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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

"Breaking News" From The Star Ledger: 4 Of The 5 Rutgers Players Arrested Were Criminal Justice Majors

9/3/2015

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NJ.com- Check out the bios from Rutgers' websites for Ruhan Peele, Razohnn Gross, Delon Stephenson and Barnwell in the gallery above, and see if you spot something in common. We'll give you a second.

Now you see it?

Yes, that's right: All four of them major in "criminal justice" (defensive back Dre Boggs, who was also arrested, doesn't list a major) which leads to some further irony. Here's an excerpt from the university's School of Criminal Justice page on the major (with our added bold type for emphasis):

"Students pursuing undergraduate degrees at Rutgers University can benefit from the expertise and opportunities for hands-on research and learning afforded to them through the Rutgers School of Criminal Justice. Students are prepared for further study in graduate or professional schools, or for careers in criminal justice.

"Courses in the program deal with crime and other forms of deviance and the responses to these problems by police, courts, corrections and other organizations; contemporary criminal justice issues; and ethical concerns and research."

There's likely no extra credit for getting arrested.




There's a lot of negative things that you can write about Rutgers, and their football team in particular, today. You can be critical, hell, you SHOULD be critical about the state of the program. That's why the worst part of my day was learning that 5 Rutgers football players had been arrested, but realizing that everything that NJ.com would have to say today would likely hold merit was a close second. Well, it appears that I gave them far too much credit. Even in the wake of a devastating investigation of nearly half a dozen football players, that turned their Criminal Justice textbooks into a 'To Do' list, The Star Ledger can't refrain from contributing to their never ending smear campaign. So many different angles to take on an extremely serious story, and we have "writers" pointing out that kids, who were clearly unintelligible, decided to enroll in a joke of a major.

Hey dude, I'm the blogger. I extrapolate on the minute details of stories. I take fairly serious news and put a humorous spin on it. I use semi-coherent analogies and probe for hidden irony in hope of making my readers laugh. You write editorials for, what is SUPPOSED to be, the well respected online affiliate of a local newspaper. You produce a bunch of bland stories compromised of factual information. You publish them on a convenient platform so your 50 year old readers don't have to open up the paper while they finish their morning coffee at the office. See the difference? You tell me what the criminals did, and then I tell you why that's funny. That's how this works. Trust me, stay in your own lane or you might get run off the road, because this article fell about a Hail Mary short of getting the chuckle it so desperately desired. 

Why aren't you laughing guys? Get it? It's irony...because they committed a bunch of crimes, but they were also taking classes about crime. What's next Charles? Got anything else? Did Ray Rice fail 'Interpersonal Communication'? Was Kenny Britt studying to become a therapist? There were approximately 45 different angles you could have taken on this topic and you went the route of a lowly old blogger like myself. Not only that, but you did so in completely underwhelming fashion. Tell me Charles, how far down the food chain do you have to be, at a dying media outlet, to be regulated to writing bout the irony that exists within the class schedules of a couple of delinquents? Between us, did it make you want to kill yourself just a little bit when you were looking up the word-for-word description of 'Criminal Justice'? Did you question your self worth when you picked a small phrase to highlight in hopes of mocking your State University? Was that the exact moment that you realized your dream of becoming a real journalist had been shattered into more pieces than the victim's jaw? Hey, don't get offended. I'm just trying to help. I think you got some real potential...as long as you stay as far away as possible from any and all things related to the genre of humor, you fucking hack. 
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