Fat Guyyyy In A Gigantic Coaaaaat

Holy.Shit. Someone help! Are we just going to let this guy, literally and figuratively, die right before our eyes on national television? If he was on the Apollo the music would have started 10 seconds into his nerve filled diatribe. They would have had to bring in a forklift to remove him from the stage instead of the hook. This is supposed to be a World Series celebration and were just going to let a guy have a mild heart attack right in the middle of it? For Christ sake, the guy is breathing like an asthmatic woman in labor. His back sweat could fill Lake Minnetonka during a drought. He's about 90 seconds from looking like Chris Christie eating hot wings in a sauna. 

Is this the most elaborate fat joke in history? "Sure Chevy guy, you can present the trophy. The ceremony is on the 4th floor and there is no elevator, it starts in 2 minutes." I think Chevy actually has to shoulder most of the blame on this. You have to know this ginormous individual is already going to garner a significant amount of attention just from his presence. You have to keep his speech short and sweet. Have him say congratulations and point at a truck. The fucking guy barely knows his own name and you have him up there stuttering through an ill timed promo.

"It combines class leading, and winning, ya know, technology and stuff." Come on man. Clearly public speaking isn't your strong suit, but you can do better than that. Make a self depreciating fat joke. Those are always worth a laugh. Plus it would have gave you a chance to read what was actually on your notecard. 99% of people don't know shit about the inner workings of cars. The dealership asked me if I had a 4 or 6 cylinder and I stared back at the guy like he had 6 heads. You could have replaced 'and stuff' with literally anything else. It didn't even have to be a real thing. Just spit out a word you overheard in a meeting once or something. Regardless, I hopefully someone got this guy a bottle of water and a cold compress. I'd rather not think that I witnessed a man's last living breath. 

Annnnnd just because…...