DK Metcalf Is An Absolute Horse, But Have You Ever Seen a Horse Try to Stop on a Dime?
I understand that everyone's first instinct is to mock DK Metcalf for needing to look as though the overwhelming urgency to urinate had taken over the lower half of his body in order to do something as simple as stop. After all, it is quite humorous that he basically re-defined inefficiency by taking a baker's dozen steps en route to...well...next to nowhere.
That being said, there is something all-too-relatable about being so incredibly good at one thing at the expense of looking downright disastrous at another that I can't help but appreciate. Like, as fun as it is to join in on a nice long laugh at the fatal flaws of otherwise freakish athletes, literally the only thing that makes DK Metcalf a mildly comprehendible specimen is that his (in)ability to stop is less aesthetically pleasing than that of Luis Mendoza...
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for beating that same punchline to death over the course of his career, but it's worth noting that maybe there's a reason that he's the first NFL wide receiver that looks like a Greek god who could dominate a 'World's Strongest Man' competition on his off day...
Perhaps the laws of physics require that those with the build of a centaur that are able to gallop like the most thorough-of-bred have the same lack of lateral quickness that is responsible for racetracks being rounded off. That inherent inability to move anywhere other than forward with any speed whatsoever makes a lot more sense when you think of it that way.
I mean, I get it. The risk of being rewarded with the disproportional praise of those salivating over 40 times is that they'll turn on you far quicker than the Seahawks' newest deep threat can turn on the ball once they sense a weakness. Therefore, this twitter taunting wasn't entirely unexpected. What it was, however, was as unfair as it was hilarious, since DK Metcalf is nowhere near human enough to be judged as such when he does more tip-toeing than a teenager who missed curfew every time he changes direction with the elegance of an alligator.
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