If You Don't Like Corey Perry Then You Don't Love Yourself

With the role of the agitator quickly diminishing in the NHL, you really have to love what Corey Perry brings to the game. Let me rephrase that. If you are an asshole like myself, and you have no rooting interest for the Blackhawks or against Ducks then you really have to love what Corey Perry brings to the game. I swear if I squint really hard I feel like I am just watching a supremely talented version of myself. If a joke started with "Robbie Fulton and Corey Perry walk into a bar" people wouldn't even wait around long enough to hear the punchline. Hey, didn't your parents always tell you to make sure you have fun. That was like the only priority the first time I stepped on the ice. Perry is sticking to the fundamental principles that were ingrained in him as a child. Sure, I don't think his youth coaches meant to have fun at the expense of others, but as you get older your sense of humor gets more complex. Sometimes it takes someone else's misery to bring you joy. Sometimes you just got to look out for old number one.

Hey, if you are going to be a pest than you might as well be a former Hart Trophy winning pest. You might as well singlehandedly dominate the NHL playoffs. It's easy to ignore the instigator if the instigator has very little impact on the game. Not so much when he's physically exhausting you during the play, and mentally exhausting you after. You know at some point on the Blackhawks bench the conversation was "I fucking HATE Corey Perry", and at that point Corey Perry won. Now does that have a lasting impact on the game? Probably not, but his league leading 16 playoff points do. With the margin of error during playoff hockey being so minuscule and every play being so critical to the outcome, taking up even the smallest amount of room under someone's skin or in someone's head can have a negative impact on your opposition. There was a second where all Marian Hossa could think about was strangling Corey Perry to death, and that's one second where he is not worried about winning a hockey game. Plus, it's always fun to inconvenience others for your own amusement. If you can't watch that video and crack a smile then you probably have spent too much time hanging out with me.