UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT
Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Gronk Spikes The Puck At The Bruins Game And Who's Got It Better Than Gronk?

2/8/2015

0 Comments

 
Does anyone have it better than Gronk right now? He's basically on a nationwide tour where he gets super drunk and throws things on the ground to crowds of people that shower him with praise. Do you know awesome throwing shit on the ground is? It was basically my favorite activity as a child. Which makes total sense given the fact that Gronk is basically a 6 year old brick shit house with the alcohol tolerance of the 50 year old dude at the bar that has been drinking Jack Daniel's neat since Monday. Spiking a football is an act that is as old as time itself. If I had to guess it was the first celebration. Not first football celebration. The first time anyone celebrated anything they probably threw whatever they had in their hand at the ground as hard as they could. Do you understand how hard it is to make an action that has been around for centuries yours? It's the equivalent of being able to walk around and claim you made alcohol popular. It's like bringing back the two step. Do you even remember anyone else besides Gronk spiking a football? Off the top of my head I couldn't give you a single name, and it's been done a million times before Gronk's superhuman seed was even conceived. 

Super Bowl champ? Yeah, that's nice. Millions of dollars and the potential to become the best tight end in NFL history? I certainly wouldn't hate it. Traveling the country getting shitfaced with basically whoever you want? Sounds like the American dream to me. Are any of those his greatest feat as a person/football player? Nope. His greatest achievement is that he can smash anything of his choosing on the ground and no one would blink an eye. He could stomp in your house uninvited and spike your grandmother's urn and you would just say "ohhh Gronk" and get him a beer as you coughed from the ashes. 


Gronk is to spiking as Gronk is to the number 69. Just completely owns the most simplistic celebration as well as dual oral satisfaction. It's almost not even fair. Somewhere the inventor of the spike and the inventor of the 69 are rolling over in their graves. Is there anything better than completely owning a celebration and a sexual position? If I spent my entire life celebrating and mutually mouth fucking I would be a perfectly content person. Well maybe not perfectly content, I would probably also be on my 40th jaw surgery, but that's not the point. The fact that Gronk has the ability to physically dominate anyone and everyone that comes across his path isn't even the most awesome thing about him. I dare you to try to 69 tonight and not even think of Gronk for one second. I dare you to spike a football and not have any spectators mention the name of Rob Gronkowski. The only things he knows are football, fucking, drinking, and smashing things, and he's better than all of us at every single one of them.
Picture
Picture
Picture
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Categories

    All
    Dumbest-of-the-stupid
    Footy Fisticuffs Etc
    Hardball
    Hoops
    Jersey's Team
    Pigskin
    Pop Cultured
    Puck
    Scarlet-knights
    Who Dat Nation

    Archives

    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Blog
  • About
  • Contact
  • Privacy Policy