You know, when I first saw that Bode Miller - of 60 Minutes, "if you ever tried to ski when you're wasted, it's not easy!" fame - was trying to soften the blow of something he said on a broadcast, I thought I was going to be treated to at least a mild controversy. I'm honestly a little disappointed, because the only thing questionable about that unorthodox analysis was who it could have possibly offended. I know for a fact that it's not married people, because those with a ring on their finger are always the first to bitch about the trials and tribulations that are attached to it. Never mind putting in the amount of work necessary to compete in a solo high speed sport against the best of the best from around the entire globe, do you know what else becomes more difficult when every aspect of your life becomes entangled with that of another? Literally everything. Considering that relationship weight is a very real thing, I would say the hurdle that is making the most of your gym membership becomes higher upon the consummation of a legal partnership, so what - are we to pretend that reaching the peak of your athletic potential as an all-world athlete is any different? It's common knowledge that taking shit in your own bathroom requires more of a thought process when you're sharing it with someone else, but we're going to act like there's nothing about a recently shared residency that could stand in the way of someone making the most of themselves as an Olympian? I certainly wouldn't say it's her husband's fault that she underperformed as anything other than a joke - just like Bode Miller did - but I'd argue the institution of marriage as a whole probably made that clock tick as fast as the biological one she was trying to beat. The term "ball and chain" is typically used tongue-in-cheek, but every sarcastic figure of speech contains at least a little bit of truth and I would imagine even the most lightweight of shackle is enough to slightly slow down your slalom. Equating her recently altered marital status to her performance on the slopes might be socially frowned upon, but so is voicing your frustration with your significant other outside of your marriage and people do that all the goddamn time. Saying that a wedding - one that took extensive planning, mind you - didn't negatively affect Anna Veith's skiing is just as disingenuous as me arguing that the selfish and self-involved life of a single male is super stressful. The Hallmark holiday that was underway when he said this is proof positive that the only thing that's more high maintenance than tinkering with a top-end skill so as to take fractions of a second off the time it takes you to maneuver down the steepest of icy declines is eternal love. Hell, even the drunk dude on the mountain knows that.
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