Uproxx- “I played a prank on my mom,” Howard said on the Doug Gottlieb Show on CBS Sports Radio on Monday. “I wanted to see her reaction, so I told her, I said, ‘Mom, I just got this big contract, $150 million.’ And she was like, ‘Oh my God, from who?’ I said, ‘Utah Jazz,’ and she started crying. And I said, ‘Mom, sorry, I was just joking, I’m coming home to Atlanta.’ And then she was super happy and my family was super excited.”
HA! Whatta knee-slapper! Straight out of the "mom, I just got a call and dad's been in an accident....just kidding, he's out picking up pizzas!" school of comedy. Classic misdirection! Really makes you wonder why Dwight hasn't made his rounds in stand-up during the offseason. It's probably because it's hard to lay low and avoid your nursery full of relatively father-less children when you're a goddamn laugh factory whose on-stage performances would be so sought after that your schedule would have to be public. Say what you want about Dwight Howard, but he has a lot in common with some of the best comics on Earth in that he's a loathsome, narcissistic shit-bag. If you ask me he's got all the "qualities" of a good joke maker. You don't have to believe me though. Mothers know best, and he brought his to tears with a prank so funny that it made her start bawling uncontrollably!
You know what's crazy? I am not even sure that this actually took place. Not because I don't think Dwight Howard is enough of a sociopath to derive pleasure from upsetting his mother for no apparent reason, but because it's exponentially more strange to still think it was hysterical enough to discuss it on a radio show months later. If there is an athlete who would just completely fabricate something like this on the spot believing it was the most hysterical prank ever pulled it would be the center for the Atlanta Hawks. I'm sure he got Doug Gottlieb to chuckle after he flashed his big, goofy ass smile that he uses to disguise the vile person that lies beneath it, but that gag stinks and any public figure that would go around using it as their air-filler on a widely disseminated platform is not to be trusted - on or off the court.