Cam Newton's Son Is One Month Old And Walking, And Only Now Are You Allowed To Hate Cam Newton

I think every true sports fan has, at one point or another, dreamed about having a son that's so athletically gifted that they end up playing a sport professionally. Almost every guy has made the outrageous proclamation that their child is going to have a basketball, or a football, or a hockey stick in their hands from the first day they are born. It's people like Cam Newton -and his one month old son that is just casually strutting around the house- that really make you realize the relative impossibility of that dream. It's the guy that named his son 'Chosen', because he felt so confident in his kid's ability to become a superhuman athlete, that really tempers your expectations of your own son before he's even conceived. No more than 30 days in and Cam's blind faith in his own genes is already paying off.

Now obviously, like most parents, he is exaggerating his kid's accomplishments. Something tells me little Chosen is closer to taking two steps and promptly bruising his ass than jumping up and snagging the cookies from the top shelf, but the point remains that he's extremely advanced for his age. Shit, at his current maturation rate this little fucker is going to be able to dunk on me before his parents start giving his age in years. If I was the father of a 12 year old boy, Cam Newton's son would still get accepted to college before mine. He is going to be able to throw a 20 yard deep out before he's even mastered his times tables. I bet you dollars to donuts he is already a smoother dancer than me this very second. That little brat can't even wipe his own ass or speak actual English words and he could probably already take me in the 40. Professional athletes are out here having super babies, and the rest of us are just forced to look at our children like the probable athletic disappointments that they are. Fucking genetics are a son of a bitch.