Dirk Nowitzki Says Dinners Are On Chandler Parsons This Year Because It's Basically His Money Anyway

Dirk on Parsons: "I told him every dinner on the road this year is on him, because it's my money anyway."

— RocketsSocial.com (@Rockets_Social) October 28, 2014

First of all, it basically is his money. Dirk Notwitzki's contract is highway robbery. He is a certified saint for cutting his contract in half and letting the Mavericks sign Parsons for essentially double the money Dirk is making.

This witty little remark from Dirk just shows how acclimated he is to the NBA. It is widely accepted that other than having a stronger athletic prowess, black people are also the much funnier as a race. Say what you want, but that's just a fact. Also, if you hang around someone long enough you start to take on their characteristics. That explains why I went from wearing Old Navy sweater vests in middle school, to sweatsuits and fitteds in high school. It's why I went from parted hair to a buzz cut. You adapt to your surroundings. I think this means that Dirk is, at the very least, an honorary member of the black community. 

When I first read this story I was searching for the right angle on it, and it fell right into my lap. I was going to say that of course dinners should be on Chandler Parsons. Not only that, but when it came to anything involving booze or women, Chandler should also flip the bill. That compelled me to Google whether for not Mr. Nowitzki had a wife for none other than blog authenticity. Then my world changed….

Yup, that's right. Not only is Dirk married, but he is married to a black chick. Want to take a stab at where the wedding was? Yup, that's right. Africa. If Dirk doesn't get a black card then no one gets a black card. You know how many seven foot tall German dudes end up marrying black women in Africa? I don't have the exact numbers on it, but the google search returned 'Muhammad Ali' as an answer. That question even confused the internet.

Think Dirk's wittiness and choice in women have anything to do with him spending his days around predominantly black basketball players? Watch the following GIF's and tell me he hasn't been influenced by the NBA lifestyle. He has far more swag than any pasty white basketball player ever should. That's not natural. That is obtained swag. Where's Russell Wilson at? Take notes bro...

1. 2. 3. 4. Get your booty on the floor, have you ever seen a German get dooooowwwwwn…...