Charles Barkley Says He Won't Eat Until The Lakers Win A Game, And We All Need To Start Praying For Chuck

You know how bad the Lakers are? The Lakers are so bad at basketball that even with the presence of a top 10 NBA player of all time they are still unwatchable. Remember when LeBron bolted for Miami because there weren't any pieces around him? This Lakers team makes that team look like the Dream Team. Kobe is a 5 time champion and has more money than God, and i genuinely feel bad for the amount of losing he is about to do. 

This makes Sir Charles the biggest Lakers fan in the world for the time being, right? I would root for anyone if I got hungry enough. Starve me for 12 hours and I would start rooting for ISIS to come a knockin'. Chuck is about to set out on a conquest with no end in sight. He might look like Steph Curry by the time the Lakers win a game. Chuck might not last without food, 'The Round Mound of Rebound' needs his nourishment. He might die from starvation, or go into a cardiac arrest after eating his first post-starvation meal. If my first meal is dinner, you can bet your ass I'm packing in breakfast and lunch with it. Never miss a meal. Just postpone it until the next time you eat. Can only imagine thats something that me and Chuck have in common.

All I know is that we need Charles off television immediately. I can't have a non-happy-go-lucky Barkley. He strikes me as the most irritable man on the planet while on a liquid diet. That's a level of hangry these eyes have never witnessed. He'll go from the 'Jolly Green Giant' to the 'Hulk' by day two. Plus, I don't want to see him wither away before our very eyes. I know losing weight is the new fad recently, but Charles Barkley is where I draw the line. 

P.S. "I'm gonna drink water….and vodka." Absolute genius. Best way to get through something you don't want to do is be hammered drunk for it. Plus, if freshman year was any indication, you don't need much vodka on an empty stomach.