Not once in my life have I considered that wrangling wild drunks that have gone astray from the stands was something that a security guard might have to practice, as there doesn't seem to be all that many techniques to touch up on when chasing someone whose path has no particular rhyme or reason. Now that I have taken in one of these so-called practices, however, I think it might be time for some two-a-days. Never mind Hard Knocks, the Browns' security team should be featured in a spin-off called Fast Clocks, because the time got in nearly as much running as the practice squad punk the three of them struggled to corral. Seeing as leading with the head to make the type of fundamentally sound tackle that's been both taught and celebrated for decades is only a penalty during the game they are supervising, that one dummy needs to start tackling some of his own in his off-time after that embarrassing effort at the 25 yard line. You've got to practice what's being preached if you want to see results when it matters, and I'm quite certain the head of security wasn't preaching going high with a half-assed arm tackle mid-breach. Keep showing a Marcus Peters-esque commitment to killing the carrier (of a BAC that's higher than his GPA) and some young, hungry rent-a-blue blood will be metaphorically ushering him to the cheap seats to check tickets in no time...
In all seriousness, if there was a preseason game before which you'd want to practice your policing then it would be between the Philadelphia Eagles coming off their first Super Bowl victory and the Cleveland Browns riding way too high on the inherent optimism that comes with the production value of Hard Knocks. Every fan in that building was about 4x the legal limit in being drunk off positivity, and - considering their histories - none of their tolerances are all that high. The 'Factory Of Sadness' has never been a more delightful place, which makes the fact that no one failed in focusing all that energy into watching a meaningless game only to interrupt it all the more surprising...and disappointing for a security team that needs reps, badly.
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