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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Can't Keep A Stupid Man Down, Ryan Lochte Has Already Gotten Himself A New Sponsorship

8/25/2016

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TMZ- Ryan Lochte's endorsement comeback is underway ... he just signed a brand new deal with a throat drop company ... TMZ Sports has learned. 

Lochte will team up with the Pine Brothers throat lozenge company, a rep confirms -- to be the face of a campaign that promotes the drops as "Forgiving On Your Throat."

Lochte will appear in print ads and a commercial. 

Pine Bros. CEO Rider McDowell says, "We all make mistakes, but they're rarely given front-page scrutiny. He’s a great guy who has done incredible work with charities. I’m confident that Pine Bros. fans will support our decision to give Ryan a second chance."




​Suck it Speedo! Who needs swimwear anyway? Summer is damn near over and the next time anyone you'd want to see in bathing briefs will be in bathing briefs is a cool 4 years away. Talk about a good time for a Olympic swimmer to fabricate a felony and weasel his way out of that million dollar association. So Ryan Lochte lost a sponsorship from the most prominent brand in his sport, big fucking deal. It's not like there is going to be any shortage of companies knocking at his door for representation. It might seem like he's starting back at square one with a second rate throat 
lozenge company (Luden's = GOAT), but it won't be long before he's cornered the "things that can be shoved in a person's mouth to stop them from speaking" market.

The mutually beneficial possibilities are endless! Peanut butter? Salt water taffy? Freshly balled up pairs of socks? Duct tape? Elmer's glue? Literally anything that can temporarily put a halt to him voicing his lack of intelligence is a perfect advertisement-op for Ryan Lochte. An athletic, good looking celebrity that has a pension for saying unfathomably dumb shit without the self awareness to realize his level of incoherence? Can you imagine the wealth of hilarious commercial opportunities at his disposal? Honey suckers that work as nothing more than a placebo for a sore throat are just the beginning. Surely there are more profitable products that can hinder someone from opening their mouth and removing all doubt as it pertains to their stupidity that are in need of a spokesperson. Personally, I can't think of a person more qualified to fill that role than someone that doesn't even need basic acting classes to appear genuinely oblivious to the world around him.
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