Ex-FIFA Official Cites Satiricle Article From 'The Onion' To Defend Them Against Corruption Charges

NY Times-  Holding up a printout of The Onion piece as if it were a genuine news report, Mr. Warner told viewers of the video posted on his personal website, Facebook page and YouTube channel, “All this has stemmed from the failed U.S. bid to host the World Cup.”

“The U.S. applied to hold the World Cup in 2022 and they lost the bid to Qatar — a small country, an Arabic country, a Muslim country,” he said.

“I could understand the U.S. embarrassment,” Mr. Warner continued, but it is important, he added, to “take your losses like a man.”

He then speculated further that a second goal of the criminal investigation that has ensnared him was to force “Russia to give up the World Cup,” which it is hosting in 2018.

“Why is it,” Mr. Warner asked, the American prosecutors “believe that they have a right to the World Cup?”

As dramatic background music swelled, he went on, holding up The Onion article again, to accuse the United States of hypocrisy for accepting the right to host the (entirely fictional) “Summer World Cup, 2015, from the very same organization that they are accusing of being corrupt. That has to be double standards.”

In the video, Mr. Warner also said he was “consoled by the fact that many of you on the blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook, on other channels, throughout were very supportive of me and still are.” He assured his supporters that, “At the end of the day, all of the allegations against me shall be proven to be unfounded.”


Now I know a lot of people are ready to blast this guy. Ready to get a laugh at his expense and call him an idiot. I'm here to say that we need to give this guy a break. Who hasn't been in a position where they are fumbling through anything and everything to prove their innocence? Every person you know has dug themselves into a deeper hole in an argument that they had no chance of winning. Jack Warner wasn't about to quit while he was a little bit behind. He was going to use everything at his disposal to clear his own name and the name of his former employer. In a verbal argument you can't lose unless you admit defeat. Unless of course that argument takes place in a court of law. Other than that, you are just sacrificing your intelligence, but not your win-loss record.

When did we start expecting old retirees to know how to navigate the internet? As soon as this man held up a printed out version of an internet article I knew we were about to go down a dark road. This is the same guy that prints out his directions from 'Map Quest' despite having a GPS on his phone. Old people can't internet. I bet you this guy still calls it the worldwide web. I bet you he still types the 'www' in front of every site he goes to. Probably takes him two weeks to respond to an email. You think that Jack Warner knows that there are websites that write satiracle articles specific for entertainment value? No chance. He thinks the internet is an actual news source. Hell, I wish he found my website. If I had attempted to wrote a blog on the corruption in FIFA it would have contained just as much actual news as this piece in the 'The Onion'. Then Mr. Warner probably would have realized that you can't believe everything you see on the internet. Hell, I scour cyberspace looking for articles every day and even I get tricked sometimes. Sometimes there is just too much unbelievable shit out there to decipher between the real and the fabricated. Mr. Warner is just guilty of being a senile old man that put too much faith in technology.  He's guilty of the obliviousness to modern society that comes with his age. Plus, is it really that improbable that the United States would hold a summer World Cup just to stick it to FIFA? Strong arming countries that can't compete with us is what we do. That's the entire reason we are involved in this mess in the first place.