NYDN- Former NFL running back Cedric Benson was charged with driving while intoxicated on Saturday, and he had quite an excuse when the cop who pulled him over tried to make him do a field sobriety test.
Benson said “he couldn’t do that because he played 8 years in the NFL,” according to the Austin American-Statesman.
The police report also states that a “glassy”-eyed Benson, whose speech was “mumbled,” claimed football was the reason he couldn’t count to a number higher than three.
The former Bengals, Bears and Packers running back was pulled over in his BMW by an Austin, Texas police officer for driving 42 mph in a 30-mph zone.
After stopping his car in a 7-Eleven parking lot, an “uncooperative” Benson ignored the officer’s orders to remain inside his BMW and instead tried to walk into the convenience store.
I'm not even kidding when I say that I think the most shocking part of this story is that Cedric Benson actually did play 8 seasons in the NFL. I'm not usually one for research but when I first read that quote I had to go back and double check, because I would have found it equally as believable if he had told the cops that he played 8 minutes in the NFL. Either the former Bears' flameout had the an 8 year career that made the XFL seem memorable by comparison, or I must not have the brain power to pass a hypothetical field sobriety test either. Either way, the fact that he topped 1,000 yards for three straight seasons has me questioning whether or not I should undergo the concussion protocol.
More importantly, I don't appreciate Cedric Benson trying to take advantage of my two day old philosophy that potentially subjecting yourself to CTE by playing professional football gives you an easy out for suspiciously rare criminal activity. Drinking and driving is simply not a crazy enough transgression to duplicitously blame non-existent brain trauma when you can't count higher than one hand's worth of fingers. Shit, I bet even Stanley Wilson could have told you what number came after 3 when he was standing in a stranger's lawn with his hands cuffed behind his back and his dick flapping in the wind as he bleed out from a gunshot wound.
I'm not even mad at Cedric Benson. I'm just....disappointed. If you want to use the existence of a debilitating disease to get you out of trouble then at least commit to it and get yourself into a type of trouble that has arresting officers wondering if you know what planet you're on. Pulling over and trying to grab a quick taquito was a lazy, shameless attempt at acting like his neurological processes were comprised by anything other than an excessive amount of alcohol.