Amar'e Stoudemire Bathes In Red Wine Because He's a Princess

http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/10/amare-stoudemire-red-wine-bath

USAToday- New York Knicks forward Amar’e Stoudemire is only 31, but he’s entering the 13th season of an NBA career that has seen plenty of miles on his surgically repaired knees. So it’s understandable that the veteran big man would spend plenty of time this preseason in the training tub, although maybe not one filled with red wine.

So Amar'e, Sooooooo Amar'e. The only reason I am surprised is because I am surprised that this surprised me. What the fuck is going on in the NBA? LeBron swearing off carbs for two months? Amar'e bathing in 1,000 bottles of red zinfandel? Sac up boys. You're professional athletes, act like men for me, one time. 

Of course Amar'e bathes in red wine, of course he does. He has the knees of a new born baby cafe. He is softer than the finest of linens. He's basically made of paper mach'e. My research says that bathing in red wine does not make you stronger in the paint. At least throw some ice in that tub. I've seen those NFL ice baths. That shit looks awful. That will put some hair on your nuts, not your fucking estrogen tub.

However, what else do you do when you have made millions upon millions of unearned dollars? What are you going to bathe in? Water? That shit is free. Water is for poor people. Amare won't even drink water unless it's been blessed by the Pope. Drinks holy water, bathes in the blood of Christ. Most religious person on the planet. What else would those crosses all over his body stand for? Plus, how can he expect to go bankrupt by the age of 45 if he is doing normal people shit? 


P.S. Is there anything more ridiculous than Stoudemire mean mugging the nation while sitting in a vat of wine? I guess maybe if he had his goggles on, that's about it.