot yourself in your manhood. Can you imagine the embarrassment?! You almost have to blame someone else, at least until they inevitably scour your house and find out that it was your work, and your work alone. 

Most of the time I would agree that choosing a hypothetical black guy as the guilty party would be incredibly discriminatory and almost definitely end in an unjust arrest. However, when there isn't a black person within 100 miles this becomes a win-win situation. This guy got to avoid the awkwardness of telling the cops that he pulled a Plaxico Burress on his penis, and he used a theoretical scapegoat that most likely doesn't even exist in-state. Hell, he may as well have told the cops that a unicorn shot him in the cock, because he's just as likely to see one as he is to come across a black guy during his day-to-day life in the Dakotas. I'm pretty sure there are like 92 people that call South Dakota home, and I feel confident in saying that all of them are either caucasian or American Indian. The closest African American is located wayyyy outside of Sioux Falls jurisdiction. In fact, if there actually is a black person in South Dakota he probably deserves to get arrested for a crime he didn't commit, because that's a guy who unquestionably has some skeletons in his closet. Some skeletons that may, or may not, have in tact pelvic bones.