As If The 49er's Offseason Wasn't Eventful Enough, Their QB Is Now Dating Their Linebacker's Ex-Girlfriend
BSO- Hot 97 host Nessa had been dating 49ers Aldon Smith as recently as April, but has spoken lately during her radio show that she was dating a new guy and was going to see over the weekend (also said she was nervous about it so she didn’t go #2 while with him, which was TMI).
The new guy?
Smith’s teammate Colin Kaepernick. How do we know this, well you can thank some fans of Kaepernick and Chipotle. While taking a pic with Kap, they gave the photo credit to Nessa confirming they were all together. A little more background checking confirmed they are indeed seeing each other, but nothing too serious at the moment.
I am going to assume Smith is cool with it.
Hey, I know it takes a supreme amount of confidence to play quarterback in the National Football League. You really have to believe in yourself to make split second decisions nearly every snap to avoid getting your skull crushed by superhuman athletes. However, If Colin Kaepernick has enough confidence to be the next man up inside Nessa after his teammate Aldon Smith than he is more of a man than I would have ever given him credit for. Racial stereotypes aside, well not really at all actually, but Aldon Smith has to have a two foot dick. He could probably kick his feet up and use that thing as pogo stick. Aldon Smith literally does not give a fuck. He's been on the verge of getting bounced from the league like 100 times already. You really have to be carrying around a hammer head in your drawers to continue to act so recklessly despite a multi-million dollar contract. I'm not sure if penis size indirectly correlates to intelligence, but I would imagine the blood flow that it takes to fill up Aldon Smith's third leg could leave him a little bit compromised in terms of decision making.
Okay fine, this blog went a little bit off the rails, but here's the bottom line. It's hard enough to sleep with a person when you interact with someone that they used to sleep with. It's even worse when you start using the term 'dating' (though I use that loosely considering their profession). It's downright impossible when Colin Kapernick has to look the reason his girlfriend is so loose literally directly in the eye on a weekly basis. That's a level of security that not even Riker's Island has attained. Either that or it's downright naivety. In the atmosphere of a professional locker room I find it hard to believe that two of the biggest stars on the team dating the same girl mere months apart goes over without an endless myriad of jokes. Better turn up those 'Beats By Dre' Colin, because you are about to be on the ass end of more inappropriate jabs then your girlfriend's baby maker. Someone get Kaep a personal shower in the facility before he brings a plugged in toaster into the team showers. I don't know how this is going to play out, but I gotta tell ya, I am pretty psyched to find out.
I’d like a follow up report on your investigative sports journalism piece on Kaep, Ness, Nessa’s turds, Aldon Smith, and Aldon Smith’s python please.
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