Fox News- The latest yuletide lunacy comes from Johnson County, Kentucky where the school district has censored an elementary school presentation of “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”
The district also ordered other schools to remove all religious references from their upcoming Christmas productions. At one school, “Silent Night” was replaced with a Christmas version of the “Whip/Nae Nae” song. Yes, good readers — apparently that is a real thing. “How do you go from ‘Silent Night’ to the ‘Whip/Nae Nae,’” one distraught grandmother asked me. “We’re not at all happy about it.” I could very easily sit here and talk about where I stand on the political correctness of the Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays debate. I won't, because no matter what side people fall on they generally sound like petty little bitches when they do, but I could. Instead I would rather focus on something that means much more to me than what particular greeting someone uses during the most joyous of seasons, and that is my thoughts on the song 'Silent Night'. Cover your screen Catholics, because it's about to real blasphemous in here. 'Silent Night' SUCKS. Easily, without question, not only the worst Christmas song, but the worst song of any song dedicated to a holiday. Fuck sleeping in heavenly peace, 'Silent Night' needs to rot in an eternal hell. I am glad this school decided to go with the Christmas rendition of 'Watch Me' instead of using that overtly religious snoozefest. You know why? Because much like myself, elementary school kids don't give a shit about immaculate conceptions, or virgin mothers, or the birth of Christ. If you are going to play 'Silent Night' during a 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' then you may as well just have them read Bible verses aloud while Lucy and Charlie botch field goals in the background. This play is for the children, and if I have learned anything over the last 6 months it's that the only foolproof way to get a child's attention is to play 'Watch Me' and let them whip and nae nae until their fucking arms fall off. It certainly isn't by playing a song that is better suited for background music while a couple stands atop a snow covered draw bridge and passionately kisses while the screen fades to black. BORINNNNNG. I honestly don't even like the whip/nae nae song. It's gotten to the point where it makes me want to blow my brains out about halfway through the second chorus, but at least it evokes some kind of emotional reaction from me. The only thing that 'Silent Night' has ever got out of me was a snore and maybe a little bit of drool. I really don't care whether or not Christmas songs are used in kid's Christmas plays. I do care that shitty Christmas songs are used in kid's Christmas plays. So let the beat drop and the arms flail, because the only thing worse than a nauseatingly repetitive "rap" song is a psalm under the guise of a Christmas song.
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