Devils' Pavel Zacha Got Matching Tattoos With His Teenage Girlfriend Because They Are, Like, Soooo Soulmates
Okay, so here is the part where I really want to do anything I possibly can to defend Pavel Zacha's decision. Mostly because he is pretty much the immediate future of the franchise, and one of the lone bright spots at forward in an extremely shallow prospect pool, but also because he's a goddamn dreamboat.
However, this? This is a little over the top. Man, oh man, I wish Pavel decided to spend a little time in the states traveling around to city after city filled with cock hungry puck bunnies before he inked his loyalty on his chest. Luckily, with that hair, there won't be a single chick that is questioning his body art when he is standing in front of them shirtless. Whatever, at least it's small enough to get covered up. Who hasn't done some extremely stupid shit for someone they thought they would spend the rest of their life with when they were a teenager? Pretty funny how quickly you grow out of that, huh? In high school you're falling head over heels for anyone that will let you penetrate them, and in your 20's you're trying to figure out how to make sure that sex doesn't make it a 'thing'. The better person in me almost wished his smoking hot girlfriend the best of luck, until I realized the last thing I want my potential franchise player doing is dating a teenage girl. Not only do I want my first line center to live up to all that he is capable of, both on the ice and in the bedroom, but teenage women are the FUCKING WORST. I think back to some of the irrational, illogical arguments I had and I legitimately start to develop, what I can only imagine is, the beginning stages of PTSD. And I'm just an average guy that was dating an average, soul sucking girl. How can Zacha be expected to perform to the best of his abilities with a mental terrorist constantly poisoning his brain. I need him slanging dick from sea to shining sea during his off days, not feverishly texting himself into a wrist injury. The only reason he should have a sore thumb is if butt stuff took a turn for the worse, not because he is trying to rub away a girlfriend-induced migraine.
Pavel Zacha may be talented beyond his years, but he's certainly not wise beyond them. This dude has a better chance of scoring 75 goals and becoming a Presidential candidate next year than he does of remaining monogamous in this country. If his skating and shot strength are any indication he's got a strong enough back to take down triplets and I'm not talking about the ones that reside in Tampa Bay. I don't care how sexy his significant other may be. When you are destined to be an NHL superstar then one girl, no matter how hot, is considered underachieving. I want Pavel Zacha's little black book to look like the judge's table after a Vince Carter dunk contest. 10's on 10's on 10's. More dimes than a Jewish woman's change purse. All the satisfaction, none of the headaches. He's going to need a clear head to resurrect this franchise from the dead. Can't achieve that when his relationship is destined to be a live mine field.
P.S. Veteran move to simply get the date in roman numerals. A date could stand for anything. Right now it just happens to stand for the death of his freedom.
P.P.S. I'll miss you Lou, but this new age of Devils players on social media is about to flip Unsportsmanlike-Conduct.com (inception plug) on it's fucking skull.