Chandler Parsons Wants Healthy Knees For Christmas, And I Hope He Gets All The Coal

@ChandlerParsons what do you want for christmas

— Devin (@devincbaby) December 2, 2016

Healthy knees https://t.co/Otv2Yuf8XM

— Chandler Parsons (@ChandlerParsons) December 2, 2016

Well, well, well, would you take a look at this? Chandler Parsons just shitting all over the Christmas spirit by requesting the anatomical equivalent of a pet unicorn. If all of us poor schlubs had to put something we had absolute no chance of receiving on our wish list it would be his contract, and he's sitting in a pool of unearned money hoping for the long term health of his lower body? Despicable, just despicable. Not only is he a grown man engaging in the childish act of asking for completely unreasonable presents, but he's grown man asking for healthy knees after his unhealthy knees helped him achieve a lifetime of financial security. It's a good thing that patellas don't feel emotions, or Chandler Parsons' would feel like the most underappreciated bones in NBA history.

Only December 2nd and he's already forgetten all those things he was thankful for, huh? I hope Santa steals all his knee braces and leaves a bag of coal and a ransom note asking for season tickets in return. That's all he deserves for greedily crossing his fingers that he'll rip the wrapping paper off to reveal an ability to consistently stay on the court to earn at least some of his comically massive paycheck. Plus, that should teach him to ask for something that's both useful and realistic - like a lifetime supply of ice - during future holiday seasons.