Draymond Green May Have Just Sold Me On His Innocence By Saying You Can't Compare Punches And Kicks

Well, that settles it. I am sorry I ever doubted Draymond Green's self proclaimed innocence, because this totally valid reasoning for his standing leg kick to the crib of Steven Adams unborn children makes way too much sense not to be true. Kicks and punches. They are entirely different animals. I guess you could make the argument that they are of comparable species, but one is clearly further advanced than the other. Not every violent movement performed by a group of voluntary muscles in a human limb is created equal. I'm not exactly sure why, but I would venture to guess that it's because that the primary brain receptors responsible for conscious actions are further from the legs than the arms. Draymond Green didn't say as much, but he probably thought his audience was keenly aware of their own anatomy.

It's actually a little known fact that MMA aren't well trained athletes highly skilled in all areas of combat. They are just boxers with overactive lower bodies. The only reason the rest of the world is better than the United States at soccer is because modern science has largely cured the calf Tourette's that run rampant in less affluent regions of South America. I - on behalf of Draymond Green - would argue that field goal kickers and punters are putting themselves at risk the longer they go without treatment. These unintentional uses of completely controllable bodily operations are simply too dangerous to the future families of professional athletes not to be handled as soon as possible. A quick overview for those not paying attention. Punches to the head? On purpose. Kicks to the dick? Accidents. Always accidents. 

Serious question, does Draymond Green have a PR team he could talk to before his next public appearance? He's currently grasping at the slipperiest of straws, and it's not doing too much for his argument. One might even say his desperation in excusing an inexcusable body function is a bit unapologetic and makes it easier for the NBA to justify doing the right thing by suspending him. I wouldn't say that, but someone that believes in the outdated idea of autonomous extremities might.