Darren Sharper's Probation May Be The MOst Emasculating Punishment In History

New Orleans Advocate- During his first three to five years of freedom, California officials will track him by GPS.

He’ll undergo sex offender treatment for years.

He can’t drink alcohol for the rest of his life or go to bars or liquor stores. He can’t visit sex shops or chat on the Internet to get a date.

If he wants to spend the night away from home or travel more than 50 miles, state officials must approve it.

Sharper will be subject to lie detector tests and, while on lifetime probation in Arizona, to the “penile plethysmograph,” in which a sensor is attached to the penis while an array of sexual images flashes before his eyes, to gauge arousal.

So what’s worse, A decade in prison or a life time of probation that forbids you from traveling, drinking, or getting an erection? Talk about cutting a man off at the knees. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve every ounce of his punishment, but I think I would rather just stay in prison. A man that can’t hop on a flight, guzzle a beer, or pitch a tent isn’t a man at all, never mind a free man. Why don’t they just cut off his manhood and give him estrogen pills? There might not be bars around him, but that doesn’t make him less of a prisoner. That illusion of freedom can only last for so long. Got to imagine his social standing would have him living a pretty high quality life in prison terms. Would you rather have the best day to day life among all your peers, or face the metaphorical shackles of society?

I can see it now. Darren Sharper sitting in a room. Beads of sweat dripping from his forehead. His knees clanking together. A random ‘doctor’ holding up pictures of flowers, or birds, or babies. You know the best way for a man to get an erection in a non sexual situation? Tell him not to get an erection. Hell, with the state of pornography these days I am not even sure what constitutes a non-sexual situation anymore. What’s the punishment if Sharper fails? He stands the same odds of passing as Vince Young taking the Wonderlic. You got a better chance of Derrick Rose passing a physical. The only thing being passed in that room is judgement. Shame boners on shame boners. Nervous energy manifesting itself in the form of inches upon inches of embarrassment. The only person that upset to be sporting wood is the guy that got a stiffy during ‘Public Speaking’. 

Penile plethysmograph is a pretty elaborate way to judge someone’s arousal, no? Couldn’t you just tie his hands behind his back, throw a notebook on his lap, and see if it moves during the process? I could be wrong, but you don’t need a some fancy, million dollar machine to judge whether or not there’s a bulge in a man’s pants. Although, I guess it makes taping it to his leg obsolete. Can’t believe people are calling this a sweetheart deal. I’d be pretty sour on a life free of vacations, sex, and alcohol. Take about karma. Darren Sharper just got raped of every one of his God given rights as a man, and he deserves every last second of his miserable existence.

Live look at Darren Sharper...