UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Doug Christie's Wife Checks The Fuel Level Of His Testicles To Make Sure He's Not Cheating

7/22/2016

0 Comments

 
Picture
“When your guy, your mate — a male — comes home, their balls have a certain amount of weight, usually they’re full,” Jackie explained. “If they’ve been emptied that’s usually after intercourse, or sex, and they’re kind of smaller and emptier and they kind of shrivel up.

“All you have to do is just look. If they’re emptier and littler, they’ve been emptied somewhere. Either he satisfied himself or someone satisfied him, so somebody’s got some explaining to do.”



​I am going to provide a little peace of mind to all the unfaithful dudes out there performing self-administered experiments to determine whether there is any validity to Jackie Christie's hypothesis - there isn't. Well, at least I don't think there is anyway. It's quite possible I don't do a good enough job checking the gas tank after I empty it, but I don't there is discernible difference between a pair of balls that haven't been used for an hour and a pair of balls that haven't been used for 24 hours. I am almost certain that's a fact.

Now, that's not an indictment of her test so much as it is an indictment of her theory behind it. See, I probably can't tell the difference between a full scrotum and an empty scrotum without the most accurate of scales, but give me one look at the face of a man that has a black woman's strong, empowered hands wrapped around his genitals and I can tell you whether he's innocent or guilty. There's not a poker face in the world that can hide infidelity when testicular health is at high risk. If I were Doug Christie and - god forbid - I cheated,  there's a stronger possibility of me fleeing the country than letting my nut specialist of a wife get on both knees and start studying the fullness of my balls. There's simply no way Doug Christie could be put in that position after fucking someone else and not have his nervousness be ever present in every one of his mannerisms. As far as I know it's not the weight of your cojones that will inevitably sink you, it's the weight of your conscious and you don't need anything more than a pair of eyeballs to measure that when you've got the entirety of a man's (sex) life in your hands. 


h/t LBS
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Dumbest-of-the-stupid
    Footy Fisticuffs Etc
    Hardball
    Hoops
    Jersey's Team
    Pigskin
    Pop Cultured
    Puck
    Scarlet-knights
    Who Dat Nation

    Archives

    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy