::Looks in the mirror::
::Splashes water on face::
::Gives himself a two handed slap to the cheeks::
"Alright (insert generic middle aged white man name here), today is your day. They won't be questioning your journalistic integrity anymore. Not with this insanely authentic, not at all irrelevant comparison. No sir. Time to make all those internet commentators that say you're just a regurgitating mouthpiece for modern media taste their foot. They'll never see a Lou Gehrig reference coming. Two productive careers cut short by anatomical failures, how could I not make the connection? It can't possibly come across as disingenuous that the latter was the result of a terminal disease that slowly deteriorates the body to the point in which the person suffering can't move, talk, or breathe on his/her own. People have hardly even heard of ALS anyway so I'm sure an indirect mention of it won't startle people like a ice cold bucket of water across the face. Plus, Prince Fielder - who is still try to come to the realization that his playing days are over while sitting at the podium in a neck brace - will undoubtedly have a creative, appropriate response to such an original question sitting on the tip of his tongue. Time to make a name for yourself Barry (let's call him Barry). Even if it downplays the severity of a career ending neck injury by measuring it against the significance of a life strangling illness."
In a way, this is our fault. We say that sports reporters are increasingly snooze worthy like they are clever and witty enough to be provocative without being inappropriate. Be careful what you wish for sports fans, because if it's not "how does Yale out-rebound Baylor?" then apparently it's "have you thought about the similarities between your forced retirement and that of the guy that died 40 years before you were born from a now infamous disease?".