And We're Off At The Rio Olympics...Once We Find The Keys...

What a start! #Rio2016 kicking off with lost key and firemen forcing open lock to east gate of Olympic stadium #oops pic.twitter.com/7yj0moF9Ms

— Julia Carneiro (@juliadcarneiro) August 3, 2016

It would be pretty easy to act as if one person's clumsiness in losing a key is representative of things to come in an Olympics that was already mired in controversy before it even began. I suppose asking someone to keep track of something as essential as the object that opens up an arena which people traveled from all over the world to compete athletically in is a reasonable request, but that doesn't mean I would feel comfortable being the one it was asked of. After all, the only reason I have never misplaced a key that important is because I have never had possession of a key that important. Far be it for me to poke fun at an entire country's qualifications to host an international sporting event due to one man's forgetfulness that is eerily similar to my own on occasion.

That said, I would say there is a little symbolism in the fact that the key in question is for a Master Lock that barely meets the requirements for my locker in high school. I know Rio's budget for safety precautions is about as low as their supply of drinkable water, but I would think that defending the gates of their most illustrious venue would take enough precedence to at least invest in something sturdy enough to safeguard a bicycle. No offense Rio, but the fact that your gatekeeper would lose his dick if it wasn't attached to him isn't nearly as concerning as the fact that I can break into a stadium where hundreds of the best athletes on the planet will compete to be labeled the greatest in their sport if given 5 minutes of silence and a paper clip. I'm not going to laugh at the neglectful moron because we've all been that neglectful moron, but I will criticize the tools at his disposal because they are the Olympic equivalent of child-proofing.