Defensive End From Nebraska Takes Selfie With A Raccoon, Gets Bitten, And Then 'Subdues' It With A Wrench
BleacherReport- It was a raccoon selfie gone completely wrong."
Let these words from Jack Gangwish set the table for one of the weirder stories you'll hear today.
Gangwish, a defensive end at Nebraska, says he ended up killing a raccoon after being bitten by the animal while trying to take a selfie.
I'm not sure what I hope the outcome of this is. I kind of hope he gets rabies and gets locked up for being a self indulgent dick that murdered an animal. Not because I am a big raccoon guy. Hell, I might kill a raccoon on way home if it picks the wrong time to step foot in the road. But I am certainly not going to stop and try to take a selfie with one that is just minding his own damn business roadside. What's the selfie game like in Nebraska? Are they behind the times? Right this second there is a person risking their life to pose on top of a bridge or a monument for a once in a lifetime shot. Unless that raccoon has a top hat and is dancing around like the WB frog the risk isn't worth the reward.
I never thought I would be fighting for raccoon rights, but I am definitely fighting for raccoon rights (insert unfunny racist pun here). If you lay down next to a raccoon in the street you deserve to get bitten. There was only two ways that situation went. Either he ran away and you didn't get the picture, or he bites you in the neck and you get rabies. Doesn't give you the right to mash it's brains in with a wrench. When you get too drunk and sleep with a loose woman do you hit her with with a wrench and drag her down to the doctor's office? No. You immediately become super religious, say a prayer, then go get tested yourself. Then you spend the next week sweating out the results. It's not the the animals fault it has rabies. Nor does it need to be tested. Every raccoon has rabies, that's just science. Killing it isn't going to get rid of your rabies. According to every herpes commercial ever you can live a pretty peaceful life with a non-curable, transferrable disease. As long as you don't have a giant behemoth of a man laying next to you and provoking you.
I don't think Jack Gangwish and I are working with the same definition of 'subdued'. I usually think of subdued as to control someone with as little violence as possible. I think he borrowed his definition from Ray Rice and the officer in the Eric Garner case.
P.S. This is definitely another hit to Nebraska recruiting. First they fire their head coach and all the players revolt via social media. Now potential recruits realize that Nebraska football players spend their thursday nights taking pointless pictures with predatory animals instead of hot dumb blondes. Pretty scathing review for Nebraska nightlife.
Rather kick it with the raccoons...
12/17/2014 07:41:39 am
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