Eric Reid Was Slapped With His 7th "Random" Drug Test In 11 Weeks After Wearing Cleats That Featured Colin Kaepernick, And No One Has Ever Been Happier To Pee In A Cup
The ass end of that headline was more so for dramatic effect, but - considering the fact that Eric Reid is clearly clean after having passed an amount of tests in an amount of time that would make a heroin addict out on parole feel like a prisoner - I'm not entirely sure that it's not 100% true.
Regardless of whether or not you're fearful of the results, the inconvenience of peeing in a cup is one that just about everyone would rather avoid. Just the splash back alone makes it entirely unpleasant experience that honestly feels like it should have been made a hell of a lot more scientific ages ago. Seriously, we have the world at our fingertips with apps these days, but we have to pinch off a piss so as to remain clean during the process of finding out if our urine is dirty. What goddamn sense does that make?
Whatever, not the point. The point is that just about everyone isn't having their case against a multi-billion dollar entity strengthened every time said entity defies every single law of statistical probability to be of slight nuisance to their plaintiff. So long as the NFL doesn't double-down on the collusion to coerce the Carolina Panthers into spiking Eric Reid's water bottle with a banned substance during practice, he's basically pissing liquid gold into a plastic cup every time he's summoned to clear his bladder. Those leaks are probably more pleasurable than the type that juuuuust make the toilet in getting powered out after a long stint in traffic, if only because they'll more than likely have a dollar sign attached to them.
Start paying me to piss in a cup and I'd keep the economy-size sleeve of Dixie's holstered in my pant leg at all times. If there's any justice to this process (which is debatable, at best) that's what the NFL will be doing when Eric Reid finally has his day in court, so I hope he's summoning a smirk as he's suppressing his stream. For, between this bullshit and the non-sensical fines, he deserves to have some fun at the literal expense of a league that's laughably harebrained in its heavy-handed hypocrisy.