Cyclist In Idaho Responsible For a 73 Acre Fire After He Relieved Himself In A Ravine And Burned His Toilet Paper

NBC- Authorities say a cyclist will be fined and could have to pay the full cost of extinguishing a 73-acre fire he inadvertently set in the foothills of Boise, Idaho, when he tried to burn his toilet paper after, well, relieving himself in a ravine Wednesday.

The cyclist, who wasn't identified, thought he was doing the right thing by disposing of the soiled paper so he wouldn't be littering, the Boise Fire Dispatch Center said Thursday. But an ember flew into some dry grass and quickly spread out of control. 

"I guess when you gotta go, you gotta go," Carrie Bilbao, a spokeswoman for the federal Bureau of Land Management, told NBC station KTVB of Boise. 

But "in these fuel types, it's not a good idea," she said. 

The fire center said human waste should be buried or removed from fire-prone areas. Or, as the fire dispatch center put it, "pack it in, pack it out."


Sigggh, we have all been there. Well, maybe we haven't all literally and metaphorically defecated all over everything 'Smokey The Bear' stood for, but we have all thought we were being creative only to have it handsomely backfire. Who hasn't had to say "in retrospect, that was very stupid" at least a couple of times throughout their life. You just know this guy shit in a ravine and thought he was a goddamn genius for lighting his toilet paper on fire after the fact. Probably thought he should be applauded for not littering. Would have never imagined that it would result in him paying 73 acres worth of damages. 

I have a strict rule when it comes to being inventive with fire. DON'T. Just last week, I tried to light a candle (insert gay joke here), and the wax was too far down for the lighter to reach the wick. Why not shape a paper towel into a point, light it on fire, and use that to light the candle? I'll tell you why not, because I almost turned myself into 'The Human Torch' which in turn resulted in a burning mass of toilet paper in the middle of my kitchen floor. Luckily my apartment isn't filled with dry, highly flammable brush or I might be paying out the ass for a decision I thought was good at the time as well. The last person that thought fire and poop was a great combo was a fictional movie character that was a raging alcoholic, a borderline retard, ate paste, stole his shirts from 'Frank', and had to go through the entire school system twice. Let's let that be a lesson to all of us. Stick to using fire for only it's intended purposes. If this cyclist from Idaho has taught us anything it's that you are just as likely to end up looking like an idiot as you are an innovator. Let the heat dropped in the safety of a ravine in Boise be left in a pile to steam and simmer in the sun, instead of spreading it's aftermath as far as the eye can see. If you have to choose between two crimes, deciding to litter is always the safer bet.