Doug Christie's Wife Checks The Fuel Level Of His Testicles To Make Sure He's Not Cheating

“When your guy, your mate — a male — comes home, their balls have a certain amount of weight, usually they’re full,” Jackie explained. “If they’ve been emptied that’s usually after intercourse, or sex, and they’re kind of smaller and emptier and they kind of shrivel up.

“All you have to do is just look. If they’re emptier and littler, they’ve been emptied somewhere. Either he satisfied himself or someone satisfied him, so somebody’s got some explaining to do.”



​I am going to provide a little peace of mind to all the unfaithful dudes out there performing self-administered experiments to determine whether there is any validity to Jackie Christie's hypothesis - there isn't. Well, at least I don't think there is anyway. It's quite possible I don't do a good enough job checking the gas tank after I empty it, but I don't there is discernible difference between a pair of balls that haven't been used for an hour and a pair of balls that haven't been used for 24 hours. I am almost certain that's a fact.

Now, that's not an indictment of her test so much as it is an indictment of her theory behind it. See, I probably can't tell the difference between a full scrotum and an empty scrotum without the most accurate of scales, but give me one look at the face of a man that has a black woman's strong, empowered hands wrapped around his genitals and I can tell you whether he's innocent or guilty. There's not a poker face in the world that can hide infidelity when testicular health is at high risk. If I were Doug Christie and - god forbid - I cheated,  there's a stronger possibility of me fleeing the country than letting my nut specialist of a wife get on both knees and start studying the fullness of my balls. There's simply no way Doug Christie could be put in that position after fucking someone else and not have his nervousness be ever present in every one of his mannerisms. As far as I know it's not the weight of your cojones that will inevitably sink you, it's the weight of your conscious and you don't need anything more than a pair of eyeballs to measure that when you've got the entirety of a man's (sex) life in your hands. 


h/t LBS