Uproxx- Yohann Diniz is a world record holder in race walking, and he was leading the men’s 50k race in Rio on Friday until things started to go terribly wrong for him.
Diniz was actually leading the race by 1:28 when he went down and looked to be on his way to a medal before his body decided otherwise. But he got back up, dumped some water on his head, and ended up finishing the race in 3:46:27, which was good enough for seventh place, six minutes behind gold medal winner Matej Tóth of Slovakia.
Ahh, the all important question. Is shitting yourself in front of the entire world worth an Olympic Gold in the least impressive event in international competition? I would argue it's not, but judging by Yohann Diniz's sacrifice of his reputation, underpants, and potential livelihood in pursuit of a podium appearance I would venture to guess that he would respectfully disagree. Hey, don't tell me he didn't leave it all - including every last ounce of his breakfast and his pride - out there on the track after literally collapsing into a pile of his own filth. No one, and I mean no one, has ever wanted anything as badly as this guy wanted to beat the competition in putting one foot in front of the other.
Hell, I would argue that this poor shit covered schmuck deserves an award anyway. If not for his persistence in making walking look like the most challenging activity ever than for his unmatchable lack of shame. If not for his lack of shame than for managing to hold onto the most COLOSSAL dump that has ever sat in a grown man's pants for a prolonged period of time. They got to give this man something, because no one has ever embraced the Olympic spirit like the frog that lost control of his bowels, passed out, and still managed to finish the race. There's not a person on the planet that cares more about speed walking or cares less about public perception than the man that didn't think twice before pulling the trigger on a massive shit into his short shorts before nearly dying on top of it. I'm not a betting man, but - as long as Yohann Diniz brings diapers - I'm banking on him taking home the Gold in Tokyo. Granted, that's pending his ability to avoid sharp objects, tall buildings, ceiling fans, and rope the next time he happens to surf the internet which is a HUGE 'if' if you ask me.
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