Guys That Chug Energy Drinks Are Douchebags, It's Science

Metro- Do you love to pound green Monster energy drinks with exaggerated manly roars of satisfaction?

Bad news: you’re probably a total bell-end.

Researchers from the University of Akron found that men who just love to chug fizzy energy potions tend to agree with statements which make them total choppers.

The study of 467 adult men between 18 and 62 found that energy drink-chuggers agreed were more likely to agree with statements such as ‘A man should always be the boss,’ and ‘Homosexuals should never marry’.

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I guess a study of 467 people isn't exactly the biggest of sample sizes, but not so deep down I think that we all knew this was the case anyway. Chugging is, or should be, reserved for very few occasions. Basically those occasions include college, college-like environments (i.e. tailgating), and when you are in a rush. Those are really the only times it's acceptable to drink things as fast as you possibly can. Any other situation and you are essentially just trying to assert dominance over someone in the lamest of ways. This study makes total sense. If you think you are better than someone because you can drink something faster than them, never mind something as stupid as an energy drink, then you are basically the 2015 version of a caveman. I would expect someone like that to be part of the 'He-Man, Woman Haters Club'. I would expect him to think gay people should be lonely forever. I would only be half surprised if the person slamming a 20 ounce 'Monster' then crushing the can on his head didn't know the world was round. They don't live on the same planet as us, which is ironic, because I don't think that 62 year old men that down ginseng on the reg and partake in ridiculous street-side studies do either. 

P.S. I can still chug a beer with the best of them. As long as it's in a can that's totally not douchy.