DeAngelo Williams Had A 'Walking Dead' Themed Wedding, And I'm So Glad I Wasn't Invited

You'll enjoy this even if you're not a fan of @TheWalkingDead (and hey maybe they'll have me on the show now)...https://t.co/kMafweVH1q

— DeAngelo Williams (@DeAngeloRB) July 30, 2016

I'll be the last person to stand up and say that we - as a society - need to hold up the traditional sanctity of weddings. Trust me when I tell you that one of the best things about 2016 is that people no longer feel restricted by social norms, and one of the ways that manifests itself is through liberally run marriage ceremonies. A former fundamental staple of the process of matrimony - which is the necessity of stepping foot in a church - has largely been removed. The damn near fascist itinerary has increasingly become a thing of the past, and I think we can all agree that the more a wedding resembles a free flowing party the better.

That's why I should be a fan of DeAngelo Williams doing things his way. I should applaud him for fist fucking conventional nuptials by recreating his favorite television show on his way to the alter. Unfortunately, in my heart of hearts, I just can't do it. Not because I don't value a person's right to do what they want on their special day, but because I place the highest of values on personal convenience. It seemed like everyone played along and had fun with it, but how pissed do you think the members of the wedding party were when they found out they were going to have to undergo hours worth of makeup just to look like the undead? Probably reconsidered the entire friendship 10x over while sitting in a chair having play dough and fake blood caked all over their face. DeAngelo better hope he put that NFL contract to good use because I can't see this request going over too smoothly...

"Hey guys and gals, do you mind paying for your own matching dresses and suits even though they are instantly going to become unwearable when we intentionally throw red food coloring all over them for dramatic effect?"

I appreciate the fact that DeAngelo Williams wedding wasn't a stuffy, uptight, regimented religious experience, but the fact that he turned it into an insufferably high maintenance Halloween might just be worse. I get that you should take a "it's not my day" approach to weddings, but being forced to act like it's the day of the the dead feels like it pushes the limits of friendship. People agree to attend weddings so that they can eat, drink, and be merry in a timely manner and that's much easier to do while not looking like your face got into a fight with a lawnmower.