Don't do this Andrew. Don't you dare do this. Don't sit there eating bargain basement food with your smoking hot girlfriend and try to trick the world into believing that a women of that caliber can easily be satisfied -on the most romantic of occasions- with a Happy Meal. Don't equate the decision to have a sit down meal at a fast food joint with courage. This didn't take balls. It took a mutual understanding. You know why your girlfriend was receptive to this little stunt? Do you know why she's sporting a kissy face? Because your paycheck allows you to splurge every other day of the year. There are going to be people that see this and think it truly is the thought that counts, and those people don't realize that the thought is only relevant when the spoils occur more often than February 14th. You're a professional football player Andrew. Granted I had no idea who you were until now, but I am sure there are people -most likely young Vikings fans- that look up to you. You don't have to be role model, but at the very least you should avoid sabotaging their future relationships. Don't lead them to believe that the key to a woman's heart is through her now partially clogged arteries.
Just when you think being a pro athlete can't get any better you realize they can get away with McDonald's breakfast dates on Valentine's Day. All the common folk are probably whipping up breakfast in bed before suffering through obnoxiously crowded restaurants and ridiculously expensive prix fixe menus while Andrew is sitting on his six figure salary and scarfing down hashbrowns with his hunny. Ironically enough, the more money you have the less it means to your girlfriend when you overspend it on her. Just another case of the rich getting richer. P.S. This gesture seems a lot less daring when you realize there is still two more meals to go before Valentine's Day is over.
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Rest Assured Saints Fans, Here Is Your Confirmation That Drew Brees Isn't Going Anywhere For Awhile2/17/2016 YardBarker- Speaking with SiriusXM NFL Radio, Loomis confirmed his intentions to work out a long-term deal with Brees that will keep him in New Orleans for a while longer:
“Drew Brees is going to be our quarterback this year and for the foreseeable future,” Loomis said (h/t Nick Underhill of theadvocate.com). “We’ll get that worked out in a way that helps our team and fits in with what he wants to do.” An extension is really the only way to fix the cap issue, and Brees is on record saying he’s “absolutely” willing to do an extension this offseason. However, according to Loomis the cap isn’t the issue. Instead, he made it clear Tuesday that doing an extension has everything to do with Brees being the team’s quarterback, rather than it being about the cap. “Look, that’s not as much for cap as it is for, ‘We want Drew to be our quarterback this year, next year, and the foreseeable future,’” Loomis said. Usually this is the part where I would brag about how smart I am. Usually I would take this time to pat myself on the back for once again being right. Well it's your lucky day, because I have no intention of boasting about my intelligence. At least not in reference to Mickey Loomis' confirmation that Drew Brees will remain in New Orleans for as long as he is capable of playing quarterback at a high level. This was never about me being some kind of soothsayer, it was about other outlets of sports media being too stupid to see the writing on the wall. It's almost like people thought that the GM of an NFL franchise was just sitting up in his Ivory Tower playing around with contracts without pondering the long term ramifications they could have in the future. Like Mickey Loomis was in his office and decided to reconfigure Drew Brees deal so that it would take up $30 million of the cap without having the foresight to sign him to an extension in the offseason. You can say a lot of things about Mickey Loomis. His recent track record with high priced free agents may border on the abominable, but that doesn't mean he's stupid. It doesn't mean he's not extremely calculated. He knew Drew Brees was going to need to sign an extension. He 's always had the intention of offering said extension. Drew Brees always had the intention of signing said extension. This wasn't a Sean Payton situation. Drew Brees was never going to play anywhere else. He was never getting traded, he was never getting released, and just as importantly, he was never going to take up a fifth of the Saints salary cap. Obviously things aren't set in stone until pen hits paper, but the Saints commitment to their franchise quarterback was never in question. Especially when the talks of his demise were so greatly exaggerated. Age catches up with every athlete, but if Drew Brees stats from last year -when he had a mediocre, at best, supporting cast- are any indication then he's still got a lot of gas in the tank. At the very least it should take a few seasons for Father Time to be able to catch up. I am just glad that those seasons will be spent in a Saints uniform, even though -to anyone with the ability to think critically- that was never in doubt. A 15 Year Old Boy Accidentally Shot His Friend In The Face After He Scored A Touchdown In 'Madden'2/17/2016 Weekly Challenger- A 15-year-old in New York has been charged with second-degree manslaughter after he allegedly accidentally shot his friend in the head while celebrating a victory in the NFL video game Madden on Thursday. The boy, whose name has not been released by police, was smoking pot with friends Denzel Nash, 16, and Luigi Fontin, 18, when he scored a touchdown. Elated, he pulled out a .32 caliber pistol and waved it around in celebration. It was at that point, an NY Daily News report says, the gun went off and Nash was shot in the face. According to the New York Post, the boys are alleged to have then thrown the gun in a backpack, then into the bath, and fled. However, cops responding to a 911 call found the two outside, and Fontini allegedly told police what had happened. Nash was rushed to Brookdale Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. Teenage friends? Smoking weed together? Playing 'Madden'? With a loaded pistol in the room? Let's just clear this up real quick. It may suck that a child is dead, but accidental homicide was the best, most well intentioned outcome in this situation. There was probably a .01% chance that the kid that scored a touchdown would mistakenly shoot his friend in the head, but there was a 99.99% chance that the kid that got the touchdown scored on him would have willingly shot his friend in the head. Either way, someone was getting assassinated. It's actually better (relatively speaking) that it happened to the kid that was losing, because not even blowing your buddy's brains through the back of his skull can make you feel better about taking an L in 'Madden'. Regardless, I have a hard time thinking of a more volatile combination than competitive kids, drugs, video games, and live ammunition. That -amongst a variety of other reasons- is why we didn't keep a gun in our college house. You simply can't be held responsible for your actions when you are under the influence and lose a game of virtual reality football to a person that feels comfortable talking shit to you. My college buddies and I weren't even what you would consider "gamers" and there was still instances when a person would have to leave the house to avoid noticeable tension between roommates. I can honestly say I am glad that there was never a deadly weapon within arm's length, because sometimes it felt like serving a life sentence was more bearable than repeatedly hearing about a lucky 4th quarter fumble return. Occasionally violence is the only way to solve animosity caused by a video game, but fights over the sticks should only be fought with fists. The best way to make sure that happens is to check all unregistered firearms at the door. Accidents happen, but they happen a lot less often when guns aren't being waved around the room in victory or defeat. Plus, it gives us the opportunity to see more fights like this, and that's a win for the entire internet...
Aww, is someone having an identity crisis? It's quite the day that Ronda is having. It sounds like she's trying to play every role in that Alanis Morrisette song. She been a bitch, a lover, a child, and a mother all in the span of 24 hours. One second she's huddled in a corner thinking about killing herself, and the next she's flipping the proverbial bird in everybody's face. One second she's planning a comeback, next second she's planning the birth of her boyfriend's (who is still married BTW) future child. All I know is that she's going to have to pick a side soon, because this back and forth shit has me confused. Am I supposed to be sympathetic because this morning she was suicidal? Am I allowed to hate her again because I pretty sure I am included in "them all"? Can't play both sides of the fence here Ronda. Ellen might not see through your bullshit, but I certainly do. You can't be a sinner and a saint. Are we in the middle of the healing process or are we about to embark on the revenge tour to silence all of those that took joy in your downfall? Are we this girl....
or are we this girl...
I'm not saying that a UFC fighter can't have a soft side, but I am saying that she can't be in both mindsets at the same damn time. The Ronda Rousey that I blogged about this morning? The one that seemed desperate for compassion? She is in no way ready to be be saying fuck anybody, never mind them all.
Back in high school I went out drinking with some friends in the park down the street. Anyway after splitting a bottle of some generic brand flavored vodka we made our way back to my house. We were waiting for another friend to show up and when he did we decided to hop on the hood of his car and have him drive us up my fairly long and fairly steep driveway. Well, as you can imagine that went poorly. The driver hit the gas too hard, about halfway up realized he was going too fast and hit the brakes, my feet hit the ground, and as the driver sped back up I rolled off the hood of the car because I was afraid I was going to fall in front of it. Anyway, the tire clipped my arm and ripped a nice patch of skin off my elbow exposing my muscle. I now have a pretty interesting story to tell. However, in retrospect, if I could have safely removed myself from that car a half second into the ride I would have, because once the car was in motion I knew it was going to end badly.
How does this relate to this soccer goalie trying to flash some fancy footwork and inevitably costing his team the lead, you ask? Well, much like I had to see my ride through once it began, this goalie had to see his move through once he started it. He would have loved nothing more than to have been given another chance at a first decision as he juggled that ball a second and third time. He already knew how that move was going to end, but there was no going back one he originally popped it up. So yes, he was an idiot for trying to get cute in the first place, but let's not act like he didn't already know he fucked up before he met his fate. I just feel bad that he doesn't have a sick battle scar to go with it.
Funny story. I was in Los Angeles over the weekend, and as I was walking the streets I heard a woman next to me start uncontrollably screaming "DAVID SPADE! DAVID SPADE!". I looked both ways and didn't see a single person that looked like Davis Spade. However, there was a guy that bear a striking resemblance to David Arquette walking right past me. I guess what I am trying to say is that this wasn't a race thing. I mean, it was a race thing in the sense that both Tyrese and Jamie Foxx are black, but it's not a race thing in the sense that white people think all black people look alike.
We just think all old, irrelevant actors of a relatively similar skin tone look alike. See, that's not racist, it's ignorance. Hey, the 'Fast and Furious' movies were a lonnnng time ago. There were only so many Paul Walker tributes Tyrese could attend before he ran out of ways to keep himself in front of a camera. He can't be mad if people have no idea who he is so they just assume he is someone that's actually more famous. Shit, if I were Tyrese I would latch on to that lack of racial recognition, add an 'x', and just start going by Jamie Foxxx to see if I got a few more accidental casting calls. It certainly can't hurt his career at this point. I guess you could argue that someone working for US Weekly probably shouldn't have the leeway to make this mistake, but for the average citizen this isn't a huge mixup. It's not like we are talking about Denzel or Michael B. Jordan or something. P.S. I apologize to Jamie Foxx for this entire blog.
Complex- Back in 2012, Manny Pacquiao came under fire—and was actually banned from doing an interview in a mall in Los Angeles—after he made some controversial statements about gay marriage. He is steadfastly against it because of his religious beliefs, and while he did eventually apologize for condemning gay people in 2012, he hasn’t backed away from his stance on gay marriage.
Early Tuesday in the Philippines, Pacquiao—who is currently a Senate candidate in his native country—and several other Senate candidates were asked to express their thoughts on gay marriage. Pacquiao once again talked about how he’s against it, but this time, he decided to offer up a comparison between gay people and animals to try and illustrate why he feels as though gay marriage is wrong. “It’s just common sense,” he said, according to reports. “Have you seen any animal having male-to-male or female-to-female relations?” Pacquiao went on to say that “if you have male-to-male or female-to-female [relationships], then people are worse than animals.” BOOM! Transitive property bitches! If animals aren't down with the gay then people must be worse than animals. I suppose you could use the exact opposite of that line of thinking to argue that humans are actually more progressive than animals, but hey, it's all a matter of a perspective. Manny's perspective just happens to be that someone that grew up in the Philippines eating dogs and washing it down with his own urine. Safe to say that the environment he grew up in was a little behind the times in terms of social etiquette. That's why I refuse to criticize him for his views on sexuality, and if you choose to do so then you are a hypocrite. Who the fuck are we to scrutinize someone with antiquated beliefs? America legalized gay marriage like 90 days ago and now all the sudden we feel comfortable pointing fingers? We are going to chastise a Filipino boxer for comparing humans to animals when Ben Carson -a current candidate to become PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES- made that very same analogy just a few years back? How about we reinforce our windows before we go launching stones from our glass house. Pretty sure that up until a few years ago the rights of our pets were more important to us then the rights of homosexuals. PETA has been around since 1981 and people were still treating "faggot" like a term of endearment when I was in high school. So let's hop off the Manny hate train, because we were late to the party too, and we don't have the dire state of the Filipino rail service to use an excuse. Oh, and in case you were looking for a completely insincere apology, here it is...
We have found it ladies and gentleman! The key to ending protest culture. The key to blurring the racial lines we have become so quick to draw. That key is Queen Bey. Who brings people together like Beyonce? Sure, there will still be those complain when she does an ode to the Black Panthers during the Super Bowl, but if anyone else had done it we would still be talking about it. Beyonce does it and a week later no one cares. The Bey Hive is just out there all by their lonesome with no one to swarm on. People couldn't even stay mad at her long enough to justify standing out in the cold on a weekday and accomplishing absolutely nothing. I am not even kidding, I had no plans to vote but I might just go and write in Beyonce's name on the ballet. I truly don't think there is anyone that transcends race like she does. A black women that resonants with the vast majority of young white people? Set the inauguration. Let the Queen take office. She may not know a damn thing about international affairs, but at least she can put a dent in the rampant rise in racial tension this country has been facing. Beyonce had the gall to indirectly encourage violence against the police force and all the 'Single Ladies' couldn't even stay outraged long enough to make their way to the streets a week later. It's not about ending racism in this country. That's a pipe dream. It's about condensing the amount of time following an incident that people are whining about it. It's about limiting the amount of people that are outspoken about it. If Beyonce can silence an offended demographic of society in less than ten days then she's already doing better than anyone else that's currently running for President.
In reality, all we really learned here is that white people just like to find things to bitch about in the moment. We don't necessarily care enough to do anything to change it. You know where Tomi Lahren is right now? Likely sitting on a couch with her feet up drinking a caramel macchiato without a care in the world. She was offended enough to defend her statement on TMZ, but you can bet our ass she doesn't give enough of a fuck to stand outside by herself in New York City. That's no place for an entitled white woman. She does her best demonstrating while sitting in a nice warm leather chair in front of a camera. She loves her police force, but thinking she -or anyone else for that matter- is inconveniencing themselves to support them is how you end up with what appears to be the making of a Beyonce pep rally outside of NFL HQ. h/t BSO Earl Thomas Wishes That The NFL Would Let The Players Express Their Creativity Like The NBA Does2/16/2016
You have to love Earl Thomas semi-subliminally referencing the fact that playing in the NFL will take years off his life while in the process of trying to get them to make a change. It's kind of like your parents referencing the 18 years they spent raising you right after they ask you to run to the store for them. Unfortunately the NFL has no conscience. They are so far beyond being guilted into anything that it doesn't matter to them that Earl Thomas is likely going to die prematurely, they are never going to fully embrace the self promotion that the NBA does. As a millennial who likes his sports with a side of entertainment, I would love to see as much dancing, showmanship, and "classlessness" in the NFL as I do in the NBA. It's never going to happen because the popularity of the NBA is based on the personalities of it's best players while the popularity of the NFL is based on people's incessant need to watch football, but hey, it doesn't hurt to try.
That's why I respect Earl Thomas for comin' in hot like a 'Make A Wish' kid using his impending death to try to get the NFL to embrace the entirety of black culture. Maybe once Will Smith signs on a for a 'Concussion' sequel we will see them loosen the reigns a bit. Almost there Earl. Just a few more suicidal former players and the NFL will have no choice but to shed it's image as the 'No Fun League'. We need to stop worrying about head injuries, and start worrying about allowing players to express themselves freely before they take their toll. Honestly, it's not the worst idea I have ever heard. Clearly there is no revolutionary helmet that is going to stop the spread of CTE. With players only becoming bigger, stronger, and faster there is no amount of rule changes that are going to render concussions a thing of the past. Might as well let the players dress and celebrate as they so choose without the fear of a fine. It's the least the NFL can do to make up for the decrease in the lifespan of it's participants.That or they could guarantee contracts, but let's try to stay within the realm of possibility here. Ronda Rousey Went On 'Ellen' And Reinforced Every Female Stereotype She Set Out To Destroy2/16/2016
“I was literally sitting there and thinking about killing myself and that exact second I’m like, ‘I’m nothing, what do I do anymore and no one gives a sh*t about me anymore without this.’
“To be honest, I looked up and I saw my man Travis was standing up there and I looked up at him and I was like, ‘I need to have his babies. I need to stay alive.'” - Ronda Rousey Who are we talking about here? The previously undefeated female UFC fighter that's spent the better part of her career snapping her opponents' arms in half? The chick that has made millions upon million of dollars off endorsements and movie deals by single handedly destroying the self confidence of her competition in a series of 20-something second mercy killings? I am supposed to feel sympathy for that person because she lost one match? I don't want to trivialize depression, but Jesus Christ Ronda. You're supposed to be the female spokesperson for perseverance, and you can't even overcome one loss without suicidal thoughts? What do you do anymore? Oh, I don't know. How about get back to training and try to redeem yourself? Maybe stop making appearances on a different television show every single fucking day and work on your boxing? That seems like it would be the smartest course of action after Holly Holm nearly broke your face. I mean, I guess you could just sit in the corner and cry by yourself, but that's not exactly doing your gender stereotypes any favors. Ya know what else isn't doing gender stereotypes any favors? Ronda Rousey -the woman that represents the strength and independence of women everywhere- saying that the only reason she didn't kill herself is because she had to carry her boyfriend's future children. Annnnnd with one sentence Ronda Rousey set women back 100 years. I legitimately think that's the worst thing she could have possibly said for her brand. Other than "I was put on this planet to service man" there's not a single soundbite more damning than Ronda Rousey -the baddest bitch- acting like she is now nothing more than a baby maker. I'm not saying that women can't be tough, it's just not a good look that the one everyone picked to promote as the toughest was only one knockout away from reverting to a 1970's housewife. From arguing whether she can compete with men to needing the presence of a man to peel herself off the canvas. My how the mighty have fallen... Jalen Rose Took An Unprovoked Shot At Derek Fisher And Proved Just How Much Of A Joke He Has Become2/16/2016
“I heard a rumor that if you don’t spend time with your Valentine, Derek Fisher will,” Rose said with a straight face." -Jalen Rose
I almost feel bad. If I thought Derek Fisher offered anything of substance as an NBA coach I would think it sucks that he has been stigmatized as a wife fucker. Everyone has put their penis somewhere it probably doesn't belong, it's just that it usually doesn't cost them their career in the process. Can't say the same for D-Fish. It's become readily apparent that if you fuck one NBA wife then might as well has fucked every NBA wife. If that wasn't clear when Knicks players said they were uneasy with having their head coach around their families, then it certainly is now. When NBA analysts -and former players- are making appearances on national television and taking needless shots at your love life then you know your coaching days are over. Really begs the question if Derek Fisher will have the shortest coaching resume in NBA history. It's not like he did anything to earn his first job, and what he choose to do during that stint has basically blackballed him from the rest of the league. Imagine a General Manager trying to explain to his players that they were bringing Derek Fisher on board as an assistant? That would go over about as well as hiring Bill Cosby to run your WNBA franchise. On one hand it's quite the compliment that NBA players don't trust their significant others around Derek Fisher. If his career was as a cocksman then he would be at the top of his profession. Unfortunately it is to be an NBA coach, and that requires the respect and the trust of his players. Respect and trust that he likely blew all over Gloria Govan's back. Oh well, enjoy your vacation Derek. No reason to hurry back now...
“I feel like me and Taylor might still have sex/ Why?/ I made that bitch famous” -Kanye West
“As the first woman to win Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame. But if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people side-track you, some day, when you get where you’re going you’ll look around and you’ll know that it was you and the people who love who put you there. That will be the greatest feeling in the world.” -Taylor Swift I can't. I just can't do it anymore. You want an indictment on the state of the entertainment industry? The most public feud is between an 85 pound, goody two shoes, prissy white girl and a rapper turned egomaniacal fashion designer and self proclaimed genius. How's that for the pussification of America? This whole renewed rivalry is equal parts surreal and predictable. Kanye West says something that is completely false and in no way connected to reality and Taylor Swift goes right on ahead and turns it into a motivational speech for the youth of America. I honestly can't even tell you which I person I find more unbearable. I think it has to be Kanye simply because he instigates these "you can do it!" monologues, but at the same time Taylor Swift should realize they aren't worth responding to. I almost wish I could say that Kanye's decision to drop a line about penetrating Taylor Swift was a premeditated promotional stunt arranged by the both of them to gain hype for his album and give her something to create a rallying cry around at the Grammy's. Instead I think it was just another round of good vs. evil in the world's longest ongoing pissing match. It's basically just two of the biggest stars in music publicly slap fighting on the biggest of stages. The crazy thing is that I think they should just fuck and get it over with. Something tells me the only way this animosity truly ends is with an anger bang, because clearly Taylor Swift's approach of killing him with kindness has proven futile.
P.S. How crazy do you think it drives Kanye that this chick has two more Grammy's than he does? Gonna be a lonnnng road to 100....
I know Kanye West doesn't care about me. I don't expect him to. He cares about no one but himself, so why he should he feel any sort of way about one fan's refusal to download TIDAL. However, I can't be the only person that said "fuck it" when he said was only releasing his album on a subpar music sharing app that's only still in existence because Jay-Z's name is attached to it. I have never let my opinion of Kanye the person let me effect how I feel about Kanye the artist. I have always liked his music (to varying degrees of course), and for that reason I have ignored the insanely ignorant Twitter rants. I have paid good money to go to the concerts knowing there would be a 25 minute intermission for him to incessantly whine about the fashion industry. I put up with everything that's bad about Kanye West just so I can be the beneficiary of G.O.O.D. music once he actually releases it. With that said, I cannot -no- I will not be strong armed into supporting a shitty, overpriced product, just so I can hear an album that MIGHT be good. I am not giving a red fucking cent of my money or a fraction of a second of my time to Spotify's retarded little brother. Not for Kanye. Not for anyone. I have a hard enough time justifying my love of Kanye's music without wasting more space on my phone just to hear it. If we are being honest, a couple of years ago I would have been one of the first suckers clicking purchase on a TIDAL subscription, but with age comes wisdom. With age come standards. With age comes the ability to say "fuck you" to one of your favorite musicians when he starts trying to govern your gigabytes. Yeezus may think he's the modern day Jesus, but not even God himself could get me to purchase TIDAL. So fuck Pablo, and his stupid fucking life.
YardBarker- A soccer game played between neighbors in Argentina has ended in bloodshed.A player shot and killed a referee and wounded another player Sunday in the Campo de la Ribera area of Cordoboa, Argentina, according to The Mirror’s Rita Sobot.
Police say referee Cesar Flores, 48, showed the assailant a red card for making a heavy tackle on an opponent. The player then retrieved a gun from his bag and shot Flores three times. He also wounded another player, 25-year-old Walter Zarate, before fleeing the scene. “It all happened during the match,” a police spokesman said. “We don’t know what happened with the referee but the player was angry and went to get his gun and killed him.” The shooting appears to have taken place during an amateur game that the Argentina’s Football Federation might not have been organized. If so, this looks like a case of social problems in the South American nation spilling onto the field of play, with tragic consequences. Let's all just turn our brains off for a quick second here. Let's forget that an innocent human being is dead because of a call in a soccer match. Let's forget that he probably left a wife widowed and some children fatherless. It shouldn't be too hard. This happened in Argentina. I would have to brush up on my Argentinian history before I definitively say this, but I don't think I have ever cried for Argentina before, so I am certainly not going to start now. I'm going to tell you a secret guys, but you have to promise not to tell anyone else. Ready? Okay, here goes... This is actually a good thing for soccer. Scratch that, it's not a good thing that this official was shot dead. I think we can all agree that that is very disheartening. However, it may very well have positive ramifications. How many times have we all made the same joke about the same player that was killed after scoring a goal in his own net? That happened like 20+ years ago. I was getting mighty tired of referring to it every time I wanted to stick up for soccer's worldly reputation as a blood sport. A single murder can only justify so many players tripping over a blade of grass and holding onto their leg like they tore every ligament in their lower body, and I think we had just about reached that threshold. One executed official later and I feel comfortable saying that soccer is bad ass again. You can't -in good faith- call soccer a pussy sport if they continually have in-game casualties. I genuinely think that the key to futbol maintaining it's relevance in the United States is a good old fashioned homicide every quarter century or so. That may sound outlandish, but the World Cup has proven that it takes something really rare to get is to pay attention to soccer, and there's nothing more rare than an assassination during a sporting event. P.S. Bet this hockey ref that took a full beer to the junk is feeling a little bit better about his job now. Metro- This Valentine’s Day proposal is definitely not what you expect. And Brad’s girlfriend Jenny Davies definitely struggles to see the funny side.
First, there’s an elaborate build up, where 24-year-old Brad, from Southampton, is seen hiding a small engagement ring sized box in his trousers. As he beckons Jenny over and gets down on one knee, she covers her face in shock. ‘You know you make me the happiest man in the world. I’m shaking but I love you to bits, you know that, right?’ he says to her. I want you to make me the happiest man in the world. I have got a question to ask you,’ he goes on, bringing out the small box. Cue meaningful pause, before Brad opens the box to reveal a tea bag and asks ‘will you make me a cup of tea?’ Brad insists Jenny has already forgiven him, telling MailOnline: ‘I grovelled for a bit and played it back to her and she saw the funny side. ‘I got my cup of tea within 15 to 20 minutes.She was a bit annoyed about it but she knows what I’m like.’ There aren't many times a woman would rather make a cup of tea than accept a marriage proposal, but this has got to one of them, right? She can act upset all she wants, but there is a reason that she ended up making that tea for her dickhead boyfriend. That reason is that she was relieved that he didn't choose the most romantic day of the year to offer up the most unromantic gesture of all time. You think she was mad there? Imagine what it would have looked like if Brad had gotten up while watching television from a different couch, positioned his cell phone across the room, called his girlfriend over, and legitimately proposed to her in the most mundane way possible. There may have been a minute there where she was excited about being engaged, but that moment would have been fleeting when she realized she was just standing around her boyfriend's basement doing absolutely fucking nothing on Valentine's Day. I am not saying she wouldn't have said yes in the moment. I am saying that the second she started repeating the story to her friends and she saw their reactions, this would have become a source of bitterness that likely would have prematurely ended their marriage. That doesn't excuse her douchebag boyfriend that chose to play with her emotions for no other reason than his own sick and twisted sense of humor. I mean, this gag served no purpose whatsoever. If you're going to be an asshole at least be a funny asshole. This video was just about the most boring thing I have ever watched. However, as far as results are concerned, asking for a hot tea was just about the best possible outcome for both of them once he went down on bended knee. A stupid prank on Valentine's Day is worth, at most, a year of hostility, but a stupid proposal on Valentine's Day? That resentment lasts forever.
Well, let's just say it hasn't been your average winning streak. In fact, if you had watched the games for any extended amount of time you would have to see the box score to believe that the Devils came out on top in every single one of them. It's not often that a team manages to win consecutive games despite playing a losing brand of hockey, but that's exactly what has happened. The Devils have done everything that you're not supposed to do if your goal is winning, yet they've won in the process. Five goals in three games? A whopping ZERO at even strength? The Devils are defying what constitutes "winning hockey" in 2016. If the mark of a good team is an ability to win games in which they play poorly then it would be hard to categorize the Devils as anything less than a good hockey club at the moment. Sure, their goaltending has been overworked (and exceedingly spectacular). Sure, their 5-on-5 offense has been non-existent. Doesn't matter. The New Jersey Devils are the exact opposite of what they have been the better part of the previous two seasons. A team that snatches victory from the jaws of defeat.
We have gotten to the point where I don't even care that Devils haven't played the most aesthetically pleasing style of hockey. Just knowing how frustrated the other fanbase must be as they watch their team continuously pepper Cory Schneider (or Keith Kinkaid) with chances is enough to make up for the lack of goal scoring they have been doing. The scariest thing is that it's not a fluke. The Devils are are now 20-0-4 when they score the first goal of the game. They have lost one game, ONE GAME, in regulation when Cory Schneider has started and the offense given him more than a single goal to work with. This team just knows how to win. They looked good doing it earlier in the year, and now injuries and fatigue have forced them to do it ugly. Either way they have gotten the job done, and they've actually been more consistent doing so against some of the best teams in the league. What some call boring I call gritty, and I can't believe one of the least offensively skilled teams in the league still has an opportunity to grit their way into a playoff spot by riding, of all things, their powerplay.
P.S. Joseph Blandisi has been an absolute godsend with Mike Cammalleri out. I don't know if the Devils could have kept pace without his offense, no matter how good the goaltending and defense have been. It's no secret the Devils are looking for young, fast, creative players. I am just not sure they expected one to come from within the organization this quickly...
Referee Dominic Bedard took a beer can to the nuts a few nights ago after giving Francis Perron a penalty in the QMJHL. Perron’s 29-year-old brother threw a beer at the ref and it hit him square in the nether regions. He was later arrested and could be charged with assault with a weapon.
On the surface, being a referee doesn't seem like that bad of a gig. You get to watch high level athletics from the field of play. You get to make decisions that have an immediate impact on the game. If there was no cons to becoming an official then every sports fan that wasn't good enough to play professionally would grow up wanting to become one. Instead officiating is one of the most thankless careers a person can have, and it's not hard to see why. Every call -right or wrong- is met with a varying amount of scrutiny. Scrutiny that -at it's worst- manifests itself through physical assault. So yeah, it does suck that this guy took a cold one to the nuts, but that's just a rare, unfortunate occupational hazard as far as I am concerned. You enter a field where every single one of your job responsibilities entails pissing off a group of drunk, emotionally invested assholes and you might occasionally get a beer thrown at you. Most of the time the person throwing that beer is going to have the aim of a drunk 50 year old man (because it will usually be a drunk 50 year old man). However, you do run the risk of crossing paths with the 29 year old brother of one of the players that also happens to have a Major League arm and Greg Maddux-like control. Those are the times when you really have to sit back -with an ice pack on your groin- and remember that there is reason that you get paid for what you do.
h/t Uproxx
Uproxx- Last night, Steve Jobs star Kate Winslet was named Best Actress in a Supporting Role at the British Academy Awards. That trophy should look nice next to her two other BAFTAs, four Golden Globes, Grammy, Oscar, Emmy, and MTV Movie Award for Hottest On-Screen Chemistry with an Ocean Liner. Winslet is one of the best actresses out there (minus Movie 43), and she doesn’t “settle” for anything, especially “fat girl parts,” whatever that means.
After the BAFTAs, Winslet told the press: “When I was younger, when I was only 14, I was told by a drama teacher that I might do OK if I was happy to ‘settle for the fat girl parts,'” Winslet told the press. “Look at me now!” As the reporters laughed, [she] continued, “And so what I feel like saying in those moments is that any young woman who has ever been put down by a teacher, or a friend, or even a parent, just don’t listen to any of it, because that’s what I did — I didn’t listen and I kept on going and I overcame all of my fears and I got over a lot of insecurity. Just keep doing it and keep believing in yourself.” (Via) Soooo, are we just not going to discuss the elephant in the room? Are we going to act like Kate Winslet wasn't more than likely a chubby, mediocre actress in her youth? I am happy that she ended up far surpassing her potential, but that doesn't mean we should criticize her high school drama teacher for assigning a cap to that potential. That's what teachers are supposed to do. They are supposed to point our children in the right direction. They should let kids know how good or bad they are at certain things. Sure, the main goal should be to make them better, but at the end of the day they have to grade a child for what they are, not what they could be. You go around telling every young girl they are the next Kate Beckinsale and it breeds a culture of contentment. If anything, Kate Winslet owes her old drama teacher a thank you for providing her with the motivation to improve. She can say that young women shouldn't listen to the critical things their educators tell them, but that would be disingenuous. If Kate Winslet didn't listen to what her teacher had to say she wouldn't still know -word for word- what her teacher said to her 25 years ago. The job of an instructor is to best help their students become successful, and if 14 year old Kate Winslet had gone out for skinny girl parts she likely would have failed. She's lucky she had someone there to tell her that so she could save herself some embarrassment. This isn't the first time that a prosperous person used the harsh critique of an authority figure to better themselves, it's just the first time we have associated weight with acting ability, but is it really a surprise that skinny people cast better in Hollywood? Metro- The 31-year-old, from Aberdeen, met Matthew on the dating website Plenty of Fish and they went for their first date near St Paul’s Cathedral in London in April 2014.
Roche had told him she had ovarian cancer but he thought she had gone into remission, but she then told Matthew she was going to see a consultant. Roche said surgery was needed to remove a growth on her ovaries or have them removed completely, adding that it would be a six-month wait on the NHS but could be done in a couple of days if she went private. Matthew was so concerned and wanted to help her so he lent her £6,800 for the surgery. She only told him the operation was at a hospital in north London and did not take warmly to him visiting her there.’ Following the surgery, Roche asked her boyfriend to pay for private prescriptions and post-operative care and he gave her a further £2,000. Matthew then did not see her for a while and it became clear the relationship was over, so he asked her to repay the money. Mr Walker said: ‘He felt he had been exploited – and, of course, he had. The excuses continued to flow.’ Matthew only found out when Roche’s sister called him and told him he ‘had been had’ and to call the police. Whew. This is exactly what society needed, and by that I don't mean more superficial, gold digging women. Don't get me wrong, this broad is the lowest of the low. It doesn't get more reprehensible than the person that lies about having one of the most devastating illnesses known to man just to be able to afford botox. She stands alone at the top of the list of the worst people in the world. There's no doubt about that. With that said, she provided us with a very necessary reminder that random people on the internet aren't always trustworthy. I feel like there used to be a sense of skepticism involved with online dating. A sense of skepticism that has started to wear off with how mainstream it has become to look for love on the computer. Now, you have girls meeting up for one night stands within minutes of sharing casual banter. Dudes frivolously sending dick pics to women whose last names they don't even know. It's a crazy, crazy world out there, and this story should help bring attention to that. Just because there are now 'Plenty Of Fish' in the sea doesn't mean that there are any less catfish. Just because it's more widely accepted doesn't mean it's any less dangerous. Listen, as a man I should be taking the guy's side here. Especially since his opposition is apparently the daughter of Cruella DeVille. Unfortunately, I just can't do so. The best part about online dating is that you can pick out exactly the type of person that you want. Don't like blondes? Go with brunettes. Don't like tall girls? Search for a short one. Don't want to pay for cancer treatments? Don't select the girl that didn't notify you that she needed them until after you met her in person. Going on a date with someone from the internet is the only time you can justifiably ditch a person for telling you they have cancer. Even if this chick DID have a deadly disease, it's false advertisement that she didn't get that "fun fact" out of the way in the preliminary conversation. There's no expectations involved with online dating. You don't owe the person anything. This guy deserves everything he had coming to him because he believed a woman that he met on a free dating site, and that's the fastest way to find yourself paying fake hospital bills. Carrie Underwood Trolled Her Husband's Teammate, Ryan Johansen, For Getting Caught Kissing His Stick2/15/2016
Carrie Underwood deciding to make fun of her husband's teammate in a tweet is funny....the first time. The 4th time? In the span of two minutes? If you are Mike Fisher that should be a little less funny. Either his wife doesn't understand how Twitter interactions are perceived, or she's got a little bit of crush on the new star in town. Do I think Mike Fisher's marriage is in danger? Probably not. Do I think his wife has thought about taking the newer, younger, faster, more versatile model for a test drive? Let's just say it's certainly not outside the realm of possibility. Why else post the SAME exact video four times in a row? It's not like it was THAT hysterical. In fact, I think I was pretty much done laughing by tweet #2. Carrie's decision to keep going with it could mean that there was a little more at work here than her sense of humor.
It kind of makes sense if we are being honest. Mike Fisher has always been more of a role player, and now he's an aging role player whose career is on it's downside. Meanwhile Carrie Underwood is still one of the biggest stars in country music and could easily pass for someone in their early 20's. You can't really blame her for taking a nice long look at the 23 year old stud that just got traded to her home city. It's human nature. Ryan Johansen and Mike Fisher have been teammates for all of like one month now. That may have been enough time for them to become close, but not enough time to become "wife sending you the same content with 4 different captions" close. This is likely just some good old fashioned ball busting, but if I am Mike Fisher I am not letting Carrie leave my side during the Nashville Predators Christmas Party. If -and only if- she were to slip up and make a mistake you can bet your bottom dollar that it would be while she was on top of Ryan Johansen. Social media doesn't lie, and Carrie Underwood's feed reads like that of a lovestruck teenager. The boys had a little bit of fun with their response, but it's probably not a coincidence that it was Ryan Johansen that first made mention of Mike Fisher...
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