My apologies everyone. I'm afraid I may have misled you with the picture above. There's no doubt that it was quite awe-inspiring to watch Sidney Crosby, once again, flash Neo-esque hand-eye coordination that made you question whether you were under the influence of the red pill or the blue pill while staring at the replay in disbelief like it was the work of whoever produced the NFL's Fantasy Files commercials. Unfortunately, the following feat is not the one of which this blog pertains...
You see, no matter how hilariously ironic it might be, I just can't find it in me to laugh at yet another super original "he hit a walk-off on Opening Day!" joke. In fact, those of you that are in hysterics over a high-level hockey highlight should be ashamed of yourselves for overlooking the clear and distinct hazard to the health of the man responsible for it. Sidney Crosby will still be a person when his playing days are over. Therefore, I refuse to focus on a regular season overtime goal as opposed to the attempted murder that preceded it...
You might say that the porn industry would have long been bankrupt if lightly prodding a breast with a stiff object truly caused such a visceral amount of pain and suffering, but I say we give the benefit of the doubt to someone whose proven that the only thing that needs embellishing is his personality. With a record that's sooooo clean of unnecessary dramatics, I'm forced to assume that batting a puck out of mid-air for the umpteenth time wasn't the most noteworthy thing Sidney Crosby did last night, but rather that he was able to get back on his feet to do so after absorbing such a brutal stabbing. So continue to heap praise if you so choose, but you won't catch me writing about a silly little goal. Not when I'm still sweating out the fact that I was so close to writing an obituary. In all biased seriousness, Crosby's game-winning goal is only taking home the bronze in most re-watchable clips from last night's feisty contest between the Devils and Penguins. Diving due to the mild dirty work of someone who is the furthest thing from scummy is one step up on the podium, and - sorry Sid - but taking home the gold is Blake Coleman's mimicry of Phil Kessel in a hot dog eating contest... P.S. I truly am not concerned with who the Devils play if they happen to get in to the playoffs, but - oddly enough - it would be awesome to see a series between them and the back-to-back champs. Not just because they are 3-0-1 against the team that turns Blake Coleman into a human highlight reel, but because the matchup makes for highly entertaining hockey games that have gotten more and more chippy as the season has progressed. It's almost definitely not going to happen in the first round, but it would be a lot cooler if it did.
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