Erik Karlsson And Mike Hoffman Linked Up To Create What Can Only Be Considered Hockey Porn

#GottaSeeIt: Erik Karlsson springs Mike Hoffman for a breakaway and a beauty finish. #StanleyCup pic.twitter.com/N9Pr2Y6N4w

— Sportsnet (@Sportsnet) April 17, 2017

Erik Karlsson sends Mike Hoffman in alone, 1-0 #Sens pic.twitter.com/tgf5wChgMH

— Marina Molnar (@mkmolnar) April 17, 2017

That Karlsson pass was totally mind-boggling and the HNIC crew broke it down nicely. Just wow. pic.twitter.com/jzySUw1OE7

— Sean Tierney (@ChartingHockey) April 18, 2017

While I admit that the highs (and the much more self loathing lows) of playoff hockey correlate greatly with the experience of watching pornography, I try to avoid using one in reference to the other. It's just an unnecessary association that creates a messy conflict of interests. Unfortunately, in this case, I don't think there is any other option. The heart-pounding speechlessness that came over me when Mike Hoffman provided the climactic finish for Erik Karlsson's seductive handiwork was reminiscent of...well...you get the idea. Seriously, it's a good thing no one strolled into my apartment during the immediate aftermath of that play or one glance at my face would have gave them the impression that they caught me dick in hand. I almost wish a dish that nifty gave me stiffy, because that was worthy of at least a 20 minute tuck into the waistband. The breathtakingly sexy sauce? The smoothness with which the puck met it's recipient? The orgasmic finish that seemed to come out of nowhere? That was picture perfect hockey porn in it's most unadulterated form, and I won't let anyone that doesn't reach peak arousal during the NHL playoffs tell me differently.