I know you're dying to ask it, so I am just going to come out and answer the most important question from the jump. Yes, I do - indeed - hate myself for the headline. I usually swear off of forced pun-ditry, but the idea of the most volatile figure in the NBA Boogieing his way on down to 'The Big Easy' has me so giddy that it's left me vulnerable to finding corny, parental pandering oddly appropriate. DeMarcus Cousins and the city of New Orleans are a match made in heaven. That is - of course - assuming that heaven is just packed to the gills with every vice imaginable, is a safe haven for danger, and has more nude women per capita than the entire continent of Europe like we all dream that it does.
Certainly the on-court unification of likely the two most dominant, versatile big men in the league is what excites me most about a trade that bears a striking resemblance to an organizational highjacking. The instantaneous arrival of the New Orleans Pelicans - of all teams - as a contender with multiple larger-than-life superstars that have promptly provided intrigue should elicit a business-like basketball boner from even the most casual of fans. That said, the fact that DeMarcus Cousins is still in a compromised environment that lends itself to chicanery of the highest - and I do mean "highest" - order is nipping at it's heels as a close second. Whatever frustrations will be evaporated by playing for a semi-competent franchise that's at least masquerading as a team who is actively trying to win will be replaced by the trials and tribulations that come with doing so as a loose cannon in a city known for sparking fuses. Boogie is blessed to be out of Sacramento, but - considering he now calls the devil's playground home - the only way I see his temperament changing is by gaining relevance.
I value the extracurricular entertainment that comes with watching sports, and that's why this move was the best case scenario for everyone except a particular team of publicists. I think I can safely say we all want to see someone as endlessly talented as DeMarcus Cousins finally play meaningful basketball, but I didn't want that to result from seeing him shipped off to a Belichick-esque locker room that was going to muzzle his personality. The Pelicans just went from a laughing stock to no-laughing-matter, but New Orleans can still French Quarterize the most stellar of reputations and make the most strong willed of men Fleur-de-leave their right mind. DeMarcus Cousins is undoubtedly the last person to throw another layer over the emotions on his sleeve, and - with Mardi Gras on the horizon - winter is fucking coming. In the most extreme of cases this could result in an NBA Championship or a goddamn prison sentence. The possibilities are as endless as my optimism that this unlocks Boogie's limitless potential or cracks the code on his own personal Pandora's box. Either way, must watch television is in our immediate future.